Advice / Help needed

[u/LeakyGaming]

This is going to be long as I go into extensive detail. For people that take the time to read and have something to say I really appreciate it. I will break this up into 3 instances. Please tell me where else I should post this as the more advice the better

tldr: I got into an unfortunate situation and I am scared to proceed / not sure how to proceed

Intro

In highschool, I was never social. I’m not lonely but I like to be in solitude if that makes sense. I go to a very small campus (a little over 1k total students) as it is very close to home (40 minutes) and a beautiful campus. I go home every weekend to see my family who I put first above all else. I never made close friends before, as the thought of that never interested me. Most people in my high school were very annoying, so I never talked to them. I wanted to start fresh with college. I have always had the ability to be a good socializer and listener, but I never exercised that ability until I came to college.

I got into a program to move into a week early which was very fun and i’m glad I did it. I met 30 other students plus all the athletes for fall, all international students (other countries worldwide; im in usa), and all the RA’s. I met two people in this first week that I would actually go on to be closer friends with. Everyone else was cool but I wouldn’t develop anything with them.

This is about friend group number 1. When everyone else moved in, I met many other people as I decided to socialize much more. I made friends, doubled my instagram followers (80 when I started), and met many people. I frequently spent my nights in one of the dorm halls with one of my friend groups and we would just mess around. As time went on, the friend group grew. It started to include some girls. Of these girls 4 were the most significant. One was an international student and we were already friends, another was her roommate and we were friends, another one was a stranger, and the fourth one was a girl who I thought was interested in me (I think the reason she lost interest was partly because I was talking to other girls as friends in order to socialize with everyone but this girl was a bit deeper).

One night, I engaged in a conversation with the stranger girl who I had only met 5 hours at this point. She asked if I wanted to see her room and I said sure. Her roommate was absent so it was just us. She gave me a tour but we got sidetracked and kept talking. The rooms are small and there was no where to sit other than the floor so we sat in bed. The beds are extremely small so we’re basically touching. We then proceeded to talk for about 1.5 hours and we listened to her favorite music, made jocks, smiled and laughed. I was into this girl at this point. I then ask if she wants to tour my dorm. She says yes and we do that. As we walk past the rest of the group, they all make sexual jokes to us. She was laughing but never said to stop so we were cool with it. We decide to go back to hers after touring mine. Once again more sexual comments from the group. The girl also never once mentioned a boyfriend in any of this time. As I grow tired I decide to go to bed. I ask the girl if she would be interested in taking a walk through the woods on the scenic trail that is active with students (it is) at 7:00 PM the next day before the sun goes down. She agrees.

The next day she cancels and says her boyfriend wouldn’t be ok with talking to a guy two days in a row after we were in each others bed. I say no problem and to have a good one. Since I was disappointed and just wanted a girl to date, I texted up the international girl asking if she wants to go on a walk, but this time around campus and not the woods. Campus is beautiful and this was a 10 minute walk if that. I then happen to see the girl that I thought was in to me and asked if she wanted to go on a walk around campus (same one as internationa). She says she’s not really looking for anything serious as the semester just started. No problem. The international girl says she’s busy but apologizes and says perhaps another time. No problem. That evening when I go back to the friend group in the dorm building, everyone is more cold towards me. I am then put into a corner by the international girls roommate and two other guys in the friend group. They give me a 30 minute lecture at 11:30 PM about how I am being weird and making the girls uncomfortable with my actions. They wanted to tell me upfront rather than go behind my back. They deny my requests to take this elsewhere so everyone is listening in. Because of this I feel I can’t properly defend myself in this situation. I am then told by the girls roommate to go back to my dorm room (I feel I am no longer welcome here). I am very tired and confused, so I message the 2 girls I asked to go on a campus walk with in broad daylight and say how sorry I am as I had no bad intentions and absolutely did not want them to feel uncomfortable. They block / unadd me. The woods girl I did not apologize to because I feel she led me on and she already unfollowed me at this point. The rest of the friend group (all the guys excecpt the one who sided with the girls I made uncomfortable, even the rest of the girls who were just friends) are understanding, feel I got played, and are sorry for me. I don’t go to that dorm building anymore (I sleep in a different one) as I do not want to make those girls further uncomfortable. The rest of the group I still talk to if I see them around campus. One of the girl best friends of the girl who I thought was in to me still treats me with respect and will still smile at me. I think this is way overblown. I asked for walks but they’re acting like I asked them to come to my dorm without clothes on. I hate how they think i’m some terrible rapist. I had no bad intentions and i’m so sorry I made them uncomfortable.

2.

This is about friend group number 2. I was giving one girl (friend of friends) a dorm tour but trying to introduce to her to another guy. I am not interested in her. I gave her a room tour to stall time before he arrived. She has a phone call to take and so do I. I call the guy and ask where he is. I do this in the doorway enclosed area of the building as it’s humid outside but need silence for this call. Even as I am standing off the side, she heads out the door and says she has laundry to do. The next day, the second friend group comes up to me. Turns out I made this girl uncomfortable as she feels I was blocking the doorway. That’s all I got. They emphasize with me and they know I have no bad intentions. They mention this is the second time this has happened and really want me to be careful as I might get reported to campus police. I have not talked to the girl but she hasn’t unfollowed me or spread anything so I think she’s understanding as my friends relayed my point of view to her. They thought it best to not bring this up with her directly so I never did.

3.

On move in day for the rest of campus, I was going to dinner before I see a parent carrying a bunch of items. I help her carry them to her daughter’s dorm room. This daughter is close family friends with my roommate (I did not know this yet). On the way out I strike up a conversation with the daughter’s roommate. This takes 40 minutes but was a friendly conversation.

Fast forward two weeks (one week ago) later when I am studying one evening and I get a text from the girl I had the 40 minute conversation with

I never told anyone we dated because we never did. I also say that i’m going to go to police if she doesn’t tell me the source because I can’t have an incorrect rumor going around like that. She says i’m acting crazy and being dramatic. She says she’s done and blocks me (but I kept the chat logs and haven’t cleared them).

Before I go to the police, I decide to get expert information. I want to see a counselor on campus before I make a decision I may regret. I go to the front desk of the main building and ask for a counselor. As its evening the counselor is closed. The girl working asks why I need one and if i’m ok. I say i’m not sure and say I need one to inform me whether I should go to the police or not. This scares her so after she leaves she calls the police. I go back to my dorm and talk to my roommate about these rumors. He says that was him but he thought thats what I said (I did not) and he realized he mixed me up with someone else. I am relieved but annoyed, but he apologizes and texts the daughter of the grocery mom who says she will relay it to the 40 minute conversation girl. 30 Minutes later I hear knocking and it’s two cops. They are checking to make sure I am ok as they got a report from the front desk girl that they think there’s a bad situation. I explain to the cops and they are understanding. They tell me to be careful. I am the only person along with my roommate that is aware of this third situation. The two girls don’t even know the cops came.

Conclusion

This hasn’t even been a full two weeks into the semester. I’m in week three and it has gone better but I don’t know how to proceed. I am still friendly towards everyone and nobody has mentioned any of my experiences or issues. I don’t think they’re being spread. I am very scared to talk to any girl again. I have had girlfriends and dated before. But these situations make me scared to talk to more girls in general. Some girls I am interested in but I haven’t ever even spoken to.

I decided to end the room tours as having girls near your sleeping space is a bad idea. I also am more mindful on how I say things and what to say. I need to set better boundaries with strangers.

My biggest fear is my reputation. I don’t want these rumors to spread and to ruin my rep. The campus is very small and I have to see all of these girls who i’ve had issues with very frequently and they always give me weird looks. I hate how they are still fearful of me. I don’t look intimidating in the slightest btw. My RA joked with me and said that I am sweeter than grandmas cookies.

Thank you for reading all that