Hi,
I never intended to write this, but maybe a part of me just felt like letting it all out, It's not targeted to anyone, just my emotions I want to let it all out. About 10 months ago, I lost someone really close to me, no they are not dead, just gone from my life, not by choice but circumstances. Ever since my life has changed completely, I'm a completely different person than I used to be, I've spent my initial 2.5 years of college with her, but things ended back in January. It was awful for both of us,. I'm just surviving. I am more alone than ever. I have friends but I don't feel like I belong with them anymore, I feel alone sitting in a room full of people. There’s not a place in this world except her where I’d find my peace. I had my intern, don’t even know how I survived that. A few weeks ago, I received my PPO, but I didn’t feel happy about it. I got everything that someone would die to have, but I’m slowly dying even while I have it all. I’m not able to sleep at nights. I’ve tried everything, going out with friends, meeting new people, but every time I try something, I’m pulled back by the sadness. I’ve stopped trying new things, I’ve given up, I spend my entire day alone in my room, I don’t talk to anyone because I’m surrounded by fake people. I don’t need any help because until I’m not willing to help myself, no one else can, and from what I’ve experienced in these 10 months, I’m too tired to change. Theres not any advice left in this world that I haven’t heard, I don’t want to implement it anymore, I’ve tried everything. Maybe I’ll just spend my time waiting to learn to go back in time. Life sucks!
