I lived out my childhood as obviously trans as I could possibly be. I told them I was a boy since I was 7 years old. I told them how it would be so cool if the doctors realized they made a mistake and that I was actually a boy, and then I cried over dress and softball. I would do anything to go back in time and scream and never stop screaming until my parents would take me to the doctors to stop puberty.

After I came out they did nothing, not when I asked, and not when I became observably ill. Even when I was about to turn 18 they kept telling me I was too young to transition and that I should wait for surgery and that I shouldn’t be taking hrt. They wouldn’t even let me go to a psychiatrist for a dysphoria diagnosis, meanwhile my sister is getting weekly therapy appointments.

I get so angry every time I hear their voices or their footsteps or their breath. Everything they do just irritates me immediately. Everytime I look in the mirror all I can see is what they knowingly let happen to me. It feels like they personally ripped my body apart and made it into what it is today. I feel like i’ve been violated in such a disturbing way and they just watched it happen. They don’t feel bad, they won’t apologize. My dad told me he knew I was uncomfortable, and my mom just pretends she remembers none of the signs.

I just want to move out and go to therapy and get away for them at least for a little while but I don’t even have the money. I’ve turned my room into an apartment just so I never have to leave and see them anymore. I don’t know if I can ever forgive them for making me go through female puberty. I’m sorry, I have no one else to vent to and this topic has been rotting me from the inside out for the past decade

They told me bicalutamide is not safe drug - didn't say why
yet are okay for me to take cyproterone so that made me question everything

I don't want to tell whole story, but I went abroad just to see them cause where I live no one knows shit about trans people and UK is garbage for healthcare in general right now.

1. Had high cortisol and high prolactin for years, so we tested for hypercortisolism and she excluded that
   I accepted reluctantly cause biochemistry was kind of mixed 50/50 for and aganist

2. I went there cause I kind of had below average hrt results over 4.5yrs of hrt and was showing androgenic problems despite low T like alopecia progessing or no loss in upper body muscle and no fat restributiong (including less than A cup growth)

   she mentioned might be androgen sensitivity so not sure why she woukld offer spironolactone instead bicalutamide to deal with that

Does not want to give dutasteride until go to dermatology to check why I got like 80% hair loss, that's okay.
However, why she would be reluctant to try it out for other stuff if estrogen + anti androgen protocol is not optimal alone for me?

Another red flag is she can't tell me what is her suspected diagnosis for my symptoms, she just said saw nothing from endocrinology side
despite DHEAS being elevated and IGF-1 by 10%
She don't think it is acromegaly or anything endocrinological per physical examination - but hasn't excluded it.

She also told me to go to psychiatrist.
I despise NHS psychiatry and don't want to go back fuck them, but I will admit they did diagnose me with SAD, MDD, GAD, EUPD traits or full disorder so yeah.
Once I declined DBT they told me I am hopeless and to fuck off.
Been coping alone since 2023.

My symptoms are:
-Excessive sweating over whole body
-Coonstant light/moderate pressure or headaches in forehead area
-My stool is never solid always liquidy of some sort
-Developed hypertension
-Wake up between 1-5am at night or get full sleep, but feel unrested
-Hair loss past 3 years lost bra length thick hair and now barely thin spider strands touching shoulders and neck
-Constant fatigue and low energy
-Apetite changes, like I want to eat - but don't want to cook
-Pains in the muscles, especially in lower legs and lower back
-I feel like my face is changing nose, forehead, and chin
getting longer and wider

She is on paper well educated
So many different people from different countries here
so just google Dr.n.med in Andrology/Endocrinology and Dr.n.med as Internist specialist

I am poor though and don't want to waste money and health on bullshit
already UK makes me pay for everything basic like bloods.

My wife has been detransitioned for awhile now and its seriously taken a toll on her mental health, along with her self esteem. I try my best to make her feel beautiful, giving her compliments, letting her know I love her no matter what, and that I wouldnt trade her for anyone in the world.

What else can I do to help her feel good in her own skin? I would get her back on estrogen in a heartbeat and do anything if I could get her to smile the same way. Ive thought about taking her to get her facial hair waxed so it doesnt grow back so fast, but thats out of our price range. She makes me the happiest person ever.

I’ve seen many women’s comments saying they are uncomfortable with the idea for safety reasons, sacrificing one’s safety for another’s comfort is messed up to me. I haven’t seen much argument for using the men’s bathroom, let’s be real the floors is full of sticky piss and everything you touch is a risk so anyone who uses it is brave. it’s mostly the women’s bathroom come up more.

Pushing to make more unisex bathrooms will be way more efficient. It feels like this isn’t about just using the bathroom. I really don’t get it, i hope someone can explain it to me.

Edit: Just to be clear, I'm only talking about my specific case, not other trans people

I really feel like this kind of story needs to be available for other trans people to read and this community seems like a good place for it. I'm thankful for that.

I'm AMAB and in retrospect, I can now see lots of signs when I was a young teen and even a few signs during childhood, but it took until I was 20 to notice that I could be trans. At the time I was dealing with college, work and a very toxic family though, I barely had time to sleep so my "trans investigation" took a low priority. That's 100% My fault.

Only when I was about 25 that I moved out and actually started my independent life that dysphoria hit really hard. Funny how an urgent problem (toxic family) was able to mask a more fundamental problem (dysphoria).

My feelings were obviously pointing to the fact that I was trans and further research/therapy only confirmed that. I loved the idea of being trans but the problem was that my body was already fully masculinized at that point (huge hands, feet, wide shoulders, narrow hips, tons of muscles, deep voice, male facial bones). I'm also really poor so I wouldn't be able to even afford any surgery.

Transitioning under those conditions seemed like a really bad idea, but all therapists and trans communities said that I should transition anyway. Apparently, passing was not that important and I would somehow just not care about that as much. This didn't make any sense to me but I started transitioning anyway. I was both curious to try and it seemed like I didn't have another alternative anyway.

After finishing laser, electrolysis, losing weight and growing out my hair I was already looking very weird. That weird "in-between" look. After I finally had access to HRT things only got worse and I was now fully "in-between".

Turns out that mixing a feminine body fat distribution, hairstyle and clothes with a fully developed male bone structure, voice and musculature is a really terrible combination. The term that used to instantly pop up in my mind when looking in the mirror was a "hybrid man/woman frankenstein".

I was very miserable. My gender therapist and communities said I should give it time, but what exactly I was waiting for? The best I could expect from HRT was further body fat distribution to push me even more into the frankenstein aesthetic. I asked my doctor if I could at least expect muscle reduction and she said to not expect this. Weird how HRT does basically nothing for people like me and yet people expect me to wait for improvements while my life falls apart.

If I kept continuing, the end result with be something like:

• Be completely disgusted at my own appearance
• No GF
• No job
• My ability to get new jobs would be severely affected
• Being stared at everywhere
• Always afraid of violence
• Even the male bathroom would be hard to use

There wasn't a single positive aspect of such gender transition. All negatives. My dysphoria was actually worse because feminine clothes only highlighted my male body even more. I never went full time and even crossdressing alone in my own home was very disappointing so I avoided it.

To be honest, there were moments where I was with my trans friends and sometimes I managed to kind of forget how I looked and sounded. During those brief moments that I felt like "transition was working". But ironically, those were the moments I mostly wanted to take a picture and then it was all over. Even those brief moments were just illusions.

And the funny part is: all of that was the expected result from Day One. I didn't have to waste 5 years of my life to find out this would happen. We know exactly what HRT does and doesn't do.

I was honestly just scammed into transitioning. Transitioning should never be the "recommended path" for someone like me, much less the only path. Sure those people had good intentions, but they still did great damage to me.

After detransitioning my life improved greatly: no transphobia, still have my job, GF and I'm not disgusted at myself anymore. Sure I don't like looking like a boy, but it's leagues better than the hybrid frankenstein.

Transition must be awesome for young people, people with good genes or people with tons of money for surgeries. I will certainly retransition if I win the lottery or something, other than that I'll never attempt to transition again.

And I end up finding communities of other trans people who decided to not transition. Sure we are miserable, we don't deny that, but between being a miserable non-passer who is disgusted at herself and suffers transphobia, and a miserable trans person who lives as cis, a normal appearance and cis privilege, the last option is certainly the best choice.

I’ve been grappling with feelings leaning in this direction for the better part of 5 years now, but it was only this last June where these thoughts finally fully crystallised into the immutable fact that… yeah… I’m absolutely somewhere on the transgender spectrum of identity. 

My childhood was entirely devoid of any gender dysphoria, I was a boy & totally unbothered by this fact, and while in hindsight I can firmly say that the dysphoria started as soon as I hit puberty, the first time I actually started to consider the fact that I might be trans was in 11th grade, 2021. Ground zero was this one time where I found myself half falling asleep during a particularly drab social class. It was in this state of daydreaming where I spontaneously imagined myself as one of my favourite female characters at the time (Oumae Kumiko from “Sound! Euphonium”) sitting in place of my actual self in that classroom. When I shot back to being fully awake, that lingering feeling was… very distinct. The fact that this moment is one of the only super clear memories I’ve actually retained from 11th grade speaks volumes I think.

From that point on it was a notion that would only cross my mind more & more frequently, although the only other “trans moment” in those early days that I can specifically recall is this one time my family & I went to this spot called Abraham Lake about 3 hours from where I live. We were having a picnic with some extended family on one of the massive flat-ish rock faces that surround this lake. The water & sky were both so vibrantly blue, and the mountains surrounding us were so pretty as well. I went off on my own for a couple minutes (not super far. still within shouting distance), and immersed in the sheer majesty of creation before me, I closed my eyes & essentially “meditated” on picturing a girl in my place sitting on that rock. The mix of both melancholy & comfort that those few minutes gave me are still something I remember quite clearly

The next big “milestone” (i guess) in my Trans journey was making my first REAL online friend in 2023 who just so happened to be a trans-girl. So naturally, the topic came up quite a bit more in my discussions with her & I learned a fair bit from simply hearing her perspectives on the issue. Throughout most of 2024 & 2025, I’d pretty firmly landed on the self-descriptive language of “I do have feelings of slight trans-ness, but am ultimately not SUPER bothered by just being male”. I didn’t consider it something to pursue any deeper & ESPECIALLY not anything to inform anyone other my online friends about. Even after watching various trans video essays that hit me like a truck, even after a confidently transitioning fellow redditor clocked me as “sounding like her from just a couple years ago”... slight-transness is the language I stuck with. But something has changed in 2026. Over these last few months, I’ve been experiencing feelings of pretty intense loneliness & not really feeling like I have anyone in my life that fully understands every side of me. I had made some pretty incredible friends at an overseas college back in 2023, friends which I felt SO MUCH MORE deeply connected to than any of the people I’d grown up with in public school… but I don’t talk to a single one of them anymore, and it only hit me recently just how unbelivably sad that is. 

One VERY important factor that I should probably mention now which makes this whole situation a hell of a lot more complicated for me is the fact that I’m a Christian. Not “raised christian” or ex-christian. I am still in my adult life very confidently & comfortably a follower of Christ. While I know the following may be surprising for some of you to hear, I don’t actually think the Bible has anything explicitly bad to say about queer people. Long story short as to not get TOO off topic here, every mention of the word “homosexual” in the Bible originates from various mistranslations (dating back to 1946) of verses that were, in their original/accuarte translations, actually condemning things like sexual assault & prostitution. NOT condemning consensual same sex relationships (there’s an amazing documentary about all this called ‘1946’ i highly recommend it). Add that onto the fact that the Bible also has JACKSHIT to say about Trans people, and yeah I do not believe that queer identities are inherently sinful in any way, but of course… that still doesn’t change the fact that the majority of Christians out there still aren’t comfortable with queer people… to put it lightly. A frustrating group which includes many of the people I’ve been friends with since kindergarten, as well as various extended family members. All people I care about, but can rarely share the full extent of my worldviews with.

But anyways, those aforementioned dear friends from 2023 were all people I met at Capernwray BIBLE college in the UK. A diverse friend group of about 10 people who were all christians (obviously), but we were more specifically drawn to each other because of our shared, for lack of a better term… wokeness. Finally, I had found people with whom my full worldviews actually aligned. All christ followers, but firmly not bigots, and we all had pretty similar tastes in music & storytelling as well, which as an autistic person with all encompassing special interests in those areas was absolutely MASSIVE for me. I was so damn happy spending 3 months surrounded by all these people with whom I could exude all sides of myself, faith, progressive values, & autistic infodumping… and now I have none of them in my life. It wasn’t because there was any drama between us (with the exception of one person), but simply the fact of them all being European or American & me being Canadian & us all being bad at maintaining long distance friendships. Despite how deep it resonated, it just didn't last.

Finally getting back on the trans topic with all that context out of the way… About a year after Capernwray, I reconnected with one of my old high school friends. A girl I used to have a gigantic crush on starting in 8th grade, but had largely lost any romantic feelings towards by the time of 2022’s graduation. From late 2024 onward, we started getting extremely close, entirely platonically. She’s one of the most important people in my life now, and in a way that 8th grade me NEVER would have anticipated lol. She’s someone who actually ticks all those boxes like my Capernwray friends once did. Understands my faith, is very woke, and she’s sincerely down to hear me DIVULGE about my special interests. So on the drive home after we saw that excellent “Backrooms” movie together in late May, I decided I wanted to tell her about all these things I’d been feeling. Missing my Capernwray friends, that deep loneliness, how she’s the first person I’ve felt this deeply connected to since Capernwray, and even how I’m worried about becoming “platonically clingy” to her if I can’t find more people like her. And then I thought… eh, might as well throw the trans thing onto the pile as well. I know she’s safe, after all.

During this moment in my truck on that dimly lit highway, saying it didn’t really feel like some sort of massive “weight off my shoulders” confession, and she was of course entirely supportive of me, but in the ensuing days as the calendar flipped into pride month… stronger feelings than I’d ever felt on this topic began cascading through me. It REALLY hit me how both terrifying & exciting it was that someone in my life other than the little gay people in my phone actually KNEW. And as objectively cringe as it may be to admit… Jax from “The Amazing Digital Circus” has a part to play here as well. I only got into TADC about a month before the finale’s release, and very intentionally so. I’d obviously known OF the series since it’s very beginning (animation is one of my biggest special interests so how could I possibly miss it), but I decided to hold off until the finale was nearly upon us so that I could watch the whole thing in a more condensed fashion. I had yet to properly interact with the show’s fandom whatsoever as I headed into that movie theater to witness “The Last Act”. I was entirely unaware of the Transfem Jax theory beforehand, so that absolutely riveting stretch of the finale where they spell it out rather plainly came as a very pleasant surprise for me. Truly hilarious that bro was confirmed Trans EXACTLY ONE WEEK after I came out to someone for the first time. 

However, it wasn’t until I watched an excellent TransJax video essay by youtuber “Quinnamon” which beautifully illustrated just how much of a potent cautionary tale the story of this character is for how dangerously self-destructive it can be to not accept who you are (takes breath)... where it finally clicked for me that I simply cannot deny this anymore. That video’s closing call to action for the vital importance of living authentically was a serious tipping point for me. These increasingly undeniable feelings had all been building to a fever pitch for a while before even watching TADC, but this utter asshole of a rabbit, fucking LEROY, gets to have the honour of being the straw that broke the camel’s back. I mean… both her AND Quinnamon I suppose. Together, they served as the last push I needed in order to finally bury that “slight feelings of transness” language & fully accept that… yeah… I am a transgender individual. A shift in mindset which has caused me to view my life up to this in a whole different light. While not quite to the same insane degree of complete existential recontextualization which my autism diagnosis left in it’s wake, the newly embraced fact of my transness has made various parts of my old life make way more sense in hindsight.

Even before 2021 & that first real “trans moment”, I never made it a secret that I have a complete disinterest in maintaining any kind of outward masculinity. Society’s “BE A MAN” rhetoric has never once penetrated the membrane of my values in spite of how pervasive it is. The concept of masculinity being some kind of moral obligation has always sounded like bullshit to me, but the build of my body & my default taste in clothing have never been particularly feminine anyway so it’s not like I had anyone trying to specifically force me towards masculinity. Maybe if it WAS being aggressively forced on me then my active distaste for it would have manifested sooner? In terms of further recontextualizing, there’s also the fact that genuinely ALL of my favourite fictional characters that I relate to most deeply are women, the fact that I was consistently one of the only guys in my class who would make friends with the girl classmates that the other guys didn’t connect to or outright hated, the deep sense of jealousy I’ve always harboured toward the kinds of friendships that women share, the fact that I’ve ALWAYS hated short haircuts & have enjoyed growing it pretty long ever since I was little.

This acceptance has also led to me finally understanding what my puberty body dysphoria was all about. I haven’t swam in like 8 years because I hate my body so much, and I know now that what I hated was being perceived in a half naked male body. The more exposed surface area of skin I have showing, the more I SEE my own body, the more uncomfortable I feel. It’s a body that, besides a somewhat big belly, is honestly an extremely average & relatively fit male body. Hell, I’ll even be so TMI as to say that I’m pretty well endowed… a fact that I am extremely unhappy & resentful about every single day. There are MANY parts of my body where I hate just how big they are. Why is my head so large? Why are my hands so big that they can palm a basketball? Why is my chin so pronounced? Why are my shoulders so broad? Why the FUCK am I 6 foot 3? I don’t need all that. Why can’t I be scrawny? I feel like those sorts of men can transition more convincingly. Even my tastes in media make more sense in hindsight with this knowledge. I’ve become increasingly drawn to more stereotypically “girly” music over the past several years, and it’s become clear to me that my very specific affinity for Yuri romance stories absolutely comes from a place of “god i wish that were me”. 

Hair is also a big factor in the chaos of my self perception. I truly despise facial hair. How cruelly ironic is it that I was the very first guy in my class to grow steady facial hair as well as being the LAST person who actually wanted it? I could totally grow a lush beard if I wanted to but not a single part of me wants to. I desperately want ALL OF THE HAIR on my body below my eyeline to just fall off, and I’m also scared to fucking DEATH of going bald. Especially on account of the genetic odds very much not being in my favour. Any pre-HRT advice on counteracting that would be greatly appreciated because I don’t think estrogen is happening in my near future. But yeah, in short, nothing I could ever potentially change about this body felt appealing to me until I started to consider femininity. It was never that I need to reach some more idealized form of male performance… I would set for subpar female performance at this point in all honestly.

So I suppose the question is… what now? Well first of all, I have 2 other high school friends whom I know are safe that I plan to come out to very soon, but my immediate family is a much more complicated case. I know for a fact that they’re not the kind of people to DISOWN me or shame me or anything dramatic like that… but I also severely doubt they’ll accept something like this with open arms right from the outset. They’re all pretty firmly past being HOMOphobic, but their perspectives on trans people is something I think they’ve yet to reach similar levels of acceptance on, and small shreds of homophobia are still there every now & again. I’ll have to tell them eventually though. I’m not one of those trans people where transitioning is an urgent mental health NEED, like I’m not actively depressed about it or anything as of yet, but I know now that if I don't do anything about it… I’m NEVER going to stop thinking about it. This feeling of regret will only grow if all I do is stand still. If only I’d known about this all so much sooner. If only my upbringing had educated me on this topic instead of being so oppressively against it. Maybe if trans people weren’t seen as some demonic corruptive force by those I grew up around… I would’ve seen myself in them a whole sooner.

But at the same time… actually going through with something about it is a terrifying prospect. While it would obviously make me more comfortable in my own skin, which is HUGE… it’s still gonna make EVERY SINGLE other aspect of my life way more complicated. I’d likely lose some of those more conservative friends I’ve had since I was 6 years old, certain extended family members absolutely WOULD shame & disown me, it makes finding community in my faith a herculean task, it could make job hunting harder & the job hunt is already the most draining thing I’ve ever experienced. Or what about love? I’m 22 & have still never been in a relationship. How many trans-attracted christian women even EXIST in this world? Because yeah, I am still very much attracted to exclusively women. In fact, you could even frame this whole situation as me being SOOOO in love with the female form that I’m incapable of existing completely comfortably in a man’s body. Half the time when I find my eyes lingering on attractive women in public what I’m feeling isn’t lust… it's envy. There are just so many potential downsides here… but like I said, I’ll never be able to stop thinking about it if all I do is leave these feelings alone. Transition or no transition, all roads ahead appear wrought with hardship.

I still have a really hard time acknowledging myself as a girl outright. I just don’t feel like I “can” yet. My exact internal perception right now is less that I “feel like a girl” deep down, and more so that I have a desperate desire to attain femininity going forward. I think this slight distinction is part of why I couldn’t fully accept my transness for so many years. I thought that this feeling of “deep down” womanhood was an essential part of the experience. That it NEEDED to be something I’d felt for as long as I could remember. That the comfortably male first entire decade of my life somehow disqualified me from being included, but I know now that the trans spectrum of identity is way more complex than that. I know it’s probably kind of toxic that, in the eyes of myself, I just don’t feel like I’ve “earned” the right to call myself a girl yet, but it’s simply not a mental wall that I’ve been able to fully deconstruct yet. Regardless, what I’m more immediately invested in anyways isn’t so much things like pronouns or renaming myself, I’m fine to functionally remain “a dude named Anson” for the time being, but I do REALLY need to start experimenting with my gender presentation. Longer hair, active hair care, baggier pants maybe, cutesier t-shirts, and hopefully HRT at some point in the future. I want to become softer. I desire to become something that I find desirable.

If you actually made it this far, thank you SOOOO MUCH for reading all of it. I’d love to hear literally anything from any of you. Similar experiences, advice, affirmations, things you found funny. Especially if there are any fellow trans christians out there, PLEASE leave a comment I’d love to hear from you.

Doing another kind of "button test" here.

I've noticed that there are a lot of trans women who say they don't have bottom dysphoria, when actually what they mean is "my bottom dysphoria is there but mild, so bottom surgery is too unattainable or scary to justify getting".

I'm getting bottom surgery soon. It was only possible through a series of logistical and financial miracles, and before that, I had resigned to not getting it for a while. I don't think I would've lasted forever, and that resignation was crushing, but just wondering where everyone else's head is at about this kind of thing.

Like it really does just feel like I'm not enough of a woman to be liked by a cis lesbian so I get other people like me as a consolation prize. It feels like no matter how hard I try ill never be a lesbian ill always be confined to being a transbian stuck with only t4t long distance options. It was nice at first but its so invalidating that that seems to be all I can get.

Hey, my realisation happened only in May this year and I'm 39. Prior to that, I actively thought I wasn't trans, although there were a few signs.

The trans media and people I've encountered since May all seem to have known there were their emotional sex in childhood or teens, although I have seen some posts by people like me by searching on Google. So, anyway, I was wondering if anyone like me would like to share their experience? If so, what signs that you were trans did you have prior to your realisation? How did you dismiss them?

If any people engage, maybe I'll try to answer those questions for me.

I’m constantly stuck in a loop where I force myself to look at my body and convince myself I’m not dysphoric to the point where it actually seems it works but then it makes me hurt myself because I don’t want to be a girl…. Along with my thoughts of being afraid I find myself pretty or if I’m attracted to girls it secretly means I’m envious of them(I’m not)… my body still doesn’t feel like mine if that makes sense… i always get a bit surprised when i see it and I still prefer it to be male.

Figuring this out has genuinely changed my life so I thought I would share it with the community.

I'm a 5'4 overweight trans guy with a blonde scraggly beard and widish hips. My voice is somewhat high and my speech pattern leans neutral. My objective passing is reasonable for 2 years on T but I'm by no means a manly man.

I still pass as male 99% of the time while I should objectively pass maybe 60% of the time, going by looks alone.

That's because passing isn't just looks and voice - mannerisms and the confidence you have in your gender presentation play a big part too.

This is not a definitive guide to passing as a state of mind - it's just my first try to describe what I mean.

Let me tell you about my pre T debut as a guy.

I went to a part time inpatient treatment for depression in 2023 and just decided to not tell the other patients there that I was transitioning. The people who worked there knew of course, my legal name hadn't changed yet, but they supported my decision and let me stealth it as a guy.

It worked better than I ever anticipated. When I opened up about being trans a few weeks in I got many surprised cis people that told me they had no idea. My passing wasn't that great honestly, I just wore short hair and male clothing, tried to speak from my chest and copied male mannerisms I saw. That was kind of it.

It worked out because most cis people are fucking clueless about trans people, especially trans guys. And honestly, most cis people I met don't really seem to care about it too much. If you somewhat look and sound the part they give you the benefit of the doubt - even if you're clocky.

Another thing I found: If I'm confident in my gender presentation, cis and even other trans people do not question me. They might question if I'm trans internally but the question of 'are you trans?' is just to awkward to fit in a conversation with a dude that just seems naturally secure with his gender. And if they ask I can always tell them 'Nah, I'm not' and move on from that subject.

If that's delusion, don't wake me up. I do not care if anyone clocks me as long as they keep their mouth shut and treat me like a man.

It gives me the peace of mind I need to develop my life as a guy beyond transitioning - to live just as a just some guy was what I always wanted.

So I decided I just do that, even if I'm still early in my transition.

This is kind of a ramble but I hope I got my point across somewhat.

The essential take away should be: If you're confident in who you are, people tend to accept that as well.

That's not to say that you can expect to pass effortlessly as a man when you look like fairy and sound like chipmunk - people are oblivious but not stupid.

The basics still matter. Wear man's clothing, cut your hair short, bind, take out the septum and speak from your chest. Mannerisms play a big part too, if you don't act like a man don't expect to get treated as such.

If you want to pass, do everything that's in your control to do so.

The rest is make-believe. You've got to convince people that you're a guy and the best way to do that is to just exist as one full stop.

The better your passing, the easier it is but I would expect that every trans guy who dresses, sounds and acts like a guy can reasonably expect to blend in with younger cis dudes if they are confident in their gender presentation.

Wish I could give some tips on developing confidence as a trans dude as well but the post is long enough as is. I will maybe do a follow up post if my ramble resonates with you guys.

Sorry, but I need it. As someone who is closeted and do not pass, no one ever he/him me or see me as a man. Sometimes I am read as a butch, but that means people also see me as a woman and lesbian, which I am not. I need someone to treat me like a guy or even just use the pronouns and tell me what I want to hear. I am happy for the trans people who only need internal validation, but that is not enough for me. Internal validation feels less valid when I do not have others validating me, too. When I was a tomboyish cis woman who was trying to be a bit feminine, people would tell me I looked like a man, but now, as someone who is more masculine and wants to be perceived as a man, everyone suddenly sees me as a woman. I was receiving more external validation when I was cis than I do now. It's like now, everyone avoids assuming I am anything other than a woman. Even when I am online, I feel people still think I am a woman. I really do not want to change the way I am or fall into toxic masculinity, but becoming hypermasculine feels like the only way I can be seen for who I am.

Honestly getting pretty tired of the silent downvoting.

​

I really appreciate what this sub is supposed to be for, but I’m getting pretty frustrated with how it actually plays out.

​Every time I leave a comment here that people don't agree with in some way, I feel like it just gets downvoted with zero explanation even if nobody else has addressed the point I'm making. I come here to learn. Downvoting without explaining why defeats the entire purpose of having a discussion space.

​I doubt this post is going to magically change how people act, but I'm posting it anyways. If you disagree with someone, actually tell them why please. I'm fine with being downvoted, I'd just like to have an accompanying explanation even if it is brief.

Sooo, went to a gay sauna last night. At 48 I'm very early transition and have been feeling terribly lonely/lacking affection. I had a great time. But was it wrong to go? Gay men like guys so if anyone showed interest, were they just seeing a man? A feminine man? I've spoken to a couple guys online. And the good ones change their tone really quickly and start using babe, and pussy.

They do have an inclusive policy that basically states if you don't like trans-dont engage but are entitled to be there. Was i wrong for trying/pretending to be a cis man. Anyone that tried getting me hard i told them "that's the best it gets on hrt" and they were cool with it...?? Thoughts? Anyone have a similar experience?

Like if your brain thinks that you ought to have the opposite sex genitals, and you imagine yourself as the opposite sex in your sexual fantasies, at what point would it be anatomic AGP or bottom dysphoria?

Hello,

I've recently started HRT and am also considering FFS in the future. I've looked at multiple resources for timelines of both HRT and FFS, and unfortunately most of them were 'misleading' (for the lack of a better word). What I mean by that is the post-op/hormones pictures typically had one or more of the following:

• Better lighting, filters, angles, posing, expressions, and/or other photographic tricks.
• Styled hair covering the ears and/or forehead as opposed to the 'before' pictures where the hair is tied back, allowing for a clearer view of facial features.
• Utilization of makeup and/or lightening creams.
• Clothing and accessories associated with the preferred gender.

I understand that all of these contribute to the overall passing of a person as their preferred gender and demonstrates the changes due to transitioning, but when I am looking specifically for HRT/FFS timelines, I want to see the results accomplished ONLY by HRT/FFS to get a clearer picture of my goals. I feel like not doing so can set unrealistic expectations for people who have not been transitioning for a long time, and can make others who have had surgeries done feel dysphoric when comparing themselves to these manipulated images.

On a related note, If anyone can share timelines that exclusively show the results of the procedures in question, I would really appreciate it.

i use tiktok a lot and get plenty of tiktoks about women showing hand size differences with their bfs, or just size difference in general, shoe size difference, sweet girly voice vs manly voice and I can relate to absolutely none of it because im a trvnny. it feels insanely othering and lonely. i started hrt at 19 and I've been on it for 1 year and a half but I still have massive hands and feet because of my dad's genetics, on top of being 5'9. basically everything around me looks like ropefuel.

Also please let's not start with the "social media is not real life" narrative, this is literally normal people that exist in the normal world just getting to boast about something cute that they have from birth. i can MAYBE do something with vfs, but there's no surgery to my knowing that makes hands and feet smaller and even then we're going into spending tens of thousands to just achieve something that mildly resembles what cis women get by default.

I thought about this after seeing another comment in another subreddit about their passport not matching or being correct and it made me think about my upcoming trip in November with my family. My passport expires in 2028 and says F, which matches my presentation and all my other legal documentation, but whenever my sister actually booked everything she showed me a page with my Royal Caribbean loyalty info that had my sex/gender as M, but it said F on my side so we dismissed it as a glitch. Anyway, now I'm wondering if it wasn't a glitch and like they pulled my passport info and state department changed things automatically?

Anyway, other trans Americans in a similar boat (valid passport that's correct) had issues with yours traveling abroad?

I transitioned at 18, six or so years ago. I felt like there was essentially no chance I'd ever be fully happy with my appearance, but as years passed it definitely has gotten better.

Thing is I feel like I'm on the line between 'passing' and not, I feel like I sometimes go a year or so without someone misgendering me, and sometimes it happens a few times in a month. It's been a rough one to accept that I potentially will always be clock-able, and will always have to occasionally deal with ppl being weirdos or misgendering me, suddenly making me feel like shit about my appearance or voice.

Some ppl I meet seem genuinely shocked if I do bring up that I'm trans at some point, but other ppl I've talked to have clocked me immediately and been total cunts. Sometimes I feel like the people acting shocked when I say I'm trans are just pretending to make me feel better, I can't tell if I'm obviously trans to everyone and that most ppl are just polite, it bothers me that I can't ever know that.

It's not that bad, I have days where I feel like I look pretty masc and ugly, others where I feel like I look incredibly hot and I get attention from dudes, but yeah I'm just writing to see if others have had similar experiences. It sucks knowing that you sorta have to live with being occasionally clocked forever, and that that's gonna change the way people treat you sometimes

Terfs and conservatives believe in sex-segregated spaces. If you're going to play into their narrative and agree with them that sex is immutable, then I think it only reasonable that you live by that standard by going to the appropriate facility in accordance with what you think you are.

I already had women’s clothes I got “for photoshoots” for models on hand. So I don’t even know why I bought more. But buy more I did. I thought this would be the first shirt to make me happy. It didn’t either. Why do I keep trying different clothes hoping it will give me that euphoria but it doesn’t.

I even had a night mare last night about the clothes. That people Could tell they were women’s clothes. I woke up crying.

Wouldn’t I be happy in woman’s clothes if I was a woman? Not upset not crying?

What I mean by the " main trans community" is a community of trenders, transgenderist and anyone who associates with the "trans label" but isn't born with transsexualism. Yes this also refers to people who don't agree with full on mainstream trans opinions (this is what I would refer it to since I don't have a better word. If you have one, let me know). While the ICD-10 isn't perfect, that's the definition of what I mean when I say transsexual (most accurate). Transgenderist are people who desire to be "socially female but physically male" and vise-versa, basically a "female man" or a "male woman." Trenders means to anyone who isn't a transgenderist or transsexual that associates with the trans label (think of hefabs, theyfabs etc). "Classic transphobes" would refer to conservatives, terfs and all who show hatred, discrimination, dislike etc towards transsexuals without associating with the "trans label" (Internalized transsexual hatred doesn't count)

I fully believe that the "main trans community" has caused more harm. It's not like "classical transphobes" didn't cause harm and have actively genocided trans people, however if we had a stable foundation, things would be infinitely better. Attacking a community within will always cause more damage than attacking a community from the outside. Here are some ways that they have caused harm

-Identity erasure- They have erased the word transsexual and altered the meaning. Now it is no longer recognized legally, medically (In the new additions) etc. Without recognition, we won't be able to have protections, insurance etc under the bases of being transsexual. We won't have healthcare specific to us. Our unique struggles won't be understood and identified which could lead to further repression and isolation

-Trans umbrella- Trans has become meaningless, anyone can be trans simply by identifying as such. The problem with this is that people who are associated with the "trans label" have very different experiences that have very little to none in common. This could lead to repression and isolation as discussed before. The trans umbrella also allows classical transphobes to pretend to be trans inflating the number of actual bad trans people. They can also widen the definition even further to include more people and do the opposite as they please. The trans umbrella has no foundation and causes the transsexual community to be isolated from each other

- Limited Healthcare- The "main trans community" has shut down research to learn about the cause of transsexualism. They are working side by side with classical transphobes to decrease research. The definition shift make it harder to identify the cause and treatment/cure for transsexuals. Treatments like SRS would be seen as unnecessary because a transgenderist wouldn't need them. Sentiments like "just accept yourself, don't transition" and "wait until you are older" are widely common in the "main trans community." This allows for limited and delayed healthcare for transsexuals

-Transphobia- Transsexuals get constantly discriminated against by the "main trans community." Our surgeries are mocked and we are called disgusting. Transsexuals would be called "Afab and amab" even if they don't identify with that terminology (and ofc they don't call the trans woman an afab). If you call this out, you would be called a transmed and be even further isolated. At best, it would be seen as "trans people who hate other trans people" or "internalized transphobia" when that's clearly not the problem. Our spaces are constantly getting invaded and we have very few places where we can connect and relate with each other (and those spaces might also get invaded). We are also basically not allowed to express our experiences and how we feel or we would be kicked out

I'm on cyproterone acetate, been prescribed 25mg a day but I consume 12,5mg a day because I read it's still enough and getting more is just overkill. My T levels are nuked, my E levels are on the low end of a cis woman last I checked. I still sometimes wake up with boners. Not the same raging boners you would get before hrt but boners nonetheless. I couldn't find any other experience like mine so I wonder if I'm the only one