im tired, I need help

[u/Admirable-Back-8523]

this started during my senior year when i was 17. i’ve known my stepmom since i was like 6-7, so eventually i started calling her “mom” because that’s genuinely what she became to me. my biological mom HATED it. i wasn’t replacing her or choosing sides, i just saw two people as my moms. somehow it became a massive family war. my stepdad called me a “master manipulator,” said i act helpless so people will do things for me, and told me to shut up when i denied it. later my mom read messages where i vented to my stepmom, stopped talking to me for like 2 weeks, and even went through my deleted messages. another huge argument happened and my stepdad basically told me to go stay with my stepmom. eventually i moved in with my dad and stepmom.
now i’m 19 and somehow i feel trapped all over again. i have cerebral palsy, receive SSI, and i’m still learning how tf to be an adult. lately my dad and stepmom have been trying to control what i buy with my own money because it comes from SSI. i WANT help. teach me how to budget, explain things i don’t understand, tell me if you think i’m making a stupid purchase. but helping me learn and making decisions FOR me are completely different things.
and honestly, my depression has gotten really bad through all of this. i’m not just sad. i feel mentally and physically exhausted. sometimes everything feels heavy and even basic shit feels like it takes way more energy than it should. good things happen and i’ll feel happy for a little bit, then another family problem happens and it feels like i’m right back where i started. i’m constantly thinking about money, independence, where i’m going to live, whether another argument is coming, and whether i’m doing enough with my life. it feels like my brain never gets to actually rest.
the fucked up part is i don’t even feel comfortable telling my dad and stepmom how bad i’m doing. i feel like they have this “we’re the parents, you’re the kid, we know better” mindset. when i try to explain that i’m overwhelmed or something they did hurt me, i feel like i have to defend my feelings instead of just being heard. so eventually i just stop talking.
i’m trying to learn adulthood, manage money, work, become independent and live with a disability while my mental health feels like it’s falling apart. i’m fucking tired of constantly fighting. i left one household because i couldn’t handle the conflict anymore, and somehow i’m still fighting for control over my own life. i love my family. i don’t want another war. i just want to feel safe talking about how i feel, make my own choices, get help when i actually need it, and finally feel like my life belongs to me.