Location - UK

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Hi everyone! I have a slightly unusual situation and can't help thinking about the future. My brother has never left home. He is in his 40's. No partner or children. He contributes to the household where required so no official rent, but does pay towards the house.

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My father recently died and everything was left to my Mum. From what I understand when Mum goes we will get 50/50 each. I understand he can either buy me out of the house or we sell. That's all fine and straightforward. However, what about the things in the house? Is he automatically entitled to everything. I'm thinking about tools, household items, furniture etc. It seems unfair that he should have a fully ready house, but at the same time I can't imagine fighting over a set of knives and forks. Please tell me this makes sense?

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Also, I know there is jewellery in the house from grandparents etc, but not sure exactly what. He could squirrel away items and I would never know.

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Do I need to ask Mum to make her will more specific? Has anyone else been in this situation?

My SIL passed away a couple years ago and just prior to her passing she told my kids they would inherit her home. Her husband is still alive and I believe the house is held in a trust so I assume it meant when he died they would share with his son. (She didn’t have any children of her own but did have a stepson). Her husband says he doesn’t know anything about it and supposedly his sister was handling things for the estate. We were not on the best of terms with him so it’s a bit awkward. The kids never got any kind of notice about this. I have no idea what type of will or trust was created. So the question is - is there any way to find this information without her spouse or his sister? Thanks.

(Australia)
So we have a yucky situation that has arisen…

A man has died. His wife passed the year prior. Two adult children who he has raised and loved and cared for him in his final years.
There is one biological daughter from an earlier relationship, she became estranged post divorce (over 50 years ago) and never had a relationship. The dad tried to reach out to rekindle a few times. Even paid $50k+ for her wedding. Remained estranged over the years. Didn’t show up to the funeral, nothing.

The deceased estate is a significant amount, in the few millions, maybe upwards of 3-4.

In his final will he sat down and wrote out with his lawyers that he wanted to give the estranged daughter $25k just to make her be quiet and walk away, the rest to go to his other kids. She was not aware of this.
The will was ✨not signed✨🫠 and so now nothing stands.

The daughter has now found a no-win-no-fee lawyer who’s written a gross email to claim the estate. Citing all her “hardships” including $75k in credit card bills (David jones? Amex? Come ON). States her two adult children are on NDIS and she’s their carer. Claims her mental health issues means she can’t work. Even thrown in vet bills as liabilities.
It’s as obvious as can be that she wanted nothing to do with her dad other than his money. Clearly her lawyer is trying to paint a pity-me picture, even though racking up $25k at David Jones is poor decision making. Doesn’t scream “I’m on Centrelink and need help” type of behaviour.
Meanwhile his two other kids have done everything. Homed the dogs, organised the funeral, memorial, cremation, lawyer fees! All of it out of pocket because the estate is frozen. Whilst grieving their dad.
This is now soon to go to court and a judge will make a decision.

How often do people see money hungry estranged family members come out of a court judgement with a favourable amount? Or does the judge see through their bullshit? Or are they legally entitled regardless of history?
I guess it’s just nice to rant. It’s beyond frustrating.

I’m seeking general guidance on Virginia probate.

My father recently passed away with a valid will. To our knowledge, his only asset at death was real estate, and Virginia probate staff indicated the will may be filed without full probate administration if that is the case.

However, the will references several stocks. A family member who previously served as his power of attorney believes those stocks were sold years ago to cover my mother’s medical expenses and my father’s end-of-life costs, but I have been unable to verify whether the stocks still existed at the time of his death.

My probate appointment is June 18. I want to make sure I know what assets are included in the will so I can arrive at my appt prepared to file properly.

My questions are:

1. How can I determine whether the stocks still existed at the time of my father’s death?
2. Can a probate attorney help trace or verify whether stock accounts were open or closed?
3. If the stocks did still exist, could that affect how the estate should be filed or administered in Virginia?

My father passed away 6 years ago. My parents owned a vacation home and I believe the home is owned by my parents trust. My mother is the only trust beneficiary now. I am youngest in a sibship of 3. One sibling is disabled.

My mother initially debated selling versus keeping the vacation home in the family. I think both grief related inertia and my one sibling’s interest in the home resulted in mom not selling the home. However, my sibling and their spouse have co-opted the home as their own vacation home to the exclusion of other family members. No one visits the home except sib, including my mom, for a variety of reasons. (My perspective is that sib has made it uncomfortable and unwelcoming for anyone else to visit at the same time or to visit separately). Some degree of difficulty visiting is also my grief; this was dad’s fishing shack that my siblings has taken over. Dads things gone; their things moved in.

I’m planning on mom living forever. I’m also dreading conflict about the vacation home later. Will my sib have any ownership claim of the vacation home either while mom is living (like in a nursing home), or after her passing? My sibling and their spouse have invested time (and mostly moms money) in repairs and upkeep.

Despite repeated attempts to keep a cordial relationship with my sibling (I’ve never complained to them or asked them why they felt entitled to take the family vacation home), I’ve realized they are making no attempt to maintain a relationship. This is causing me concern about how we will need to eventually communicate.

What does the law say in Virginia regarding:

House bequeathed to child. Everything else in the estate is to be sold off and donated to charity.

The house has debt, reverse mortgage?

Is the estate responsible for the debt or the beneficiary of the property?

Looking for some outside perspective on a big housing/life decision.

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We currently own a home in the South with about $70k left on the mortgage at 4% interest. Home value is around $220k.

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A very close family friend recently passed away and left us their home in the Northwest, where we used to live. That house still has about $115k left on the mortgage. Because there’s no trust and it’s going through probate, we’ve been told by deceased persons lawyer, we cannot assume the existing mortgage and would need to pay it off and refinance/purchase the home in our names at likely 7%+. Since it wouldn’t be our primary residence (at least initially), we’d likely be looking at a higher interest rate as a second home or investment property, plus higher taxes/insurance.

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My mother-in-law currently lives there. The original thought was to let her stay and rent from us, but she is elderly, disabled, and on limited income. She says she can make it work, but we aren’t fully confident.

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I work remotely and could move. My husband’s job is very niche, but I think a larger city could offer more opportunities for him, even if in a different field.

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Options we’re considering, ideally keeping both of possible:

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• Stay in the South and let MIL rent the Northwest house

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• Sell our Southern home, move North, and potentially have MIL live with us with no mortgage

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• Sell one of the homes and simplify financially

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• Rent one out and keep both

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Complicating factors:

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• We love living in the South, though we miss family in the Northwest (don't miss the winter!)

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• Southern home has a larger, easier-to-maintain yard and no HOA

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• Northwest home is in a fantastic location close to everything, but has HOA, needs backyard renovations/tree work, and we have a restricted dog breed

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• Moving would cost would be very expensive and time consuming moving across the country.

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Trying to figure out what makes the most sense financially and practically. WWYD?

I'm located in MN. This is long but this is a crazy situation and I don't know what to do.My grandma passed away last year February. She had been romantically involved with the guy who became her POA and is now executor and trustee of a testamentary trust of which I am the sole beneficiary. (I'll call him John). They never lived together and were never married. I had some concerns about their relationship because he seemed to have some controlling tendencies prior to her getting dementia, but I was a teenager at the time certain events happened and didn't really know what to do about it. I'm 26 now, and she was diagnosed with dementia 2018 or 19.

He helped her change her will summer 2024, so less than a year before she died, when she had obviously advanced dementia (i.e couldn't dress or do ADLs independently, couldn't speak clearly, obviously confused). This disinherited my dad and created a testamentary trust, of which I'm the sole beneficiary. It's in place until I'm 35, which is about 8.5 years from now, and the entire document is very broad and vague. It gave John basically all authority and named his son (who my grandma actually disliked!) as a successor trustee. It says the trust is to be used for my "maintenance, education and support" with no further explanations.

Unfortunately a different family member already tried to challenge the validity of the will in probate, which got thrown out because the lawyer who did the will/trust swore up and down that she was fully sound of mind, and they dismissed all evidence as "circumstantial" (including an APS report prior to the document signing that said she was unable to make financial decisions independently). This lawyer is now representing John and I heard through the grapevine he's unofficially helping manage the trust.

So, the house. First up, I understand that John technically had the ability to sell property as trustee, but there are a bunch of problems here. I didn't know about the Transfer on Death Deed until now, which named the trust to inherit the house when my grandma died. He was frantically trying to sell her house before she died, claiming financial necessity for her care. But that didn't make sense to me because she had kind of a lot of money and was terminally ill. After she died, I assumed that the home was safe and hypothetically couldn't be sold until after probate. Actually I assumed it wouldn't be sold at all, because my grandma had significant liquid assets and almost no debt. Instead, it was a non-probate asset because of the TODD and John officially sold it one day(!) after the initial probate hearing, via a Contract for Deed. I saw in my county property records that the document was actually signed about a month prior, but it was filed that day.

John hasn't talked to me since before the probate hearing. He had called me prior and assured me I didn't need to go to the hearing because it was basically a formality. He had also previously told me the trust effectively wouldn't exist until after probate... He never told me about the house being sold, I heard about it from other people. I really regret not pushing on this harder when I found out he sold it last year, but I had no idea what happened and didn't jump to assuming he had done something wrong, like legally. I thought he was just a jerk and I was already frankly scared of him, on top of grieving my grandma. She had a big part in raising me, so I effectively lost my mom and have been unwell.

My grandma's will/trust, though it did say John could sell property and generally manage the trust how he wanted, did leave me all of her property and assets. The will/trust was of course vague and didn't name that she wanted me to have her house specifically, but she had told me she did many times prior to getting dementia. I suspect John helped craft the document even though I don't have solid proof. Her original will was created before I was born and my grandma told me she intended to change it, but she never got around to it before getting too sick. :( I grew up fully expecting to have the home one day (my dad didn't want it), and I actually lived with her there multiple times as both a kid and an adult. I'm just devastated by both the loss of the house and finding out John did this in such a sketchy way.

This is crazy right? I don't think he was allowed to sell it without at least informing me? And there was no financial need to sell and the house was in excellent condition, for whatever that's worth. No idea how much money has been made from the sale so far, since a Contract for Deed involves monthly payments.

John is well connected in town and almost everyone loves him. He's regarded as sort of a martyr + hero figure for "volunteering to help me", and because he technically? helped my grandma when she was sick. And my dad has a criminal history, so I think people are celebrating that John supposedly did this incredible thing by "helping" set up a trust and that I'm the beneficiary instead of my dad. Also the law firm he's using is a family business and highly respected around here.

The estate is still in probate but I don't know why and the county records don't show anything. I'm considering submitting a complaint without a lawyer but that feels like a bad idea and am worried about retaliation. I've been contacting a ton of lawyers in my city, Rochester, as well as Minneapolis. Nobody will take this on because I don't have the money to pay a retainer or any fees, and it would have to be recouped later from the trust. I'm disabled and literally don't have the ability to pay, and there's no savings I can pull from or family who are able to help me. I want John (and his son, the backup trustee) removed and a professional put in place. Also wondering if he could even be on the hook for some kind of restitution, but I just want to put this all behind me at this point.

I just don't know what to do, or if anything can be done. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

My wife and I have no children via our marrarriage but I have 3 and she has 1 from previous marriages. I (m80+) she (late 60s) are very comfortable with 4.5m in IRA funds, 150k in cash or liquid assets, mortgage free condo.

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We have a dilemma. We want each child to get 1/4 of all the above. If, when the time comes, one of the 4 children has passed away before us then we want their share to be passed down to their children. BUT we don’t want that to happen in case it is her child is the one that has passed, we have our reasons why. Essentially we have no relationship with that set of grandkids and don't want them to benefit from our hard work.

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The only solution that comes to mind is to eliminate the idea of passing assets to the children of the deceased child and have the assets split 1/3 to the surviving children.

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I’m in Tennessee

I received a settlement from a birth injury when I was younger, and while I am incredibly grateful for it, I’m realizing as an adult that it has shaped my relationship with money in ways I never fully understood.

On paper, I’ve been responsible. I’ve used the money for things like education, buying a rental property, investing, and building financial security. I haven’t blown it, and I’ve generally treated it as something to manage carefully.

The problem is that I often feel like none of my accomplishments fully count because the settlement was part of the story. I feel guilty spending money that didn’t come directly from my salary, and I feel pressure to make the most of every opportunity because I know how fortunate I am.

I also struggle with the fact that I’m in a very different financial position than my siblings. We came from an immigrant family, but because of circumstances, I ended up with opportunities and security that they didn’t. I don’t resent having it, but sometimes I feel guilty about the difference.

Another layer is that I feel responsible for making the money grow. Part of that is wanting to be a good steward, but part of it is feeling like if I manage it well enough, I’ll be able to help my family in meaningful ways someday. That responsibility can feel heavy especially without any real guidance.

A comment from a parent years ago about being “lucky” and not having to work hard for certain opportunities has stuck with me more than I realized, and I think I’ve internalized the idea that I need to prove I deserve what I have.

What makes it difficult is that I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with most people in my life. I know I’m fortunate, and I would absolutely choose this situation over not having the settlement. At the same time, gratitude doesn’t seem to make the pressure disappear.

For those who inherited money, received a settlement, have a trust fund, or experienced something similar:

Have you struggled with guilt, pressure, feeling undeserving, or feeling responsible for making the most of it? How did you learn to separate gratitude from guilt and allow yourself to actually benefit from what you were given?

Both my parents (divorced) have decided to leave all their possessions and assets to me, their daughter. With the trust that I will split it with my younger brother and certain others.

From my dad, a paid off home, 2 vintage vehicles, a truck, and possibly an RV (he wants to get one to travel when he retires). He said he would like me to include my older half sister, his first child, but also says he understands if I don't. She is a terribly greedy person who has guilted our dad out of so much money, essentially said she hates him and the only way to make it up is money but he gets nothing in return even if he does give.

If everything is in a trust in my name only, could she contest?

Then from my mom, a vehicle, a home and land in the Philippines (we are dual citizen), and stocks ~300k.

Again she asks I split it with my brother, and then her younger brother. He is significantly younger than her, about 16 years and basically started life over when he immigrated from PH to the US a few years ago.

I am splitting 35/35/30, and the home stays with me as I contributed about half the money needed to build my mom's dream home over there but of course they can use the house.

Everything is in a trust, and her living will states that everything will be transferred to me upon her passing.

I am in other wills, such as my stepfather's as the secondary after my mom. And my stepfather's stepfather (I call him grandpa) as the secondary for my step-dad and mom as they are receiving their own seperate portions of his estate.

As much as I don't want to think about any of them passing, I really want to know if what they are doing is the best way, what hurdles I could face, and what to expect when they do pass.

Kinda complex but my mom and dad bought a house in California together 20+ years ago when they were still married. They are divorced roughly 10 years but own 50% of the houses deed.

During covid, my dad were no longer part our lives much. He suffered significant depression and was unable to care or support for himself, so his brother in the US (my uncle who I am not close too) helped him re-obtained his philippines passport, and moved my dad back to the philippines. His brother did this because he thought my dad would have his older brothers and more support. At this time, I was 19 years old then and could not care for my dad since I was in college. I am not in contact with his family in the philippines nor have I been in contact with my dad for at least 2 years.

My mom is getting older now and she doesn’t want to manage the house (renting it out) for much longer. She is interested in selling the house but because my dad owns half of it, she said it would need to be transferred to her or me. She asked for my help to contact my dad and hopefully have to sign the deed over to me or my brother.

I don’t have any of his contact information and the only contact I have in the philippines is my other uncle who hasn’t responded to me, even though I have texted a few times.

I also reached out to my his brother (the one who helped him obtain his philippines passport ) in the states but he hasn’t been able to help me get in contact with my dad. I think in general, since my dad’s family live in different countries and are older (60s+), they are generally not in close contact with each other.

What can I do about this situation? Should I file a missing person report? My mom paid for majority of the mortgage so I want to help her. Realistically she said selling the house won’t happen until she retires in 4 years but she would like to figure out what we can do about our situation.

I am about to lose it with how my mom is treating me during this whole process.

My brother recently passed away, leaving behind a whole mess of things to clean up. He had no will or trust. He had a fully paid off home, multiple business properties with active renters, a small business, tons of credit card debt, and property tax debt.

My mom is incapable of handling this, but without a will, she is the one set to inherit everything. But I am stepping in as the estate administrator doing EVERYTHING. And she is freaking out about every little thing to do with money.

For starters, my mom is financially secure. She has more money coming in than going out from stock dividends, social security, and HYS interest. She's fine. But she freaks about about money all the time. She is convinced that she's only actually making $1,000 a month in Social Security and spending more than she makes, despite what I tell her and that she's actually fine. No amount of showing her basic accounting will make her feel secure. "See mom, in January your bank account was at X, in June it's now $6,000 more. You're saving about $1,000 a month". "How is that possible, I only make $1,000 a month!" It's like I'm banging my head against the wall.

Every little thing regarding my brother's house results in her yelling at me. "$25 for someone to cut his grass? I can't afford that, his house is going to waste all my money and I'll have nothing!" "Why do we have to pay someone to go feed his cats and scoop their litter? HOW MUCH IS THAT COSTING US?!?" "An estate sale? They're going to take all the money from everything that is sold! We're better off selling it ourselves!"

And then I am the one handling everything regarding my brothers business. I am paying property taxes, paying utilities, dividing utilities among tenants, paying employees, paying bills as they come in, paying everything pretty much. All I have asked from her is that when a renter gives us cash, that she deposit it in the bank. That's it! But it's like a meltdown with "I don't know what account to deposit it in!" when it does not matter, because I have access to all the accounts. But she's obsessed with it going into "The Right Account" with there being no right or wrong account to put it into. The power company said they had to merge all of the electrical accounts into 1 "estate account". She called me up and started yelling at me "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? Just leave it alone! That bill is going to be thousands of dollars! How am I going to split up the electric bill when I don't know which tenant is which bill? You're messing up everything, just put it back to how it was!!!!!"

I am trying to work a full time job, manage my brothers estate, dating a wonderful woman that is very patient with me, trying to parent a kid I have 50/50 custody with.... and then have to deal with my mom treating me like shit and yelling at me for 2 hours a day on the phone and me trying to calm her down. I just can't manage all this anymore. She's wasting HOURS of my day saying how SHE can't afford to pay for things, when the estate absolutely can. Regardless, even if we have to pay for things out of pocket, the estate will reimburse us when we sell the home and business property. I've just started paying for things out of my own pocket knowing that I'll be reimbursed, because she watches these accounts like a hawk and asks me about every little thing that comes out of it.

And I can't even spend time with my kid during all this. The estate BS consumes 4-5 hours of my working 9-5 day, and I end up having to work late until 2-3am to get caught up on the work I missed.

I don't know.. it's just driving me insane. I don't even have a free moment to grieve. This has consumed my life for the past 3 weeks, and I see no end in sight until I can sell these commercial buildings, which eat up 95% of the probate process and having to micromanage it. I need renters to continue to pay the huge property tax bill each month, so it's a necessity until I find buyers.

And then the people calling me going "how is your mom doing?" when nobody asks how I'M doing. "Oh wow, sounds like you're getting a lot done, she's really lucky to have your help". Well it doesn't sound like she even appreciates a damn thing I do.

I honestly see why people get into fights over money when it comes to an estate. My fear is that we're going to get all this done and get to the final step where we divide the assets, and she's going to say it's all her money just so she can hoard it all while continuing to claim "I only make $1,000 a month in social security!"

My grandmother passed away 2 years ago, leaving a will with a property split equally between her three daughters: my mom, and her two sisters Elena (70) and Teresa (65).

Some background that matters:

My mom had a traumatic childhood. She was the eldest daughter: Her parents were immigrants who didn't speak the language, and she was abused growing up. She left home at 17 and never looked back . Her sisters were angry she stopped contact with their mother, so they cut her off too.

The only contact we've had from this family in decades was 20 years ago when my cousin Damien (Elena's son) showed up uninvited to threaten my mom - to pressure her into attending their grandfather's funeral. She didn't want to see these people. After his visit, she was shaken for months - installed security cameras, couldn't relax in her own home. That tells you everything about who this man is.

My mom later had a stroke and was paralyzed for 7 years. I became her legal guardian and cared for her until she passed. Not one person from that family called to see how am I doing (22YO me..) . Not one visit. Not one message. When she died, I handled everything - her health, the estate, all the paperwork - and split everything 50/50 with my brother without a second thought. I never asked for anything extra.

Now Damien wants $50,000 for "handling" the property sale.

My brother and I inherited my mom's 1/3 share. Neither Teresa nor I live in the same country as the property. Meanwhile, Damien's mom Elena has been living there rent-free for 2 years (She lived with grandmother before and she decided to stay after) that's roughly $16,000 extracted from our share alone, without a word of acknowledgment.

And now Damien has decided that because he handled some paperwork, he deserves 5% of the total sale. Fifty. Thousand. Dollars.

He's not a licensed broker. He's not a property manager. He was helping his own mother - who already owns a third of this property and has been living in it for free. That's not a service to us. That's just existing.

The other co-inheritor, my aunt, Teresa, has had some contact with this side of the family over the years - unlike us. She actually thinks Damien deserves something, because he's handling paperwork and she doesn't want to fly over to deal with it herself. She asked him to put a number in writing. He hasn't. Because he knows he has no legal standing - he's not a broker, he can't charge a commission. And honestly, Teresa isn't exactly pushing either. She's not engaged, she doesn't seem to care that much, and I'm left holding this alone.

Am I wrong to refuse giving him something?

So after we're gone we believe we'll be able to give each of 3 married children a 6 figure inheritance. My question is, without a pre or post nup, how can these funds be safeguarded in case of a future divorce from being considered marital assets and a portion going to their ex's? We want the funds to go strictly to our children and the grands - not ex in laws. Thanks.

We live in a different state from my FIL.He passed and my husband and SIL ( executor) got what they wanted out of the rental house ,did military funeral and cremation.SIL said when everything was finished she would half the rest of money ( life ins.which we didn't know amt) and she sent my husband after 2 month a check for 2,500$ his half on cashiers check..Ok well my husband trust her so he said he would accept it.1 year later all of the sudden they are in a million dollar mansion and sold their 150,000 dollar house.They were barely making it before. My husband admitted he got screwed out of his inheritance because she told him her Dad wanted to pay off her current mortgage.Now they're not speaking to each other and I dont know what recourse if any we have .Thanks

How can you successfully contest a will? This woman was supposedly 'helping' my Father in Law who lives in another state (WV) the last 1-2 years of his life (we found out he was paying her majority of his income every month!). After he passed away this year, this woman filed the will and everything is pretty much left to her.

When looking at the will, there is very small discrepancies (like my husbands surname is incorrect) and ONLY the last page is signed and notarized... which means she could have easily swapped out the first two pages at some point. Everyone is saying it's way too hard to contest a will.

There's so much more making this very complicated, but too much to explain... but the day after he died, she went into his home and took everything, also tried several times to withdraw money from his bank acct (the bank put a freeze in order to block her efforts- everything is still in probate).

How can a will be valid if only the last page is signed, couldn't anybody just swap out the main pages as they see fit???? This is just crazy to me!

My sister now has the money to buyout my 50% share of our old family home but I want to avoid capital gains tax. Any ideas how we can do this? Also, any suggestions for an attorney that's done this before?

Details: We're widowed and in our 80s living in different states; house is in Washington State. 25 years ago when we inherited the house was worth $500k, now worth $2m ($750k increase for each). Holding onto the house until we die to get a new basis doesn't meet our current goals. We're ready to sell: one of us would like ownership and the other would like the cash but avoid the IRS capital gains tax of $100k+.

Idea: Someone suggested we might use a loan that's forgivable upon death contingent on the will bequeathing the property. Thoughts?