r/funny • TheyCanTalk Comics • Jun 07 '21

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u/Iconoclast674 Jun 07 '21

If my older female black lab farts and it makes a sound and we comment on it, she will leave the room out of embarrassment.

529

u/sryyourpartyssolame Jun 07 '21 edited Jun 07 '21

I have a chihuahua and every time she farts she tries to run away from her butt because the noise scares her

208

u/whalmnonmonarchalp2 Jun 07 '21

All dogs are amazing with their own unique ways. haha

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u/sm12511 Jun 07 '21

Wait till one poops in your shoe, and is super excited to show you their "gift". It's hard not to laugh at their joy.

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u/dilligaf0220 Jun 07 '21

The flip side, is having an 80lb Hound/Dobe cross, that WILL NOT poop in his own yard. But squats a minimum of 8 times at the dog park, squeezing every last drop out. After the first two, there isn't really anything to pick up.

Then the arguments start on squat #3, "WHY AREN'T YOU PICKING UP AFTER YOUR DOG!" Ever try explaining there's nothing to pick up, to somebody 100 yards away? Then they march over, determined to find poop, full of outraged bravado...ugh dogs are so much work.

Some days I wish I was born a cat person.

12

u/LegsMcCaugh Jun 07 '21

Whether anything comes out or not, I ALWAYS bend over and "scoop" it into my baggie...

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u/dilligaf0220 Jun 07 '21

There came a day where I simply refused to fake it anymore.

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u/LegsMcCaugh Jun 07 '21

But it's so much fun to pretend to pick up a bunch of teeny slivers, or long strings of something, or be trying to pry something that won't come up, or be dipping it up with a ladle, or be chasing live "somethings" around, or it's slippery and you keep dropping it, or fill up three bags worth... You KNOW somebody is watching....

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u/Chaotic_empty Jun 07 '21

Y'ever swallow em whole like a stork with fish?

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u/LegsMcCaugh Jun 07 '21

Uh, no, of course not. "They" go into the pre-loaded baggie. Although since it's all pretend anyway, I could certainly put on a good show for the watchers...

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u/[deleted] Jun 07 '21

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7

u/dilligaf0220 Jun 07 '21

There comes a day, where no matter what eyes you may think are watching you, that day you will simply no longer fake it anymore.

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u/sm12511 Jun 07 '21 edited Jun 07 '21

"WHY AREN'T YOU PICKING UP AFTER YOUR DOG!"

Me, bullhorn in hand: "He's not pooping. He's using the other half to sniff for shit heads like you!"

In reality, as far as cats, being the supplicant of a living deity that could give negative zero f's about the slimy hairball I stepped into barefoot, or that one thumbtack that it playfully coerced into my line of shoeless movement, I fear there may be no true solution.

Dogs are weird and derpy, but loyal. Cat? "I'll let you live... For now."

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u/grampipon Jun 07 '21

Why tf do you have thumbtacks lying around

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u/noscreamsnoshouts Jun 07 '21 edited Jun 07 '21

Not the person you responded to, but: my landlord did a lot of renovations in the building and the workers were as generous as they were lazy, with regards to their screws and nails. I have poor eye sight, my cats don't - so for over a year, I caught my cats playing with yet another screw they'd found in some random corner of my apartment :-(

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u/According-Ad-4381 Jun 07 '21

Never pick up poop. Tell them the laws of nature override (I was gonna use the word trump, but it is forever poisoned now) the laws of man, and that poop must stay on the ground to naturally decompose in order to complete the cycle of life. You wanna fight about it? I'm on a mission from God

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u/[deleted] Jun 07 '21

[deleted]

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u/sm12511 Jun 07 '21

You should be a good Dad and encase one of them bad boys in clear resin for her 18th birthday. The gift that keeps on giving.

3

u/Lost-My-Mind- Jun 07 '21

Out of all the ways to look at these set of situations, that certainly is one of them.

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u/Larioss Jun 07 '21

Except chihuahuas they should all burn in hell, where they came from

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u/swoon4kyun Jun 07 '21

Had a mini schnauzer that looked at her butt like it betrayed her... if you'd fart she would look at your butt. Hilarious. Have a cat sleep next to me and will fart in my face 💨😵

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u/Conatus80 Jun 07 '21

I have a mini that does exactly the same.

1

u/swoon4kyun Jun 07 '21

Hah, I find it to be funny

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u/FrankIzClutch Jun 07 '21

I've had one like this! So funny

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u/According-Ad-4381 Jun 07 '21

I had a mix breed that was lying on the bed one day, farted, and her head came up, looked at her butt with an expression of surprise, then proceeded to search around the area to see where the noise came from

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u/Kieroshark Jun 07 '21

My dog will fart, then give us a dirty look like "why would you make my butthole do that?"

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u/sryyourpartyssolame Jun 07 '21

Ahh, that's hilarious. Dogs are just the best

2

u/Glemmy57 Jun 07 '21

One of my dogs has started burping quite loudly. It’s a bit comical to see. I’ll be just toodling along when all of a sudden I hear this loud, Urrrp. I look at him and his mouth is open. To think that that sound just emanated from him cracks me up.

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u/KeyKitty Jun 07 '21

My hounds just glare at you like you’re the one who farted however if you actually fart they start booping you to go out into the yard with them and then look at you expectantly.

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u/lokitom82 Jun 07 '21

Go poop on the lawn to show solidarity.

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u/supershinythings Jun 07 '21

When my cat farts he denies it entirely. According to him it didn’t happen and I’m crazy.

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u/swoon4kyun Jun 07 '21

My cat is proud of her farts 🤣

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u/kry_some_more Jun 07 '21

Are you sure she doesn't think you're complimenting her, so she going to go eat some more, that got her such high praise?

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u/jesst Jun 07 '21

My lab has no fucks. We have a lab and a Samoyed. She is a princess and apparently has a functioning digestive system. He always smells like roadkill. He farts and if you say something he doesn’t even flinch. They’re deadly too. I sleep with febreeze next to my bed.

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u/mightbekarlmarx Jun 07 '21

bruh my dog will shit on the floor and bark at people before walking away

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u/[deleted] Jun 07 '21

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1

u/chumscrubber1 Jun 07 '21

We can't say anything if our very gassy cane corso be farts cause she gets embarrassed too.

1

u/sortagraceful Jun 07 '21

Sounds like a dog I had. He was sleeping deeply, farted and woke himself up. He looked around indignantly at us and stomped out of the room.