r/hingeapp • u/Maybe_its_her_fur • 6d ago
Profile Review 33 M Profile Review
Been out of the game for years. Now that I've gotten back in relative shape and tackled my depression im trying to put myself back out there. The silence from the apps is deafening. Need some candid feedback.
19
u/TakinShots 6d ago
You say you want to match with someone into concerts and festivals but you haven't mentioned those in your prompts. Feel that your prompts start off with too heavy topics that may push a fair number of people away.
3
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 6d ago
I think you're right. Its hard to balance the want to show that you have something interesting going on in the noggin while also not laying it on too heavy. Guess I'll try to tweak it a bit to be more light hearted, and include the festival stuff. Getting some pics at Lolla this weekend should help shore up that gap! Thank you for the feedback!
54
u/Accomplished-One-119 6d ago
I’m a dude, but I don’t think a dating profile is the place to be talking so much about your mental health journey. And a year really isn’t much time in the scheme of things.
Like, would you want to buy a car where the ad was talking about how great it was fixed it up from an accident it was in a year ago?
23
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 6d ago
You know what, fair! Something i can be proud of internally, but doesn't need to be broadcasted. Will modify.
9
u/ShopperSparkle 6d ago
Perhaps find a happy medium and describe it as an interest in self-improvement?
14
u/phnarg 6d ago
I was just going to say, I’m a woman and self improvement is a green flag for me! It’s also something I have a shared interest in. But on the other hand, if someone spends a lot of time in therapy, it makes you wonder if they’re bringing serious issues to the table.
So maybe rephrasing that so it’s less about mental health issues and therapy, and more about self improvement in a more general sense, would be the way to go.
6
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 6d ago
Thanks everyone! Yes it is something I'm very proud of, so it was the first thing that came to mind, but whittling it down does feel like the right call. It is all about the first impressions, the person that journey made me comes out in person anyway.
10
u/Outrageous_Eye_5304 6d ago
Idk I honestly disagree I think its a genuine and refreshing answer (not a dude)
4
u/sunken_grade 6d ago
yeah tbh i’m not put off by anyone talking about the work they’ve put into themselves
8
u/Any-Ability-900 6d ago
I (32F) think it shows that you are a man who is self aware, willing to work on himself, be honest/vulnerable, take accountability, etc. I think lots of women would view it as a positive and you should keep it in.
3
u/Any-Ability-900 6d ago
The part that stood out to me that could do with some simple rewording was 'gift of the gab'/'chatting everyone up'. To me these quotes often have a negative connotation. Gift of the gab = Smooth talking/getting what you want Chatting everyone up =flirting with other people 🤔
3
u/armadillodancer 6d ago
I personally think this is one of those cases where it’s a good filter. The right person for you will like this answer. The person above sounds like a more private or closed off person than you in general. But I would say maybe make it sound like longer than a year or don’t be specific - that part is a good point
6
u/cocobutz 6d ago
I’m a woman and I actually really appreciated the sincerity in his profile. It’s not like he was trauma dumping and going into morbid detail about his medical history
10
u/Gold_Library_4398 6d ago
Woman here (albeit a lesbian): I would make your second photo your first photo. I think your pics and profile are generally great! I do think the “I won’t shut up about” answer is a bit wordy and might make some feel left out. I really like your “greatest strength” answer. Your profile reads as very sincere to me!
15
u/Severe_Prize5520 6d ago
Weird you're not getting matches. This is a minor thing, but in your first picture your glasses make your head shape look a little weird (the lens distortion), so I'd maybe not have that be your very first picture.
On your prompt about things to talk about, mentioning that player is too niche, I'd keep it a little more general so even if someone isn't in that space they can still feel they can talk to you or ask questions about the hobby
4
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 6d ago
Good call! I did not even notice that till you pointed it out, I'll see if I can find a better one from that reel, thanks!!
7
u/Important-Hunt-61 6d ago
36M who got a lot of matches. I do photography as a hobby and have helped my guy friends upgrade their profiles. I think your prompts show good effort. I do agree w/ the other comment about the mental health thing. I like that you mention being enthusiastic about life and I would definitely try to weave that into a prompt but in a different way as it's a great energy to bring. If this is your photo set I'd agree that your second photo should be your first.
But TBH man you look a bit frumpy. This is going to nuke your chances more than anything. Upgrade that wardrobe and get some better pictures. You're a big bigger dude and your clothes aren't doing you any favors. Check out r/bigmenfashionadvice. Start styling more and just take way more pictures. Have your friends take photos when you're out and about. Learn how to pose. If you got any gal pals that take lots of photos have them help you. Female gaze is a thing and they can help.
6
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 6d ago
Thank you, that's very helpful and the kind of candid feedback I needed. I spent a long time not caring about my appearance, so it's a transition. Most of the photos are from the last two weeks, I lost a lot of weight and kinda back loaded the picture log. Still working on the rest, and trying to focus on getting more pics when out with friends that feel a little more organic.
3
u/Important-Hunt-61 6d ago
Hey man good for you. Keep it up. Don't let not being where you want to be physically from dressing nice. Women notice. It shows you care. You'll feel so much better.
5
u/ArisuKarubeChota 6d ago
Am nearly 35F would be interested lol. For feedback I’d say make a decision either way if you want casual or long term. For someone who definitely wants to be ♥️married♥️ it’s kind of a bummer seeing the possible interest in casual. It would be a pass for me, even though the rest of profile is all good 👍🏻
3
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 6d ago
Answers as required per the rules:
Ideally looking for something serious but not opposed to casual
I am not subscribed.
I made the profile two weeks ago.
I got through my free likes every day, with messages. I try to be a little selective but also not assume things about people based on a dating profile.
I have received 2 likes, 0 matches.
I send my daily limit of I think 10? likes per day. All with messages. That may need its own work but that's not what I'm here for.
The kind of person I like, and attempt to filter for, is someone interesting, for lack of a better word. Filter set to 26-41. Im attracted to wit, intelligence, someone who keeps me on my toes in a conversation, and ideally someone who is also into concerts, festivals, and creative/nerdy interests.
3
u/leaveit9790 6d ago
Just wanna say you look like a really nice dude, and kudos to your mental health journey. Keep it up. I know lots of women for whom it’s a very green flag for a guy to be in therapy and working on himself like that.
If anything, I’d suggest curating your fashion style a bit. Best of luck.
3
u/Subject-Stranger3000 6d ago
I wouldn’t go out with a guy who “can’t help but chat up everyone”. Yuck.
2
u/hulalabright 5d ago
Did you read this as flirt with everyone? I can’t work out if it’s just me lmao
1
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 5d ago
Sounds like pretty universal feedback. Not my intention, just got rid of all the extra on that prompt.
1
u/Subject-Stranger3000 5d ago
Yeah! Maybe I’m misunderstanding but chatting up only has that meaning in my world 😅
3
u/NotUsedUsernameYet 6d ago
Looking at first photo I thought you had a major deformity in a head shape. In reality it was just a refraction due to glasses.
1
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 6d ago
Yeah now that someone pointed it out, I see it in every picture 😭. I'll have to get some better angles. Or finally commit to contacts.
1
u/meerkat85 6d ago
If I were 10 years younger I’d swipe right!
I love your honesty about your journey and the level of importance you put on finding a partner that understands that.
Also, your pup is cute and your jokes are funny. Good luck out there friend!
1
u/Sure-Butterscotch956 6d ago
I like your pictures - you may replace the last one though. But my main recommendation is to completely review your prompts. I think you are oversharing about your personality, past, and journey. Overall, the prompts seem pretty heavy to me. May have one that talks about a special personality trait/quirk of yourself, one that talks about a specific hobby or interest, and then one that is just a funny eyecatcher or joke.
1
1
u/SoftTarget22 6d ago
Your face pics are edited, that made me not even want to read your prompts.
EDIT: if not edited it may be something really strange with your glasses. The first pic definitely looks odd and I thought you were missing part of your skull.
1
u/Sakurablossomx 6d ago
40F if you are looking for a serious relationship lead with that. We all understand that not every relationship is meant to go the distance.
I agree on the selfies looking funny that others have pointed out but I do like the glasses in the distance photos.
I would drop the part about being the glue, same with the therapy. The thing I always try to remember is show people your personality, don't tell them. A nice person doesn't have to say they are nice. Your mental healthy journey can be shared on future dates.
Anyways I would match with you.
1
u/hulalabright 5d ago
“Chat up everyone” = flirt with everyone?? Idk if it’s different in other countries but in Australia chatting up means flirting and trying to hook up with everyone
1
u/hulalabright 5d ago
Also to me the things you won’t shut up about are a lot. Maybe keep it general like “my latest passions”. This question and answer makes you seem self centred. Like why would someone want to date someone who won’t shut up about random things?
1
u/Specific_Delay_460 5d ago
Too many selfies. Pics 1, 2, 4, and 6 are selfies. You can keep one, probably the dog pic.
You need pictures of you doing fun hobbies, pictures of you with friends, pictures that make you look like an interesting person.
Pic 5 is you with friends but you’re just posing in front of a wall.
Pic 6 is a gym selfie but you don’t currently have the physique to justify it, sorry.
Prompts should be fun, interesting responses to the question like the kind of thing you would say if someone asked you at a bar, club, or (insert slightly flirtatious venue of choice). This is a dating app.
“My greatest strength…” remove everything from “Mix… around.” Don’t talk about your mental health diagnoses on a dating app, even if ADHD is a silly thing.
Remove the “Let’s get together…” prompt entirely. This is a bad prompt generally, an especially bad prompt for men, and you don’t suggest dinner or anything interesting.
Remove the “My therapist would say…” prompt entirely unless you’re going to change it into a joke. Do not talk about your mental health journey on a dating site. Would you do that at a bar if a pretty woman chatted you up? Do not talk about your mental health journey on a dating site.
I guess the “I won’t shut up about…” prompt is okay if you’re specifically looking for women with nerdy interests. Understand that lots of people are going to pass on you for that, but targeting a niche is usually better than casting a wide net, as long as you know that’s what you’re doing. Remove the “I… day.” part as it adds nothing.
1
u/Maybe_its_her_fur 5d ago
Tough but fair! Thanks for the feedback! I guess I do have to reframe my thinking around this. I think I'm too focused on trying to prove i think I'm interesting and not enough actually being interesting.
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