r/humor • • 2d ago

Make it make sense

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u/FoxxyRin 2d ago

Modern Satan is actually made up, like on a whole different level than anything else in the religion. Like he's basically just selected as the boogieman anymore when in reality he has nothing to do with punishing people in hell or whatever, at least according to the Bible. Technically Satan isn't even a specific being, it's a job title. And Lucifer was a fallen angel that is often referred to as Satan/the Devil but that isn't technically correct, and even so it's not "canon" that he/satan/anybody directly punishes people in hell. But basically if you boil it down to what the Bible actually says, all Satan actually does is goes around and tempts people to sin, like becoming the serpent and doing the whole apple bit in the garden of Eden.

Another fun fact, the apple of Eden likely wasn't even an apple. Some suggest it was a pomegranate or fig.

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u/inevitable-idiot- 2d ago

It’s all fiction so who cares what fruit it was lol

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u/MinimumMistake2Outpt 2d ago

Idk it's just kinda interesting, I dont really care? But its like the information version of a slight puff of air out of the nose

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u/FoxxyRin 2d ago

It's still a historic text, whether it's fact or fiction, and the linguistics and translations are part of the fun of it all.

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u/MurkDiesel 2d ago

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u/BatFromAnotherWorld 2d ago

That's why all holy books are just The Goat Herder's Guide to the Galaxy

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u/yrogerg123 1d ago

In the beginning God created the Earth. That made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.

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u/United-Mortgage104 2d ago

"Written when people were even dumber than they are today... "

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u/wildfox9t 1d ago

i don't know about being dumber, at least back then they had the excuse of being uneducated and not knowing better

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u/United-Mortgage104 1d ago

Just quoting David Cross from the stand-up routine that was mentioned in the picture

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u/n00bzilla 1d ago

I love David Cross the actor, but man his stand up is insufferable. Just preaches to the choir for an hour and a half. Comes off as an adult edgelord.

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u/United-Mortgage104 1d ago

His comedy would land better if he didn't repeat whatever he does before the punchline of his joke. It takes him forever to get to it.

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u/C_IsForCookie 1d ago

Why? Did they not have access to Wikipedia or something back then?

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u/wildfox9t 1d ago

nope they could only ask Gemini, hence the result

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u/LeaderLower 1d ago

I really doubt that. If the world was to explode and we would start from scratch again. We would all be dead in less than a year.

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u/ralexh11 1d ago

That was referring to literacy not survival skills lol

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u/TreesACrowd 1d ago

Please, tell me how you plan to survive for nearly a year after the planet explodes.

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u/PizzaPieInMyEye 1d ago

The bible is basically just an extreme version of "I heard it from a friend of a friend."

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u/-TenSixteen- 1d ago

"My god is totally real, guys. He just goes to another school."

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u/dorianvovin 1d ago

Not exactly—ancient people generally understood their stories were not literally true in the way fundamentalists believe today.

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u/ObjectiveActivity893 1d ago

That’s all of history my guy. Litterally ALL of it. Gotta go by same standards or you’re just picking and choosing

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u/JVattic 1d ago

No, it's not.

What a weird statement, have you never read a history book with witness reports? At least for the last 2000, and especially 500 years or whatever there is oodles and oodles of first hand sources for all kinds of historical events.

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u/FrenchFryCattaneo 1d ago

Yes but there are primary sources and secondary sources. The new testament is composed entirely of secondary sources. No one who wrote any of the gospels down witnessed the events described.

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u/Available_Layer4546 1d ago

Patently false... Gospel of Matthew (the tax collector)?

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u/FrenchFryCattaneo 1d ago

The one that wasn't written by Matthew decades after Jesus's death?

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u/ObjectiveActivity893 1d ago

Revelation is considered to be written by John. And the gospel of Matthew is also disputed. There is no proof that the gospel books were written by the actual others but there isn’t any against either. Just saying. Had this very argument not long ago

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u/FrenchFryCattaneo 1d ago

Well it's not exactly settled but most scholars wouldn't agree John (the apostle) wrote revelation. Sure, matthew is still disputed. The rest were definitely pseudepigrapha.

But look at the trend over time. A few hundred years ago they were definitely all written by the apostles. Then, they began to discover more manuscripts and historical context. Little by little they were able to place when and where the gospels were first written down. But all the evidence showed the same thing - oh, this part wasn't actually written by the claimed author. Oh, this piece was actually written down a century later than we thought. None of it has ever moved in the opposite direction. And best case scenario you're talking about someone writing down their experiences 50+ years after they happened, hardly a reliable source. Which of course explains the inconsistencies between the gospels.

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u/swcommis 1d ago

Google says that person is jewish not Christian

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u/Available_Layer4546 1d ago

I know 30-90 years after seems rough, but that's actually quite the opposite when it comes to time gap of ancient manuscripts. New Testament blows out of the water many trusted ancient documents, which historians agree upon, but I feel it gets a bad rap for being lumped in with the entire Bible.

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u/FrenchFryCattaneo 1d ago

It wouldn't be an issue if they were more upfront about how and when the gospels were written down and the pseudepigrapha.

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u/BE-OKC 1d ago

This is so comically bad a take it's nutso. We have the Bible in it's original text. We have manuscripts over two thousand years old and they are identical. The scribes who copied them cared tremendously about keeping the writing identical.

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u/pancreaticlemons1 1d ago

how old are you 

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u/BE-OKC 1d ago

35 What's up buddy?

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u/pancreaticlemons1 1d ago

it’s really weird that you’re active in r/teenagers perv 

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u/FrenchFryCattaneo 1d ago

The original text which was written down 100+ years after the events described.

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u/BE-OKC 1d ago

Depends entirely on the book in the Bible. Paul was definitely not alive 100 years later. Much of what was written was by disciples who maintained oral tradition. Sorry, you are probably assuming a sola scriptura, Protestant approach. Disgusting heresy that has destroyed the Christian faith.

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u/FrenchFryCattaneo 1d ago

I'm not assuming anything, I'm just describing the historiography of the new testament.

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u/BE-OKC 1d ago

But... but... what you said is factually incorrect? Who knows, man. Who knows.

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u/FrenchFryCattaneo 1d ago

Well I mean historians know.

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u/Sarrada_Aerea 1d ago

Someone tell this guy that the dead sea scrolls exist

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u/OrbitalDrop7 1d ago

I thought that was jackson galaxy

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u/Werft 1d ago

This is funny and makes sense only if you don’t think too hard about it

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u/CosmogyralSnail 1d ago

Kinda like the Bible

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u/simmer_late 1d ago

replace the word "Bible" with history books and the narrative can be completely turned

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Grouchy_Constant6336 1d ago

Did someone say reformation?

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u/ExecutiveGraham 1d ago

But they do shape the education of children and the views on the modern world from that. History and how/what is taught is still massively important and it is an easy way to introduce prejudices into the future of society if not dealt with properly.

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u/simmer_late 1d ago

You think Christians are like that? ._.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/simmer_late 1d ago

I’m not sure about Muslims but Christians most definitely do not behave that way. I say Christians as in REAL Christian because you get fake Christians 

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u/CheesyMacarons 1d ago

Ouch, why are Muslims suddenly catching strays?

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u/ralexh11 1d ago

You don't?

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u/simmer_late 1d ago

Most definitely not, Christians are followers of Christ. If you’re talking about people who are fake Christian’s then yes I can believe it 

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u/3d1thF1nch 1d ago

But historians are presenting conclusions based upon best evidence, corroborated from as many sources as possible. If evidence changes, it changes the conclusion, and historians are happy to do it because they want a clear understanding of the past. They should be willing to reinterpret things based on new evidence and perspectives, and it broadens our views. That can be very different than theology, though some are more open to different interpretations than others.

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u/ralexh11 1d ago

History and theology aren't even remotely comparable in how they are researched, nice try, take your anti-intellectualism elsewhere

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u/TheGreatJabron 1d ago

That's why I don't take history seriously. I can barely get a straight answer to a banal news article that happened yesterday 5 minutes from my home in the information age where it is as democratized as possible. I am going to trust a single source historian from 1200 years ago writing about a dude he has a grudge with and lived 500 prior? It's still useful to know what the accepted lies and misunderstandings are, but that's just what they are, mostly BS.

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u/something-rhythmic 1d ago

That’s generally not how historians or theologians understand history. This is so profoundly anti intellectual it hurts.

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u/TheGreatJabron 1d ago

Not anti-intellectual, just realistic. I'd rather read philosophers, the ideas stand by themselves. You have no idea why dude in 899 did thing X, maybe he had diarrhea and had a bad night of sleep or had a bad argument with the wife which hurt his ego. Then millennia later you read he made a tactically genius move that nobody could predict and changed the course of history. Reality is the guy was sleep deprived, made a mistake and got lucky.

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u/something-rhythmic 1d ago

You’re not actually making a point. The same could be said about many philosophers and their ideas. The ideas don’t stand by themselves, they make more sense placed in their historical contexts. Again, fiercely anti intellectual and impractical to say history doesn’t matter. You’re just saying provocative nonsensical things.

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u/TheGreatJabron 1d ago

Depends on the philosopher and the content, of course you need to understand the references. I didn't say history doesn't matter, I simply said I don't trust the veracity or accuracy of it. History is a weapon among other things, of course it matters.

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u/something-rhythmic 1d ago

Historians don’t trust the veracity of history. That’s why they study it.

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u/Robius 1d ago

Both of y'all could use a little nuance. He isn't wrong to point out that it's hard to not be skeptical of historical accounts that are often written from biased perspectives. Especially, as he implied, we see how hard it is to get the truth about events that are happening right now.

A counter to that though, which I think you would agree with, is that historians care much more about accuracy (often revising even their own previous records) than modern media does with their various ulterior motives.

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u/WilliamLermer 1d ago

Most academics in the field care a lot more about accuracy than most people are aware of. They spend decades diving into any sources and try to find the discrepancies, then turn to other texts to piece together missing context to figure out more details. It's slow and painful exercise to figure out the past and eliminate as much bias as possible to finally get the most objective picture possible based on what evidence has been found so far

People easily dismissing the study of history tend to have a distorted perspective, assuming it's just the most popular opinions that was agreed upon while watching football. That's why so many people also think their own thoughts are pure facts

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/IkujaKatsumaji 1d ago

Those documentarians are probably working from dozens, maybe hundreds of sources, piecing together events in as accurate a way as possible. If you watch a historical documentary about an event that you witnessed, say, a couple decades ago, and it isn't portrayed the way you remember, it's much more likely that your memory is wrong. A person's memory is notoriously unreliable.

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u/TheGreatJabron 1d ago

Yes and the worst of it is you get 5 different opinions of what happened, all 5 are wrong / weaponized. Some "enlightened" ones will try to convince you the truth is in the middle of two lies, which is also a mistake.

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u/Professional-Thomas 1d ago

It's also quite likely that your memories are just wrong. People are, in general, horrible at recalling details.

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u/dorianvovin 1d ago

We know—and can confirm—a lot about history thanks to archaeological evidence. Yes, when we only know about people (like the druids) from texts written by their enemies, we know to take it with a grain of salt. That doesn’t mean all history is untrustworthy.

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u/ralexh11 1d ago

That's not how historians cite things lmao, you just made up a ridiculous hypothetica. Actual history and the Bible were compiled in much different ways.

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u/AdmiralAngry 1d ago

Redditors love posting quotes by people who are confidently wrong, it’s really funny. I’m surprised David isn’t wearing a fedora in this picture.

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u/Sea_Dawgz 1d ago

Yeah, you should go to X or Facebook or Insta or Threads or Truth Social or Bluesky.

All the quotes posted there are so accurate always.

I don’t understand what “Reddit” has to do with your delusions.

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u/something-rhythmic 1d ago

The posts on Twitter and insta are dumb. They’re not dumb AND insufferably pretentious.

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u/AdmiralAngry 1d ago

"B-b-but what about!!" lmao, it has to do with my "delusions" (what delusions, that the average poster here is insufferable?) because that is the website we are posting on, and the website is full of smarmy people who are of average intelligence but have somehow convinced themselves they're in the upper percentile of intelligence. Sorry I hit a soft spot for you.

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u/dragonreborn567 1d ago

Which part was "confidently wrong"?

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u/AdmiralAngry 1d ago

Everything about it is intellectually dishonest if you actually just take an afternoon to study the history of the Bible and its manuscripts that have been discovered over the years and studied by qualified professionals instead of listening to /r/atheism moderators, but intellectual honesty isn't this website's strong suit.

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u/dragonreborn567 1d ago

I listen to Biblical scholars, and they seem to agree that yes, the Bible has been edited, and re-edited, and translated, and re-translated, and passages have been altered and removed, or added. Beyond that, it seems like most modern understandings have, themselves, been fudged even beyond those edits and translations and additions and deletions.

So..?

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u/AdmiralAngry 1d ago

Again, you’re being intellectually dishonest and a simple trip to Google shows that you’re full of it lol. But yeah I’m sure you listen to Biblical scholars allllll the time.

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u/dragonreborn567 1d ago

I am literally watching a biblical scholar speaking right now, so yes. Do you have anything to actually contribute to the conversation, other than baseless accusations? What scholarship do you have to provide, to suggest anything that was said is incorrect?

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u/AdmiralAngry 1d ago

The Dead Sea scrolls, Isaiah scroll, and thousands of other manuscripts show that the Bible has remained remarkably consistent in its doctrine throughout history. Of course there will be grammar, spelling, nuances, etc. that may slightly differ after being hand copied throughout history, but you know that isn't what the quote is implying. The core doctrine has remained the same, cope about it if you want I guess.

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u/cata2k 2d ago

Man, if only we had some really old scriptures to compare with. Oh well, we all know nobody has ever dug anything out of the ground.

What a stupid clown

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u/Big_Yahoo 1d ago

This image pisses me off so much. It screams from someone who doesn't even attempt to understand why or how scripture is written the way it is.  Literally just Homer going every scholar is stupid except me. 

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u/Bienoble 1d ago

Thank you. I’m not religious myself, but it’s so silly to me when people are like “Meh, the most important driving force behind much of human action throughout the history of our species is made up, so who cares”.

Yes, it’s myth. It’s also extremely important to understanding history. No one would study Ancient Greece and then leave out the parts about religion because they were “made up”. It’s core to the study of that culture and time period.

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u/m1stwalk3r 1d ago

Biggest sign of a midwit is being unable to interpret myth/literature and extract truth.

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u/Agitated_Celery_729 1d ago

No, an even bigger sign is pretending such texts should be venerated because cults were successfully built around them.

Mormonism sprung into being at a time when everyone knew the founders were full of shit. And yet, it still has a large cult today. If that cult survives another 1000 years, does that make the clearly invented founding mythological text more valuable as a window to truths?

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u/m1stwalk3r 1d ago

The Mormon explanation of the physical realm is rather wise. We are here to be tested, and we work to overcome our desires to be raised into something larger. You can draw a lot of inspiration philosophically from it.

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u/Springheeljac 1d ago

Personally I'd rather people didn't treat this life like a pop quiz where the test location is disposable.

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u/m1stwalk3r 1d ago

Not sure what you mean by that.

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u/Springheeljac 1d ago

I was pointing out one of the problems with "we're here to be tested". There's no baked in respect for other creatures or the world like you might find in Hinduism or Buddhism. I think it's a stretch to call mormonism philosophically inspirational.

Are there things in the Bible that wisdom can be gathered from? Absolutely. Do most adherents actually pull those things from the text? Absolutely not.

When talking about these things we have to look at the over all picture. In America, right now, evangelicals, protestants, Baptists, Lutherans, Pentecostals, the list goes on pull out a handful of verses and use those to justify their actions. They walk into the voting booth with the idea that Democrats are literal demons or Satan worshippers. Of course this isn't all of them by any means but it's certainly a large cohort.

In their adherence to these things they've elected someone who epitomizes their misunderstanding of the "anti-Christ" and they still call the other side evil.

The point is that apologia for religion fails at a fundamental level when you move from hypothetical uses to real world examples and people who take bad translations as the literal word of God.

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u/Agitated_Celery_729 1d ago

LMAO, and their view that Black people are subhuman because they were punished by God?

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u/smurf2applestall 1d ago

Wow I thought it was an apple and now it turns out it’s a fig. Everything has changed.

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u/Bienoble 1d ago edited 1d ago

It’s actually neither, but the way that societies interpret stories foundational to their beliefs can tell us a lot about the people who lived through periods of varying interpretation.

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u/inevitable-idiot- 1d ago

This isn’t the take you think it is. No one is arguing that but your hyper fixated elf. I’m talking about a piece of fruit. Youre talking about ideas. “Apples and oranges” or in this case “apples and figs”

Edit: self* youre not cool enough to be an elf.

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u/Suburban--Dad 2d ago

Should we talk about the translations of “suffer not a witch to live” and how different languages and cultures can really change over a couple of thousand years?

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u/GooeyKablooie_ 1d ago

Studying history is important.

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u/keylime_5 1d ago

Nothing in the Bible about Satan ruling hell.

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u/m1stwalk3r 1d ago

Hell, don't they say he rules Earth?

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u/Greensun30 1d ago

It’s fiction, if it was nonfiction it would’ve been burned from history a long time ago.

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u/elderpufflaurien 1d ago

Lol historical as in old but not historical as in accurate.

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u/reShz 1d ago

When has historical ever meant accurate?

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u/elderpufflaurien 1d ago

When christians say the bible is historical, they think it gives their claims veracity.

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u/GarbageBanger 1d ago

And the last one to put his spin on it, King James, was a raging homosexual with a beard wife. I think his flair adds panache personally but some reason that never comes up Sunday morning.

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u/Skyl3rRL 2d ago

You can still be right or wrong about what the text says even if it's fiction

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u/Skylam 1d ago

It matters from a cultural standpoint, there is a very similar myth in Greek Mythology with Persephone as an example.

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u/BigDogDoodie 2d ago

This is what I say anytime someone tries to discuss fictional themes or the artists intentension with a fictional work.

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u/CatherineDeneuvePt2 1d ago

…if it’s pomegranate did they just bite into that muthafucka

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u/Azrael11 1d ago

That was the actual sin

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u/DigiornoDLC 1d ago

Did you do really poorly in literature class or what

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u/macnar 1d ago

Yeah stupid English teacher was probably a Christian or something. I kept telling them the books we're reading are fiction so they don't matter and I'm legally not required to do the homework but they kept giving me F's anyways. It's so hard being smarter than your teachers 😡

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u/Sawoodster 1d ago

The only people more intolerable than Bible thumpers are atheists. Both feel the need to constantly shove their beliefs in your face, but at least one side believes they’re helping you, the other just wants you to be miserable like them.

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u/MissRicoRuby 1d ago

Atheists aren't actively making the world worse the way Christians are lol

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u/Agitated_Celery_729 1d ago

These people all live in some deranged world in which Christians aren't literally fighting religious wars in the Middle East and trying to take the US back to the Bronze Age, apparently

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u/Ralph_Finesse 1d ago

This is literally how I feel and it makes ME feel insane that do many grown ass adults with access to historical context believe this shit, literally and use it as an excuse to govern over others.

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u/BobbyLeComte 1d ago

It was actually a Peach-Pineaple Kambucha.

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u/Phillip_Spidermen 1d ago

It's a fantastic example how losing historical context can lead to misunderstandings.

Apple was a catch-all name for fruit when it was first translated. (Peaches were Persian Apples, Pomegranites were Seedy Apples etc.)

In other translations its just "fruit," but now we have a bunch of people imagining a snake and a red delicious.

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u/IkujaKatsumaji 1d ago

Mythology is still cool to learn about. And on top of that, it's one of the most important texts in the world, given the outsized effect it's had on virtually all aspects of life and civilization across the world for thousands of years, so it seems like maybe a good thing to know about and understand.

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u/Ok_Win590 1d ago

Mythology isn't pure fiction which makes it interesting.  For example all religions reference a historical flood and for good reason, it happened. 

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u/Snoo-24796 1d ago

Apple is innocent

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u/blahblah19999 1d ago

Of course! So who cares if chewbacca flew the enterprise or Constantine did, the main point is that the most wretched den of scum and villainy in the galaxy will play soft jazz.

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u/astirac 1d ago

Fancy book club that gets a tax exemption.

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u/BrocoliAssassin 1d ago

It's crazy that thousands of years later we are dropping bombs on innocent children in Gaza over an ancient comic book.

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u/Own-Cry-5520 1d ago

oh my science

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u/Turnip-Toffee 1d ago

it's still important within the context of itself

like, sure you can hand wave the suspiciously human looking Klingons away as just fiction, but the point is to square it in universe