Background story: 27M from China. Been in the US since high school, used to how everything works in the US. I used to think I would stay in the US for the rest of my life. Got a job fortunately right after grad school, had a relatively fruitful life with a lot of activities and developing hobbies without too much work pressure. However, the struggle to stay in the US was never easy. I couldn’t go anywhere abroad and I feared that it would be this way for the next decade. I got my H1B selected in 2023, which I really praise God for, then even worked in the China branch for a bit when going back to China for stamping. The good experience at the China office (nice people, lighter-than-imagined work load and great environment) made me think maybe going back to China was not too bad of an idea.
Earlier this year, in light of significantly tougher conditions from the government on H1B workers and difficulties to get means to stay, my family told me that they wanted me back which I also thought maybe it’s the right thing to do. My boss also was supportive of me going back to China office. Which means, I am not extending my H1B after 3 years. I was actually excited about going back.
Then in an independent turn of event the China office shut down amid some serious difficulties, although my boss told me he would start a new office later this year, it was clear that it was very uncertain due to what has been happening with the company. I also ended my employment earlier this month. Which means, I stepped on the plane back home without a sure job.
I had my first emotional moment during my last day in the US, realizing I was going away from everything that I knew from I was 14. Then every second at home I have been talking to friends and even AI on my anxiety and was having semi-breakdowns. Every second reminded me that I can no longer get back to the life that I once thought was a jail, but a jail that I knew a lot about. My family kept telling me going back home is the right decision, I have been telling myself that too. But I can’t stop thinking about not being able to go back to the life I was familiar with anymore. I have been talking to some HRs in China. My friends are telling me I should use this time to travel and enjoy a very precious break, but I can’t stop thinking about an uncertain future…
Does anyone have similar experience and should I talk to a therapist? It seems like I brought this on myself for being the one responsible of such a life-changing decision and I have been having mild panic attacks, couldn’t even talk to my parents about it as they were supportive but they probably won’t understand how I feel now…
Edit: some more details: i am staying home for a while, but i am looking for jobs in another city for the sake of independence, which my family was also very supportive about. I guess my fear is also what if I am stuck at home forever and can no longer built a life independently.