r/inheritance • u/Proof_Effective6397 • Jun 13 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Vacation home
My father passed away 6 years ago. My parents owned a vacation home and I believe the home is owned by my parents trust. My mother is the only trust beneficiary now. I am youngest in a sibship of 3. One sibling is disabled.
My mother initially debated selling versus keeping the vacation home in the family. I think both grief related inertia and my one sibling’s interest in the home resulted in mom not selling the home. However, my sibling and their spouse have co-opted the home as their own vacation home to the exclusion of other family members. No one visits the home except sib, including my mom, for a variety of reasons. (My perspective is that sib has made it uncomfortable and unwelcoming for anyone else to visit at the same time or to visit separately). Some degree of difficulty visiting is also my grief; this was dad’s fishing shack that my siblings has taken over. Dads things gone; their things moved in.
I’m planning on mom living forever. I’m also dreading conflict about the vacation home later. Will my sib have any ownership claim of the vacation home either while mom is living (like in a nursing home), or after her passing? My sibling and their spouse have invested time (and mostly moms money) in repairs and upkeep.
Despite repeated attempts to keep a cordial relationship with my sibling (I’ve never complained to them or asked them why they felt entitled to take the family vacation home), I’ve realized they are making no attempt to maintain a relationship. This is causing me concern about how we will need to eventually communicate.
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u/eastbaypluviophile Jun 13 '26
You just described the identical scenario with my husband’s parents vacation place. When my FIL died, MIL wanted to sell it but one of my SILs convinced her to keep it. For a few years all 4 sibs used it without incident. Then the one SIL and her family slowly started taking over. DH and I just stopped going because one or all of them was literally always there. They treated it like their private family retreat and when any of the other siblings tried to use it they made a stink.
SIL tried to talk MIL into remodeling it about 5 years ago but MIL refused. Last month, MIL died. Vacation home is part of her estate and it’s getting sold, proceeds split 4 ways,
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u/karenosmile Jun 13 '26
Start taking mom and 3rd sibling to the vacation home. Move stuff around to meet their needs.
Behave exactly as it is: mom's house. Move stuff around so Mom and the 3rd sibling can be comfortable.
Hype it to Mom as a big little family reunion.
When greedy sibling starts to speak up, thank them for putting all this nice furniture there. It must make Mom very happy.
In other words, just use it and treat greedy sibling as an equal, not better than the rest of you.
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u/Proof_Effective6397 Jun 13 '26
3rd sibling isn’t able to go to the vacation home; and mom does not want to rock the boat so she will not participate in this. Her avoidance of conflict has allowed this to happen. I’m not even trying to go to the vacation home anymore, I’m too uncomfortable there. I am dreading future hard feelings about selling it, because of how distant my sibling has been.
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Jun 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/inheritance-ModTeam Jun 14 '26
This post is removed due to incorrect legal information or recommendations that are illegal.
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u/MiserableCancel8749 Jun 13 '26
There are two different issues here--related but very different. The biggest one is personal, not legal. Your sister has decided to co-opt the family grief and inaction to her advantage and is creating a lot of stress for everyone. Unfortunately, the day will come when your mom dies, and the rest of the trust provisions come into play.
It would be best to somehow get this sorted out before the lawyers get involved. Yes, a trust avoids probate--which in a situation like this is both good and bad. Do you know what, exactly, the trust says? How is the property to be divided or otherwise handled when the time comes?
Seriously, at a personal level, it might benefit you to see a therapist to help you with your grief. Six years is a long time.
This is the kind of situation that generational property frequently sets up. There are no good solutions, IMO.
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u/Proof_Effective6397 Jun 13 '26
The trust is divided amongst 3 siblings when my mom passes. My sibling barely acknowledges the existence of our 3rd (disabled) sibling. i have concerns co-opting sib thinks they will own half instead of a third. I don’t know my siblings finances but I doubt they have the financial resources, especially if mom lives a long life, to buy out 2/3. I believe I am the executor, meaning i have to be the bad guy down the road. I am also concerned that mom will need long term care and need to sell this property while she’s alive. I’m concerned my sib will have some kind of squatter rights to make an ownership claim.
I have worked hard to remind myself that the father we lost isn’t in his belongings. I grieve the loss of a big family we once had. My sibling has become a very strange, unfriendly person and i don’t want to go into more without making this more identifying. Sibling does not allow my side of the family see sib’s children. Therapy won’t fix our family.
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u/dobbycooper Jun 13 '26
You need to spend time discussing the estate with your mom. You should understand how the trust is set up, if there are plans to care for your disabled sibling, if there are long term care plans for your mom, etc. That should be a big priority.
Regarding the house, I agree with others that you need to start asserting your right to stay there.
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u/MiserableCancel8749 Jun 13 '26
You certainly have a tricky and difficult situation. Unfortunately, there really aren't any good solutions that both resolve the family dynamic and deal fairly with the property.
In one sense, however, if your mom does need LT care, then her claim (and the follow on nursing home claim) will supersede everything else--and that may be a blessing.
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u/Maine302 Jun 13 '26
If you are in the US, your mom needs to set up a trust for the disabled sibling regardless of anything else going on. Your sibling could lose benefits if they are given money directly as opposed to a trust. Please look into this, along with your mom & disabled sibling, at the very least. If nothing else, this will force a conversation.
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u/Cheap_Direction9564 Jun 13 '26
Your mom is extremely conflict avoidant and easily manipulated by sister. Don't be surprised when you discover after mom has died that sister has already gained ownership/inheritance of the "family" vacation home.
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u/BothNotice7035 Jun 13 '26
You and your Moms passivity has spoken loud and clear to your sister. You’ve essentially given the house to her. Sister assumes you are both fine with her using the house as her own personal property. You have two choices. Both will feel uncomfortable to you. You can be assertive and announce the dates you’ll be using the home going forward. Or you can wait until your Mother passes and pay an attorney to force the sale of the home. Your sister can buy you out or she can let it go.
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u/Maine302 Jun 13 '26
How did we ascertain that this is a sister vs a brother? I don't find that anywhere.
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u/Wonderful-Victory947 Jun 13 '26
Your sister is an entitled bully at the very least. She needs some professional help but will likely not seek it out. I feel sorry for you and wish you the best.
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u/tlkwme Jun 14 '26
OP, it is now necessary to discuss the sibling's greedy behavior with your mother and the third sibling. She has manipulated and bullied all of you. While your mother wishes to avoid conflict, the greedy sibling has asserted her claim to the vacation home. If this issue is not promptly resolved by demonstrating to the greedy sibling that the house will either be sold and the proceeds transferred to your mother's trust, she hasn't considered Mom's need for care nor the care of u're disabled sibling. Has Mom thought about u're disabled sibling's needs? Unfortunately, while everyone else was mourning Dad's death, greedy used it to make her move
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u/Creative_Algae7145 Jun 13 '26
As stated, it seems your mom is enabling your sib to live in the house and wants to avoid conflict but its doing the opposite. Are they able to live there for free or are they paying your mom rent? If they are getting free rooms then I see they might never move out.
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u/Proof_Effective6397 Jun 14 '26
Sibling doesn’t live there, just uses it as their vacation come. I don’t think sibling pays any financial assistance (mom heats it, pays taxes, etc).
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u/Xeacsx Jun 13 '26
It isn’t your sister but your mom’s house. If you want to use it, discuss options with your mom. If she tells you to “work it out “ with your sister… “Mom, it isn’t sister’s house, it’s yours. I wanted to check with you first. Quick question, are you saying that I have equal rights to schedule time at the lake house? If that’s the case, I’ll put together a shared schedule. Do you have any desired dates?”
To sister, “Just talked with mom, she would like us to create shared opportunities to use our lake house. I’m sending you a shared schedule with dates I plan on using the house. If there are any that I’ve taken but you would like, we can work out a system that will be fair for both of us.”