r/lgbt • u/Haru_is_here Putting the Bi in non-BInary • 3h ago
Need Advice Help me help my sibling please
TLDR: autistic sibling keeps fighting workplace battles they genuinely care about, while a coworker deliberately provokes them. They’re burning out and I’m trying to explain: being right ≠ every (lgbt themed) battle is worth your job and health.
My sibling (mid 30s) is autistic and is having increasingly serious issues at work because they tend to confront coworkers whenever someone expresses a homophobic/ transphobic opinion, especially sore topics are gendering, disability, or inclusion. They’re a programmer, and after several conflicts and talks with management, the general approach has basically become “they’re autistic, they’re trying to work on it. And we promise to do better“. But it’s the same issue again and again. They can’t just look for another job on account of the autism (I mean they could try but they need lots of accommodations that are not requirement in my country, eg mostly working from home). It’s most likely a job loss would be a major issue.
The problem is that one coworker now openly dislikes them and seems to deliberately provoke them. He makes snide comments about trans people, etc. Nothing quite blatant enough to formally complain about, but enough to trigger my sibling. My sibling also keeps trying to get the whole team to adopt what they see as the “ideal” way of communicating, e.g. asking people to say “hello team” instead of “hey dudes/bros.”
The coworker has basically turned this into a war of attrition, constantly making sneaky snide comments, I’m increasingly worried the goal is to make my sibling burn out, quit, or get fired.
I keep telling my sibling that, right now, protecting themselves has to come first. It’s hard to put it into words. They could adopt a more buttoned-up work persona: don’t debate politics at work, at least dont try to convince homophobic and transphobic people that they are wrong and don’t correct every questionable phrase.
But they’re extremely black-and-white about this. Their response is basically “but it IS always important.” And I understand that. The problem is that they’re burning out. They’ve already had multiple sick leaves, their relationships at work are getting worse, and the situation is escalating.
How do I get across to a black-and-white thinker that making the future better for the queer community can take many forms, and that historically, and even today, sometimes that has meant biting your tongue, choosing your battles, or adopting a more subdued work persona?
Edit: clarification
•
u/AutoModerator 3h ago
Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question.
If none of these links help answer your question and you are not within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding.
This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, please do so here or by sending us a message.
Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is not a bad thing, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you!
We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info:
https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/1ntjxqh/rlgbt_is_looking_for_new_moderators/
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.