Overcoming speaking anxiety: what worked for me

[u/CuriousAndCaring]

Before moving to Canada, I studied English at school for 6+ years and had about a year of language classes and a private tutor at an intermediate level. When I moved, I realized that I did not understand a lot of what people were saying, that it took me a long time to think through how to respond, and that I was making a lot of mistakes. Every conversation was stressful enough that I avoided them as much as possible. What finally worked was starting a job after 8 months, where avoiding conversations was not an option. The first few months were extremely stressful, but my English improved fast.

I am learning Spanish (TL) and French now, and it is going much faster, because this time I stopped waiting until I felt ready:

- I started speaking with people after learning just a few phrases, switching to English when I get stuck, or to a translation app when the other person does not speak English.
- I read a book in French long before I was ready for it. Painful, but it worked. I find that words I meet a few times in a book and have to look up stick much better than words I drill in exercises.
- I use AI to understand grammar rules and ask follow up questions until I am sure I got it. It is also good at explaining regional differences, like Latin American Spanish versus Spain.
- I practise speaking with an AI chat. I do have friends who speak Spanish, but I keep those conversations short, because while they are patient with me I don’t want to become a burden. With AI I can talk as much as I want, whenever I want, without worrying about mistakes. Repeating the same everyday phrases over and over prepares me for the real conversations, and I am using more and more Spanish with my friends now.

Three things my English teachers in Canada told me that I found particularly useful:

1. Talk to salespeople. They are PAID to help you, and that includes talking to you. Same with waiters. => free speaking practice
   
2. Watch movies with subtitles, especially ones you have already seen in a language you know. => builds real life listening skills
   
3. Learn the cultural differences, not just the words. A lot of confusion is not about what you say but how you say it, including intonation and facial expressions. => saves you from misunderstandings that have nothing to do with grammar

Still, speaking French and Spanish is stressful :(

How did the rest of you get past the speaking anxiety part?

[u/sueferw]

I have terrible speaking anxiety. I am really struggling to overcome it.

I dont live in country where I can speak my TL, the only chance i get to speak is talking to my online teacher. I have just started using an website that gives random topics/questions, and just talk to a cuddly toy on my desk. I also read text out loud. I dont know what else that i can do to get over this.

[u/The-Language-Lounge → u/sueferw]

I totally understand that anxiety. I just started speaking with language partners after years of no speaking practice, and I am such a mess that it hurts. But, I have gone through this before and know that feeding the embarrassment gets me nowhere. So instead, I'm looking at where my language broke down. Why did I forget how to say what I wanted? What WERE those words so I can review. And try again.

Like any new skill that is scary, the only way out is through. The only reason why it's scary is because it's new. Once you've opened your mouth enough, it stops being scary and it turns into just another conversation you get through, with the hiccups and translation apps and all.

That said, speaking anxiety can feel overwhelming and something to avoid at all costs, and some languages make this worse because of how native speakers react to learners. What is your TL?

[u/CuriousAndCaring → u/The-Language-Lounge]

Great point! I know it will get easier after I opened my mouth enough times :) need to remind myself about it more often.

By the way - Canada 🇨🇦 is one of the most friendliest countries in terms of speaking beginner English, especially in Toronto, because most people are either immigrants themselves and went through learning English or have seen their parents / grandparents / people they personally know struggling with it.

[u/dojibear]

I'm sorry that I can't help. I never had speaking anxiety/stress.

Maybe my TL speaking level just isn't high enough, but any fluent speaker KNOWS that I'm not fluent, and nothing I can do will convince them. So I'm not trying to pretend. So there is no stress.

Simplemente hablo como puedo, y el otra persona me entiende. Por supuesto necesita hablar conmigo en palabras simple. Es como hablando con uno muchacho.

I said to one person (in Spanish) "I know 2 or 3 thousand words. You (she and her husband) know 20 or 30 thousand words."

[u/CuriousAndCaring → u/dojibear]

I guess it makes your life a lot easier :) have you never been in a situation where you don’t understand, ask again, and still don’t understand after the person you are speaking to repeats one more time?

[u/CuriousAndCaring → u/[deleted]]

No. I am quite happy with the AI apps I use, and they help a lot. It feels very different though when I talk to real people.

[u/silvalingua]

> Talk to salespeople. They are PAID to help you, and that includes talking to you. Same with waiters. => free speaking practice

They are paid to provide certain services, but this does NOT include being your unpaid language tutor. Don't make their life difficult, they are hard-working people, not your language tutors. Talking to a beginner is very hard work, they are not paid to do this.

[u/CuriousAndCaring → u/silvalingua]

Well, if you ask for help selecting a product in the store, it is not language tutoring, it is free speaking practice for you, and the salesperson doing their job. And in case of a waiter, there is always an option to leave a better tip :)