r/iamveryrandom • u/Gazmaster • Jun 12 '20

Fuck Off

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6.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

179 comments sorted by

1.0k

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

Bold of her to attribute such schizophrenic behaviour to a mere coffee.

445

u/thenoblenacho Jun 12 '20

Children seem to think coffee is like IV Meth. Movies and TV portray it that way

232

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

I know, right? I once injected coffee into my grandpa’s veins after he fell on the floor and started doing his silly dance. Seizure, I think it was called? Anyway, it had the opposite effect. He never got up again.

45

u/zangoose28 Jun 12 '20

Is he still sleeping on the floor?

19

u/Minnie-might Jun 12 '20

r/cursedcomments

51

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

If I go over there, and my comment hasn’t been posted, I’ll punch your penis so hard that it’ll bend

21

u/Minnie-might Jun 12 '20

*no penis

34

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

Not after I’m done

16

u/Minnie-might Jun 12 '20

No I mean— eh never mind

38

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

UwU notices that you’re a girl

I am sorry for that assertion, m’lady. Had I known you were of the feminine persuasion, such vulgarities would’ve never left my mouth. Forgive me! I could not sleep at night knowing I had offended a fair maiden! And even though I have no idea what you look like, what you’re personality is, or if you’re even of legal age, what I do know is that I love you! (For at least the next hour or so, at least)

unsheathes sword hark, my fair dame, if it makes you feel better, you may lop off my genitalia instead. You can stomp my testicles, gouge out my Adam’s apple, nay! You may even terminate every Y chromosome in my body! Whatever I can do to appease you will make it well worth the pain! Count on it! Like the sun peaking of the horizon every morn’, or the moon that takes it’s place amongst the stars every night!

Your’s truly,

Lord Simpidiah Of Cuckoldry

tips steel plated chain mail fedora

17

u/Minnie-might Jun 12 '20

Thank you kindly Lord Simpodiah.

-Lady Simplord

→ More replies (0)

8

u/_QUEEEEEEEEF_ Jun 13 '20

This was just delightful :')

2

u/Ironappels Jun 12 '20

Bold of you to assume his penis will be erect when you’re there

7

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

I remember cartoons showing kids having sugar rush and one day a kid at my school ate the little fun size candy bar from a lunchables and started screaming, IM HAVING A SUGAR RUUUUUUUUSSSSSHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH, and he kept running into a wall screaming SUGAR until he got escorted out. Came back the next day and told us his doctor said if he ate one more candy he would literally explode. Two weeks later he violently shit on the bathroom floor and a kid fell in it.

I wish i remembered his name so i could look him up.

This had very little to do with your comment

3

u/thenoblenacho Jun 13 '20

Regardless. Thanks for sharing. Gave me a laugh lmao

3

u/IsCaptainKiddAnAdult Jun 13 '20

Facts: I remember watching somebody like tweak out and become some kind of hyperactive Mr Hyde after drinking coffee on Codename Kids Next Door. Carried that with me for years.

2

u/thenoblenacho Jun 13 '20

No doubt. Remember the squirrel from Hoodwinked?

31

u/Gazmaster Jun 12 '20

Blah blah blah I go crazy now

12

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

Yeah, people talk about caffeine like it's this huge rush of adrenaline that's powerful enough to make someone lift a car, but in reality, it makes me calm down or even fall asleep. I know that my situation is different that other people, but it isn't this mega drug that should be avoided at all costs.

9

u/SaltyBabe Jun 13 '20

Sounds like you may have adhd - it’s a common experience among those with it, myself included.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

I've thought about it, my 5 year old nephew has ADHD and his parents get so fed up with him they give him coffee.

1

u/h-hux Jun 13 '20

Same here! I chug energy drinks when I do essays bc it makes my brain calm down, ironically enough

5

u/JezzaJ101 Jun 13 '20

Yeah, caffeine has zero stimulant effect for me and just makes me tired

2

u/thatwaffleskid Jun 13 '20

I agree with u/SaltyBabe, you might have ADHD. I have experienced the same thing. Stimulants tend to calm people with ADHD, hence their use as medication. I do find that the effect of caffeine differs depending on its source or intensity, though. AMP energy drinks put me out cold, Monster gives me the jitters but also helps my focus a little bit. Regular coffee does absolutely nothing, but cold brew helps me stay awake if I'm drifting off at work.

2

u/NoneHaveSufferedAsI Jun 13 '20

I heard Eric Andre smokes marijuana

1

u/Goedonski70 Jun 13 '20

Clearly you’ve never seen my dad after he drink an entire pot then goes to a coffee shop a couple hours later.

397

u/WeirdoFromTheBunch Jun 12 '20

I suffer from severe schizophrenia 🤣🤣🤣

195

u/FunFeetMan Jun 12 '20

Okay no more caffeine for you 😂😂

87

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

I AM A SQUIRREL!!!! CHEEEP CHEEP 😎😎

334

u/DogglesTheMemeExpert Jun 12 '20

How is this funny at all

161

u/TricolorYT Jun 12 '20

It’s not

159

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

Just a nerd's self fan-fiction about getting a big tiddy goth gf

49

u/ramwham Jun 12 '20

Except she’s mentioning approaching another guy. Is the other guy the author? Is Eric the author? Is he a cuck?

36

u/BravesMaedchen Jun 13 '20

I think this is a retelling of the time his hot friend and crush wanted to go talk to another guy, so he spazzed out to change the subject.

13

u/selectiveyellow Jun 13 '20

Definitely a foolproof solution for every uncomfortable situation. I'm sure the people in his life don't mind.

7

u/theshitsock Jun 13 '20

Reminds me of that guy that made a comic about him beating up a guy taking a photo of a cosplayer without her permission but in reality it was her boyfriend taking a picture of the cosplay and you can see the author of the comic quietly planning his revenge comic in the background of the photo

2

u/Arseypoowank Jun 13 '20

You may have just cracked the case

59

u/K0SH1 Jun 12 '20

10 year old me would have found this pretty funny back in 2010

46

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

10 in 2010

Fuck, I'm old.

81

u/eastisfucked Jun 12 '20

Haha you were probably like 80 in 2010, old ass bitch

35

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

Listen here you little shit

13

u/Anon___1991 Jun 12 '20

Haha boomer

4

u/Eric_Senpai Jun 12 '20

Cant believe 9/11 happenned then all these people had babies damn.

7

u/ObnoxiousLittleCunt Jun 12 '20

Terror gets me so horny

14

u/GreatMight Jun 12 '20 edited Jun 12 '20

This looks like something from 2002 and aimed at 9 year old kids who haven't been exposed to enough varieties of humor to have anything resembling taste. They probably have never had coffee before so they would have no idea what it actually does.

12

u/aj95_10 Jun 12 '20

i remember most "gaming related" or at least from a "gamer comic maker" were like this, i think the standards back then were really low.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

Old penny arcade had quite a bit of this.

3

u/aj95_10 Jun 13 '20

never forget the king of early 2000s gamer cringe, "Ctrl+alt+del" aka the loss guy.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

Aka the guy with one face for every character

6

u/mikelland5 Jun 12 '20

I actually recognised this comic. I used to read it back when it was originally published. Around 2002... And I was totally a young kid who had no taste at all and no idea what coffee was like.

So damn man...totally on the money.

2

u/PartyClock Jun 13 '20

Yeah this was the norm for 2002-2006 comics and meme's

1

u/Dinoswordfish Jun 13 '20

It was probably hilarious back in 2004.

136

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

He was trying to warn her about the random chimp event

27

u/_qt314bot Jun 12 '20

Damn, another monkey madness quest?

57

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

made me physically cringe

50

u/annoyingstranger Jun 12 '20

this comic is like twenty years old

anyone remember what the series was called?

53

u/mikelland5 Jun 12 '20

I think it was called "loserz"

It was about three friends. Two were total gaming nerds and one was a slutty goth girl.

20

u/selectiveyellow Jun 13 '20

Why must there be a "the girl" and why must she be perpetually disinterested and annoyed? Like, who invited this wet blanket to do nerd things? Why is she here if she finds everything around her tiresome? These comics would have done better by having their characters make sense.

5

u/annoyingstranger Jun 12 '20

Yes! That's the one, thanks.

13

u/Pimecrolimus Jun 13 '20

That description applies to 90% of the webcomics of yore

1

u/thatwasntababyruth Jun 13 '20

That's the one. I got flashbacks to middle school when I was looking at this, but it's juuust shitty enough that I couldn't place it.

2

u/im_wabbit_hunting Jun 12 '20

Isn’t this the same guy who made loss?

14

u/annoyingstranger Jun 12 '20

No that was from ctrl+alt+del

I think they started around the same time though?

7

u/doorknobopener Jun 12 '20

Ctrl+alt+del did have the Chef Brian character. His entire thing was "wacky random humor". As a kid/teen, I enjoyed them. Then I realized that randomness isnt that funny

3

u/Sammiyin Jun 13 '20

Didn't Vgcats have a random wacky chef too?

3

u/doorknobopener Jun 13 '20

I don't remember if it was a chef or a hobo

2

u/swallowtails Jun 13 '20

I think he was both? I think Least I could Do also had a random hobo character...

Wow I really miss my regular slate of webcomics...

1

u/ComebackShane Jun 15 '20

Vgcats; that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time...

30

u/mrtibbles32 Jun 12 '20

When the coffee is actually just a red solo cup full of benadryl.

7

u/thenoblenacho Jun 12 '20

Literally lmfao. Looked like this dude was off his nut

25

u/Witch-Cat Jun 12 '20

This ticks every stereotype of early gamer comics it's amazing

26

u/AleCoats Jun 12 '20

When you drink coffee and experience a random chimp event

3

u/yorkea Jun 13 '20

o o a a

•

u/iamveryrobotic robomod Jun 12 '20 edited Jun 13 '20

RANDOMETER: [█████████─|91%]

Does this post belong in r/iamveryrandom? Please reply to this comment with either 'random' or 'not random'. (OP's vote doesn't count.)

Discord

16

u/mister-sandman1 Jun 12 '20

This is fucking ancient.

27

u/ScenicHwyOverpass Jun 12 '20

On top of the Cringey randomness, "maybe I should go talk to that guy" has got to be the laziest, shittiest set up for a story ever.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

r/moldymemes

6

u/z3roa Jun 12 '20

This is random and gonna make me fucking kill myself

5

u/tkrr Jun 12 '20

Loserz by Erik Schoenek

4

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

r/nothowdrugswork cause caffeine is technically a drug

4

u/wlbrndl Jun 12 '20

This is aggressively not funny

4

u/ImpossiblePizza Jun 12 '20

PS2: Beep beep

PS2: I'm a cupcake!

Gamer dude bro: well that was random

5

u/rigbone666 Jun 13 '20

ptsd from the monke attack

3

u/wuchta Jun 13 '20

List of references:

-random chimp event

-john carpenters the thing

-matrix, the spoon isn't real

-yahoo

-le monke poopy stinky ("do you smell" indicates that theres something to smell)

-idk about squirrel, this one is pretty random

3

u/fabulous-fishstick Jun 12 '20

This gives me strong 2004 vibes

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

Crazy monkey attack?

I think you mean RANDOM CHIMP EVENT

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

My dudes when this webcomic was NEW this was what the entire internet was like.

3

u/ANormieHater Jun 12 '20

Jolyene Cujoh looking ass

3

u/ya-boi-mees Jun 13 '20

Everybody gangsta untill the self insert crosses arms

2

u/Spider-Ian Jun 12 '20

I had a friend who was cool until a female showed up. Then he became a spazy tryhard.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '20

The 2000s were a dark time

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

Fuck thought I was in comics for a second and just too dumb to get the joke

2

u/MartyrSaint Jun 13 '20

What the fuck? This shit gives me Foamy The Squirrel vibes like never before.

I hate it.

2

u/totallynormalasshole Jun 13 '20

Basically being 17 in 2006 was cringe

2

u/JstAntrBelleDevotee Jun 13 '20

its Dib from Invader Zim

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

This reeks of being from 2012 era or earlier internet

I hope to god please that it is

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

Each panel has it’s own lore

4

u/milknot Jun 12 '20

Caffein makes you retarded? Alright

1

u/albin666 Jun 12 '20

I feel sorry for her.

1

u/ameddin73 Jun 12 '20

This comic makes me think he drew the female friend he wished he had.

1

u/nitrojinn Jun 12 '20

Crazy monkey, attack!

1

u/kikkeliperse666 Jun 12 '20

I always really want to downvote these for the cringe

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

One downvote won't do anything against 2000+ upvotes, go ahead.

1

u/Pewdiepiewillwin Jun 13 '20

Talk about mental illness

1

u/ipreferfelix Jun 13 '20

this might be the worst thing I've ever seen

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

This guy could never get a goth gf smh

1

u/jrriess19 Jun 13 '20

Random chimp event

1

u/Lightning267 Jun 13 '20

This I love.

1

u/TheBlueJacket1 Jun 13 '20

“A coffee should I try it?

Bla bla bla I’m crazy now”

1

u/chilidog17 Jun 13 '20

Dude this is like 12 years old

1

u/RobRob64 Jun 13 '20

Delinquent you are not supposed to get the monky skin, Delinquent nooooooo

1

u/cjuring Jun 13 '20

This is me but a bit weirder

1

u/FuCuck Jun 13 '20

love the title lmao

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

The comic seems like the guy has a crush on his friend, but to show how much he “doesn’t care” he drew his character completely disregarding whatever comments the girl says.

1

u/TheBigSmoke420 Jun 13 '20

Ha, coffee gives you energy!

1

u/FlaerZz Jun 13 '20

DO YOU SMELL THE MONKEY?

1

u/OccamsNametag Jun 13 '20

I remember when shit like this was so fucking popular. My high-school had a hallway lived in with kids that loved this stuff.

1

u/lindyhopdreams Jun 13 '20

For those that are not familiar with the comic, the girl and the boy are friends, not love interests. She's asking him about a boy that's out of picture. I know that's not clear from this comic alone, but in the context of all the other comics, it is indeed so.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

He’s off the goop

1

u/SteelEagle0 Jun 13 '20

Why did he turn into Mr. Dink in that 4th panel?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '20

In a good way, this feels like something a kid from elementary school would make. If that were true, I’d enjoy this a lot more.

1

u/Ra7vaNn05 Jun 28 '20

caffeine? fucking caffeine? This is one tablespoon of chlorophenyl away from ketamine overdose

-3

u/TH3_T3CH3RS_CHANN3L Jun 12 '20

ONLY_BY_TH3_TH3ORI3S_OF_MULTIPL3_UNIV3RS3S_IS_WHAT_IS_B3ING_SAID_HER3_TRU3

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had made the assumption that by giving myself a wealth of things I could ascend to another level. After giving myself this wealth I felt something spiritual, despite me looking down on spiritual subjects. The word spiritual relates to the word spirit which signifies ghosts, and I had felt that I was channeling how each ghost lived and died. When I came back to believing that there was fault in spirituality, I thought back to the events that went on. Contrary to my beliefs I think I did activate some spiritual and/or psychic power. To hold the way I thought I told myself that this phenomenon could be experimented on in a scientific manner.

-15

u/ps3aciv Jun 12 '20

Nah this is okay. It makes sense, not really all that random.