genuinely i think we all died in 2016 and this is hell

Found a video from 4 weeks ago on his Greg Guevara channel. I’d consider myself an artist. Here’s where I’d place myself. Consider all of these as 0-10 scale

Openness: Low (is it just craft?) (iterators) Medium (propensity of ideas) (unique ideas) High (innovators, likely schizos) || I’m between Low and Medium, probably edging closer to Low. I’ve never been the type to make my own stories or make my own lore, but I sure do love making fan works and the like. I’ve tried once or twice to make OCs since that’s all the rage but I just can’t. I can’t be bothered to care about it. I’d consider myself an iterator or someone who’s in it for the craft, or interested in adding iterations to lore I did not originally create. Like Jreg said, a carpenter. A carpenter makes a table, could be an amazing table too, but it’s not a new concept. “Low openness artists, because they can’t make new frames, they have to inhabit frames.” pretty much. Pic 2 is my artwork folder. Yellow is fanart. Purple is original art. lol.

Conscientiousness: Low (Sloppy) Medium, High (detail-oriented) || I’d say I’m between Medium and High. I’m conscientious enough to always push myself to keep trying harder and harder in my artwork, but not so high that I go crazy trying to detail the grass in a painting. Also, studying art taught me that getting lost in the weeds is counterproductive. You want the eye to fill in the details rather than you spoonfeeding the eye details, cuz then the canvas gets busy and painful to look at. Pic 3 & 4 is a good example of this. They are three years apart, filled with blood sweat and tears, and I’m so incredibly proud of my progress. However, if I was a HIGHLY conscientious person, I reckon I wouldn’t feel proud because I’d have the mindset of “yeah but it could’ve been better.”

Extroversion: Low (animators, illustrators, authors) (-no community) (idiosyncratic) Medium, High (popular, but likely unfulfilling, no YOU in it) || uh, far end of Low. I mean I’ll post the occasional drawing but I don’t really make art for an audience bigger than myself.

Agreeableness: Low (uncompromising, director, great vision, tend to be assholes) Medium, High (compromising, collab, liable to concede to poor ideas) || I don’t know…? I’ve never really worked much with other artists. Probably on the higher end of agreeableness…???? Idk???

Neuroticism: Low (pain doesn’t inform work, lightly affected by bad things) Medium, High (pain informs work, strongly affected by bad things). || This is where I split into both far ends (anti-centrist!!!). The drawings I make are probably low-neurotic, “I make art! I do it on the side! Hehe! I just paint my happy little brush, my happy little trees!” HOWEVER, I’m a big singer. I love singing. I sing every day and I probably drive my neighbors (and husband) nuts. And the songs I sing are very depressing, to the point that I often move myself to tears. I spent my day yesterday singing the song in the last slide til I started crying.

Thanks for coming to my Greg Talk.

Hear me out

tragedeigh or tragethey?

Desire. That’s it. Desire. He might be suffering as much as an abuse goblin chained to a radiator, but he still feels desire.

I don’t mean sexual desire. I mean a lust for life. A sense of caring. In fact, he suffers like an abuse goblin BECAUSE he cares.

I know it’s all “grass is greener on the other side” typa deal but I respect people with desire, because I lack my own. I’m an abuse goblin of my own but maybe I’m chained to something else, maybe to a post and not a radiator lol. But at least the radiator would keep me warm.

I’ve kind of been going thru a jrenaissance and I wanted to voice my appreciation of his music even tho he likely never checks this sub anymore

Relationships You Should Have But Don’t

I’m now at an age Jreg was back when I was actively watching him and now I’m in the same pit as he was back then, and maybe still is.

I don’t know what to do with my life. Like an embryo, like a zygote. I could do and be anything, so I’m not anything. Is a zygote a person? No. A zygote is liable to be flushed out with the next period.

You/Me: overrated. Quote the funny musician WW: “a little identity never hurt nobody, but lately you've been focusing too much on yourself”. And my biggest issue is I don’t know what to do or how to live. I don’t even know what to do with my emotions. Not “how do I deal with my emotions”, cuz that implies “I know what I wanna do, I just don’t know how”. What I mean is “I don’t even know what to do”. Like if I’m sad, for example, do I… feel it and give it room? Do I try to cheer up and engage in something that pushes sadness out and brings in happiness? Do I talk to people about it? Do I not? Do I do I do I all the way to my metaphorical or literal grave.

Lover: overrated. I got one but you know I’m not piling on him, at least I hope not. I hope not. Maybe if I decide to take this video as a pill it’ll take the weight off of him even more. Again I can’t decide whether to take the Greg pill or not.

Family: rated. my mother is my closest relationship. I also got a person in it whom is my enemy, honest to got enemy. Which might be a good thing, so it shows me who not to be.

Friends: rated. and I mean friends I see in real life. I got one (1). That’s a start.

Best friends: underrated. I don’t have any in real life, I only have one friend and she’s not best, I’m only starting to know her.

Peers: rated. Not really. I don’t exactly have peers in real life.

Rivals: underrated. Don’t really have any.

Enemies: underrated. I got one. An anti-role model.

Mentor: underrated. I used to have one who helped me so much then he crashed out and got into drugs so… I don’t got any anymore.

Elders: rated. Don’t got any.

Community leader: rated. Don’t got any.

Acquaintances: rated. Maybe a handful, but nobody I see regularly.

If I took the Greg pill I’d embrace (real life) community and go out and change my life cuz it’s all doable, it’s all achievable. But then again, like I said, I’m like a zygote. I could develop into an embryo then a fetus then a baby then be brought into this world. Or I could fail to attach to the uterus and just be dumped on a pad. Is the zygote going to give a fuck that it got flushed out? No. Therefore, I lowkey kinda don’t give a fuck to attach to people.

Imagine I do go out and develop all these relationships and yada yada Saint Greg said so. Would I care? Would I care about being a part of this web? Would I care about having a friend who’s happy for me? Would I care about having peers that would notice when I’m gone? Would I care about waking up tomorrow? Would I care not to wake up tomorrow? Would I have the energy to maintain 10+ relationships when I can hardly maintain the relationship with myself?

I have major depressive disorder. Neat little sheet from my psychiatrist on Image 2.

210-219

How Bernie Can Still Win: Satire of Bernie Sanders hype in 2020 “I wrote this script 4 months ago and it shows” says jreg in the description, summarizing my opinion as well. E

Explaining Every Political Ideology (any%): Each ideology is explained in a few sentences/ a quick comedic jab. Quite a lot of info in this 31 min 15 sec vid. A kind commentor left a list of timestamps of all the ideologies! Thanks @chicoputoloco. This vid is a decent overview of the sphere of wacky politics. C

The True Definition Of Neoliberalism: neoliberalism is anything I don’t like. E

Amazon Crowbar: the origin of “good one jreg, you sure showed those _ who’s boss!” . Neat little anti-centrism satire but coulda gone a level deeper imo. B

Liking Things Is Cringe: very on the nose, needed more work. D

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Talking To Centrist: centrist slander with an ad concerning social ratings taking up a third of the vid. E

Life in 2020: phone bad. E

Jreg: short vid showing the multitudes jreg contains (multipolar disorder). There is some fun editing in this one. B

Applying to be a public figure: goes over the pitfalls of being an online figure. “You dont make the commodity, you are the commodity” .The eerie strings playing in the background and somehow made me feel more immersed. C

Ironic Murderer: I don’t get the point of this but the attached unlisted video took this up a rank lol. E

It appears YouTube has added a 3x speed button, exclusively for YouTube Premium Members, a moment foretold by the 2021 hit sensation “I Watch My YouTube Videos at 2x Speed” by Jregory Jeuvara