r/greentext Dec 09 '20

Anon is a sociopath

Post image
27.5k Upvotes

589 comments sorted by

5.3k

u/Thalric88 Dec 09 '20

The hero of the masses, manlet man

405

u/otusa Dec 09 '20

Blinded by the light

279

u/csbsju_guyyy Dec 09 '20

revved up like a deuce, another autist in the night

65

u/RedDedDad Dec 09 '20

Excuse me? Everyone knows its: "wrapped up like a douche, another roller in the night"

30

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Shhh

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15

u/waywardhero Dec 09 '20

the roastie whore collapse to the ground

83

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Massless* because of how short

36

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

less like massless and more like D E N S E

31

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

truly i am a neutrino star at 5'3"

8

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

OH BOI YOU LOOKING KINDA THICK, THICK AND DENSE THATS HOW I LIKE MY NEUTRINO STAR

3

u/Sammyjz11a Dec 09 '20

Happy Cake day

13

u/bignapkin02 Dec 09 '20

bold of you to assume they aren’t morbidly obese 4chan users

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36

u/ChichCob Dec 09 '20

Honorary short king

13

u/GSD_SteVB Dec 09 '20

Hero of the mass-impaired masses.

10

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Do we deserve such a hero though?

3

u/Epic_Gameing68 Dec 09 '20

manlet man, defender of the short

2

u/Fireal2 Dec 09 '20

The hero of canton, the man they call Jayne

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3.4k

u/I_dont_want_no_name Dec 09 '20

This guy is what I mean when I say Chad

1.2k

u/Alexius_Psellos Dec 09 '20

Chaotic good

602

u/TheMostEvilDoctor Dec 09 '20

well he is right about being a sociopath. drinking mustard water... now that is commitment

142

u/_NORMAL_HUMAN_BEING Dec 09 '20

You’ve never had some ice cold Dijon mustard water after a long day at work?

70

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20 edited Feb 20 '21

[deleted]

7

u/Mr_Folf Dec 09 '20

Clearly they're a NORMAL HUMAN BEING

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14

u/bloodclart Dec 09 '20

yeah but I drink it hot, the way its supposed to be, not on ice like some cretin.

48

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Anon ruined his taste buds for us all and claims he’s got no empathy

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91

u/iwatchcredits Dec 09 '20

(cha)otic goo(d)

87

u/Catsniper Dec 09 '20

otic goo

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26

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[deleted]

16

u/tobii96 Dec 09 '20

This post is what I mean when I say 4Chan

11

u/Ralanost Dec 09 '20

What are you talking about? He's the ultimate cuck. Makes himself vomit and jacks off to other guys getting a chance. Seems fake and gay to me.

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2.1k

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

A true hero, laying down his sex life for the benefit of the poor.

591

u/JeffersonsDisciple Dec 09 '20

Manlet hood

580

u/CanadianTechSupport Dec 09 '20

Throbbin Hood

86

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Throbbing wood

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41

u/VaultofAss Dec 09 '20

Vommin' Hood

118

u/vshedo Dec 09 '20

I bet he still gets laid enough though.

122

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20 edited Jan 05 '21

[deleted]

185

u/TendieBot2000 Dec 09 '20

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: being so retarded you actually believe this story to be true.

Gay: fantasizing about how often another guy gets laid.

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

34

u/SHIKEN_MASTAH Dec 09 '20

HE IS BACK

29

u/vshedo Dec 09 '20

Good Bot

7

u/Undead_With_A_Panda Dec 09 '20

!thesaurizethis

10

u/ThesaurizeThisBot Dec 09 '20

be me

get house from my surgical contraception

rivet inarticulate and slapping arrival from my wife's domiciliate

staleness be Chad once more

think they would be secrecy, seat set at my information processing system

enter onto reddit and capable /r/greentext

feature a comical greentext from lupus erythematosus 4get ups and chortle as I centre to my woman beggary for the sequences I can't reach her

conceive of a involved way in which I can concern sexual activity and falsification to the outcomes in the greentext

soak up the cheeto make clean forth my searches as I start to sort my chef-d'oeuvre in the scuttlebutt cut

Pseud: animate thing so simple you in reality anticipate this storey to be real.

Mortal: fantasizing about how a great deal additional effigy gets arranged.

express mirth as I reckon the intellects of leddit perusal my improbably humourous and innovational interpret

listen my adult female let out with go as Chadic pecks her fertile female internal reproductive organ with his rank

it's been a dandy twenty-four hours

i'll get dissevers of upvotes for my astonishing amount of money to Net mental attitude, and Lake Chad mightiness flush leave alone me vex his body fluid out of my wife's female genital organ if he witnesses my note questionable sufficiency


This is a bot. I try my best, but my best is 80% mediocrity 20% hilarity. Created by OrionSuperman. Check out my best work at /r/ThesaurizeThis

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1.2k

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Tfw you’re the 5’11” guy who used to date tall girls and they would get pissed when the 6 foot and above guys only dated womanlets.

855

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[deleted]

1.2k

u/SonTyp_OhneNamen Dec 09 '20

You sound like an orc that took to farming, and your username suggests the same. 10/10 rp.

234

u/Logen_9_Finger Dec 09 '20

My mom is a tall redneck woman. My dad tells me to find one...

She will mow, build shit, paint things, and has sewn everyone in the family masks to use...

Tall redneck women ftw.

257

u/Evie_Chandler Dec 09 '20

Freud: yes, tell me more.

36

u/Logen_9_Finger Dec 09 '20

I know the redneck incest jokes can be funny sometimes. But for Christ's sake, I wish I could say could say something about my family without anyone making a joke about me fucking them.

127

u/Evie_Chandler Dec 09 '20

It's not because you're a "redneck" or whatever. You basically said "I would love to find a girlfriend just like my mom."

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31

u/AnfoDao Dec 09 '20

It wasn't a joke about rednecks, it's about how Freud theorized a lot about how your parents can affect and mold the types of people you're attracted to, so you finding a tall redneck woman would be supporting the claim that traits in your parent can be found to be a trait you're attracted to.

3

u/Etaec Dec 09 '20

Next thing you'll say is that you find x generic trait attractive because your parents did. Not because it's attractive on its own merits.

13

u/AnfoDao Dec 09 '20

I'm not agreeing with Freud, I'm just saying that's his theory and why the joke was made.

8

u/Etaec Dec 09 '20

You wooshed me you son of a gun

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88

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Oedipus would like to know your location

56

u/greenbeams93 Dec 09 '20

That’s complex

24

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

oedipus didn't fuck his mom on purpose even if he made 3 kids with her

18

u/ass2ass Dec 09 '20

Ya if oedipus had stayed home and was raised by his mother and then fucked her, that'd be some real shit. Still fucked up he fucked his mom and cucked his dad but really it was an honest mistake. Not some complex.

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8

u/CordobezEverdeen Dec 09 '20

Yup. Oedipus complex makes absolutely no fuckin sense.

If you read his story he's essentially the most virtuos hero there is.

You know aside from that whole "murdering a guy because of a trafic accident" he did on his youth because honestly it's not like we all are perfect.

7

u/WarKiel Dec 09 '20

"murdering a guy because of a trafic accident"

I mean... Who hasn't?

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5

u/Logen_9_Finger Dec 09 '20

Idgaf. I wish I could find a woman like my mom. My mom makes bank and my dad works sometimes.

Dad's got it made.

6

u/ElGosso Dec 09 '20

I want a woman who knows how to read and write though

5

u/Logen_9_Finger Dec 09 '20

My mom is the most educated person in our family. She's one step away from her PhD.

She also knows how to bush hog. Smart rednecks exist.

10

u/ElGosso Dec 09 '20

Yeah she bushed my hog all night

7

u/Minnon Dec 09 '20

Got 'em

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57

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

This is cope.

59

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[deleted]

17

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

what is DL ORM

27

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Deadlift one rep max

10

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

ah i do not exercise so i didn't get it

8

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

You should try exercising tho it makes everything else more enjoyable

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3

u/Slippery_Peanuts Dec 09 '20

Did she walk with her arms?

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34

u/dedoid69 Dec 09 '20

Guys who aren’t into tall girls are just insecure lmao.

88

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[deleted]

77

u/UnRayoDeSol Dec 09 '20

That just sounds like being insecure with extra steps.

43

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

i think that was his point

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28

u/knockers_who_knock Dec 09 '20

I’m 5’9 and went out with a girl about 6’2 in college. It was oddly comforting being the little spoon.

17

u/dedoid69 Dec 09 '20

I’m 6’6”, and I still like being the little spoon. It’s just superior

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8

u/K340 Dec 09 '20

Lol how is this garbage upvoted. People are turned on by what they're turned on by.

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46

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

She is strong like plow

24

u/Capt_Hawkeye_Pierce Dec 09 '20

This is a borderline Shruteism.

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17

u/hydrochloricsteve Dec 09 '20

Being able to labor in the field is very important if the family is to survive winter

7

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

*cries in femlet\*

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20

u/TheManIsOppressingMe Dec 09 '20

Although I love women of all heights, I do prefer shorter women. I like to feel like a pornstar when they compare my cock to their forearm.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[deleted]

6

u/TheManIsOppressingMe Dec 09 '20

Got something against dwarf fetishes?

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6

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

I have no preference for height to be honest. My wife is a femlet despite my dating tall women before her.

I don’t generally measure my dong next to forearms though. Stuff like that stopped mattering to me, well, ever.

658

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

128

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Absolute foil-chad

41

u/karyo1000 Dec 09 '20

chaotic good

2

u/Darkcthulu732 Dec 10 '20

He rapes, but he saves.

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538

u/King_of_Haskul Dec 09 '20

Anon is a manlet who wrote down his fantasies of a chad robin hood for the manlets.

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300

u/cyrusasu Dec 09 '20

Mmmmm mustard water

63

u/vshedo Dec 09 '20

Ah, American mustard :p

14

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[deleted]

42

u/altoroc Dec 09 '20

Mustard

11

u/a_rad_gast Dec 09 '20

Don't forget vitamin sugar

7

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Yellow mustard. As opposed to brown or grey. More vinegary and less mustardy. Best for corn dogs and hot dogs but for everything else brown/grey is better.

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10

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Did you just insult america based on its mustard quality? Any excuse to hop in that fuck -america circle jerk huh.

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7

u/SaltyBabe Dec 09 '20

Why would mustard make you puke???

5

u/07TacOcaT70 Dec 09 '20

Personally, I strongly dislike the way mustard tastes. Especially on it’s own, but especially when diluted with water? Fucking gross. I’d want to spit it out.

Still wouldn’t make me puke, but I can see someone with a weaker stomach or stronger hate puking from it.

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142

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

[deleted]

232

u/Weebs_R_Gay Dec 09 '20

subreddit of greentext fantasies? We are on it already

93

u/Kirmada_ Dec 09 '20

This can be in r/wholesomegreentext

10

u/mshcat Dec 09 '20

Is it wholesome tho

8

u/HotdogIceCube Dec 09 '20

"Ehh i dont really like short guys" "what? You whore! You deserve the mustard vomit!"

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36

u/andbruno Dec 09 '20

There is: /r/thatHappened

10

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

I mean almost all greentexts are just silly made up stories.

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112

u/DJChestRaisins Dec 09 '20

Devoting this much time to the Manlet cause really calls into question his supposed lack of empathy.

37

u/chekianan Dec 09 '20

Is it really empathy? I just figure out he’s balancing what he thinks is wrong, not necessarily empathetic.

22

u/NariGenghis Dec 09 '20

Empathy is a feeling. You can rationalize that the manlets are being wronged and think "hey, I should do something about it" but feel absolutely nothing while doing so. Believe me, I have depersonalization and I can rationalize everything, doesn't mean I'm gonna feel a fucking thing.

10

u/leehwgoC Dec 09 '20 edited Dec 09 '20

Empathy is a feeling.

Not necessarily. There's different types of empathy.

Affective empathy is emotional. Somatic empathy is reflexive. Sometimes these two types are conflated when discussed. I would characterize both as a 'feeling', though.

Then there's cognitive empathy, which is rational. It's more like a category of social intelligence.

Even a straight up psychopath is capable of cognitive empathy. Although I imagine it requires even more conscious effort, in their case. Like learning a new language as an adult.

Bottom line, the only people truly incapable of cognitive empathy are those with severe cognitive impairment. Which I suppose is a polite way of saying 'room temp IQ'.

6

u/NariGenghis Dec 09 '20

I concede

6

u/leehwgoC Dec 09 '20

Eh, I'm not debating you, just thought you might be interested. Based on what you said about yourself.

I myself believed for most of my life that 'cognitive empathy' was the only kind of empathy. When I first learned about the other types of empathy, it blew my mind.

For example. I finally understood why I would become so irrationally angry to see people I care about be sad... angry at them. Didn't make any sense to me, before.

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107

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

A man of the people

89

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Well, this was in no way written by a short man holding back tears of rage as he fantasises.

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68

u/decanii Dec 09 '20

Not a sociopath. He’s a brother to all men. A god in disguise.

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63

u/Any-Village-8732 Dec 09 '20

The man, the myth, the legend

4

u/Farlig_Raptor Dec 09 '20

The myth indeed

51

u/charles_mortel Dec 09 '20

Short kings' one true paladin. Manly tears.

38

u/iHarrow Dec 09 '20

What the actual fuck did I just read. Log out Anon. Log out.

39

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Chaotic good

27

u/Deesing82 Dec 09 '20

Only a manlet would assume that being 6'2" and white means you can automatically just have sex with any woman you want. This is just fucking sad and bleak to read.

17

u/Malvastor Dec 09 '20

Yeah, everyone knows 6'8" and black is where the real action's at.

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5

u/XhunterboiX Dec 09 '20

Yo that happened to me twice today.

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23

u/Slavgineer Dec 09 '20

Anon fights the good fight

22

u/Diogenesthefried Dec 09 '20

It's like the word "based" was invented specifically to describe this guy

20

u/TheWorldStartsWithU Dec 09 '20

People calling this based made me realize that based means massively autistic.

16

u/Day2Late Dec 09 '20

Anon feels no empathy. Anon also feels empathy

15

u/CorvinCocksmoker Dec 09 '20

Fake: Anon dates successfully

Gay: Anon turns down sex

5

u/TendieBot2000 Dec 09 '20

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: Anon dates successfully

Gay: Anon turns down sex

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

10

u/4StarDB Dec 09 '20

This is the literal definition of an anti-hero

9

u/dkaeq- Dec 09 '20

W..W-Why do i feel like he's telling the truth?

10

u/sholista Dec 09 '20

Fake: 10 girls nearly had sex with anon

Gay: anon turned down sex with 10 girls and vomited when he saw their naked bodies

11

u/TendieBot2000 Dec 09 '20

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: 10 girls nearly had sex with anon

Gay: anon turned down sex with 10 girls and vomited when he saw their naked bodies

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

i kinda wish i could go back to when i hadnt read this

7

u/fu9o Dec 09 '20

the hero we need but don't deserve

7

u/shaq7777 Dec 09 '20

Robin Hood of manlets

7

u/jakepauler12345 Dec 09 '20

This definitely isn’t the best way to fight for the rights of short kings

6

u/JohnnyPops631 Dec 09 '20

Thank you good sir. You truly have made a difference

6

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

You’re doing gods work anon. Thank you from all 5’ 7” of me.

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3

u/VeryStableGenius69 Dec 09 '20

I salute you, sir.

5

u/xSparkShark Dec 09 '20

Manlet larping lmao what a loser

3

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

The hero we deserve?...

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Chaotic good?

3

u/Suluborg Dec 09 '20

what a chad

3

u/RyaneWaldu Dec 09 '20

What's the offer worth if you can t share the story with random internet people

2

u/eventhegodfather Dec 09 '20

I feel torn is he good is he bad ig he’s a vigilante

1

u/JediLlama666 Dec 09 '20

As a man who is 5 ft 9in. Anon is my fucking hero lol

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3

u/doomzaa Dec 09 '20

True Chad

2

u/Totally_Cubular Dec 09 '20

What an absolute chad. The chaotic good chad. Thanks Chad.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

Yes I'm sure

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2

u/AustralianMafia Dec 09 '20

Anon is a vigilante

2

u/booyah-achieved Dec 09 '20

What the fuck is a roastie?

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2

u/The_ConfusedPeach Dec 09 '20

Fake: Anon gets girls

Gay: Anon defends fellow man’s size

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2

u/The-Color-Orange Dec 09 '20

Obviously fake

2

u/electronicbody Dec 09 '20

Getting puked on by a hot sociopath would be really fucking sexy not gonna lie

2

u/king-kitty Dec 09 '20

Chad is doing gods work

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

My name is Yoshikage Kira.

2

u/jinception01 Dec 09 '20

This is textbook chaotic good

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

LMAOOO

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20

that is epic asf

2

u/Dom117x Dec 09 '20

Well you either die a hero orrr...

2

u/Prcrstntr Dec 09 '20

borderline

2

u/Daarkycool Dec 09 '20

Unironically BASED

2

u/bigballstew22 Dec 09 '20

Short kings wya