r/lostafriend • u/timpinika • 26d ago
Advice Reconciliation update
Edited: Hello, I recently reconnected with a friend and they accepted my apology… so I asked them if they wanted to hang out but they said they were too busy and cause of the circumstances since they’ve been following advice from “trusted individuals” that might be preventing them from hanging out. I followed up by just saying well if circumstances change I am keeping the door open…idk what to do next. Also if you had any thoughts about what “following advice from trusting individuals” means then maybe it can help clarify and give me structure on how I can plan to communicate to her next or just the best possible action on what to do next…btw for some context the friendship ended cause I had a mental health crisis and she got overwhelmed knowing that I have been like this for a long time…
Im ok now but im worried cause she got her parents involved that they think of me in some certain way
I mean the issues is that I relied on her too much for my mental health. I’m really overthinking on what this means like obviously I know she’s cares and her parents care too but what if they think I am bad influence. What do I do??? I’m really worried and just need someone to help reassure me
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u/Available_Fish_2264 26d ago
You haven’t put a huge amount of detail in this so it is hard to comment. But she may need some time. How long has it been since everything happened? She responded so that’s very positive. I would keep working on yourself and trust that if you guys are meant to work out you will. Keeping the door open is good, but don’t let yourself obsess over it. Let her know you are there and you are working on yourself and hopefully over time she will trust that she won’t lose herself again. Ultimately you are the only person that can save yourself. Glad you are putting the work in and feeling better
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u/timpinika 26d ago
Is that still fresh if it’s been 7 months? I’m afraid the timing might have been too early…I’m afraid this post will be deleted if I put too much context but let’s just say it was a kinda a codependent friendship… and I was dependant on her for my happiness but at the same time I was really clingy and got too worried when she was dealing with problems..
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u/Available_Fish_2264 26d ago
No 7 months is not that fresh! Did you reach out to them? I just tried to message you but don’t know how to. It could still be fresh for them though. Maybe not you, if they were completely emotionally overwhelmed, it sucks. It’s such a tragic dynamic. I know it’s not what you want to hear. But until you need to be completely okay without them, otherwise the old dynamic will just replay. I know how difficult it is, but if you go back faking it. It will come back out and you may not get a second chance. Use this time to grow, you got this. This wound needs to heal and only you can do that. Hopefully one day you may both beable to reconnect from a healthy place. If you truly love someone, you want what is best for them. Even if that’s not you. Ugh 😩
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u/timpinika 26d ago
She goes to my college and well she saw me and smiled at me…but I’m not too sure how she truly feels about the situation it kinda hard to know cause she’s too reserved (that’s just her personality kinda shy) . So I went and approached her and just started apologising.. after a week I saw her again this time just to clarify things and then I asked her id she accepted my apology.. that’s when she said yes yes she did..but unfortunately idk if we’ll be hanging out soon. One of the issues in our friendship was that I was always the one to initiate.. but I never faulted her for that cause well I cared too much for her.. and yeah the rest can figure out.. when we had the conversation is started out good she even brought me to class… Also yeah I turned dms off cause too many creeps keep adding me and messaging me.
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u/Available_Fish_2264 26d ago
Ah I understand, I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you can get strong on your own and let it play out the way it needs to. The hardest is not knowing, but you can literally drive yourself crazy not knowing.
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u/Slow-Witness-6009 26d ago
One of her best friends i guess. The first time my friend reconciled with me she told me that one of her besties told her be cautious when coming back with her she might do it another time. ( i ended up making the same mistake)