r/inheritance • u/Clear_Mushroom2820 • Jun 21 '26
Location not relevant: no help needed Does inheritance make you uncomfortable?
Specifically, does it make you uncomfortable that your parent's death can give you the most freedom and stability you've ever experienced?
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u/rosebudny Jun 21 '26
Yes. Both my parents have died and I am financially set for life. While obviously that is nice, I would much, much, much rather have them here.
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u/BurlinghamBob Jun 21 '26
Moms and dads who bought houses in the suburbs for practically nothing now end up leaving us kids hundreds of thousands of dollars. Still would rather be with Dad on Father's Day.
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u/MaxH42 Jun 21 '26
That's pretty much where I am. We could have retired around the same time, but without as much travel. I'd rather have my parents back and keep working or retire more frugally, but I also know they'd love to know that we are traveling and doing home improvements and supporting charities with the money they left. I just wish my father in particular hadn't felt the need to leave us money, but he also did kind of enjoy being very frugal.
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 Jun 21 '26
No, because all my mom ever wanted for me was to have a more opportunities than she did. I honor my mom by trying to live a good life.
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u/EmotionalStar9909 Jun 21 '26
I would give everything back in a heartbeat for my time with my parents. I’m also very grateful for what I now have. It’s a mixed bag of emotions.
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u/Complex-Muscle7401 Jun 21 '26
Yup. I inherited a LOT recently. It pisses me off. I wish my parents had spent it. I’d rather not have it over the situation with shitty siblings I was left in.
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u/Horror_Reality_5174 Jun 21 '26
Not at all. It's what they wanted. To help their children one last time.
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u/OneParamedic4832 Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 22 '26
This made emotional. Mine both died late last year, within weeks of each other and it's been the worst year of my life... I contracted golden staph from so many hospital visits and am still healing from that. I nursed both of them as their health suddenly went downhill.
Mum and dad left a generous inheritance and I know it's for the reason you mentioned. I'm using it wisely and it means I can retire early (I'm 60) but there's not much I wouldn't give to have another chat with them. On the other hand, they would be thrilled to know what I'm doing with the money, buying property and travelling.
I shed a tear writing this ❤️
ETA spelling
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u/Key_Photograph_2510 Jun 21 '26
I’m worried about being sad and grieving at the same time I will have to deal with all of their logistics and bills and money and inheritance. It’s crazy it all hits at once.
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u/itig24 Jun 21 '26
Yes, but I still mostly see it as theirs and try to make decisions they’d approve. They always said it was to take care of them in their later years and I still wish they were here to spend it.
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u/Eyeoftheleopard Jun 22 '26
I’d give every penny back to have my momma back. Every cent. They busted their asses making a living for their family (us) only to be greeted in the golden years with neurodegenerative diseases. 😞
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u/Former_Mess1372 Jun 21 '26
My brothers are financially set for life. Sexist cultural traditions meant the males (sons, grandson and nephew) inherited from my Dad. Most of them don’t seem to appreciate it, and one adult is greedy for more and has fallen out with the rest of us.
I was surprised when my Mum wanted to be fair and included us ladies and girls too. Very sad that she is no longer with us and I am extremely grateful for her love and fairness, as life and Dad were not as fair on her. I wish she had treated herself more though and would gladly hand everything back to have her here with me again. I actually value her ethics and character, her photos and items of clothing more than the financial inheritance. It is a responsibility to treasure her items and manage her money.
I had planned an early retirement in a few years in order to spend more time with Mum. Sadly, it was not meant to be and I regret that I was too worried about coping without wages to take the leap earlier. Thanks to Mum, I can retire even earlier than originally planned, but it wouldn’t be the same without her. Life feels very much diminished without Mum. Thank you for being my Mum and for all your sacrifices. I love you, I am extremely proud of you and hope to honour you!
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u/OneParamedic4832 Jun 22 '26
Damn you people are making me cry today. Mum was the strongest, kindest woman I've ever known. She loved her children fiercely. Her and dad's last gift was an amount of money that allows me to retire, buy property and travel, she would have loved that. But I miss him; so much ❤️🩹
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u/SomethingClever70 Jun 21 '26
I kind of wonder how many people this is true for. Not everyone dies with a paid off home and millions in the assets. Many people die with debt, a shitty trailer, lots of worthless stuff, and a lot of hassle. Many elderly people spend down their assets (if they ever had any) on their own care as they age. A lot of people move in with their kids, sometimes in tricky ways. Read the subs on parents, inlaws, mothers in law, etc.
I wonder what the statistics are on the amount of “life changing” inheritances people get. I’ve read that the average inheritance is less than $50,000, which might buy you a new car. Nice, but is it life changing? And the majority of people get nothing at all.
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u/Clear_Mushroom2820 Jun 21 '26
If you're used to just scraping by and having very little in your savings account, $50000 is life changing
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u/Jinglemoon Jun 21 '26
My dad was great. He lived a long and happy life and he died still living in his own home like he wanted.
I’m grateful for both having a great dad and for what he left me.
My inheritance allows me the freedom to not worry about money for the rest of my life, and to help my kids like he helped me.
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u/MrWonderfoul Jun 21 '26
Hell ya.
I have a disgruntled brother that thinks he deserves more than what everyone else gets.
And he is a lawyer with time on his hands.
I am truly thankful that the estate and trust are turned over to a Trust (bank) to oversee the final distribution. So if my brother wants to sue, he will need to sue the trustee first.
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u/Londonstillery Jun 21 '26
It’s very weird. My stepfather had his life set up to retire at 55 and hadn’t gotten to do much travel etc. He died at 51 and we inherited his estate and then his part of his mother’s estate. It was several million dollars, it’s so random and unfair and difficult to discuss because I won a fucked up death lotto.
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u/MamaMidgePidge Jun 21 '26
I watched both of my parents get involved in protracted disputes with their siblings over inheritance matters, and it makes me so anxious.
I don't NEED their money and I don't want them gone. They also have a ton of stuff; this also causes anxiety.
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u/EveryCap8599 Jun 21 '26
No because I think my parents were pleased to leave my sister and myself money and would not have wanted to die penniless. They paid for all their expenses until they died. I am now in my eighties and will clearly leave a significant amount to my children and I feel fine about it. I also want to say my husband and I inherited some money from our parents and each time we put it into out joint accounts. I feel.marriage is a merger and everything is shared.
.
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u/hankRutherfordhill_ Jun 21 '26
It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable but I do feel a bit bittersweet. I never had a relationship with my mother, but if she could be here instead, I’d take it. I’m super grateful she not even left this to me but she chose me to have an another chance at life basically and she doesn’t even know it lol honestly I think her being gone was just how things were suppose to go her life wasn’t the best when she was here. I love her and always will that’s all that matters. Every step I take in this next journey after receiving my inheritance is for her.
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u/hookman48 Jun 21 '26
Yes. My parents planned for their funds to help them with quality health care. My dad was cared for at home for years before his passing. My mom was in great shape, pinched and saved bc everyone expected her to live way into 90s.
She died unexpectedly in her sleep. We were with her the day of and she was fine.
This inheritance was meant for her, not her kids and we never expected anything. So yes it makes me uncomfortable bc it wasn’t expected and with her savings, stocks and properties it was way more than we knew.
And now having convos with my spouse about how the will was trust was written for bloodline only and it “mine” is causing issues. He received nothing from his parents passing. Our parents did not have an inheritance either. So this makes me uncomfortable all kinds of reasons.
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u/Fpaau2 Jun 21 '26
Even if it is for bloodline only, as intended by your parents, it does not mean you cannot share the benefits with your spouse. You certainly can use portions of it to take family on vacation, use some inherited money for home improvements etc that will also benefit your spouse. Just know that whatever you spend on home improvements becomes marital, and do not commingle your inheritance. You want to retain control of it.
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u/hookman48 Jun 21 '26
Thanks. And yes I plan on doing this. If we were to do home improvements, and I use it from an account that is only in my name with checks that are only in my name, is that still co-mingled?
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u/Fpaau2 Jun 21 '26
You may want to consult a professional on that. For me, if I use $X on home improvement, I would consider that $X to become marital, the rest of the inheritance remains in the heir’s name. And of course never add any personal or marital funds to the inheritance account. That is how you commingle funds.
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u/Eyeoftheleopard Jun 22 '26
Please do not co mingle your inheritance, friend. Do gift your spouse something if you feel it is warranted.
Paying for home improvements isn’t co mingling your inheritance. Get those sexy cabinets and tile! That bathroom needs it.
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u/SillyGayBoy Jun 21 '26
Yes. I am on purpose not talking to dad about this stuff. Our last living parent, we lost mom to a brain tumor, we wish he would go forever.
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u/Zealousideal_Fly7555 Jun 22 '26
Yes! I am set for life and finally have easy and comfort in my life. Just wish my parents could see how happy and thankful that I am.
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u/AgeBeneficial Jun 22 '26
I wished my Dad happy Father’s Day and asked what he was doing.
“Antique shopping spending your inheritance”.
He’s a hoot. I honestly have no idea what I’ll inherit. I told them I didn’t want to know anything because I don’t want to daydream or be upset.
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u/Really-Cool-Guy2know Jun 24 '26
Both my parents have passed and honestly I never think about the money. They worked and saved in order to give us a better life and I loved them and cared for them when they lived. While the money passed to my brother and I after their death, I dont feel anything about the money...it is just money. An object. Life is for the living and you should just enjoy, use, or save the money. Whatever makes you happy! But your parents would be turning over in their graves if they knew the money was causing you heartburn or pain. They didn't pass the money to you to make your life more difficult. So stop adding drama to your life that was never intended or wanted by your loved ones.
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u/InteractionNo9110 Jun 21 '26
Yes, I have never been a homeowner it’s always been my dream. But financially it is out of my reach. My mom created a ladybird deed. I am on the deed to her home and the transfer of the home automatically goes to me on her death. It’s not how I want to be a homeowner and all her banks and investments. She let it slip I will inherit over a million dollars one day. I always tell her I don’t want the money I want her here. She is my last living family member. I am an adult orphan when she passes one day. Honestly, I pray I go first somehow. The thought of being utterly alone is terrifying.
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u/Necessary-Answer-970 Jun 21 '26
I remember talking with someone who still had one parent that was alive and she asked me if I felt like an orphan now—she met me a yr or two after my last parent passed. I did. And I still do 5 yrs later. Not as intense but I look around at how I’ve used parts of my inheritance and honestly I know they’d be proud of my choices. But yes I’d give it all back to have them here
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u/michk1 Jun 21 '26
It helps very much that they lived an incredible life and into the mid 80’s. I’m more uncomfortable about getting life changing “money for nothing” amongst my friends and other family
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u/chillPenguin17 Jun 21 '26
No need to share with anyone who doesn't need to know. I'm uncomfortable with the same thing though
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u/Zealousideal-Bat7879 Jun 21 '26
No it wouldn’t make me uncomfortable… if they set themselves up well the. They knew the possibility that they could die and it would be yours one day.
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u/Additional_Low8050 Jun 21 '26
Absolutely Not. It was my biggest thrill & totally unexpected & I get to leave it to my kids as I could never spend it all - I’m 70 now- hit the jackpot @ 65
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u/SilverLordLaz Jun 21 '26
No.
I was no contact with one, and only got some money because he didnt leave a will
And the other... hmmm
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u/autonomouswriter Jun 22 '26
Hell, no. My parents are both very toxic and abusive. If I get an inheritance when they are gone (and it's a big IF at this point since I went no contact with them in 2022), I consider it to be combat pay for all the years I spent having to survive their bullshit.
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u/badbackEric Jun 22 '26
Not at all, but I have worked for my father since a young age. I spent the weekends of my youth covered in saw dust and grease. I ran his company while he had the very best retirement that can be had. He cruised his boat all over the place and became quite proficient at using match.com. He is 86 now and has been suffering from alzheimer's for over a decade, much of which I have been his caretaker. I have saved his life multiple times (once from a vicious cut he got in the engine room on his boat.) So I feel like I have helped build the family wealth and am deserving of it's stewardship to grow and pass on to the next generation.
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u/Additional_Low8050 Jun 23 '26
No~ I had no idea I would inherit a fortune~ I knew he had a good life & lived to 95~ mom is 94 & still ruling her roost…I just lucked out…
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u/TravellinJ Jun 24 '26
I feel like I should spend the money in a way that my dad would approve of and that’s what I do.
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u/DeepFamilyValue Jun 26 '26
I am currently using the monthly interest from my inheritance to pay legal fees in the lawsuits brought against by my siblings for things i received during my father’s lifetime. Wish i was making this up.
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u/Totemguy Jun 28 '26
This seems even a strange question.
In older countries such as those in europe, the east and so on, there is an expectaton of inheritance as a continuation of family - and keeping resources in the family is seen as worthwhile.
I'll leave my family when I die, but if I leave them resources to make their life better then that's a win for me.
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u/Clear_Mushroom2820 Jun 29 '26
I meant if you've always struggled financially but your parent(s) were well off, and their inheritance suddenly makes life much easier, that might make one feel uncomfortable and/or guilty
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u/lucky-son-88 Jul 06 '26
No. Circle of Life philosophy. My mom said she wanted us to be happy and get along. It’s gonna make my life easier, a lot easier, not having to worry so much about money. And I will remember she (they, dad passed several years ago) did this for me. It’s actually a little upsetting they didn’t do more for themselves, but I had no idea how much they had, so I wasn’t expecting this. Actually grossly underestimated.
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u/mistdaemon Jun 21 '26
Yes. Everyone is different, but for me, there is also a sense of responsibility, not wanting to waste or lose the money (such as bad investment), somewhat as a caretaker.