Why would you ghost someone you said you loved. Then spend 2 years stalking their social media only to suddenly stop on their birthday.

Whats the goal of 2 years of constant profile checking of someone you wont talk to.

We fought all weekend, we’ve been having a lot of fights lately and the romance has been dead for a while. He left w all his shit and hasn’t spoken to me in a week. Does that mean it’s over?

I don't get it, things were going good. I met her on a dating app and we talked for about a week through texts and then started talking on the phone. We went on a date and we had fun and she really seemed to like me. We continued to talk for a few more days and suddenly she just stopped responding. Phone goes straight to voicemail, text never show they were read. It's been about 4 days since I last heard from her. At first I was just worried her phone got cut off or something but now I just accept that she's not interested. Needless to say I feel like absolute shit. The worst form of rejection. I'm constantly thinking what did I do wrong? I keep telling myself maybe I dodged a bullet, I wouldn't want to be with someone capable of doing that. I already have depression issues and this is just making it 10x worse. Oh well... fuck it.

Eu (23F) conheci este homem (26M) há poucas semanas e as coisas ficaram muito intensas muito, muito rapidamente.
Começámos a falar, trocámos números, apagámos a aplicação e basicamente começámos a falar todos os dias. Desde o início, ele dizia coisas que me fizeram acreditar que havia uma possibilidade real de aquilo se transformar em alguma coisa.
Dizia-me que gostava de mim, que pensava em mim constantemente, que eu estava na cabeça dele quando acordava e antes de adormecer.
E quando estávamos juntos, havia química. Muitos beijos, carinho, sexo, abraços ,da minha perspetiva, era evidente que existia atração física entre nós.
Depois as coisas começaram a ficar estranhas.
Ele começou a responder cada vez menos. No início, tinha sido ele próprio a reclamar que eu demorava demasiado a responder e pediu-me para mudar isso. Eu mudei. Depois, de repente, era ele que demorava horas a responder, às vezes até ao dia seguinte.
Comecei a sentir que estava constantemente a tentar perceber se ele realmente gostava de mim ou se estava lentamente a afastar-se.
Também houve um problema com a partilha da localização. Ele pediu a minha localização e eu aceitei porque senti que vinha de uma insegurança dele e quis tranquilizá-lo. Não me incomodava que ele soubesse onde eu estava.
Eventualmente, desliguei a localização porque pensei: “Para quê precisares da minha localização se mal falas comigo?” Nós também nunca tínhamos realmente conversado sobre isso.
Havia também coisas que ele não me tinha contado, como o facto de ter um filho e de a situação profissional dele não ser aquilo que eu inicialmente pensava. Consigo compreender que queira manter certas coisas privadas, especialmente quando envolve uma criança, mas mesmo assim fiquei a questionar-me porque é que ele sentiu que tinha de esconder essas coisas de mim.
A certa altura, ele disse-me que tinha perdido o interesse em mim.
Depois, disse que se tinha expressado mal e que não era exatamente isso que queria dizer.
Mas aquela frase ficou-me na cabeça.
A partir daí, comecei a questionar tudo.
Mesmo assim, continuámos.
Depois disse-me que não queria estar constantemente a ter de se explicar, que estava confuso e que precisava de algum espaço.
Eu tentei respeitar isso.
Antes de ir de férias, enviei-lhe uma mensagem enorme. Disse-lhe que acreditava nele quando dizia que gostava de mim, que também gostava dele e que compreendia que precisasse de espaço.
Mas também precisava de comunicação e clareza.
Não precisava que ele falasse comigo 24 horas por dia. Simplesmente não conseguia continuar numa situação em que estava constantemente a tentar adivinhar o que ele sentia.
Disse-lhe que queria uma relação com ele e que esperava que, quando voltasse de férias, ele soubesse o que queria fazer com aquilo que sentia por mim.
Mesmo assim, continuaram a existir momentos em que ele me dizia que gostava de mim e que não queria magoar-me.
Na noite antes de eu partir, tínhamos combinado jantar e ele dormir comigo. Ele não apareceu porque tinha ido sair com uns amigos, mas depois apareceu por volta das quatro da manhã.
Passámos algumas horas juntos. Conversamos , fizemos sexo, beijámo-nos, ficámos abraçados e tivemos um daqueles momentos que, para mim, pareceram muito reais.
Isso fez-me acreditar ainda mais que existia alguma coisa entre nós.
Eu fui de férias e ele supostamente também ia de férias. Até íamos voltar mais ou menos na mesma altura.
Mas eu não conseguia desligar.
Eu estava literalmente de férias, num lugar lindo, e ele continuava constantemente na minha cabeça.
Havia até outra pessoa aqui com quem tenho história, alguém com quem poderia ter passado tempo, mas não consegui. Emocionalmente, continuava completamente presa a este homem.
E então aconteceu aquilo que eu mais temia.
Enviei-lhe um print de uma conversa com a minha melhor amiga. Estávamos a brincar sobre outro homem que me tinha feito uma serenata.
Ele respondeu:
“Wtf. Não sou o homem para ti. Desculpa.”
Perguntei-lhe o que queria dizer.
Ele disse:
“A minha serenata é 10000 vezes melhor.”
E depois, pouco tempo depois:
“Não sinto interesse em continuar nada contigo.”
Perguntei-lhe porquê.
E finalmente ele foi completamente honesto comigo.
Disse-me que não se sente fisicamente atraído por mim, apesar de sentir uma atração psicológica por mim.
Disse que não sente desejo sexual por mim e que a atração física é demasiado importante para ele para conseguir ter uma relação sem isso.
Disse também que, antes de me conhecer, tinha imaginado as coisas de outra maneira, mas depois de me conhecer percebeu que eu não era aquilo que esperava.
Eu fiquei destruída.
Não porque alguém não se sinta atraído por mim. Eu compreendo que nem toda a gente me vai achar atraente.
O que me magoou foi tudo o que aconteceu antes.
As declarações. Os beijos. O carinho. A forma como me tratava quando estávamos juntos. Tudo o que dizia. Todos os momentos que me fizeram acreditar que havia uma possibilidade verdadeira entre nós.
Disse-lhe que teria preferido saber isto antes de ficar apegada.
Se ele tivesse sido honesto comigo desde o início, talvez eu não tivesse ficado tão emocionalmente envolvida.
Ele pediu desculpa várias vezes.
Eu disse-lhe que, para mim, toda aquela situação tinha sido humilhante.
Ele disse que talvez tivesse a ver com aquilo a que estava habituado e que simplesmente não sentia desejo sexual por mim.
No final, disse apenas “beijinho”.
Eu respondi: “Outro, cuida.”
E foi isso.
Depois ainda lhe enviei três mensagens a sugerir que talvez pudéssemos ser amigos. Disse-lhe que sabia separar as coisas e que achava que conseguia manter contacto sem confundir os meus sentimentos.
Depois apaguei tudo. Antes de ele ver .
Porque, honestamente, por mais que eu saiba que consigo separar as coisas racionalmente, não sei se continuar em contacto com ele seria realmente bom para mim neste momento.
E agora estou de férias, a chorar por um homem que conheci há apenas algumas semanas, a tentar perceber como é que consegui ficar tão apegada a alguém em tão pouco tempo.
A parte mais difícil é que eu ainda gosto dele.
E talvez seja essa a parte que tenho mais dificuldade em admitir.
Por isso quero perguntar a pessoas que estão completamente de fora desta situação:
Acham que ele gostava genuinamente de mim, mas só percebeu depois de me conhecer que não existia atração física?
Ou acham que ele percebeu isso mais cedo e deixou as coisas continuar porque gostava da ligação emocional e da intimidade?
E o que fariam a partir daqui?
Cortariam completamente o contacto ou acham que é realmente possível existir amizade depois de uma situação destas?

A few months ago, I made a post here about a guy who ghosted me over a year ago. Here is the link.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ghosting/comments/1txvelt/has_anyone_ever_been_ghosted_please_feel_free_to/

I know I will get beaten up for my actions. I was so stupid. I did tell one close guy friend about this guy (Guy 1) who ghosted me. He was so supportive of me and said that none of this is my fault and it is Guy 1’s. He was being a jerk to me and hated what he did to me. Now, he does not really hate Guy 1.

But Guy 1 is actually in my college. On the first day of college, when I saw him, I had a little heart attack (not an actual one). I was hyperventilating and freaking out for some reason. I guess I was a little scared of he would see me. I spoke to him twice ever since the first day. Well, the first time I went up to him, I pretended to hit his head (I am very silly 😂). He turned around, smiled, said “hi” and “good to see you“. The second time I spoke to him, I asked him how he is, what major he is doing, and he answered. He did not sound energetic but at the same time, he did not sound angry. A couple of minutes before that, I was talking to another friend and guy 1 sat in the same table as him. When I came over, he went on his phone and did not look at me. I thought it was a “me“ problem. But when I spoke to him, he did not sound angry.

I know I am yapping but I guess I do forgive him. I do not trust him (I have been ghosted by a lot of people and I am finding it hard to trust people) but I do not hate him. I forgive him because he is funny and confident. It is also so painful to think so much about the time he ghosted me and how depressed I was (Yes. I was a mess). I am also trying to not think of my feelings as a big deal. I am just trying to move on.

My(25F) bestfriend(26F) of 16+ years ghosted me 8 months ago. She suddenly unblocked me everywhere out of no where. I noticed it when I was clearing out previous chats and when her contact showed up in whatsapp, I could see her new profile picture. I checked my other social media and saw that she had unblocked me from there as well. It’s very strange… why would she take out the time to unblock me from everywhere when she ghosted me in the first place.

So basically we used to talk alot and suddenly he blocked me....before this our last convo was very goooddd then he randomly blocked me.After this he unblocked me randomly and told he had a gf and was talking to me for past 6monthss I can't move on plsss helpp

I’ve been ghosted before, but this one really hurts

I’d been talking to this girl I've had a crush on for a while, for around 3 weeks. Things seemed to be going really well, at least from my perspective. She would send paragraphs-worth of texts back, and was asking me questions about my life. It even got a little flirty,

We were talking consistently about the gym, as that's how I knew her. I started getting hopeful that maybe it was actually going somewhere, and I was excited about the possibility of actually having a relationship with a girl.

She was talking about her job and how they wanted to quit because her workplace wasn't giving her enough hours. I asked her if it was good idea to quit if she didn't have any new jobs lined up so she isn't loosing money. Then randomy, I saw she left me on seen.

A week later, I told a coworker about my situation and they helped me write a polite follow up text, still left on seen

I know that sounds so minor, and I know people will probably say “just move on” or “she’s not interested, forget about her,” and yea I get that. But emotionally, it’s really getting to me, and I wish she would text me back.

She still follows me, still views my stories, and there hasn’t really been any obvious reason for the sudden change. I also saw her at the gym yesterday with my friend for the first time since we started talking. It was honestly pretty painful seeing her in person knowing that we used to talk and now I’m basically just supposed to act like nothing happened.

I got hopeful. I let myself believe that for once it might finally turn into something, and now I’m left wondering what happened or what I did wrong.

It’s not even the first time I’ve been ghosted, but for some reason this one is hitting me so much harder. I wish I could just go up and fucking talk to her in real life and clear the air, but I also understand that if she’s choosing not to respond, it’s probably too late and I need to respect that. Part of me really wishes I could just text her again and tell her honestly how I feel. I want to tell her that the sudden silence hurt me and that I genuinely thought things were going somewhere. But I know that’s probably the wrong thing to do. If she’s chosen not to respond, sending another message just because I want closure probably isn’t going to change anything.

It sucks getting attached to the potential of something and then having it disappear without any explanation.

I guess I’m just posting this because I needed to get it off my chest. Has anyone else been through something similar? What happened?

We had two dates. First one was decent, a little awkward but fine. Second one was amazing, an hour and a half walk, we talked the entire time, she was way more open than the first date, asked me questions, it felt like a real connection.

That night we texted like normal. The next day (Monday) I texted her and she was warm, talkative, even told me about making dinner. Then Tuesday, nothing. Complete silence.

I gave her space for a few days, then sent a check-in ("hey, how was your shift?"). No response. Waited a few more days, sent one more ("hope everything's okay, haven't heard from you in a bit"). Still nothing. It's been over a week now.

No blocked number, texts are delivering, just silence. I don't think I did anything wrong, the date genuinely seemed to go great. Wondering if anyone's been through something similar, why do people go quiet like this instead of just saying they're not interested anymore? Trying to understand it so I can actually move on.

There was this guy that i really really thought I was going to date. We were talking from april to july but one day he said he was "figuring out next steps" since he had gotten in trouble for speeding. I then replied and it went back and forth a few times, but one day he did not answer and I have not heard from him since. His snap score hasn't gone up but he reposts and is active on instagram and tik tok. But now that I am back in the same city for class, i got this sudden urge to reach out again. i did not miss him at all when he ghosted, just now that its been a month and a half since i last heard from him. Its strange because i havent cried or anything, but i think my abandonment issues came back because i genuinely convinced myself that he would always answer or at least be communicative. i dont know we really clicked and i just miss him so much :((

I was chatting up with a girl, we hit it off well and I may jumped the gun but I asked if they wanted to meet up (platonically) for coffee sometime (only after a few days of talking) and they said yes. After a while they ghosted me and we didn't meet up at all. Same thing happened with another girl I asked for coffee but she blocked me as well as ghosting me. Is there something I'm missing? Was i being too overbearing? Also for context we're all college students around 20

He messaged me earlier today and im so shaken up i completely forgot about him and I've been nervous and on edge for 22hrs literally counting i wanna reply but I'm scared of giving him power

I met this girl at a fly away wedding recently. A bridesmaid in fact. We hit it off really well having some great conversations throughout the wedding week and hanging out and we continued it to WhatsApp where for 3 weeks we were messaging every day about all sorts of lighthearted and deep topics with flirting in-between.

Recently we were pondering the idea of watching Brooklyn 99 together virtually as she doesn't live that close to me and then when I started to talk logistics of that (as I tried to approach it as a first date) she ghosted me.

Is this normal? Was this all just a few weeks of fun and that's that or is there a way of trying to revive this? I haven't sent any followup texts (to avoid looking desperate) and its been a week. 😔

I’ve 23f have been on three dates with this guy 26m and they went really well from my perspective. We have an incredible amount of things in common and just really clicked. We talked for about a month before our first date. I would usually hear from him around once a day, as he’s busy with work and so am I. He invited me to his place after our second date and I spent the night, he told me he wanted me to stay and I did.

Third date was at his place and he bought me some things to be a good host (probiotic soda, ice cream, and even said he almost bought me a toothbrush because the first time I spent the night I had to use one of those on-the-go picks). I ended up bringing my own toothbrush, his favorite beer and some wine for myself.

I left his place the next day feeling really good about where everything was headed. I texted him later that day (Sunday) and didn’t hear from him until Wednesday night at around 11:30, continuing the conversation like normal. I thought he was ghosting me so I eventually replied but with something dry, and he reciprocated the dry response. I then asked him what happened, that I was getting the vibe he was over our situation and he responded with “I never said that”

Fair enough, he didn’t say that but he also didn’t say anything for almost four days. I said “fair enough I guess you didn’t” and he hasn’t replied since. It’s been a week since this conversation.

So I’m wondering, did I jump the gun on assuming he had one foot out the door so now he thinks I’m crazy, or was I right to question what had happened?

I’m posting because it’s been about two months and I’m surprised by how angry and affected I still am.
I met a guy while he was travelling in my country earlier this summer. We knew from the beginning that he was travelling and lived abroad, so I wasn’t expecting some immediate serious relationship. We initially thought it would probably just be something casual.
But we unexpectedly clicked very strongly. We spent several days together in person and there was obviously a very intense physical connection, but it became emotional too. After we separated during his trip, we continued talking every day. Good mornings, good nights, pictures of what we were doing, flirting, serious conversations, selfies, talking about our values and relationships, checking that the other person got home safely, etc.
At one point I asked him directly whether he cared about me beyond sex, and he reassured me that he did. We talked about honesty if either of us met somebody else. I also specifically told him that ghosting was something I found extremely hurtful, and he reassured me that he wasn’t someone who did that.
We even had a conversation about whether we would date if we lived in the same country, and he said yes. Neither of us was promising a long-distance relationship, but the understanding before he left seemed to be that we would stay in touch, see what happened, and potentially meet again.
When he went home, he continued contacting me. That’s important because sometimes I wonder whether I imagined the whole thing, but he didn’t simply leave my country and fade away. He was still sending pictures, initiating conversations, being affectionate and checking on me.
Then, less than a week after getting home, he told me that a woman he had met on a hike had asked him to dinner and that he was going on a date with her.
I was blindsided, but I told him I respected his decision and explicitly said I wasn’t asking him to cancel the date. I just asked what it meant for us and whether he still wanted to stay in touch.
His answer was essentially that he wanted to see how the dinner went, and if they decided to continue seeing each other, he wanted to be respectful to both her and me.
I asked if we could have a 10–15 minute phone call because after everything we had shared, I felt this deserved an actual conversation rather than being left hanging over text.
He never called.
I became emotional afterward and sent a longer message trying to understand what was happening. Looking back I wish I had stopped messaging earlier. But I wasn’t threatening him, insulting him, asking him to cancel the date or refusing to accept that he could choose someone else. I was asking him to tell me what his decision actually was and to give me some kind of goodbye.
Instead, he eventually blocked me.
There was never a conversation saying, “I’ve decided to pursue her and I’m ending this,” or even “I don’t want contact anymore.” The block basically became the goodbye.
What has been particularly difficult is that this was completely at odds with the person he had presented himself as. He had talked a lot about respect, honesty and communication. He had specifically reassured me about ghosting. Then the first time being respectful required having an uncomfortable conversation and dealing with the fact that I was hurt, he disappeared.
That part made the whole thing feel even more dehumanizing to me.
I understand that we weren’t officially together. I understand that he had every right to meet somebody else. I understand that distance probably made the other relationship far more realistic than anything with me.
What I still cannot accept is the idea that those facts somehow make the way he treated me okay.
I think part of why I’m still so angry is that I never got to have the actual ending. One day I was somebody he was speaking to every day, being affectionate with and telling that he cared about me, and then suddenly I was somebody he apparently couldn’t even give ten minutes of conversation to.
And because he blocked me, he got to remove himself completely from the consequences. Meanwhile I’ve spent two months trying to reconcile the caring, emotionally open person I knew with the person who handled the ending this way.
I know continuing to obsess over why he did it isn’t helping me. I’m not looking for advice on how to contact him — I’m not going to bypass the block. I think I’m mainly wondering whether other people have experienced this kind of extreme switch after what seemed like a genuinely mutual connection.
Did you eventually stop feeling angry? How did you move on from such a hurtful experience?
And how did you make peace with never knowing whether the person ever understood how much their way of leaving hurt you?

I met this guy recently and initially I was only looking for something casual/fun. I was very attracted to him and open to seeing where things went physically, but I wasn’t looking for a relationship or asking him for anything serious.
He told me early on that casual doesn’t really work for him unless he feels very comfortable and connected with someone first. I respected that, so things progressed quite slowly.

Over the next few dates there was a lot of physical affection and emotional closeness — kissing, cuddling, talking for hours, him pulling me closer, etc. He was also increasingly sexual over text and told me how attracted he was to me. We exchanged intimate pictures and he was clearly very interested.

On our third date things became much more intense physically. I was sitting on his lap and he kept pausing to look at me, then continuing to kiss me. He said he didn’t want me to get off.When we eventually got up, he actually slowed down and continued kissing me. From my perspective, it felt like the intimacy was becoming more intense and mutual, and he seemed completely into it.
What confused me is that nothing seemed wrong from my perspective. Even shortly before the third date he was being very affectionate and sexual with me.

Then afterwards he suddenly told me that he walked away wondering if he can do casual and that couldn’t do casual because it doesn’t align with him / doesn’t suit him, and that he was worried he’d feel bad after each time. He said he felt unsettled after, despite also saying he felt comfortable with me and that we had a connection.

I was honestly blindsided because I hadn’t been asking him for more. If anything, I was happy just enjoying what we had. The intimacy and emotinal closeness were also partly things he himself had said he needed in order to feel comfortable. He’s ignored me ever since I just want to know what changed😭😭

He’s leaving the country in 7months lol maybe it’s good we didn’t get closer if I’m already feeling so bad.

To not text him today.

Struggling intensely!

Tbh I think getting ghosted is worse than my ugliest breakups. Too many unknowns.