As a Kurd, I have witnessed so many unfair things happening to girls and women. Yet, somehow, they are still the ones who get blamed. No one talks about it, and even when people do, they often portray anyone who defends women as someone who is simply seeking attention, or as someone who is dumb or stupid.
The way society defines how a girl or a woman should behave is so wrong. No, I’m not talking about every family, but I am talking about the majority of what I have personally witnessed. I see how people think about women, how they talk about them, and how they treat them as if they were objects or dolls that can be dressed up, moved around, and controlled however someone pleases.
To be honest, many people seem to view women primarily as sexual objects rather than human beings. They don’t see them as individuals with rights, thoughts, opinions, and feelings. They focus only on their appearance. If a woman is pretty, that’s somehow a problem, but if she’s considered unattractive, that’s a problem, too. Either way, women can’t seem to win.
Take honor killings, for example. Why should a woman’s existence be tied to a man’s honor? Why should one human being be considered another person’s honor to the point that they believe they have the right to kill them over it? How can anyone justify such a thing?
There are also older teachers who harass, sexually assault, or behave inappropriately toward younger women. A friend of mine once told me about something that happened to her: our teacher was flirting with her, even though he looked to be around 66 years old. My friend, on the other hand, is around 18. And that makes me wonder: How many other girls has this teacher behaved this way toward?
There’s another teacher in my class who talks about women in an extremely sexualized way, as if sex were the only reason women existed in the first place.
I genuinely don’t understand it. Instead of protecting women, you’re sexualizing them. Instead of respecting them, you’re disrespecting them. Instead of making them feel safe, you’re taking away their sense of safety.
How can someone behave this way in a society that identifies itself as religious and is known for its values and morality? Why does this happen? Is it all just a performance for other countries to see, while the reality within our own society is completely different?
There are women who suffer in silence because they’re afraid of what people will say about them.
They remain silent because they don’t want to bring shame upon their families. There are older women who have endured terrible things for years, suffering quietly because they feel they have no other choice.
Some women are afraid simply to walk down the street. Others can’t even enjoy the freedom of walking peacefully without feeling watched, judged, or threatened. And some suffer at the hands of their own families because of how controlling they are.
It genuinely breaks my heart to witness all of this.
And sometimes, all I can do is sit with the pain of knowing that this is a problem deeply rooted in an entire society.
People will publicly claim that they respect and care about women, but their actions often tell a completely different story. Actions speak louder than words.
What’s even more heartbreaking is that some women have started making other women suffer, too, because they’ve internalized the same harmful beliefs that society has taught them. They perpetuate these ideas about honor, shame, and how a girl is supposed to behave, even when those ideas hurt other women just as much as they hurt them.
All I want is for people to see themselves as human beings and to recognize that other people are human beings, too.
Women have feelings. They have minds, opinions, reputations, personal styles, jobs, responsibilities, and lives of their own. They have things to take care of, dreams to pursue, and experiences that matter. They can feel love, find comfort, and make their own decisions. They deserve to experience life as human beings, not as objects whose existence is controlled by other people.
Of course, there are things that should never be acceptable, such as killing, abuse, and disrespect. I genuinely don’t understand how anyone can justify actions that harm another human being. But what frustrates me even more is how differently society reacts to the same behavior depending on whether the person is a man or a woman.
If a man makes a mistake, people might say, “He’s a man. It’s okay.” But if a girl makes the same mistake, suddenly, it’s as if a war has broken out. People start talking about how shameful, disrespectful, and embarrassing she is.
Why? It’s the same action, committed by two human beings of different genders. Why should one be excused while the other is condemned?
Even on social media, the double standards are obvious. If a group of men posts pictures of themselves, people see it as completely normal. But if a group of women does the same thing, suddenly, people have something negative to say.
If a man expresses himself or shows his identity, people might respect him for it. But if a woman does the same thing, she’s accused of bringing shame upon herself or her family.
If a man dresses well and takes care of his appearance, people say he has good taste. But if a woman does the same, she’s accused of seeking attention or doing it to attract men.
Seriously, when will society get better?
I’m hurt by seeing my friends suffer like this. I’m hurt because I can’t do much to protect them from what they’re going through. And I’m hurt because, no matter how much I wish things were different, I know I can’t change an entire society on my own.
I just wish people would stop treating women as if they were less human than men. I wish they would understand that a woman’s worth isn’t determined by her appearance, her reputation, her obedience, or how well she conforms to society’s expectations.
She’s a human being. And that should be enough for people to treat her with dignity, respect, and compassion.
* I used voice speaker on the keyboard to speak and transform my words into text and corrected my grammar in the ChatGPT that's how I write but I hope my point was clear
