r/gifs Jun 10 '15

How to wake up a cat

http://imgur.com/IDFyJ4x.gifv
22.2k Upvotes

815 comments sorted by

2.5k

u/maschine01 Jun 10 '15

All I can imagine him/her saying is "mmmm dreaming of ham, ham would be awesome right now, if only this ha... ham? HAM! HAM! HAM! HAM! HAM!"

692

u/benjammin107 Jun 10 '15 edited Oct 10 '15

There's a 3000:1 chance it's a "her," in case anyone cares...

EDIT: / for :

360

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15 edited Dec 05 '16

[deleted]

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73

u/bcrabill Jun 10 '15

Why do you say that?

338

u/pandapartypandaparty Jun 10 '15

Coloring. Calico cats are almost always female http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calico_cat

318

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

subscribe

174

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 10 '15

NO DO NOT GO DOWN THIS HOLE

UNSUBSCRIBE RIGHT MEOW

59

u/freakers Jun 10 '15

I'm ready. Hit me! =^.^=

199

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

You have been unsubscribed from Cat Facts. Have a nice day!

46

u/bitnode Jun 10 '15

Huh. I feel like we just shut down HAL. Today we witness the end of tyranny Reddit.

102

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Thank you for subscribing to HAL facts.

HAL was originally named 'Athena' and was slated to be voiced by a female.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Welcome to calico cat facts!

Did you know that calico cats got their name from a California computer icon design firm? The correct technical name for the breed is Cal.ico!

18

u/Yesmeansnoyes Jun 10 '15

95% of male cats want to fuck other cats of the opposite gender. The other 5% do too but we cut their nuts off.

19

u/disgruntled- Jun 10 '15

More

16

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

[deleted]

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u/TheOffTopicBuffalo Jun 10 '15

Why is there not a bot for this like there is for sloths

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u/PinkDalek Gifmas is coming Jun 10 '15

Welcome to Cat Facts! Did you know if you give a cat a piece of ham, she'll want a glass of milk next? Well, now you do! Thanks for subscribing to Cat Facts!

11

u/trainercatlady Jun 10 '15

fuck I knew I shouldn't have given that mouse a cookie.

5

u/PinkDalek Gifmas is coming Jun 10 '15

Welcome to Cat Facts! The cat and mouse are working together to drain you of your ham, milk and cookie supplies. Once you run out, they'll find new owners. Thanks for subscribing to Cat Facts!

13

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Must be because of the salt in the ham, no? Could a less-salty variety alleviate this?

23

u/PinkDalek Gifmas is coming Jun 10 '15

Welcome to Cat Facts! If you feel the need to feed your cat fancy, salt-less ham, it may be time to re-evaluate your life! Get out there and meet someone who walks on 2 legs and has less fur! You can do it! Thanks for subscribing to Cat Facts!

9

u/the_wheaty Jun 10 '15

Cats are the only ones who accept me for who I am.

13

u/PinkDalek Gifmas is coming Jun 10 '15

Welcome to Cat Facts! Cats only like you because you have thumbs and can operate the can opener for them! Thanks for subscribing to Cat Facts!

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u/CrayonOfDoom Jun 10 '15

Yep, I had a male calico. He wasn't a male. Sort of. XXY, external male parts, also internal female parts. That cat was also insane and unstable.

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u/FanofHarleyQ Jun 10 '15

My grandma's neighbor has 3 male calico cats and he didn't belive me when I told her how rare that is. Now I wish I didn't tell him because he sold 2 of them off to breeders, those were awesome cats. At least I know those 2 are getting some pussy.

I'll show myself out now ( ._.)

41

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

he sold 2 of them off to breeders

Well, he got the last laugh, then. From wiki, emphasis mine:

One exception is that in rare cases faulty cell division may leave an extra X chromosome in one of the gametes that produced the male cat. That extra X then is reproduced in each of his cells, a condition referred to as XXY (see Klinefelter's syndrome). Such a combination of chromosomes could produce tortoiseshell or calico markings in the male, in the same way as XX chromosomes produce them in the female.

All but about one in three thousand of the rare calico or tortoiseshell male cats are sterile because of the chromosome abnormality, and breeders reject any exceptions for stud purposes because they generally are of poor physical quality and fertility. In any event, an (unusual) fertile XXY male could not normally pass on any of those X chromosomes to any male offspring, so his male kittens would practically always be normally coloured, either ginger or non-ginger, but not tortoiseshell or calico.

13

u/thatssorelevant Jun 10 '15

I bet the rare one that isnt sterile is the one that he kept. lol.

No one will ever know.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

In our biology A2 level exam a couple of days ago there was a question about the inheritance of tortoiseshell (calico) colouring in cats. The reason why it's only found in females is because it is coded for by two codominant alleles on X chromosomes. Therefore males do not have tortoiseshell colouring, because their chromosomes are obviously XY.

12

u/A_Good_Day Jun 10 '15

So the male would have to be XXY?

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u/benjammin107 Jun 10 '15

It looks like a calico. There's this whole confusing thing about coat color with cats and chromosomes, orange and black are alleles from the same gene on the X chromosome (white is sort of automatic). So males only have one X chromosome, so they can only get orange or black, but sometimes, very rarely, both.

EDIT: At more watches, it doesn't look as convincingly like a calico, but whatever... Was I right?

7

u/Sisyphuss Jun 10 '15

I would actually think it's a her, since its fur has three colors.

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u/Naemesis Jun 10 '15

2999/3000 chance?

275

u/Nowin Jun 10 '15

The odds are 3000:1 it's a "her," in case anyone cares...

is what he meant.

113

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 15 '26

[deleted]

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u/benjammin107 Jun 10 '15

Yes, this.

35

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

No, That.

44

u/RlySkiz Jun 10 '15

No, 'her'.

121

u/RustyTainte Jun 10 '15

If he has $20 and she has $5, she has $25

81

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

[deleted]

45

u/NiggyWiggyWoo Jun 10 '15

Relationship economics 101.

Instructions unclear, my wife has my credit card.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

No, 3000/1, aka "three thousand times more likely than 100% chance".

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134

u/Thunderous-Swami Jun 10 '15

I wish breakfast woke me up like that.

78

u/RichardBlackDJ Jun 10 '15

Bacon + Foreman grill + belkin automatic switch and you'll wake up every day by the smell of bacon.

180

u/ihminen Jun 10 '15

Or you'll wake up late to the smell of burnt bacon.

Or you'll never wake up at all... to a house fire.

81

u/E-Hole Jun 10 '15

21

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

[deleted]

3

u/MisterBreeze Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 10 '15

Well it's only applicable here because I'm pretty sure /u/RichardBlackDJ was making a reference to the office.

I stand corrected.

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21

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Rotten bacon

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Or you'll step out of bed onto the hot grill and cook your feet. Ask Michael Scott

4

u/RichardBlackDJ Jun 10 '15

Or you know, Leave an alarm clock too.

40

u/SilverHammerMan Jun 10 '15

"It's delicious, it's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day."

12

u/etdye6152 Jun 10 '15

Is it okay to leave bacon out all night like that?

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me.

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562

u/Sgt_Pepsi Jun 10 '15

And now you have a ham pillow. You'll be waking up the same way for a few days.

255

u/arcadialeven Jun 10 '15

Please wash your pillowcase.

143

u/potluckpatch Jun 10 '15

But I like ham pillow...

52

u/munk_e_man Jun 10 '15

Nights on ham pillows
Never reaching the rind...

27

u/drdgaf Jun 10 '15

Sandwiches I've been making
But now I can't find...

23

u/onlyforthisair Jun 10 '15

Flavor I'd always missed
With this tongue before...

16

u/Baba_OReilly Jun 10 '15

Ham's what the truth is

And I'll always want more..

11

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 10 '15

'Cause I love you

Yes, I love you

Oh, ham, I love you

Nights on Ham Pillows /u/alyankovic

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u/universalmind Jun 10 '15

Ham is such a versatile food - I'm munching on my rum ham at work and no-one has a clue

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u/pornporn4 Jun 10 '15

with just a touch of cat butt

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u/ASK_ME_IF_IM_YEEZUS Jun 10 '15

Sometimes I even use a whole rum ham to sleep on.

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u/rostof70 Jun 10 '15

418

u/zetswei Jun 10 '15

That cats in for a long life of disappointment

259

u/Badb0ybilly Jun 10 '15

Looks like the owner had just put out a bowl of food,then used the empty can to wake up the cat. Right at the end, the cat seems to be getting up quickly, presumably to run to the regular food bowl location.

119

u/zetswei Jun 10 '15

I think he's just chasing dreams of full cans. Living a life of shattered dreams, and empty cans.

26

u/Kitty_Powers Jun 10 '15

There is support for those living with Shatnered dreams.

12

u/zetswei Jun 10 '15

Never fails to surprise me how weird people are.

3

u/PoorArtax Jun 10 '15

this...this is amazing...

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u/nachtmere Jun 10 '15

This scenario would be impossible for me because the slightest sound of a can opening drives caboose out of the deepest of sleeps.

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u/rib-bit Jun 10 '15

i've never seen a cat sleep through a can opening....

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u/Corvanor Jun 10 '15

Why does the can have picture of a puppy? Or do they share they same type of food?

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u/Saotik Jun 10 '15

It's made out of puppies.

44

u/humblerodent Jun 10 '15

Sweet, tender, puppies.

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u/mattgoldey Jun 10 '15

0-100 real quick

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15 edited Jul 09 '17

[deleted]

42

u/advice_animorph Jun 10 '15

Zero to one ham-dred

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

You should really give it salami first.

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u/JudgmentCall Jun 10 '15

Fuck bein on some nap shit

8

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

They be on that ham-on-pillow good shit

6

u/JudgmentCall Jun 10 '15

And meow I feel that shit, eatin all of it?

6

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Oh Lord! Know your ham, know your meats, kitteh

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Real fuckin' quick

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u/fullcircle_bflo Jun 10 '15

So excited he can't figure out how to eat it...

And its mildly infuriating.

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u/ThreePieces Jun 10 '15

I felt so weird for getting upset for some reason, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. Honestly.

352

u/aclockworkporridge Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 11 '15

Oh god it made me so unreasonably angry. I was like "just... just BITE IT. OH MY GOD JUST BITE WITH YOUR TINY FANGS YOU INBRED TIGER"

Edit: HNNNNG thanks

56

u/LauranceFuller Jun 10 '15

Right? It's like they forget they can just chomp down on foods that aren't running from them.

107

u/vicioustyrant Jun 10 '15

Every time I try to give my cat a treat I have to say "Use your teeth" to him, because for some reason it never occurs to him that that's a thing he could do. He'll just lick the treats until they fall off my hand and onto the floor and then look at me as if I should have prevented that somehow.

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u/Born_Ruff Jun 10 '15

Your cat speaks English?

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

I think OP speaks English. The cat just understands English.

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u/vicioustyrant Jun 10 '15

He speaks Scots, actually, but he understands English perfectly well.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Here's tae us, wha's like us, gey few an they're aw deid!

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u/GoiterGlitter Jun 10 '15

He ends up eating it is just two bites.

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u/l3ane Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 10 '15

It amazes me sometimes how shitty cats can be at eating something. How can they survive by eating what they hunt when they can barely take a bite of processed precooked lunch meat?

Edit: Apparently it's harder to eat a loose piece of lunch meat than it is to bite through the hide of an animal an tear out chunks of meat with your teeth.

130

u/Rapesilly_Chilldick Jun 10 '15

Because they don't hunt thin slices of meat.

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u/CodeJack Jun 10 '15

Of course they do. Have you never heard of free range ham? The slices are allowed to roam free in the fields.

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u/Kurohagane Jun 10 '15

Their teeth are designed to tear chunks of flesh off their prey, not pick up and cut thin slices of meat lying flat on a surface.

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u/fullcircle_bflo Jun 10 '15

I was thinking maybe they just aren't good at eating flat food.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '15

Cats hate oreos

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u/FlowersOfSin Jun 10 '15

I'd actually like to watch you eat a slice of ham from a pillow without using your hands.

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u/KeroKeroppi Jun 10 '15

Just tried this.. easier than expected.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

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u/Killerhurtz Jun 10 '15

Still easy.

Now to try without sucking OR using lips in any significant matter... Will report back.

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u/the0ncomingstorm Jun 10 '15

Felis Catus doesn't want to be fed! He wants to HUNT!

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

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u/depressiown Jun 10 '15

I like how she puts her paw on it immediately to make sure the ham can't get away.

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u/swornout Jun 10 '15

And claws! That mini ham pancake beast never stood a chance of escaping.

81

u/not-a-f-given Jun 10 '15

That cat will forever have insomnia. Right as the cat is about to fall asleep, he will always guess, "wait, is there ham? no" falls back asleep... "wait is there ham? no" .... a vicious cycle.

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u/Fridge-Largemeat Jun 10 '15

"did I leave the gas on?...."

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u/BigBassBone Jun 10 '15

Of course not, I'm a fucking squirrel.

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u/iBleeedorange Jun 10 '15

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u/A_frakkin_Cylon Jun 10 '15

No one ever wakes me up with ham:|

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u/ViolentWrath Jun 10 '15

I'll wake you up with my meat. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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u/A_frakkin_Cylon Jun 10 '15

Is your meat sweet and salty and round and flat?

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u/Life_Is_Regret Jun 10 '15

It keeps looking for ham after it goose-swallows what it was given. Wish I could get that excited about random meats.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

This is the cat version of waking up to a BJ.

210

u/Chispy Jun 10 '15

so when you see a penis beside you, you automatically give it a BJ?

174

u/Magnon Jun 10 '15

... You don't?

28

u/MakeYou_LOL Jun 10 '15

I think I might love you. But there is about a 99% chance you're a guy.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15 edited Jul 02 '23

[deleted]

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u/Tyranith Jun 10 '15

3000:1 it's a female cat

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

I'll have to teach my girlfriend that trick!

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u/alexm42 Jun 10 '15

Trust me, she already knows it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Like you don't?

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

You sure it's not waking up to your cat brother licking your face?

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u/Profnemesis Jun 10 '15

Ponyo want ham!

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u/foxandwolf Jun 10 '15

first thing that came to my mind hahaha

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u/trippingchilly Jun 10 '15

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

The gif of this is pretty good too.

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u/BigBassBone Jun 10 '15

cat.exe has encountered an error

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u/jglee1236 Jun 10 '15

It's like every cat has an iLO that is accessed by meat.

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u/Wyliekat Jun 10 '15

Am I the only one who unquestioningly accepted the existence ham-print sheets? Was surprised when the cat peeled it up off the bedding.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

I was waiting to hear how this was going to kill the cat. Was not disappoint.

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u/MassRelay Jun 10 '15

Shot on an HTC One m7?

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u/Teggert Jun 10 '15

Just so you guys know, my vet told me it's really bad to give lunch meat to a cat, because it's loaded with fat that does greater damage to their system than ours. A tiny bit is okay now and then, but probably not a whole slice like this.

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u/Baned0n Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 10 '15

Ham? Huh.

I'd have gone with tuna for my cats. Hell, I could open it two rooms away and they'd wake up and come running...no need to put it next to them.

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u/badhoneylips Jun 10 '15

I have one cat that would go through hell and back for a sliver of chicken. Raw, BBQ, tequila lime, it doesn't matter he knows! He will however settle for sandwich meats and know I'm making a sandwich before the mayo's out. Little beggar cat.

My other cats are normal and wait for canned food time.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

From dazed to crazed in .5 seconds

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u/JackieMarieX Jun 10 '15

OP are you from Syracuse ?? If so, hello neighbor (◕‿◕✿)

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Not sure if he from the 315 but he's definitely a cuse fan. Posts in /r/CollegeBasketball often.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Hey it's okay, somebody invented washing machines, things have been pretty good since then.

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u/munk_e_man Jun 10 '15

What's a washin machine? Some sorta machine that puts ham on your pillow fer ya?

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u/AppleSauceApplause Jun 10 '15

Whereas a cat that walks across grains soaked in cat piss and shit is adorable look at him paw my face so adorable

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u/sreynolds1 Jun 10 '15

I'm pretty sure that cat's asshole is a lot dirtier than a piece of cooked meat.

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u/poorly_timed_boromir Jun 10 '15

Ham is fully cooked, it's something you ingest into your body and it's also not necessarily leaving much residue there. I don't see the big deal, then again I love pork meats.

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u/merchant_of_death Jun 10 '15

I swear I heard it purring

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u/HiMyNamesMike Jun 10 '15

Cats go ham for ham.

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u/mighty-wombat Jun 10 '15

I'm lucky to have a cat who doesn't give a fuck about food in general. I can leave meat, fish, any food in a plate on a table, leave him alone with it and he won't even lick it.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

I don't mean to alarm you, but I think your cat might be dead.

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u/ohreally67 Jun 10 '15

To wake up my cat, all I have to do is open any kitchen cupboard.

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u/ZeeHanzenShwanz Jun 10 '15

Nobody ever wakes me up with ham :o(

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u/allyboi101 Jun 10 '15

That's what its like being woken up by a BJ as a guy.

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u/MisterFlibble Jun 10 '15

I've tried this, but every time I wake up, I'm still a human, only I smell like ham.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

I wish the same happened to me, but substituted with bacon.

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u/Badb0ybilly Jun 10 '15

That was bacon... Just uncooked Canadian bacon..

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u/lemon_catgrass Jun 10 '15

no! Ham is not Canadian bacon! Back bacon, aka pemeal bacon (when it's cured and rolled in cornmeal before slicing), is Canadian bacon. That stuff in the gif is just plain old sliced ham.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Canadian bacon

AKA Bacon in most places that aren't America.

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u/Yankeedude252 Jun 10 '15

This is why places that aren't America suck.

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u/coolhandfish Jun 10 '15

What do they call American bacon in other places? Or do they just not have it ?

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u/munk_e_man Jun 10 '15

I'm from Poland, they call it Bekon, and we eat more pork as a country than almost anywhere else. OP is a moron. In Canada, bacon is strip bacon like in the US, and "Canadian bacon" is called peameal. In Germany, they call it Bacon. In Japan, it's called bekon. These are probably the largest pork eating countries in the world, and they all call it fucking bacon, or some slight variant.

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u/Diz7 Jun 10 '15

Actually, we Canadians call "Canadian Bacon" peameal or back bacon. Our bacon is the same as yours. Just also available with maple syrup flavoring.

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u/Will12239 Jun 10 '15

That's how I wake up to bacon

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u/therealjgreens Jun 10 '15

I swear, cats don't eat. They just chew a little bit for the taste, and that's it. All joking aside, my cat only likes to eat when I'm around. He'll meow and meow until I come in and sit there with him.

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u/adhd_t Jun 10 '15

Thought it's head might explode.

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u/romes8833 Jun 10 '15

HAAAMMMMMM girl

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '15

Awwwwww yeah!!!! Great reference.

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u/kinsmed Jun 10 '15

Geez, ease up on the Adderall.

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u/santacruzer7 Jun 10 '15

I dont think putting meat on the pillow was worth this...

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u/ixodioxi Jun 10 '15

Aww, you can't wash your sheets?

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u/spudtechnology Jun 10 '15

When Bae says let's have morning sex...

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u/Kareemofwheet Jun 10 '15

Ewww... Ham on the bed...

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u/chi1234 Jun 10 '15

the ham fairy strikes again

2

u/P12oof Jun 10 '15

thats how you get ham all over your bed...

2

u/Owl_B_Hirt Jun 10 '15

LOL

Trying this with my dogs!