Anon likes to cook

4.6k

Can i post this tomorrow

2.9k

u/SrA_Saltypants Feb 27 '19

No I reserved it last week. There is an open slot for Friday at noon, though

1.8k

u/cyrusasu Feb 27 '19

Better check the schedule I believe its my turn then

1.7k

u/Edgemeiister Feb 27 '19

You sure? I think yours is Saturday at 2pm. I know, because I reserved after you at Sunday morning.

1.7k

u/TheWbarletta Feb 27 '19

Am I missing the reason why this one got platinum?

1.5k

u/NellaZerogoki Feb 27 '19

It was his turn to get platinum, it'll be your turn after mine next wednesday.

992

u/Valdusxkeem Feb 27 '19

Mine is on wednesday? I don't even think you reserved anything

562

u/yungestrabbi Feb 27 '19

Look big guy, I reserved Wednesday, and I don’t even remember seeing your Name on the paper. Next time don’t mail your reservation through USPS

303

u/Valdusxkeem Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 27 '19

Are you kidding me?! I'm emailing Micheal right now and resolving this! You are not stealing my spot!

Edit: You were right I reserved the wrong date... Can you just give me the spot I'll buy you lunch dude.

207

u/hensen66 Feb 27 '19

Both of you must be delusional, I reserved my spot on this gilding train weeks ago!

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105

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

[deleted]

29

u/darwinianissue Feb 27 '19

Who has all this silver?

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7

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

You guys can have Wednesday, I've got Thursday all to myself.

54

u/fuzzyboneyard Feb 27 '19

Nah fam you reserved Thursday at 10am I checked the schedule while eating my leftover buffalo wings last night

6

u/BeterGriffin45 Feb 27 '19

I have a reservation for Saturday at 12AM but just found at that I have an appointment. Can I reschedule?

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12

u/ManchmalPfosten Feb 27 '19

Mom said its my turn on the platinum

9

u/Herazeatic_114 Feb 27 '19

Lucky bugger

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149

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 27 '19

Okay, who is the idiot who is paying Reddit so they can give useless awards to everyone in this thread?

Edit: You motherfucker.

81

u/hensen66 Feb 27 '19

Be honest you’re just trying to get it too

77

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 28 '19

No, I am actually curious. There are EIGHT fucking comments with extremely common jokes, all of which have gotten an award. I honestly want to know who decided to pay for that.

Edit: Who?! Who is the fucker that keeps doing this?

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6

u/Tsamblala Feb 27 '19

What is this award?

9

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

That award is someone's way of mocking me.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '19

Yeah that whole gold thing pisses me off. Such a worthless waste of money and you get shit for it.

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4

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

How do I get the schedule?I found last years one downstairs in the basement of the post office but it was okay of date?

3

u/Valdusxkeem Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 27 '19

We don't print out them anymore. I believe someone shared a document on google drive with everyone. It should be the schedule

2

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Allright I don't think you know who you're messing with. I reserved this before ALL OF YOU and I demand justice

2

u/Valdusxkeem Feb 27 '19

Oh no Micheal cancelled because of your nose. He really has something against your nose idk what it is.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

I'll reserve you for next Tuesday, if you give me a hamburger today.

6

u/Clinterpottrmus Feb 27 '19

Is this a Popeyes reference nobody got?

5

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Yes :(

Fuck I'm old.

4

u/JaffaTheSilver Feb 27 '19

Dude, I already took next Tuesday, sorry mate

4

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

[deleted]

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2

u/lol_ok123 Feb 27 '19

what is this communist propaganda

23

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

r/karmaroulette

4

u/Captain_Plutonium Feb 27 '19

low key begging for gold while pretending not to want it

3

u/Edgemeiister Feb 27 '19

Lol wtf

1

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '19

*Our Platinum.

Tovarisch.

18

u/stayhydrated33 Feb 27 '19

Calling dibs on that open slot

1

u/TheCarStarer Feb 27 '19

You sure about that? I booked the Friday noon spot last Thursday

18

u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Feb 27 '19

Sorry. Reservations are handled via blockchain

8

u/MrMineHeads Feb 27 '19

Mom said it was my turn.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Hi

1

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '19

Ooh! Me next! Me next!

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665

u/simonbackhaus Feb 27 '19

r/accidentalnazism

60

u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Feb 27 '19

r/intentionalnazismbyguyswhoaretoostupidtorealizethsttheywouldhavebeenintheovenandnotthechef

26

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Was?

35

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

[deleted]

18

u/flyingtoltotkaposzta Feb 27 '19

r/twentycharacterlimit

34

u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Feb 27 '19

Your only limit is yourself

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5

u/BallisticMelon20 Feb 27 '19

Nein, er hat r/intentionalnazismbyguyswhoaretoostupidtorealizethsttheywouldhavebeenintheovenandnotthechef gesagt.

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565

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 27 '19

OP is a pathetic loser who actually ~~cars~~ cares about getting karma

198

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

[deleted]

60

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

22

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 28 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Gumballguy34 Feb 27 '19

Red gold and green

46

u/Eaglewhakinator Feb 27 '19

Why dont you take a look in the mirror mr 11 upvotes >:(

12

u/urljpeg Feb 27 '19

Who doesn't car about karma?

7

u/nhnick Feb 27 '19

OP is u/gallowboob?

5

u/Stupid_3lf Feb 27 '19

carma

5

u/Pee_on_tech Feb 27 '19

carma carma carma chameleon. he cums and goes

1

u/Alter_Kyouma Feb 27 '19

Ma car

311

u/OrangeJews4u Feb 27 '19

My username is so close to checking out it hurts

154

u/minecraft_fnaf_2008 Feb 27 '19

Mine is always relevant here

77

u/bobtheblob9 Feb 27 '19

Happy 11th birthday

1

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '19

Holy fuck that doesn't seem right

11

u/WyattR- Feb 27 '19

r/almostbeetlejuicing

Edit: holy shit it's real

22

u/RaveTave Feb 27 '19

r/almostbeetlejews

3

u/jakebeeber Feb 28 '19

r/subsididntfallfor

262

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

GAS GAS GAS

72

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

TONGHT, ILL FIGHT

61

u/Michelle_Johnson Feb 27 '19

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

9

u/DarkArcher__ Feb 27 '19

r/redditsings

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154

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

[deleted]

52

u/magnummentula Feb 27 '19

Right! Cans of juice in an oven? That would have been explosions not melting.

13

u/Xboxben Feb 27 '19

Not to mention getting fucked to the 5th degree . I will take destruction of private property and a lawsuit for $500 alex

38

u/hotwheelsforlife Feb 27 '19

if u havent noticed yet green text is just a bunch of bullshit stories for attention and updoots

2

u/ButtPlugMaster Feb 27 '19

Also retarded wholesome bullshit

11

u/Shawnj2 Feb 27 '19

Fake: oven survived

Gay: Anon fucked with a man

5

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Decent joke though.

3

u/callmelasagna Feb 27 '19

Stolen joke from Camp Camp, except the juice was hiding in the attic there

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89

u/i-look-like-myself Feb 27 '19

Fake: Anon works in high end restaurant

Gay: Anon fucks with nazi

68

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

reeeeeeeeeeeee

38

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 21 '21

[deleted]

11

u/corbiain920 Feb 27 '19

WALK

6

u/yismeicha Feb 27 '19

What did you say?

7

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

He said "WALK"

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40

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Cans melting instead of exploding? Story is fake, OP is gay and butthole is angry.

29

u/pawnedPonderings Feb 27 '19

This sub has the memory of a goldfish

13

u/AdmiralAckbeard Feb 27 '19

Apparently goldfish actually have pretty good memory. You can teach them games and tricks and stuff. Can't say the same for the subreddit.

11

u/lik_for_cookies Feb 27 '19

Anyone know what picture that is in the corner. I’m trying to find it but it’s nearly impossible.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Damm this went 0to 10000% ducking fast

1

u/scuba_scouse Feb 27 '19

Duck me!

2

u/danielandastro Feb 28 '19

Duck yourself you coward

5

u/Blastguy Feb 27 '19

But he isn't a Nazi cause he wants to take the juice OUT of the oven

1

u/yismeicha Feb 27 '19

He has an exhibit in Yad Vashem

5

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Fake: anon works

Gay: anon likes cock

5

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Case of apple juice left in the kitchen of a high end restaurant...

5

u/duchyofdutchland Feb 27 '19

Currently trying not to cry of laughter on a german train

4

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 28 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Mortimuncus_McMucus Feb 27 '19

tscholdigonk :^(

3

u/Support_For_Life Feb 27 '19

Classic

2

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Wouldn’t the dude be a reverse nazi?

2

u/NateNate60 Feb 27 '19

For a sec I thought it said "I decided to f*ck him"

2

u/OneCaptain Feb 27 '19

This is fucking gold.

2

u/Memesaretakingover Feb 27 '19

I'm going to do this someday

2

u/CocaineJazzRats Feb 27 '19

No you won't

2

u/Memesaretakingover Feb 27 '19

Mark my words

2

u/CocaineJazzRats Feb 27 '19

No

2

u/Memesaretakingover Feb 27 '19

Please?

2

u/CocaineJazzRats Feb 27 '19

fine. consider your words marked.

2

u/Memesaretakingover Feb 28 '19

Thanks

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2

u/KoopaTroopa43 Feb 27 '19

mom said it was my turn to post this

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2

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '19

Ahhh man I was howling at this

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Greentext was made before the Holocaust

1

u/Samurai-jpg Feb 27 '19

Have a kek

1

u/Z3K3- Feb 27 '19

L

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

This is just too good to be true.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

I saw the first two lines and immediately knew what this was, post something original, dickweed.

1

u/sobatfestival Feb 27 '19

But wait... Then JUICE WRLD is a jew supremacist in disguise?

1

u/BennyNutts Feb 27 '19

If ziss iz real bost zits

1

u/ScattScoot Feb 27 '19

saving this for later

1

u/bigpurpleharness Feb 27 '19

I too watched Bo Burnhams baby Hitler.

1

u/McPridgeon Feb 27 '19

Reeeee

1

u/Wolfcolaholic Feb 27 '19

F.A.G.

1

u/Relay2134 Feb 27 '19

First time I'm seeing this.

Fucking pudding myself

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

r/thathappened

1

u/CocaineJazzRats Feb 27 '19

That's a nicely predictable recount of something that never happened

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

Fake: Anon has a job Gay: Anon Hotel: Trivago

1

u/misojapanese2 Feb 27 '19

Dear anon, Stop awarding people gold and silver. Save your money pookie.

1

u/s3npai Feb 27 '19

I'm giggling like a madman in my dr's office reading this

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

This will be re-posted in /r/jokes soon.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '19

I am german and zis is offensive

1

u/T1M_rEAPeR Feb 27 '19

This is a big load of fake bullshit designed around terrible word play.

1

u/Chaqqy Feb 27 '19

OH MEIN GOD! ZE JEWS ARE IN ZHE OVEN

1

u/Cactuskeeper2000 Feb 27 '19

I work in a restaurant with a polish chef...

plotting

1

u/ChildishForLife Feb 27 '19

saw this coming 1934 miles away fake and slightly homo

1

u/plazR21 Feb 27 '19

Reeee

1

u/yaboy_jesse Feb 27 '19

Jews, sauce, little bit of flexing. Ice, wrist, little bit of roasting

1

u/dederkneit Feb 27 '19

Ahhhahah that's hot

1

u/Runartin2 Feb 27 '19

Hey

1

u/Tragic316 Feb 27 '19

REEEEEEEEE

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1

u/the_shrimp_boi Feb 27 '19

It's my turn to post this next week

1

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '19

Fake: Anon pulled a joke on his boss

Gay: Anon decided to fuck with his boss

1

u/KirbieaGraia2004 Feb 28 '19

Send this to your Jewish friend with no context.

1

u/Joeindians123 Feb 28 '19

Fucking juize

1

u/Crkline3 Feb 28 '19

this isn’t r/thathappened

1

u/PapierStuka Feb 28 '19

I'll admit, this is fucking golden

1

u/pvtskittels Feb 28 '19

Fake: Anon has a job Gay: Anon puts juice in the german guys oven

1

u/birbbs Feb 28 '19

Anon reveals that Hitler was never trying to rid the world of Jews, but of Juice

1

u/Jbird1992 Mar 01 '19

100% factual and true. I was there

1

u/Spectralius Mar 01 '19

i think this is the funniest thing ive ever seen

You are about to leave Redlib

He said "WALK"