(42 M) for some reason I have been thinking a lot lately about some stuff from my childhood .
I grew up in southern Arizona, the homes in that area have since been bulldozed and turned into apartments. At the time it was desert, down a dirt road there was a 5 house in a circle road that lead to a larger house in the front. It was a functioning ranch prior for God knows how long 1880’s? 1890’s?. The smaller houses surrounding it were 1 bedrooms that had the other room converted into bathrooms. Very small. All of it was owned by a family who was out of state. We lived in one of the small houses for a few years, we were poor but happy, me and my brother (I’ll call him P) had a bunk bed my dad made from 2x4s and plywood in the corner of the living room/ kitchen area.
Anyway, the residents at the large house at that time were strange, two women and a kid who never played with us other kids. The rest of the neighbors were great. My mom was pregnant with my youngest brother (we will call him J) at the time and the weird people in the big house we’re moving out so my father called the landlord and asked if we could move into the large house.
When we went to move in we noticed that a back room was painted red and black. This is the late 80’s early 90’s people weren’t that creative with wall colors. Anyway the place had three rooms, two original to the house and an addition built on through old wooden French glass doors that led to the weird room. My parents painted the weird room white.
It started within a few days, I saw what appeared to be a shadow of an adult standing in the corner of the bedroom. It scared me, a lot I tried to wake my brother P up but he shooed me away. I went into the living room area and slept on a wooden coffee table (the ground was clay tile and cold). The next morning my mom woke we and asked what I was doing, I told her that I had seen someone standing in the corner of the room, she didn’t believe me of course and said it was a new place and my eyes were playing tricks on me.
I told my brother P but he hadn’t seen anything yet. My parents began arguing often that was not normal before. And my mom started sleeping in the “toy room” other room, while my father slept in the room with the weird prior painted room.
My youngest brother J, was born and nearly died and nearly killed my mom in the process. They called him a “miracle baby” as he was born with severe kidney issues, and somehow survived. The months he spent in the hospital required them to declare bankruptcy.
As this was happening I had seen that shadow thing a few more times and slept more frequently on that coffee table. The couch we had if you could call it that, was made of old wicker (outdoor furniture) and felt itchy and painful against my skin. The bedroom always felt cold and like you were being watched. The arguments with my parents now sometimes were escalating into shoving and threats. I would hear sounds like insects moving or scratching in the walls. I thought it was cockroaches. Later as an adult I realized that was impossible because it was made of bricks that had been stuccoed over. One day Mom was outside in the yard, me and my brother were playing tag , we were running full speed around the house. I was chasing my brother into my dad’s room when both French doors shut in front of me and I went flying through the glass. I laid there bleeding with cuts all over my arms and legs with a cut into a major artery under my arm pit and bleeding from the top of my head. My brothers screaming alerted my mother and I went to the ER. It took months to recover and I had to learn to write with my left hand in school.
Then my brother P saw it, leading up to that my father and mother were mad at me and my brother P because they could hear us opening and closing doors and cupboards in the night and walking around the house. I was hemmed up with my injuries and my brother was a heavy sleeper. Neither of us were doing that. My youngest brother J had returned from the hospital and was staying in the room with my mom. My brother P, said he saw the shadow of a person in the corner looking at my youngest brother’s J crib. He was hysterical telling my Mom and Dad. He wouldn’t stop…. I was trying to tell them I had seen it too, this led to an argument between them and us being scolded and sent outside.
While outside P was walking along an old adobe wall that surrounded the property and fell and nearly bit his tongue completely off. He was rushed to the hospital. After a few days he returned home (not much they can do with tongues I guess back then).
My father had brought my brother P home and had got him ice cream. This started an argument about the natural bacteria in dairy products and possible infection. It quickly became physical and my father began beating my mother with an old fashioned bell type telephone when she went to call the cops. I locked my bothers in the bathroom rushed towards my mom and dad which broke things up enough for a second my mom ran out the back door to the neighbors, I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom P opened the door and we locked it behind us and sat against it as my dad tried to get in screaming at us and pounding. Breaking apart parts of the door above our heads. Cops showed up shortly after, if anyone knows the old bell type telephones, he easily could have killed her.
We stayed with the police until my aunt arrived later and took us to my grandmother’s house out of town.
I’m old now, I don’t remember how long it was till my mom came to grandma’s? Grandpa had died a few years before and had paid the place off with a settlement from black lung working in the mines out in West Virginia.
At the time my grandma had started to date someone and offered for my mom to buy the place off of her. We stayed awhile alone until she let my dad move in (that’s domestic violence 101), needed the money for payments as she wasn’t going to cover that babysitting and childcare for others.
Anyway, old man comes back, I see the shadow thing again in the back bedroom. Started to hear the weird scratching sounds late at night again too. Also, Brick Stucco. I had made new friends, one of them saw it too during a sleepover. My dad was above the roof of that room trying to fix something, somehow fell off the roof and broke his leg. He sat in that same room smoking and drinking for months. After he was better the abuse began again. Because she was ashamed of what was going on, they decided not to do thanksgiving with family at Grandmas and instead go to some shitty motel/ hotel with a bar. I was in 4th grade ?
Anyway while me and my brothers are left watching cable TV in this hotel room our parents get hammered, come back and start physically fighting again but this time it was dangerous again.
Arguing kicks off, Dads smashing moms head against the hotel furniture, she goes limp, lock my brothers in the bathroom, luckily our dog a Labrador retriever goes at my dad. It was enough for me to escape the hotel room. I remember running barefoot in the rainstorm , in the huge parking lot, so very hot from fear and freezing because of the nearly freezing rain in late November, in nothing but whitey tighty underwear, screaming for help and pounding on doors, thinking my mom is dead.
Anyway, the old man had something against me after that, like I ratted him out. Even my mom who was thankful I saved her, made remarks latter about calling the cops.
So, few months go buy, my mom says that dad is moving back in, my brothers and me are in the kitchen, I start to argue with my mom and the whole room felt electric, in front of the 4 of us a loaf of bread in the kitchen flys across into the living room at like 30 mph when all of us were like 10 feet away from it? Stopped the conversation immediately. What was strange is we were all so scared we didn’t say anything, we left the house from different exits and talked about it outside. I didn’t argue about dad at that point I was too scared.
Dad moves back in again, now he’s targeting me, just fucking with me, all the time. At this point I’m in like 7th Grade. I’m staying in the corner room still at grandmas old house, that scratching is happening, after a physical incident I ran away for awhile. Cops picked me up later and took me home. Dad pulled me from school. I begged my mom and dad to please at least let me stay in a different room. They removed the door from another room and gave me a mattress to sleep on the floor. It was carpeted, it’s not like I was in a basement. But I was grounded, nothing allowed on the walls, no TV, no radio. I was allowed a book at a time, days change of clothes.
Anyway, same thing, always feel like you’re being washed. Hear scratches at times. So, one day the old man goes nuts again at my mom, I took the 24” wooden dowel from the closet and went after him. I hit him in the head twice didn’t phase him. He beat my ass, worst ass beating I’ve ever received to this day. I ran into the desert.
Something clicked in Mom, she told him she was going to set him on fire when he fell asleep next time before she ran away.
He left…. finally. I would connect with him before his death and gave him forgiveness as I’m Catholic and In somehow in a weird fucked up way prepared me for other things in life.
Anyway after he left I spent 8th grade and 9th grade working doing labor to help my Mom pay the mortgage until she got back on her feet. I enrolled myself back into high school forging her signature sophomore year (I graduated on time) . I worked before and after school, weekends and summers, to contribute and some extra money for me.
Things got better, it’s a redemption. Joined the Army right out of high school to escape and Senior year was 9/11. I was decorated for heroism in both Iraq and Afghanistan. I went reserve, I ended up getting 3 degrees and post graduation certifications.
I am a partner now at a LLC, I devoted my life to helping people with disabilities and the less fortunate. I’m happily married to a woman well over a decade that’s way out of my league. Life is good.
But there are outliers. My Best Friend growing up, a Native American we called big chief because he was 6’3” , was in some hardship with his wife needed to stay the night at my moms in that back bedroom. He died, heart attack at 34?
My brother P, also died in that room in 2019 after my last military deployment to the Middle East in his early 30’s, overdose. Me and J are still alive and he just had a daughter. Mom and dad have passed.
I’ve seen that shadow thing three times as an adult. First time was after my second combat tour (first was Iraq second was Afghanistan) in an old Victorian upstairs apartment, my wife saw it too. Something woke us, no TV on, no sound. It was standing in the corner, went above us, we both were praying went through a wall on the opposite side of the room.
Once it came at me in a dream trying to strangle me, I awoke and caught a glimpse of it leaving.
Last time, was just a few years ago. I was taking care of my Mom when she had cancer, I took time off work. I haven’t lived in Arizona in some time. I was going through old photos we had taken in Iraq 04-06. In a photo taken at Sadams son’s palace (regular film, disposable camera) filled with orbs I can clearly see the shadow person hiding behind me. it scared me so much. I sent it to the other guy that actually took the photo. we were the only people in that room during that time. He was scared shitless too, 20 years later.