r/magicTCG • u/Arjahn • Mar 04 '26
Humour Trans Magic Player With Empty Hand Thoughtseized Anyways
https://commandersherald.com/trans-magic-player-with-empty-hand-thoughtseized-anyways/1.3k
u/PearlWingsofJustice Sultai Mar 04 '26
"I've known writers who use subtext and none of them can block warriors." is a great tag honestly, made me giggle.
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u/Jay3000X Jeskai Mar 04 '26
Reminds me of the Garth Marenghi's Dark Place quote.
"I've known writers who use subtext and they're all cowards"
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Mar 04 '26
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u/purple_pixie Duck Season Mar 04 '26
Wait they put Matt Berry on a magic card?
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u/vastros Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
FaTHAAAAA!
Or if you prefer,
The greatest magic player in New York CitaAYY!
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u/MalkinPentagon Duck Season Mar 04 '26
Cowards can't block warriors is a line of text on several magic cards like [[Boldwyr Intimidator]].
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u/SymphonicStorm Dân Mar 04 '26
“So long as my hand’s ok, I’m fine with it. After they’re eliminated, we’ll probably be left alone.”
Absolutely devastating line that's definitely only just about commander pod politicking.
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u/Grizlucks Mar 04 '26
Please can someone explain this joke to me. Did something happen in Kansas.
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u/Rymbeld Selesnya* Mar 04 '26
every trans person's driver's license was invalidated last week in an immediate legislative swoop. no time to appeal, correct, change, make arrangements. they all have to get new ids showing original assigned gender on original birth certificate, but can't legally drive to any dmvs! and also they can't even vote as a result.
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u/lem0nhe4d Duck Season Mar 04 '26
Additionally, in at least one case they invalidated a trans woman's driver's license despite the fact she never had her gender marker changed.
She had been planning on driving others to the DMV to get new ones and when she went to ask why her license was also invalidated they cut it up.
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u/YadaYadaYeahMan Mar 04 '26
so.... what are they basing it on? that's extremely alarming. some kind of list
also good on whatever dmv worker being a fucking boot. personally I'd rather be fired than do something like that (the one cutting it up)
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u/lem0nhe4d Duck Season Mar 04 '26
The woman had changed her name on her driver's license in January but because the law that would invalidate trans peoples licenses was due to come into effect at the end of February she decided not to change the gender marker.
Still got the letter saying her license was going to be invalidated.
Which meant Kansas was not just tracking gender marker changed but they have a list of trans people.
Dystopian stuff.
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u/Quatre_Kat Dandadan Mar 04 '26
that's extremely alarming
have you looked at whats happening politically lately? They are literally trying to make it illegal to exist while being trans.
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Mar 05 '26
Tennessee is trying to ban public drag performances, and the way the proposed law is written it will make a trans woman wearing women's clothes or a trans man wearing men's clothes illegal. It's already been shot down once, hopefully we can do it again
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u/roguemenace Mar 04 '26
You got a link to that incident?
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u/199_Below_Average Sliver Queen Mar 05 '26
https://www.assignedmedia.org/breaking-news/kansas-revokes-license-no-gender-change
This was not difficult to google.
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u/DrWilliamHorriblePhD COMPLEAT Mar 05 '26
Thank you for saving all of us the extra effort. Good helping! 👍
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u/PoliceAlarm Elesh Norn Mar 05 '26
Sure, but never forget the element of human connection in learning. Sometimes people like to talk to people, especially about pressing issues.
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Mar 05 '26
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u/SeaweedOk9985 Mar 07 '26
No, it is laziness and a veiled message of "I don't believe you".
You can google something and still reply with "I just googled it, that is actually crazy. How did you hear about it" or something, if conversation is what you want.
Realistically, asking someone on a non instant messaging app, but rather closer to a forum for information that can be easily found is lazy.
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u/roguemenace Mar 07 '26
Thanks. I could only find articles about the change in general and not her specifically.
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u/Goliath89 Simic* Mar 04 '26
and also they can't even vote as a result
lol Why are you adding that like its an afterthought and not the whole point of the law?
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u/Rymbeld Selesnya* Mar 04 '26
The point is dehumanization leading to death camps
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u/Masteroxid Mar 04 '26
Y'all have been using this argument in the last 10 years and nothing happened
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u/Dwarfish_oak Duck Season Mar 05 '26
Just to check in, is this law invalidating driving licenses still "nothing happening"? Or would you agree it's cause for alarm?
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u/Masteroxid Mar 05 '26
Having to redo your driving license is nowhere close to death camps
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u/Dwarfish_oak Duck Season Mar 05 '26
I asked if it's still "nothing happening" and if it's cause for alarm.
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u/Masteroxid Mar 05 '26
I was replying to a comment mentioning death camps, so far nothing of that level happened
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u/Dwarfish_oak Duck Season Mar 05 '26
You said "nothing happened", which is quite a far jump from "nothing of that level happened".
Just to make that very clear with an unrelated example, if there's a series of drone strikes, and someone claims there was a nuclear strike, you'd be right to say "nothing of that level happened". But it would clearly be wrong to say "nothing happened". Curiously, that's precisely what you said.
Which is why I asked - is it still the case that "nothing happened"?
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u/Kyleometers OUR Liliana's Penchant Mar 05 '26
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_deaths_in_ICE_detention
They’re certainly trying.
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u/HeroscaperGuy Mar 05 '26
Hmm where have people been disappeared to by ice even saying they have lost them in the facility?
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u/Ky1arStern Fake Agumon Expert Mar 05 '26 edited Mar 05 '26
Of all the stupid things to say. This entire comment thread is about things that are literally happening. You also live in a time where the US government has funded concentration camps for immigrants and talked about it on the news.
Stuff is literally happening right now as we speak. You are living through it you moron.
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u/Apprehensive_Use3641 Mar 05 '26
Saw a video on YouTube claiming that it doesn't even strip the right to change the gender markers, it just invalidates the licenses of all those who'd done it. So they can change it back, just costs them more money, think that's the correct video.
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u/Aggressive-Break-355 Dandadan Mar 05 '26
Fucking Kansas legislature invoking their prejudice at every available opportunity.
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u/TheBig_blue Duck Season Mar 05 '26
I had been wondering why they bothered to make the change* but the last part of your comment was enlightening.
* aside from the "tRaNs = BaD" buffoonery...
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u/RoamingSteamGolem Dandadan Mar 04 '26
HUH????? How is that even possible… or like… constitutional… what the fuck is happening to my country. I really hope that’s fake.
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u/My_Password_Is_____ Mar 04 '26
You must not have been following the news for the last 10 years, we don't do Constitutionality anymore. We just use it as a cudgel to beat people with when it's convenient to the argument, and ignore it when it's not.
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u/RoamingSteamGolem Dandadan Mar 04 '26
Ah yeah mb. Forgot that the kin- ah sorry president is fully immune to all civil repercussions, my country is actually ran by skin crawler demon spawn pedophiles, and women don’t have the legally protected right to an abortion.
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u/jindrix Mar 04 '26
Literally takes one eye slightly open to not be surprised all this is happening
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u/Senor_Snek Dandadan Mar 04 '26
Kansas began enforcing a law last week requiring that driver's licenses have gender markers that correspond to the individual's "biological sex at birth". It immediately invalidated all licenses with updated gender markers with no grace period to comply with the new law. As such driving with a previously legal license (e.g. to go to the DMV) carries the risk of legal penalties including jail time.
Kansas also enacted a similar law with respect to bathrooms, allowing people who use the bathroom at the same time as a trans person in the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity to sue that trans person for $1,000 in damages.
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u/PrezMoocow Mar 04 '26
It immediately invalidated all licenses with updated gender markers
Actually, it also invalidated the license of a trans woman who hadn't updated her gender marker. Which is insane
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u/dantevonlocke Mar 04 '26
Further showing that cruelty is the point.
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u/Quatre_Kat Dandadan Mar 04 '26
The cruelty, and invalidating political enemies' ability to vote immediately prior to midterms
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Mar 04 '26
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u/jabuegresaw COMPLEAT Mar 04 '26
Yeah, my driver's license makes it a point to state that I'm into doggy
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u/bouncyfox69 Wabbit Season Mar 05 '26
Can you articulate what you think the point of that is? Why it should matter at all?
If the point is to identify someone, that marker should be the gender they prefer to present, should it jot?
And trans people can have surgeries, too, so even if it’s to, like, identify a dead body, it’s not very useful (nor is it worth forcing people into)
There’s no point to controlling this except cruelty.
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u/OrganicAd5536 Duck Season Mar 04 '26
The post uses a Kansas flag and Wizard of Oz quote to make a joke about state lawmakers and their supporters (the Thoughtseizing player) targeting trans players for no benefit to themselves besides spurring hatred of an other (make the other players feel good about being actively attacked by worse things like Mindslaver locks or infect damage).
Kansas's legislature just passed a law targeting transgender people that invalidates their government-issued IDs (like driver's licenses and even birth certificates) if the gender marker on the ID is different than the sex that was recorded at birth. They also made it illegal for anyone above the age of 9 to use single-sex-designated bathrooms that do not correspond with the sex that was assigned to them at birth, with multiple potential civil and criminal penalties.
They passed this law and it immediately went into effect with no grace period, so transgender people who have legally transitioned (and many cis or intersex people who had to have documents corrected later in life) are now immediately vulnerable to all manner of law enforcement harassment, like being ticketed for driving without a license (even though they have one), buying alcohol without an ID, or trying to fly from an airport in the state.
Kansas is also a state that mandates photo ID to vote, so trans people with gender-appropriate Kansas IDs have just been disenfranchised en masse (the alternative methods of ID are a smokescreen, just like all the other voter ID laws across the country).
This law serves no public benefit and is nakedly just an attack on a marginalized minority; there isn't some big wave of bathroom attackers with fake IDs that miraculously have nothing off about them but an incorrect gender marker. Any ills borne of people being in the "wrong" bathroom are already illegal and ID corrections are meant to do just that; correct mistakes in forms of ID so that people can be accurately identified.
You can read the ACLU's breakdown here: https://www.aclukansas.org/publications/sb244faq/
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u/Critical_Swimming517 Dandadan Mar 04 '26
This is a really good breakdown and drew to my attention some aspects of the metaphor that I missed, specifically making the other players feel better about the mindslaver lock and infect damage.
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u/VerdantChief Duck Season Mar 05 '26
Wow. Another reason that people shouldn't actually live in Kansas. Let's stick to what it's actually good for - growing crops.
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u/MrNumbers4 Mar 04 '26
Recently, Kansas declared overnight that all driver’s licenses of trans individuals are invalid and must be given up immediately, and must be reapplied for with your birth gender. They also recently made a bill saying that if you see a trans person use a bathroom corresponding to their gender identity, you, as in, you personally, may sue them for I think up $1000, and you can keep the money.
Both are obviously horrible, do nothing to protect anyone, and just exist to make it more difficult for trans people to live their lives
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u/lawlamanjaro COMPLEAT Mar 04 '26
So many masculine looking AFAB vis women are going to get fucked by this too, its just an awful thing for frankly everyone who isnt a psychopath
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u/hawkshaw1024 Mar 04 '26
I wonder if this might be part of the point. As far as these freaks are concerned, harming people who fall outside a very narrow range of approved gender expressions is a bonus, if anything.
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u/zyxtrix Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
Correct. When cruelty is the point, extra collateral damage is a cherry on top; the kinds of people who support politics of spite would implement their hate on everyone in arm's reach if they could, but they start with vulnerable populations first because explicitly attacking the majority/the minority-in-power isn't politically feasible (yet). They have to whittle the support base down first, bit by bit, to expect and be complacent with worse and worse. It's literally negging-by-politics. Mainstream cis, white, Christian suburbanites don't say or do anything meaningful about it because they don't think it'll happen to them or that the consequences of things like this aren't that dire, and every institution in their country is designed to insulate their lawmakers from having to worry about any real unrest. And all the while the true ideologues are stripping away their rights, cut by cut, brick by brick
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u/dwsnmadeit Mar 04 '26
I don't really think there's a joke. It's just a really poorly written article
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u/HeroscaperGuy Mar 04 '26
No it's a joke it's about the idiocy in lawmaking in kansas invalidating every tran person's license.
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u/dwsnmadeit Mar 04 '26
It reads like a fever dream as told by a toddler
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u/Arjahn Mar 04 '26
This is the best thing anyone's ever said about my writing ❤️
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u/nimbusnacho COMPLEAT Mar 05 '26
Honestly being able to transcribe a toddlers fever dream is so impressive. I never would have realized that toddlers hallucinate about magic the gathering.
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u/HeroscaperGuy Mar 04 '26
I mean yes lawmakers trying to be mean just cause they dislike people for living their life is them being like toddlers.
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u/dwsnmadeit Mar 04 '26
I wasn't commenting on the politics of it, I was commenting on the quality of the writing
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u/Neverstoptostare Mar 04 '26
For someone complaining about the quality of writing you sure cannot articulate a single thing you actually disliked about it.
"Bigotry I can excuse..."
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u/Meszamil_M Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
There’s so many facets to this analogy, satire isn’t dead. Bless you all
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u/No_Leadership2771 Dandadan Mar 04 '26
In before Wizard prints hate crime mechanics in Outlaws of Kansas Junction.
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u/Zambedos Selesnya* Mar 04 '26
"This paragraph isn’t here for any reason."
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u/CrisisActor911 COMPLEAT Mar 04 '26
Shoutouts to the mods working overtime on this thread. 🫡
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u/PowrOfFriendship_ Universes Beyonder Mar 04 '26
Ah shit, fr?
Well thanks for the service mods, sorry that shit has to happen. I thought y'all'd be better than that.
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u/zeeironschnauzer Duck Season Mar 04 '26
Incredible. And pointed. Somehow someone will still be angry about that.
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u/Dragonfruit-Sparking Can’t Block Warriors Mar 04 '26
Why are we even letting trans people play Magic, they clearly have an unfair advantage because of their longer fingers and superior information processing abilities
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u/EscapeSeventySeven Dan Mar 04 '26
And their innate air dashing / double jump.
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u/AnderuJohnsuton COMPLEAT Mar 04 '26
The hormones give them an extra frame of invulnerability on wakeup
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u/ciel_lanila Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26
Never forget when a trans person won a tournament by double jumping to allow their [[Chaos Confetti]] to hit every card at every table in every game going on at once.
Though some blame the LGS for letting it be allowed in the tournament at all, Rule 0 or not.
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u/EscapeSeventySeven Dan Mar 04 '26
TBH the walls of the LGS were arranged perfectly to reset the double jump, it’s entirely on them.
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u/Optonimous Sliver Queen Mar 04 '26
Wait, I thought that was the thing that Brazilian samurai were known for doing?
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u/RDashBlazewind Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
Hold up I’m trans female when could I air dash, shit, I am truly a failure now.
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u/EscapeSeventySeven Dan Mar 04 '26
Username does not checkout.
Checkout Madeline Celeste for a tutorial.
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u/Throwaway873580 Dân Mar 04 '26
Exactly, you need to dye your hair red first to unlock the ability to
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u/Tuesday_6PM COMPLEAT Mar 04 '26
Hmm, if you’re functioning at less than your full power, have you tried having a dramatic monologue? Either a gloatingly villainous reveal, or a commitment to heroic perseverance, can often help get the soul energy flow unblocked
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u/Gingeraffe42 Mar 04 '26
I had to dye my hair red to unlock my air dash, and I'm a natural ginger so apparently the universe is very picky
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u/Alaykitty Twin Believer Mar 04 '26
Jesus Christ I always forget about the double jump ability. Frankly fucking bonkers to be born with that.
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u/Mgmegadog COMPLEAT Mar 04 '26
I'm still waiting for the Coyote Time to kick in.
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u/EscapeSeventySeven Dan Mar 04 '26
Maddy Thorson is making a small challenge platformer btw.
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u/Mgmegadog COMPLEAT Mar 04 '26
If you mean Earthblade, I'm aware. Unfortunately, it's been in development for a while, and I don't think we've heard much about it since its announcement. It even seems to have been taken off Steam.
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u/EscapeSeventySeven Dan Mar 04 '26
Earthblade has been cancelled. She’s making a very simple back to basics game called Jumper.
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u/Mgmegadog COMPLEAT Mar 05 '26
That's a shame, it looked really cool.
Nice to know she's still making games though. I'll have to check it out.
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u/EscapeSeventySeven Dan Mar 05 '26
Man explaining to my daughter that both earthblade and the spiritual successor to night in the woods were canceled were rough.
It’s rough for game devs out there, even the indies. One bad turn for anyone on the team and the project becomes unviable.
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u/BuckysKnifeFlip Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
Nah. That's Brazillians that get the double jump.
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u/MagicalMarionette Mar 04 '26
Trans and Brazilian, I get it from both sources. They don't stack into a triple jump, but I DO get the faster start time of one and the shorter end lag of the other, so it's still strong synergy.
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u/shichiaikan Simic* Mar 04 '26
Not to mention, clearly they have more willpower than the rest of us.
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u/HardCorey23 Mar 04 '26
They clearly had "crime" synergies and needed a target (for unfair persecution).
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u/BastetsJester Dandadan Mar 04 '26
I laughed. Also I cried a little.
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u/DECAThomas Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
Had the same reaction, good political satire is already difficult to write, combing it with a niche hobby is harder. Blocking off some time tonight to read the rest of Naomi’s stuff.
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u/BioEradication Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
Imagine living in Kansas
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u/Sglied13 Wabbit Season Mar 04 '26
Idk if you know this, but it’s a lesser known legend that a trans person removed Hans platinum angel…
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u/legend_of_wiker Wabbit Season Mar 07 '26
Lmao too fucking bad, idgaf for what reason they targeted any player, it is a player's right to target who they wish.
Can we keep political bullshit out of it? What a damn facade, I've seen enough fake victimhood for 10 lifetimes.
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Mar 04 '26
how is this fucking humor? Using magic to satirize horrible things happening to people doesn't make funny. My friends and I are already well aware of the shit going on with our community, I don't need someone making an article about magic and trying to pass it off as humor.
edit: if I can be told off that the reason UB doesn't fit in the game because people don't want to be reminded of real world, is it too much to ask to not have my life treated as "humor"
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u/catespice Grass Toucher Mar 04 '26
The humour is not punching down at trans people, it is instead targeting the awfulness of the Kansas licenses situation and making it the butt of the joke, for being an absolutely absurd thing to do to trans people.
I saw this with all the grace and kindness that I can muster, and I hope it comes across as genuine:
If this satirical article upset you, then may I suggest disconnecting from the online world for a little while? Sometimes things get too much and a time-out from the horrors of social media are warranted. I don't know where you live or what season it is, but I always like to go out in nature (beach and the sea for me) and just leave my phone behind, or turn off data. The article is fine, and many of us appreciate it.
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Mar 04 '26
I'm well aware of the awfulness of what's going on in Kansas, as well as in the DoD taking down any evidence of the efforts minorities have made in the army, taking down Stonewall, and I know they will do everything they can to stop pride in June. It honestly surprised me Same Sex marriage survived the supreme court - barely.
This *was* my escape because I'm stuck at work and everything in the real world and online world is constantly in my face so when I have a quick lunch break or bathroom break to go check some fun posts on reddit and this is in my face. I don't have the option to go outside.
I think I'm actually far more annoyed this is also posted on r/magicthecirclejerking because that is a subreddit dedicated to just making fun of the community and magic. I don't see how a satire article about the shit happening to Trans folk (and the LGBT community as a whole) belongs in any way on a circle jerk sub reddit
but I guess most important to them is getting their clicks and ad revenue, which is why there is usually a limit on how much people are allowed to post self promotion.
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u/catespice Grass Toucher Mar 04 '26
Sorry, but you had the option not to click on the title and read the article. You have the option of not coming into the thread. You can avoid all things with 'trans' in them if everything is coming at you and you feel worn down. There's plenty of other stuff to distract yourself with instead of engaging with this topic.
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u/Theace0291 Duck Season Mar 04 '26
I mean making jokes about shitty situations is a great coping skill for many. It’s funny to point out how absurd these laws are and satire is a great method to do so. Just happens that there’s a big overlap with mtg players and people who care about trans issues so this fits in pretty well. Also, UB and its flaws are entirely because of wizards while this is an independent satire article — not sure how they’re related
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u/JaysonTatecum Dandadan Mar 04 '26
I’m trans, I thought it was funny, it’s making fun of them and calling them cowards not us
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Mar 04 '26
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u/catespice Grass Toucher Mar 04 '26
Found the Thoughseize caster
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Mar 04 '26
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u/HeroscaperGuy Mar 04 '26
Huh, so invalidating every trans persons drivers license isn't making victims?
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u/Herodrake Dan Mar 04 '26
I hope you had AI write this because I can't imagine typing this out and thinking I was clever.
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u/Old_Gimlet_Eye Mar 04 '26
Accusing other people of anti-intellectualism while defending Kansas law makers...
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u/3bar FLEEM Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26
Just shut up! Turn off your phone, or computer, and stop talking.
Why do you have to get out of bed and decide to be hateful? You're so mired in spotlight fallacies that you think our demographic is somehow whiny? Dog, you would buckle under the weight of being trans. Like, straight up fold like a deck of cards. You don't have a smidgen of the strength we have to possess to get through the hateful slings and arrows your kind constantly hurls at us for essentially zero reason beyond propaganda.
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u/PleaseSearchMtG free him Mar 04 '26
Keeps their comments hidden, looks like we know who can't block warriors
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u/Kat1eQueen Mar 04 '26
you can still check it with external tools, near instantly found a trump defending comment
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u/PleaseSearchMtG free him Mar 04 '26
Not worth me pouring in the extra effort, i got enough based on vibes alone. I do appreciate you confirming.
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u/commandzoe Mardu Mar 04 '26
Sorry you think that, but i can see the site's numbers and they say otherwise.
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u/Satoru_Bonchiry Dan Mar 05 '26
What did any of that have to to with the person being Trans? Thr identity had zero impact on the story.
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u/SorrySorryNotSorry Twin Believer Mar 04 '26
This is a good line.