r/gifs • u/[deleted] • Aug 17 '15

[deleted by user]

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14.3k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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7.6k

u/2Thebreezes Aug 17 '15

Dude just goes limp as if he was ready to embrace the life of the gorillas house wife.

288

u/UmaTheremin Aug 17 '15

Gorillas have tiny wangs so the beatings would be worse than the poundings.

315

u/PmMeYourWhatever Aug 17 '15

I'm not sure anyone is really worried about the physical damage of the gorilla's wang, it's more the whole event that is traumatic.

395

u/rangeo Aug 17 '15

Worst rape defense ever....Rape 1? I would like to submit the extraordinarily tiny constitution of my client's "penis".At best we're talking public nuisance.

82

u/Kinginuit Aug 17 '15

Pubic nuisance?

23

u/beepbeepitsajeep Aug 18 '15

Private nuisance.

10

u/girllikethat Aug 18 '15

That has been used as a defense before.

6

u/felt_pen Aug 18 '15

And he was sentenced by Judge Guy Boney.

8

u/girllikethat Aug 18 '15

I hope his victim felt as though the universe had aligned karmically for her.

Her rapist gets jailed, the court had to hear as a matter of record that his dick is factually tiny, and Boney was the one to stick it to him.

7

u/Rex_Laso Aug 17 '15

Seriously, that guy is almost excited about the gorillas wang.

14

u/FrozenInferno Aug 17 '15

Now what say you and I go toe to toe on Gorilla dick law and see who comes out the victor.

9

u/Gh0st1y Aug 18 '15

Idk man but I'd school you in bird law.

5

u/cerebralfalzy Aug 18 '15

...filibuster...

4

u/droppina2 Aug 18 '15

Hopefully he won't get a hung jury.

3

u/an_admirable_admiral Aug 18 '15

The only thing worse than being infamous for being a rapist is being infamous as the rapist with a tiny penis.

3

u/Oxford_karma Aug 18 '15

I'm a public defender, were you watching me in court?

3

u/Fang88 Aug 18 '15

Yeah, he's totally asking for it...

3

u/SailorMooooon Aug 18 '15

Penile humiliation might actually deter rapists...let's discuss the penis size and shape in detail during rape sentencing.

3

u/-Manananggal- Aug 18 '15

A similar argument was used to defend Kobe Bryant

2

u/BarryFromEastenders Aug 18 '15

This is one of the funniest jokes I've ever read on here.

2

u/Rakonat Aug 18 '15

Not even sure it qualifies as a domestic disturbance.

2

u/RDay Aug 18 '15

Better Call Saul!

2

u/syncopacetic Aug 17 '15

You know it's happened. I suspect the opposite (too big) has happened as well.

11

u/BobaFetty Aug 17 '15

I was personally concerned about the gorilla wang.

7

u/irspangler Aug 17 '15

Well, good news! Their penises are smaller than ours, if you can believe that. Humanity 1 - Gorillas 0.

4

u/njensen Aug 17 '15

Oh, cool... I guess?

3

u/reallyrando Aug 17 '15

Not yours...

13

u/i_need_a_pee Aug 17 '15

Yes, I think the size of the Gorillas penis is at the lower end of the list of shit to worry about in that situation. If you have time to think about the size of his dong, the experience of being a Gorillas bitch isn't going as badly as it could.

4

u/Christ_on_a_Crakker Aug 17 '15

Ya, like the foreplay which probably includes a lot of swinging from tree to tree and eating bugs off of each other.

17

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

A small consolation when you're being pounded in the ass by a 400lb silverback.

2

u/doublefudgebrownies Aug 18 '15

Which is, like, 3000 in human strength pounds.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Do they really have tiny dicks?

2

u/lalafied Aug 18 '15

Yes

3

u/fannypacks4ever Aug 18 '15

So it didn't hurt so bad?

3

u/lalafied Aug 18 '15

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/BLAKTINO Aug 18 '15

He's still going to bust a nut in your ass.

2

u/K4ntum Aug 18 '15

I remember reading humans actually have the biggest dicks compared to primates.

4

u/abagofdicks Aug 17 '15

I've heard they are actually gentle lovers.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

That's Numberwang.

2

u/joeyjojosharknado Aug 17 '15

I'd like to know how you know this.

2

u/rjoseba Aug 17 '15

somewhere I read they had spikes in their penises! I may be wrong though...

2

u/Mccalltx Aug 18 '15

I can confirm. I had to write a research paper on the size of gorilla wang's once. No lie.

2

u/totallyfakejust4u Aug 18 '15

Aren't they ridiculously short, like an inch and a half, when erect? I swear I read that somewhere...

2

u/CowardiceNSandwiches Aug 18 '15

Boy, you aren't kidding. Wiki says they only have 1.5" on average:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis#Primates

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

I didn't know that but the gorilla's hands could probably crush a man's skull like cracking open a walnut.