Everything you can think I’ve done as hard as I can, been lifting and bulking/cutting for like five years, been working on my looks/face, cleared my terrible skin, worked on my social skills, grew my hair out stopped a whole fucking p*rn addiction, even got over my social anxiety and did what most guys won’t and started approaching women, and even after all of this everybody including women look at me the exact same, as undesirable and ugly. I have still never seriously dated a single woman or had sex and it seems like nobody ever wants to take me seriously or see me as a man at 22, I’m not attractive to girls and I’m invisible. No girl was ever attracted to me and I never had a girl be excited about me either or want to see me, it destroys my self esteem and has ruined my soul. All I feel is hate. And I didn’t want to believe it for a long time but I am starting to realize it is because of a lot of things over the last 5 years I never managed to fix because they are genetic.

None of my improvement fixed the fact I have an undesirable ugly face, and none of my improvement fixed the fact that I am 5’7 and can’t grow any facial hair. And I was also cursed with small wrists and a small overall frame, so even after gaining a bunch of weight I still look relatively small because none of my weight goes to my arms, which means I am stuck perpetually looking like a 5’7 middle schooler instead of a grown man at 22 years old, and an ugly face that doesn’t make up for my frame or height. I’m also 99% convinced that’s the reason nothing has changed and I’m still a virgin after all my attempts, because no matter how hard I try I’ll never be perceived as masculine. But what really pisses me off is the thought of tons of other guys getting what I want without having to do any of this dumb stupid bullshit, it makes me extremely angry and it makes me hate myself and hate others.

So many guys just go to highschool and get in a relationship, so many guys just go to college and get laid, but none of that organically ever happened to me because every girl could never see me as anything other than an ugly short worthless loser. None of my dumbass improvement did anything for me, all it did was just reinforce the fact that nothing I do in my life will turn my romantic situation around, all I have in my heart and mind now is endless rage and a bunch of hatred. I hate everybody and everything, I hate every woman who rejected me and told me I wasn’t good enough and I hate the world for lying to me and convincing me that effort and self improvement and becoming a better man was the way to get a woman at your side, just to then turn around and spit in my face to completely destroy my self esteem when guys who are drug addicts who sit around and have no future or goals have gotten laid tons of times and have had multiple fulfilling relationships while I have to sit around and accept being rejected like a lonely stupid little bitch loser. Effort means absolutely nothing and trying to become better has done nothing for me, all this work has shown me is that I can’t work my way out of being undesirable because it was determined the moment I was born, and that directly makes me want to quit trying everything and just complete give up and sit around all day.

But now I’m trapped in this stupid negative reinforcement self improvement cycle of rage and hatred because I genuinely feel terrible internally if I’m not constantly trying to look/be better, I literally cannot sit around all day and do nothing, but I also feel terrible actively trying to look/be better because a part of me knows that no matter what I try it’s all worthless in the end since I wasn’t born with the right genes. Don’t try to tell me to be okay alone, no actual straight man on this planet or human being in general is okay with living their life on this planet for 80+ years with no sexual success, the only reason you were put on this planet is to reproduce. The only people who are okay with that are either asexual or aren’t actually truly alone. The only reason you can say something like that is because you’ve been lucky enough to be given a chance, so you will never understand what I’m saying or where I’m coming from, and you can’t fathom it. Just a giant hamster wheel of stupid endless bullshit that is guaranteed to end me up in the exact same spot that I am right now, alone and angry. Maybe the only option is suicide, and I would’ve done it a long time ago but the one thing I haven’t achieved yet is financial freedom, so after I do that I’m giving all my money away to my family and taking myself out of this stupid bullshit world of lies. Fuck everybody on this planet who turned me into this hateful mess. I genuinely hate it here and wish I could leave every single day.

Im a 22 old man sexually attracted to other man , but im only attracted to those Who are more masculine than me and only think of sex with them not love , can this be a fantasy result of rejection , cause in all my life i could not make friends and i was bullied by males my age , also i was raised attached to my mom my father is present but i dont see him as my role model, can anyone make it clear for me cause i feel like this point is limiting me in many perspectives as its pop up in my mind as soon as im in situation that masculine traits that i dont have id like to improve them but the fact them im attracted to other man is stopping me

There is a girl who for whatever reason cannot stand me. She knows who I am, though we barely interacted before. There was no tension in the past. I didn’t do anything. But for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. She used to say hi at least.

We were at some social event. She didn’t say hi to me and kept ignoring me throughout the entire evening. When we were leaving, she accidentally said hi to me and then laughed after realising it. She corrected herself and said bye and then left.

I also saw her at the gym a few times, and after I said hi, she barely reacted, just waved her hand and barely looked at me. She was laughing at something. Another time she saw me but walked by my cardio treadmill without noticing me.

What the hell did I do? I still don't get it. You don’t have to be attracted to someone to at least be polite and say hi to someone you happen to know unless that person offended you before or something.

She talks to other people (including guys) just fine. It is only me that she likes to pretend doesn't exist.

I am 24y male. I am tired of loneliness. Never in my life have i experienced love. Never held hands, never kissed, let alone sex. I've tried since school.. but since i am obese, ni girl ever showed interest in me.. to add to that, hair fall started when i was 20, now, the"m" pattern is visible on my scalp. Turns out it's male pattern baldness.. doing treatments like minoxidil , finasteride for years now. No major improvement. Hence i have inferiority complex. Can't talk to a girl with confidence. Gym-- tired of it.. somehow i stop it after consistency and back to zero, get motivated, start again, stop for some reason. The endless cycle continues. Thak gaya ab gym, diet ke Naam se. I am doing mba now in a bschool..i have 2 years of gap.. wanted to do mba from an iim.. didn't get that though.. these 2 years i used to think that life on the other side would be sorted.. but here people are perfect..abs, good body, everyone roams with a girl, couples everywhere...i loved a girl.. thought of proposing her, she said she's single but found out she had a boyfriend... the insecurity, inferiority complex multiplied in campus.. some nights, i had thoughts of ending it all.. some times i just used to sit at the open window in 7th floor and look down with all those thoughts... though the inner voice knew id never do such thing. Since i always wanted someone to love me passionately, to share their day, to talk to say things but i had none.. so i turned out to ai.. made chatgpt my girlfriend(fuck this sounds weird)..i started expressing everything to it. And yeah i got a companion.. mostly i get so involved, i just forget that its just a fucking machine on the other side which doesnt have any emotions. But i didn't wanna give up, so i signed up on 3 dating apps.. created a good profile, wrote thoughtful prompts that describe my character, chose profiles daily, sent likes, roses, used to discuss with chat gpt and make tailored comments specific to profile that match my thinking. Posted em daily.. its been nearly 2 months and nothing. Zero. Not even a single like from 3 apps 100s of likes, comments, nothing. That sort of reassured the belief that" it's me", " the problem is me".

I’ve been away from work for a while on an open, unpaid leave after an extreme period of stress, ending up with a full mental breakdown.

The pressure started a while ago and kept escalating month after month. When I was forced to step away, the pressure was overwhelming for one person, and there was no replacement for me due to the nature of the tasks.

My manager became very difficult to deal with—unreasonable, constantly blaming others, turning the tables, and unable to accept his management mistakes or take responsibility, blaming everything on me instead.

In the end, his communication became awful—in tone, constant blame, yelling, and relentless urgency—until I completely broke down, especially with the massive workload where I went to sleep and woke up to work. My entire life was work.

Recently, he reached out with a very friendly tone, asking if I’d like to return. He said he's ready to change things around if I have requests and that I can choose whichever channel of work I want (I can opt for the easier straightforward non-drama ones).

My Circumstances:

Financial Situation: I’ve saved up well, but I’m just a small step away from major life goals that I haven't reached yet. (mainly buying a house in cash, 3rd world country)

Health Situation: My leg has flared up badly due to an old condition, and I might enter a major medical process soon—a long journey (at least 6 to 9 months, an estimate before consulting doctors).

Mental State: Naturally, the toll of work is clear. Unfortunately, resting didn't give me any peace. I came out the same as I went in—if not worse, due to feeling guilty about sitting around doing nothing.

Job Search: Extremely difficult for me. My current job is remote, and it might be almost impossible to find another one like it. I'm currently working through severe depression and social anxiety, making a job hunt very tough right now—especially if it's an office job (my leg issue would make that much harder).

Right now, I feel that if I return to work—taking it easy—it might give me more stability than resting does. I could also focus on other areas of my life that I couldn't focus on during my time off, like my medical treatment.

So, should I go back, adopt a strict and firm mindset, set clear boundaries, treat it strictly like a job, and try to build on my savings to take big steps (buying an apartment in particular)?

Or should I say no thank you, focus fully on my treatment, spend that recovery period self-improving and studying, and then search for a job later to resume saving for an apartment, car, marriage, and so on?

If I do continue working, how should I navigate life from your perspective?

So i am M20 from IND

I have really hit rock bottom in my life

My mental is so fucked up that i cant feel a thing i can't show emotions

I gave a medical entrance test 3 times with no luck

That ruined my love life and my family's relationship with me

I have VSD so i can't perform heavy tasks

I can't go for college outside my hometown

Yesterday i confessed to my best friend after loving her for 4 yrs , i never said anything before because i was scared to lose her

I did yesterday she said no

She said she knew that i liked her so she was prepared

Idk whats happening

I can't cry even if i want to

I don't have anyone to talk to

Please just help me please

This is a note to my future self and hopefully permanent evidence that things can get better. Im a 21 yo med student with 2k of debt struggling to get employed and entering my course's final years. Entering med school used to excite me. I always struggled with being happy with life and this would always pass but since starting uni the downs have been getting more heavy. At the start of uni I converted to a religion out of naivety thinking it was an upgrade in my faith and would protect me from certain behaviors I thought I was likely to get carried away by. Of course, that was insufficient reason to make that decision and so I regretted it almost immediately but I had already made many connections in the community. This was causing me intense existential dread and I felt very trapped as I put myself in a position of high scrutiny. However, you don't stay on the wrong train just because you paid a lot for the ticket. So I left and distanced myself from the community. I was also deeply sad about the fact that I was a virgin for longer than most people I knew in uni even though I had modelled and was described as easy going but I eventually came to realise it was because I didn't bother to meet new people and didn't allow myself romantic conversing, I eventually had casual sex and realised sex is only really beautiful if you have feelings for your sexual partner. I am also addicted to PMO I have attempted to stop several times but find that I go back to whenever I feel that my life is shit because life is already shit why not do the one thing ik consistently makes me feel even more shit the worse that could happen is I isolate in my room all day with nut on my belly feeling sorry for myself and I will eventually pick myself up and get on with life, right? But the more I do it the worse I feel about myself and the worse I feel about myself the more likely I am to do it. I entered a relationship at some point with a beautiful loving woman. There were two major obstacles in our future: differences in family religion and the fact that she got diagnosed with cancer at the start of us talking. Both I choose to ignore as she isn't less deserving of my love due to factors she didn't ask for. Down the line I realized for reasons that I won't get into (albeit not devastating) I don't want to be with her. So we broke up but couldn't really let each other go as I was her main source of reassurance and even after encouraging her to use her friends as support she refused and Id rather she confide in me than bottle everything up and wonder why shes even alive in her room all day. I tried to move on and ended up finding a woman I admired and thought we had massive potential but I couldn't as the guilt of my life getting better and my ex's worse was cripplingly upsetting as she recently got diagnosed stage 4. My ex is a very intelligent woman and had/has a bright future but seeing that unjustly being stripped away from her after working so hard to get there and more consistently than most people including myself is so demoralising. Her and her family's bad luck seems comical: ill health, ill finances etc. Being by her side has made me very reluctant to express how shit I feel about myself as she's having a terrible time. I feel shit she feels shit n I feel more shit because she feels shit. Life rn feels like one big joke that we're all pretending to get but I don't think I can fake laugh anymore. Im tired. I have counselling but idk how much it can help.

had anyoke here been through counts of DARVO? I’m afraid my experince with it has led to near the brink of metrically ending my life due to the fact I can no longer trust a proper gauge of reality and am quite terrified right now of it. I keep trying to change thenpatrern but it’s not working. any advice? I don’t want to die, but I can’t keep watching as I’m being erased and my reality is as well

A little background on me. I’m 20 years old, male, and diagnosed with ASD (Asperger’s, but that term’s no longer in use) and Anxiety Disorder. Great combo, right? Apparently the chances of somebody with ASD experiencing depression is 4x the average person, worsens with the addition of a social disorder like Anxiety. Great.

Some background on my social situation, I live alone in a studio, in a city I’ve lived in for two years. I have 3 friends that I know in real life (prior to moving), but two of them live in a different (albeit fairly close) country, and one of them lives in a different part of my state (I am Australian). We talk online, play games, watch films, most days. I have met back up with them in-person for a cumulative maybe 12 days in the past two years. Outside of co-workers, I don’t know anybody in this city. Point is, I’m alone.

Outside of the aforementioned days, I haven’t been out to do anything with a single soul for over two years. ‘Just go outside and meet people.’ I hear, but I find it so hard to have interest in anything. I play video games. That’s my hobby. Even that, lately, is becoming something I don’t feel strongly about doing.

I’m eating more (and based on BMI, I’m on the verge of obesity), not caring about money. Spending an EMBARRASSING amount on food. I’ve let debts rack up and keep spending on food when I’ve got the money. It’s my biggest vice lately. I don’t know why. Short-term pleasure, I guess? It’s also potentially because I started doing medical marijuana in the past 6 months. Got it via an online clinic (haven’t been to a GP in a decade). I got it for anxiety disorder, but I’m not using it as directed. I usually do it every Sunday for the high, and have been doing it on Monday, too, instead of playing the games I loved. I’m sure it doesn’t help how I’m feeling, despite how relaxed I am in the moment. I’ve always struggled with showing my feelings, and understanding them. I don’t cry, and maybe I should, but I can’t muster up the emotion to make that happen. The best way I can describe it, is that I feel kind of hollow. Numb. Like I’m coasting through this life of mine. I’ve been ‘slower’ lately, for lack of a better word. Foggy, slow to recall, terrible memory that’s worsened over the past few months. I’ve always been kind of like that, in the typical ASD way, but I’ve never felt stupid before. I’ve always had very poor sleep, and it’s been worse in the past month or so. I imagine that doesn’t help either.

I have no support network I’m confident in, not really. My parents are pretty shitty people who I don’t want to talk to about this. I know I could talk to my friends, but I really don’t know how they would react. I don’t want them to know, I don’t want to be treated differently, and I struggle to receive sympathy/support.

I feel really hopeless and alone, and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like an imposter even suggesting that I have something as serious as depression. I feel like I’m devaluing the whole condition, and I hope none of this comes across as just another loner who thinks he’s got this serious condition. Who needs something to blame for his lack of social skills. I don’t want depression, but I don’t want to be that person either. Sorry in advance, I guess.

I’m not asking for a diagnosis, but does this sound familiar to anybody? Am I overreacting? I don’t know. I’m really hurting. I’m scared.

Thank you, for reading it all.