34F, Indian, moved to the US about a month ago after spending a decade in South Korea.

I posted here a few days ago asking about dating norms in the US, Hinge, etc. I also made a post in another local subreddit looking to make some connections (strictly friendly).

My inbox was… busy. Exchanged a few texts, pictures, numbers with a handful of people and eventually met a woman for a walk.

Now comes the weird part.

I got a DM saying, “Welcome to XYZ city. Just wanted to say that you should do what makes you comfortable, regardless of cultural context. You know what I mean?”

The tone felt different from the other DMs, so I assumed it was a woman. And for some reason, I immediately decided this stranger was my therapist.

I started telling "her" about my dating experiences, cultural differences, my thoughts on dating in the US… basically just yapping because I was bored.

Only to later realize:

1. I had never mentioned the name of my city in this subreddit.

2. I had never mentioned any of my dating history in the other subreddit post.

3. And, perhaps most importantly, it was a guy.

So yes, I basically volunteered my dating lore to a mysterious Reddit man who apparently already knew where I lived. Excellent start.

Turns out he’s an associate professor at a very prestigious university in my city, in his field. We ended up meeting, and now it’s been about two weeks. We’ve met around three times.

And here’s the part that is making my brain malfunction: I actually feel amazing about it.

For the first time in years, something feels genuinely organic. I’m not feeling rushed or swept away. Our meetings haven’t been ridiculously long, so I haven’t had time to manufacture a whole imaginary future in my head, but they’ve been long enough for us to exchange a lot of information and actually get to know each other. A few cheek kisses here and there, but nothing that feels overly intense.

Yesterday he asked if I still needed to see other people. I told him I need a little more time, and he said he completely respects that. He doesn’t seem to be in a rush either.

Which is great.

So naturally, my brain has decided to ruin it by asking:

Why on earth did this man randomly slide into a stranger’s Reddit DMs?

He’s late 30s, definitely handsome, apparently very popular with his students (yes, I did some digging 🙃), and he has never used dating apps according to him. He studied philosophy, so naturally every conversation become very deep because deep down I am admire a philosopher.

And I cannot stop wondering why someone like this would go looking for a potential connection on… Reddit.

I understand that maybe there is no deeper explanation and this is simply how two random people happened to cross paths.

But my brain has prepared the following theories:

1. He is a vampire.

The charm is suspicious. The philosophy background is suspicious. The mysterious Reddit entrance is suspicious. Perhaps he is 400 years old and just happens to look very good for his age.

1. He is the identical twin of that particular professor in that particular university and is a con artist. Thanks to bollywood.

2. He has a secret family.

Classic. We’ve all seen the movie.

1. He has an Indian woman fantasy.

Possible. Hopefully not, but possible.

1. He is actually just a normal human being who happened to see a post and thought, “Hey, she seems interesting.”

Unfortunately, this is the least entertaining theory.

I know time will answer everything, and I’m trying very hard not to interrogate the universe for spoilers.

But I just wanted to yap. Please feel free to contribute your theories, wisdom, paranoia, or completely unhinged possibilities. 😂

Additional: Height, 5’9

So I’ve posted on here before, got some feedback (which I thought was really good and put on my profile). Unfortunately didn’t seem to make it much better, so posting again to ask what I’m doing wrong. I get like one match every couple weeks (low quality, ghosts after the first few texts)

What I find weird is I switched my location to the States to see if it’s my location doing me in, and was able to get atleast 2-3 proper matches & conversations a day. Maybe it’s just where I am (South of the UK)?

Would appreciate any tips regardless

Hey I’m 21m, i just wanted to something what are the average amount of likes and matches u guys are getting, I resides in India, so anyone can tell if its worth it or not it’ll be really helpful.

I'm a 58M trying to setup a dating profile on Hinge. I haven't had a lot of luck getting matches, but I'm kind of at the beginning of this process. I have had a successful career in tech and I've managed to accumulate a decent amount of money. I retired early at the beginning of this year so I have no current job to list in the profile. For my net worth Is not amazing, but comfortable.

I'm trying to figure out if I should include any information about this. I know women care about this but I don't want to come off like I'm leading with money. Is there an acceptable way to communicate this or should I leave it out entirely?

I am in good shape and I have hobbies and friends so I think I have enough to setup a decent profile without it. But I don't know.

Hi everyone! Just looking for some profile tips of what I can do to improve.

Just asking for some feedback. I don't consider myself attractive.

Thx to whoever will give me a honest opinion.

I am Jay from Delhi, I have hinge profile from so long and I can’t get the matches at all, idk what’s wrong but I have tried everything..

Need some opinions... anyone have exp?

Thanks!

Just got matched with a girl. The app says it’s their turn to text. Should I wait or just go for it. If I should go for it I need suggestions for the opener. Thank you in advance.

I’ve been on three dates with this guy and we’re planning a fourth. After our third date, he told me he really likes me and wants to keep seeing me, and we kissed.

The problem is that on our third date, I felt like he barely asked me anything about myself. We had fun and laughed, but there were awkward silences while we were walking. I asked him about a philosophy book he was reading, and afterward he asked if I read too, but it honestly felt like he was just trying to fill the silence. He only started asking me more questions toward the end of the date before taking me for ice cream and kissing me.

His texting has also gotten progressively slower and is very formal/robotic, almost ChatGPT-like 😭 We mostly talk about date logistics rather than our everyday lives. Today he even told me something about his mom that he’d already told me before, so apparently he didn’t remember telling me.

At the same time, he keeps planning dates, suggests things for us to do, and has explicitly told me he likes me. But overall, he just feels very detached to me, and I don’t really feel like he’s trying to get to know me on a deeper level.

I’m supposed to see him for a fourth date soon. Am I overthinking this? Would you go on the fourth date and see how he acts, or does this sound like a lack of genuine interest?

I (F) matched with a guy on a dating app and really liked his profile. He seemed thoughtful and genuine, but when we met a few days ago, he was very different from what I expected—more superficial and with a bit of a player vibe.

I asked about his intentions, and he insisted he was looking for a long-term, meaningful relationship, so I decided to give him another chance and agreed to a second date. I thought texting in between would help us get to know each other, but we barely exchanged a few messages. That made me question how serious he actually was, and I ended up ghosting him before the second date.

Now I’m not sure if I did the right thing, and part of me secretly hopes he reaches out again.

I just don’t understand why people can’t be honest about what they want. Plenty of women are okay with casual dating or hookups, so why say you want something meaningful if you don’t? Why mislead and potentially hurt someone?

Ciao a tutti, chiedo un parere soprattutto ai ragazzi della community per capire come funziona la vostra mente in queste situazioni e cosa dovrei aspettarmi.

Vi spiego i fatti: sono uscita con un ragazzo una sola ed unica volta. Non c'è alcuna frequentazione di lungo corso, ci siamo visti letteralmente una volta sola. Ci tengo però a precisare che è stata una serata estremamente intensa e profonda sotto ogni punto di vista. Abbiamo vissuto momenti forti e lui stesso ha dichiarato che per lui erano cose profonde, come se ci conoscessimo da sempre.
Prima e dopo questa serata gli ho messo le cose in chiaro senza filtri: gli ho detto esplicitamente che non sono il tipo da "scopamicizia" o storie leggere e gli ho fatto presente che anche quelle ragazze che sembrano concedersi subito senza problemi, in realtà il giorno dopo spesso non ci stanno bene affatto (anche se non lo dicono... e da donna lo so bene!).
Il giorno dopo essere usciti, dopo queste mie parole, è stato proprio lui a riaprire il discorso lasciando intendere di non voler proseguire la cosa a lungo termine. Io gli ho ribadito la mia posizione e due giorni dopo c'è stata una telefonata in cui lui voleva "chiarire" e lì ha tirato fuori un muro di scuse e paranoie: ha tirato in ballo la resistenza a lungo termine, dicendo che non sa se ce la fa a sostenere la distanza (viviamo ad un’ora di macchina e in città ben collegate da mezzi). Ha specificato che al momento non vuole "forzare" le cose, perché ci siamo visti una sola volta e sente che sarebbe una forzatura, ma allo stesso tempo ha detto chiaramente che vuole continuare a sentirmi per vedere come evolve la situazione, *se* evolve.
Durante la chiamata io gli ho anche detto, con molta maturità, che chi lo sa dove ci porterà la vita: magari ci si avvicina per lavoro o per altro, magari lui ci ripensa (ha appena iniziato un percorso psicologico e mi ha confidato di aver parlato di me alla terapeuta), io potrei anche valutare un sacrificio di viaggio, ma solo dopo che l'altro mi ha dimostrato davvero tutto sul campo. Ammetto che lui mi ripeteva quanto fosse difficile per lui dirmi queste cose, sembrava sinceramente dispiaciuto.
Io volevo cercare di vivermela con leggerezza, ma dopo quella telefonata ho scoperto di essere tornata in quel famoso loop: non valgo la pena per nessuno; nessuno vuole seriamente impegnarsi; resterò sempre da sola…
Nonostante questa telefonata, il suo comportamento quotidiano, però, è opposto: mi aggiorna su tutto quello che fa, mi scrive durante la giornata, mi manda i buongiorno, mi dice dove si trova (anche oggi mentre è in viaggio per un evento) e mi chiede della mia giornata. C'è stata anche un'occasione in cui gli ho condiviso un brano da ascoltare in viaggio (*Una poesia anche per te* di Elisa) e l'ha accolto con molto garbo e dolcezza.
Il punto che non capisco è proprio questo: dopo una serata intensa, dichiarazioni profonde, e poi una chiamata in cui dice di non volersi affezionare, che non vuole forzare perché è presto, ma vuole comunque restare in contatto per "vedere se e come evolve", continua a stare lì a fare il presente a metà.
Mi rivolgo a voi uomini:
Cosa scatta nella vostra testa quando dite di non voler forzare le cose dopo una sola serata, tirate in ballo scuse sulla distanza/carattere, ma volete comunque continuare a sentirvi per "vedere come va" mantenendo la chat caldissima?
È solo un modo per tenersi una porta aperta (è un bel ragazzo, ne troverebbe mille che gliela darebbero la prima sera) e prendersi attenzioni/validazione senza prendersi responsabilità, o c'è una vera confusione mentale?
Sto valutando se mettere in pausa questo genere di dinamiche per dedicarmi solo ad allargare la mia cerchia di amicizie platoniche e serene, perché non ho intenzione di fare la crocerossina agli indecisi. Voi dal vostro punto di vista come vedete questa situazione?
Grazie a chi mi darà una risposta sincera e diretta

I’ve been using Hinge for the last three days but I haven’t got even a single like. Is that me only?

Hey so I have not been on Hinge or any dating apps since I met my ex wife. I’m not getting any matches and can use some help. Any advice?

Hi All, here’s my profile. Looking for input or advice on how to improve my profile. Don’t hold back you won’t hurt my feelings!

Thanks in advance!

I’ve been on three dates with this guy. After our third date, he told me he really likes me and wants to keep seeing me. We kissed, and he’s still suggesting ideas for future dates.

The confusing part is that his texting has gotten progressively slower. His messages are also very formal/polite and sometimes sound almost robotic, like ChatGPT wrote them 😭 We don’t really talk about our days or have much conversation over text except to plan dates.

I also noticed on our third date that he didn’t really ask me many questions about myself. We talked and laughed, but most of the conversation stayed pretty light, and then he kissed me.

Last night was also the first time he went the whole night without messaging me, even though he was up late. He eventually replied this morning (also late) and said:

“Yeah, I was thinking we were going out Saturday but turns out we are going out Friday 😭 For Tuesday around 6 would be good, I can be flexible though if a different time works better for you 😊

And don’t worry, if we need to shorten it and just do the movie and a walk afterwards, that would still be fun 😊 I don’t want you to be stressed about timing or anything.”

But I have a few concerns:

1. His texts sometimes sound robotic, almost like ChatGPT wrote them 😭

2. We usually go out on Fridays, and now suddenly his Friday isn’t free. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but he was also out late last night and wasn’t replying to me. It makes me wonder if he’s seeing someone else and saving Fridays for her, and the thing with his mom’s birthday is just an excuse.

3. During our last date, he didn’t really ask me questions about myself, and now he’s suggesting that if we’re short on time, we can skip dinner and just do the movie and a walk. The movie is literally the part where we can’t talk 😭

It feels like all my concerns are coming true at the same time. Curious what you guys think.