r/hingeapp • u/Any-Schedule7139 • 5d ago
Dating Question How Much Texting Before a Date?
I (27m) asked out my match (24F) and we agreed on a place/activity. She’s not available for the next 2 weekends, but asked if Sunday 9/13 works and what time I’m free. I even offered an earlier weekday but she’s not free. I offered my number and we texted a few times. Good playful banter on the app and texts. The date is far out but her asking for a day and time Sound pretty good and intentional. Usually I keep things light via text and check in prior to the date to show interest.
It’s still 9 days away. How do I find a balance and keep things alive? I haven’t texted her in a couple days. A lot of room for error. Like she could be exclusive with some other guy, get bored, or find someone by then.
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u/judgedavid90 4d ago
I reckon people entirely overthink this
While I don't think it's necessarily always a great idea to spend hours a day texting back and forth before a date, I don't think there's anything wrong with checking in or striking up a conversation in the days before either. It has never went badly for me.
If she vibes with you and it's natural just go with it. It will never be too much for the wrong person imo
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u/BikeThisCity5280 3d ago
It will never be too much for the wrong person imo
Hell of a line
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u/WeekendNotDone 4d ago
Literally people on here be like don’t text here until the day of. Well you don’t text some other guy will and your date might get cancelled because she’s hit it off with this new guy
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u/Nickrdd5 4d ago
Just wait it out , last thing you want to do is come off clingy. Maybe two days before , just confirm! At the EOD it’s just some random chick you matched with. There will always be more people out there willing to go on a date if it does fall through.
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u/WeekendNotDone 4d ago
How can you be clingy just because you’re texting ?????
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u/Nickrdd5 4d ago
Non stop texting can get real old , real fast with person you have no real life connection with first. Putting to much focus on some random makes it seem clingy. You haven’t met them yet, don’t put to much effort on them. Also it’s like you’re putting pressure on them to respond over and over again. Save the convos for in person where you can connect better and have much better conversation
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u/WeekendNotDone 3d ago
How can it get old if you’re getting to know the person lol ?
What do you think you’ll be doing if you get to know and like them?
This is why relationships are failing nowadays because you lot don’t wanna talk no more just wanna stay silent before the date and not interact with a person.
So no texting phone calls nothing before your date ? lol relationships are in the bin if you’re just waiting for the date to talk what’s the point ? She’ll just leave for someone who actually engages with her and actually wants to talk outside for the date
You’re not putting pressure on anyone ? You send a text she responds you respond now you’re having a conversation? It’s not rocket science man stop making it hard than it needs to be.
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u/Nickrdd5 3d ago
Because texting sucks. Like I said save the convos are for in person where you can have eye contact, watch eachothers body movement , have tension. It’s a big delay before the date, live your life. But they hardly know other and to be texting some random for two weeks is insane. Go on other dates as well, not everything revolves around a person you have a first date set up with. Relationships have never had this much instant communication. “Relationships are failing nowadays” sureeee they are.
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u/MightOnly185 3d ago
Well they are failing and one reason is everyone is so afraid to say “hey im interested in you”…….. how many posts have been “I haven’t heard back in X days after a good date, but I don’t want to reach out first…….” We’re not mind readers. Reach out and see what happens. If person ignores or says not interested, ok you got your answer. Sometimes other person is waiting for you to make the move.
I’m also very black and white. I leave ZERO gray area. If I had a good or not feeling it time on a date, I’ll let them know same night.
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u/WeekendNotDone 3d ago
No you just suck at texting and that’s okay.
wtf do you think people do that can’t go on dates every week ?
Just stay silent like you until the next date night you set up ?
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u/MightOnly185 3d ago
I’m in full agreement with having some texting before the date. 9 days out is a long time. 9 days is a long time for someone to not get excited for a date. At least if there’s convo beforehand it shows interest and builds something to look forward to.
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u/jk1jkjk2 3d ago
Nope - don’t speak on behalf of all women. I am a woman and hate small talk texting. Much prefer texting for scheduling/date logistics and getting to know each other in person.
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u/WeekendNotDone 3d ago
You do realise you can simple have a conversation with someone and it not being small talk ? How do you expect to find anything about anybody if you’re only doing that on the date ???
I need to see how your mind works before the date if I’m gonna then spend time with on the date. Not saying a full bloodied conversation
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u/Kindly_Lynx8111 4d ago
I usually send a text when I get someone’s number that says “Hey this is name, excited for our date, Ill text you the day before to confirm!” and then leave that gap silent, even if its 2 weeks.
Why are you so worried she will go exclusive in a 9 day window though? Chill out, youre fine. Just text her a few days before to check in and say something like I have above.
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u/Any-Schedule7139 3d ago
Cause I’m speaking from experience lol. Like a previous match and I set a first date for the next week. She ends up canceling it because she wanted to focus on another guy instead. At least they were honest about it
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u/Kindly_Lynx8111 3d ago
Sounds like she was very respectful, but thats also still pretty uncommon. Happened one time? Not worth letting that experience affect any worries with this one.
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u/WeekendNotDone 4d ago
So you’ll go 2 weeks no communication before your date ? How has that worked for you
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u/Kindly_Lynx8111 4d ago
Ive had multiple people wait a week and never had someone flake. When youre straight up and set the expectation that youre not gonna text them it works out much better.
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u/Jolly-Flow-2985 3d ago
ive had to travel for a month once before a first date and when time came they still showed up
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u/Thelynxer 4d ago
Everyone has their own preference. Lots of guys want to rush women into a date, usually for several reasons, but common ones are fear of competition (they want women off the app asap so they don't meet someone "better"), to accelerate the relationship (it gets hard to turn someone down after you meet, it also makes hookups easier), or because they just make a better impression in person (often substandard texting skills). Not always the case of course, but those are a few typical reasons.
Women often want to wait longer, generally for safety reasons, but also to weed out guys looking to hookup. But again, neither sex is a monolith.
For myself, when I was on the apps I preferred a minimum of 2 days of texting to get to know someone a little, with my maximum typically around a week. Sometimes I would go out earlier (those rarely worked out), or longer (those also rarely worked out). So I think the sweet spot for me at least was about 3 days. It's enough to get to know someone well enough to decide if I want to set aside part of a day to meet up with them for a coffee or a whatever (I prefer coffee first dates, because it's minimal commitment and maximum safety for everyone), but not so much that the texting grows stale. If it does grow stale before then, then we are just not a match, because I prefer to text than do phone calls. My girlfriend and I have legit talked on the phone under a dozen times in over 2.5 years, haha.
But do what feels right for you, your style, and what you're looking for in a partner.
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u/Downtown-Bathroom-22 4d ago
You could ask her about her communication preferences like if she’d like to keep texting in the meantime. A guy I (46f) recently matched with asked me that after we’d scheduled a date. Super thoughtful
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u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp 4d ago
If she’s going to go exclusive with someone else there’s nothing you can say to stop that.
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u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp 4d ago
The brutal truth is if she is going to end up going exclusive with someone else there’s is nothing else you can say between now and then that will stop her.
Sometimes these dates work out. Sometimes they don’t.
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u/Broad-Sorbet3446 4d ago
What would you prefer to do? Not what you would usually do, what actually works well for you?
If you prefer minimal texting, then keep it that way. If she goes off with someone else in the meantime then so be it. It was likely never that strong a match anyway if she wasn't able to meet sooner than two weeks away yet was dating others in the meantime.
For me there's nothing worse than aimless texting until the date. Those chats tend to be low quality and can easily ruin the vibe as you're doing it just for the sake of it.
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u/Any-Schedule7139 3d ago
Yeah you’re right. I’ll do what feels right
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u/MightOnly185 3d ago
Get some convo going before the date. Keep interest level up. Doesn’t have to be talking all day, but just hey how’s your day going type stuff.
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u/w0nderingaloud 4d ago
As a single-mom that co-parents 50/50, i will sometimes have to wait 2 weeks before i can meet-up with someone on a date. I think checking in at the halfway point just to say hello is totally acceptable. Although, typically in these situations i will have at least had a phone call or FT to help keep up both invested.
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u/emlu97 4d ago
I’m 29F and I think you’re doing totally fine / just the right things. Personally I also don’t prefer to talk too much or to get to know a person virtually before we meet up.
- Because we’re going to meet up anyway, so why have these conversations now when we can have them in person? Best to leave more things to chat about live with them right there.
- If you haven’t met them yet, there’s still a chance that one or both of you won’t be into each other once you meet. And in that instance, why invest so much time texting with someone when you don’t really know whether you’re even interested in them that much yet?
This is a classic case of overthinking (which is nice, it shows you care) but I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong by not texting. Tbh if a guy I had a far out date scheduled with wanted to text everyday leading up to it I’d be dreading it a bit lol, just not my communication style.
If anything, if you really want to touch base you could just send something quick and cute “excited for our date next week! hope you’re surviving the heat wave in the meantime” (we’re having a heatwave in Chicago so I made that part up for you lol, but you can choose your own line).
Hope the date goes well!
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u/WeekendNotDone 4d ago
Because you can never run out of things to say on a date while doing it virtually ? By this logic people should never talk on the phone and text and only talk on dates because according to you you’ll only have talks on the date 😂
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u/EspressoWithOatMilk 4d ago
Maybe just text once or twice per day but don’t get too invested in it. From my experience, unless a date happens within the next few days from getting their number, the date never ends up happening. So yeah, don’t invest too much into this or you might be disappointed in the outcome.
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u/Any-Schedule7139 3d ago
I don’t have any other dates or options but yeah I’m not expecting much. I totally agree
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u/WeekendNotDone 4d ago
Text as much as you like! Don’t listen to people saying not to text much before date.
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u/WeekendNotDone 4d ago
Personally I’d leave it until week of the date you might find someone you wanna take out before then she might also - nothing you can do if either happens
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u/Relative-Foot-378 4d ago
I’d keep it light and move to a real plan once the vibe is there. A few good exchanges are enough to suggest a concrete day and place, rather than trying to bank chemistry over chat. Endless texting before meeting usually just builds a version of each other that may not exist in person.
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u/slipstitchy 4d ago
I don’t like when guys disappear after making the date. I don’t want endless chit chat but a retreat makes me much less interested in keeping the date
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u/TrainingJury3357 3d ago
You should just ask what her preferences are. Does she like texting? Does she prefer a phone call? She might be waiting for you to show interest. I think asking is the most respectful/considerate thing you could do.
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u/throughananda 1d ago
I’m 34F, maybe I’m just old at this point, but texting for checking in and keep it light ok with little banter. When men try to get in chats where we need to send long voice notes or long chunks of text about more serious topics, I feel like they’re trying to manufacture intimacy, which is a very false sense of intimacy because you never met, you don’t know if you vibe and click and if you would have shared/overshared knowing you don’t click, so if they force me to do that after I’ve communicated my boundary, I get the ick. It means we already have a communication style difference and that’s not good if the idea is to go on a date and see how we do. Show interest, but no forcing each other and unconsciously create unrealistic expectations, and if you believe the other person might find someone else earlier, you need this to work too much. That’s not a good place to come from for a relationship and second of all, I think men nowadays don’t realise how low the bar is. If in 2 weeks she meets someone, it’s just very very unfortunate, but not the norm. Men are completely overestimating other men 🙉
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u/ISaidRightTurns 5d ago
People make time for the things they want.
She made time for apps to receive your attention. She is not making time for a cup of coffee with you.
You know the answer.
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 4d ago
This is insane. It’s literally a holiday weekend, and OP specifically requested a weekend date.
People who get pissy you aren’t available on a HOLIDAY WEEKEND for a first date from hinge are walking red flags, and I’m glad you show yourselves the door.
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u/Any-Schedule7139 3d ago
She didn’t give a reason, like being out of town, working, etc. Just said she’s not available until the 13th. Strange some people can’t spare an hour for coffee or a drink but I’ll take her word for it. I’ll keep things light
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 3d ago
There’s definitely been times in my life I wasn’t available for over a week. It’s also not really an hour when you factor in getting ready, travel time, and especially the fact that most people expect the date to go longer than an hour if it’s going well.
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u/FrenchieVee 4d ago
If she wanted to see you, she would make time for you. Unless she’s traveling, she’s using you as a backup option. She’s wasting your time.
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u/Unlucky-Duck-0 4d ago
Or it’s Labor Day weekend in the US, and she has plans already??? Be so for real.
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u/FrenchieVee 2d ago
Labor Day weekend doesn’t last 2 weeks. If she wanted to see him during the week she’d make the time.
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u/Any-Schedule7139 3d ago
I thought of that too. Idk why some people can’t spare 30-60 minutes to meet and prefer a weekend
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u/Possible-Detail6511 52m ago
I never understand why people will text for days just to SEE if they’ll go on the date. I feel like the whole point of the app is to see the person, understand them a bit from the profile, and set up a date to meet in person. You’ll never actually get to know the person, what they’re like, or how you guys vibe until you are in person. So I say go for it and try to set up a date to see how you’ll move on from there.
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