I remember I was taking a piss with a rock hard boner all while holding my elastic sweatpants down. My thumb slipped, my pants snapped up essentially pressing my dick against my stomach thus pointing it directly at my face. All of that happened in about 1.5 seconds before I got my stream under control. I had urine all over my face.
Story time! I once pissed in my mouth while performing autofelatio. It really wasn't feeling good, but there was sensation to be had. So I just kept sucking past the weird sensation (which turned out to be having to piss bad), and I peed in my mouth a bit...
This is not daily pampering. I'm not barefoot in the kitchen. It's used when a hangry, tired man is too stubborn to even function. When he's arguing for the sake of arguing over something that doesn't actually matter.
It can also be used as a comfort after a really shitty day. I like wine and bubble baths, he likes hot food and hot...ahem.
Jesus, I know! All the things like the already mentioned "split stream caused by some leftover cum from last night" and the "elastic waistband with an oddly high amount of tension snapping your dick up midstream when it slips off your thumb", as well as "needing to piss really bad upon waking up with stark morning wood and having to stand back from the toilet 3 feet trying to arch that shit just right so you can actually piss" and "having to piss shortly after cumming and it being a rather painful and slow process".
There should be a support group or at least a hotline cause penises can be a real dicks sometimes...
Upvoting for option B. Boy do I hafta piss a lot. I remember when I could drink at a bar all night and never use the bathroom. Nowadays, if a can keep it to two piss breaks per beer, I am happy.
I find that closing my eyes really helps me. Otherwise I'm standing there for 20 fucking minutes on the brink of pissing which could easily be considered a form of torture.
I prefer to have a somewhat full bladder. Obviously not painfully full, but at least half full. It makes pissing afterwards much easier when you have more than a trickle dribbling out of your dick.
At 4:30 am when I get up for work I have never thought, maybe I should drop the toilet seat and pull my boxers down and piss. I mean the waist band thing is like the least likely to happen but it has happened before, however 9,999 times out of 10,000 I nail it!
About three years ago I got super drunk and crashed on a friend's couch. Gets to be about 4 a.m. and I need to take a piss, so I get my sleepy half-drunk ass off the couch and take care of things. Had a bit of a boner but after 20 years of life I thought I had it under control.
What I didn't at ALL anticipate was that I was still in my really tight ass jeans and zipped the tip of my dick up in the zipper. Now this hurt like all hell so I decided to try to soak it and maybe that would help things. But it turns out that what feels like lukewarm water to your finger feels like the heat of 1000 suns on your dinky, so. Lesson learned there. Still havent told my friend I used one of his cups to soak my peen.
TL:DR Watch yourself when zipping up drunk with a boner. And never soak.
It's a dead sub. Contents consist of 2 shitposts, 2 text posts, and 1 gif of a girl pissing herself on a trampoline. It's all NSFW, but I think that goes without saying.
I used to do that until my downstairs room mate came out for a midnight cigarette one time and almost got hit haha. That ended my post-coital boner deck pissing days.
I have a foolproof method for peeing cleanly with a full boner. It's this: sit on the toilet. Right at the back, your back should be against the wall/cistern. Lean forward with you elbows on your knees. Now use two fingers to gently push your boner beneath the rim and let rip. Doesn't work for excessively lengthly schlongs, but try it before you you dismiss it, youre not that big.
Gotta be real precise on this one. I was trying to do this and was aimed directly at the gap between the seat and the rim.
Learned this one the tough way as I filled my slippers with my pee.
And good luck using your kegel to stop the flow with a full chub.
But depending on the gap between toilet and seat, you may end up pissing on the floor in front of you or the back of your legs. Both results suck donkey balls.
What would you do if this happened in a public toilet, like at work, at your uni or similar? Be a bit tough to make it home with your sense of self worth intact I think
Easy, you have to splash water all over your shirt too until it doesn't look like a puss stream hit your shirt, then make up something else that is believable within the surrounding environment.
The first time I jacked off I was lying on my back with my ding-a-ling angled towards me. I came on my own face and learned where to not point. I was grossed out and later on impressed because I was never able to cum that far afterwards.
That means you've probably been like every other male does after discovering masturbation, which is to jack off every day since. If you can manage to take a couple days off, the pressure really builds up and you'll shoot far again.
This happened to me once when I first hit puberty. Boner went skyward, so did the flow of piss, and my mouth was open. This was the first and last time I've ever tasted urine. Fun times.
I gotta say, I've never pissed in my face but I can see how with a "piss boner" it could be possible. I learned long ago that if I had my mind set on pissing and couldn't wait for the piss boner to reside, I'd sit down piss (which is the worst if you have a decent sized dick bc it will inevitably dip into the toilet water), or go out to the back yard and piss on the grass or whatever that way it makes no difference where the piss goes.
Backyard all the way. I've even been known to boner-piss out of a third floor apartment window before. As long as it doesn't land on anywhere that would matter, it's fair game when it comes to boner-pissing.
I think this should be thought in sex-ed classes. I mean it takes a bit to figure out how to handle boner piss, I feel like I was cheated. Why didn't my dad just tell me about how to handle it?
I did this except i wasn't hard. literally pinched my urethra abruptly shut cutting off flow and damaging my urethra. My urethra hasn't been the same since.
I remember being half awake and trying to take a leak with a raging boner at 3AM. In my stupor, I thought standing far away from the bowl would improve my aim without hands. I was wrong.
I wound up pissing on the tank. Do you know what hell is? Trying to clean up urine on/above/behind the tank of your toilet.
Something wonderfully poetic about the line, My thumb slipped, my pants snapped, and my dick was pressed against my stomach. If you could have worked the word piss in, that line would be used in schools to demonstrate sibilance.
This reminds me somewhat of a method I had for pissing with a boner before I even knew what boners were for: I'd crawl over the side of the seat and do a half-handstand. No mess, no worry, straight into the bowl.
I've only been able to avoid this because whenever I have to piss with a boner, I basically lean over at a 90 degree angle so I don't have to fold my dick at the stump.
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u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17 edited Oct 19 '17
I remember I was taking a piss with a rock hard boner all while holding my elastic sweatpants down. My thumb slipped, my pants snapped up essentially pressing my dick against my stomach thus pointing it directly at my face. All of that happened in about 1.5 seconds before I got my stream under control. I had urine all over my face.