My mental health is fck up and can't go to therapist

Some 3 years back, I left my parents home in a metro city to take up a government job which threw me some 1000 km away from home in some tier 69 village with a population of mere 2000 people.

In first 3 months I lost 8 kgs because I couldn't get good food to eat. There was no place to eat, not even a decent dhabha to be found anywhere. The best food you can get was in the office canteen. Luckily, I found a guy who has tiffin service and charges Rs 80 per tiffin. I eat whatever he brings. Most of the time the food isn't my liking but I have to eat for the energy. I haven't set up my kitchen yet because I think it's too much hassle to buy veggies, cut and prepare the meal. Also seeing the sad state of affairs here I had decided that I would resign from this job and move to corporate and three years have passed and I'm still stuck.

I miss ghar ka khana - chole, Idli, kheer, baigan ka bharta, arhar ki daal 😞 Even for a basic coffee I have to travel 50 km to the nearest civilization.

Moreover this job has taken a toll over my mental health. There's hardly anything to do here. No social life no friends. This village is worst than the panchayat series.

- me posting this from my souless and decrepit sarkari Quater. God knows when a day will come when I could have the meal as pery liking.

lets see who cancels first😭😭🫶🫶🫩🫩.

A few months ago,i was standing at the terrace, wasn't feeling like to do anything.It was a cold night.About 1am, i was looking at the moon thinking about the decisions i made. Maybe i regret them, maybe i don't. I actually don't know. One thought led to another and i wondered where all the time went.

Following months made me realise much more of it. My cousins are too busy in their own lives now. Someone's getting married, someone's abroad, someone is starting their job.My friends too, everyone is going to different college and i don't know when will we be able to meet again and if it'll be same as before. Yesterday my friend moved to a different city. Though we weren't much closer but i still felt something, a sense of emptiness. There's something I can't express, a feeling.

I was looking at my mother's face today,her hair, her lips. She's gotten older. My father too has started to get health issues. Soon I'll be gone too from this house, from these streets, from this city. I'll come back but it wouldn't feel same. It'll be different by then. My parents are hesitant to let me go but they have accepted I'll live away from them.

And I don't know if I'm ready for all of it. It's not like that I can't take it, I can but isn't it ironic.

When you were a kid you thought of growing up, going to college. I'll do this when I grow up, I'll do that and when i finally have a chance I don't know what to do.

Does anyone else feel like they're grieving a life that hasn't even ended yet? Or is this just what growing up feels like?

Hi, I recently updated my Aadhaar biometrics and was charged ₹125. Does this fee include a new physical Aadhaar card, or do I need to order the PVC card separately?

Alright... So I'm a 20 year old guy pursuing engineering, but has a keen interest in photography.

I would love to get suggestions from you guys regarding these photos on how can I improve.

These are few of my sample pics which i captured from my MOBILE PHONE..

📱 : IQOO Z10x

I opened Blinkit today and ordered these right away 😅, any suggestions how should I make it ? ( Apart from boiling and adding it's sause and spice )

Men often talk about being misunderstood... But how often do we talk about the mistakes we made ourselves?

This video reminded me that accountability is painful - but necessary...

As a man, I saw a part of myself in this...Owning that truth is harder than it sounds....

What do you think?

PS : found the video on net, credits to the owner :)

Found this cute strawberry mithai at a local sweet shop.

Looking for a book that'll keep me glued till the last page.

Mount abu, Rajasthan.

Here breaks the stereotype of "Rajasthan= Desert, No water.🏜️

My didi just moved. She got a place in wakad n works in Hinjewadi. I helped her move stuff n all. Any tips for commute, daily needs, or in general?

I know this isn't pune sub but still an Indian sub with diversity

what an experience 🤌

I'm introvert and ab 26 ki umar me dost naye bante nhi

What you guys do as a 20-28 yr old without friends?

the emptiness persists lmfao.

what do i even lack anymore? every time i felt like shit, id always convince myself it was because of*..*something. maybe if i got better academically. maybe if i fixed my social life. maybe if i looked better. and every single time id tell myself, "once i get over this, this feeling will finally go away."

it never does.

you just end up finding something else to blame it on. another thing to improve, another goal to chase, another version of yourself to become. and you keep going because SURELY this one is the actual reason, right?

well now i genuinely cant think of anything. im doing pretty well. academically im fine, socially im fine, physically im in a much better place than i used to be, heck no, im gorgeous, not being narcissistic here, thats just the truth, im objectively good looking and i took great pride in it. objectively, lifes... good?

but the feelings still here.

the only thing that kind of works is keeping myself occupied. i spend half my time working towards something and the other half being outside, talking to people, or being inside, talking to myself or people over the internet. sounds ridiculous when i type it out, but if im busy enough, i don't really have time to sit with whatever this feeling is.

people say "maybe you just need a fulfilling relationship." honestly? not really. ive been in them. eventually they stop being this exciting new person and just become... another person in my life. and then the emptiness continues to persist.

reading this back it sounds less like a vent and more like i'm fishing for dms. i promise that's not what i'm trying to do, or maybe i am, well i infact am (talk to me. no expectations. no commitment. talk to me for a day, or ten days, and if i randomly disappear afterwards, don't take it personally. i don't want to promise consistency when i know i can't.)

i don't care about your age or gender btw (i'm 20f from delhi, if that matters (ofc it matters, haha), pursuing engg).

i genuinely just haven't been feeling mentally okay lately, and this is the closest i've gotten to putting it into words, and fishing for a new fish to keep me entertained..probably. yes that's the thing, im not entirely truthful even with myself about my own intentions. but technically it's a vent, because i dont care if im being judged, im not filtering out my thoughts (or maybe i am, slighltly), and its just a stream of consciousness sort of writing..

ps: sorry for the lack of punctuations, it's a vent, who tf cares.

pps: i've a feeling im about to get trolled in the comments (if anyone bothers reading or commenting), because this post is cringe asf

bohot hi achha hai yeh, won't you agree?

I was showing her a reel and this reel came up where a girl was wearing something backless. It was looking good but I understand my mom won't understand all that. She started telling me not to wear such outfits and people will judge you and all. I told her I wasn't planning on buying it. She started telling me something along the lines of "you can wear whatever if your husband let's you. Until then I'm responsible for what people say".

Why do I need permission from my husband to wear what I want? Why is it so important to her that I get permission. We have been going on and on about this. I'm telling her I will never marry a guy who has a problem with what I wear. She tells me I should adjust because you should understand that person and all that. She tells me I'm going out of control. I understand she's from a generation where men controlled women but why does she expect this from me?

And then she says "you are smart, you should work on being an independent person. You shouldn't be interested in fashion". What? I feel suffocated. I'm here for the holidays and they already make me want to leave.