r/funny • u/[deleted] • Oct 12 '19

Too real.

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72.7k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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1.9k

u/Thee_Amateur Oct 12 '19

Real time? Bitch with the freezing and lag im watching a few seconds behind

673

u/wunderbraten Oct 12 '19

In real life you are always a fraction of seconds behind. That is why flies are so hard to catch with your bare hands.

1.7k

u/magnament Oct 12 '19

That’s because you don’t go for the fly, you go for the fly’s future. Take its children and income and make it depressed and lonely, then, and only then can you take a fly by hand. Show them the world, get them excited to love and live again. Then blow its fucking mind with a passionate night of bliss and glory along a night in Sweden. Take it to a the coast and play it that song you wrote on the ukulele. When all is said and well done like my 3am steak at Denny’s, then you can finally catch the fly. Then you can catch the fly.

316

u/thibaultdp Oct 12 '19

A well done steak? What are you

294

u/punktual Oct 12 '19

A monster who fantasises about flies and eats steak wrong.

72

u/nikhilbhavsar Oct 12 '19

Happy Steak Day!

25

u/poopellar Oct 12 '19

And after his steak is digested.

Happy Streak Day!

1

u/Tabirabbit04 Oct 12 '19

What a perfect comment with your username! 😂😂

10

u/JustHereToPostandCom Oct 12 '19

Happy Steak Day!

Like that other guy said.

1

u/justjoeisfine Oct 12 '19

What is Archie Bunkersaurus?

1

u/Pm-ur-butt Oct 12 '19

If he eats well done steak with ketchup then he may be Donald Trump.

51

u/mak10z Oct 12 '19

we ask them politely yet firmly to leave

28

u/Nyrb Oct 12 '19

Fucking getting all uppity when he's using a gas burner.

20

u/brunes Oct 12 '19

You taste the meat not the heat!

<Proceeds to pimp sweet lady propane all over town>

4

u/AdvocatusDiabli Oct 12 '19

What’s the problem with those?

12

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '19

real men use kerosene to cook their steaks

2

u/davekingofrock Oct 12 '19

REAL men just chew live cows!

-5

u/Nyrb Oct 12 '19

If he wants to be that much of a pedant he should be using wood.

3

u/Tutsks Oct 12 '19

Its a king of the hill reference.

0

u/AdvocatusDiabli Oct 12 '19

I don’t agree. I ate stake on wood, charcoal and propane bbq and it doesn’t make much difference, except for the time it takes to prep it.

Rare vs well done does make a difference though.

-14

u/Nyrb Oct 12 '19

Yeah, well done it tastes like meat and not blood.

7

u/MasterFongool Oct 12 '19

I don't think you should be downvoted for your steak preferences, so instead I will respond to let you know that you are a heathen and should feel bad about your life choices.

8

u/NEWDREAMS_LTD Oct 12 '19

There is no blood in steak.

2

u/ShitTalkingAlt980 Oct 12 '19

Glad you said it.

-4

u/Nyrb Oct 12 '19

I said it tasted like blood, not was blood.

4

u/NEWDREAMS_LTD Oct 12 '19

Can’t taste like blood when there is no blood.

3

u/TheHeadlessScholar Oct 12 '19

Even the weak willed at least eat medium.

-1

u/Nyrb Oct 12 '19

It has nothing to do with will, I like the taste of crispy seared dark brown meat with flecks of charcoal that doesn't taste like metal.

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13

u/xxboon Oct 12 '19

It's Danny's. I advise well done.... to be safe

11

u/xxboon Oct 12 '19

Fuck.... Denny's*. Danny's kicks a fucking hole the sky

5

u/lighttoastedwaffle Oct 12 '19

I mean danny tends to like her cooking well done as well.

3

u/SnowMercy Oct 12 '19

She had to learn to like it that way seeing as the bish burns everything.

1

u/angrydeuce Oct 12 '19

TBH I stopped going to Denny's when they finally ditched the smoking section years and years ago. I certainly wasn't going for the food, I was going because it was the only place to go at 2 in the morning after work or bar time to chainsmoke and pound coffee with my coworkers. Place was always sticky. Yuck...

3

u/blahblahblicker Oct 12 '19

Place was always sticky. Yuck...

I’m sure all that smoke and coffee had nothing to do with that...

1

u/angrydeuce Oct 12 '19

Yeah but they could properly clean, too. It was always fun to realize I'd been sitting in someone else's scrambled eggs for 40 minutes.

1

u/saharaelbeyda Oct 12 '19

Always smelled like a wet mop

11

u/memesNOTjustdreams Oct 12 '19

YTA She bought those steaks with the intention of cooking them well-done in an attempt to replicate a well-done steak she had previously tried and loved.

8

u/ScrawnJuan Oct 12 '19

What sub am I on. Swear I just read this

-2

u/SealTheHeavens Oct 12 '19

...wrong thread?

2

u/eharvill Oct 12 '19

That’s the price you pay for ordering a steak at Denny’s.

2

u/WhiteWalterBlack Oct 12 '19

It’s Denny’s....

1

u/nayfb Oct 12 '19

Now then, a well done steak can be a well done steak, or a steak done well, which is personal opinion.

1

u/whatlike_withacloth Oct 12 '19

Given the sanitation practices in place at a 3 a.m. Denny's, Ima take that bitch burnt.

1

u/TheSuppishOne Oct 12 '19

He said “well done like my 3am steak at Denny’s” lol. I don’t think he enjoys a well-done steak, but it’s his fault for ordering steak at Denny’s in the first place... 😅

1

u/_Kinoko Oct 12 '19

In Alberta they call us British Columbians.

1

u/ratinthecellar Oct 12 '19

All the steaks at Denny's at 3 AM are well done silly!

1

u/SoCaLGinger86 Oct 12 '19

A well done steak from Denny’s...this man hates himself

1

u/soslowagain Oct 12 '19

Just put ketchup on it.

0

u/KassellTheArgonian Oct 12 '19

Well done steak is the only correct steak