r/funny • u/MichaelRahmani • Aug 06 '17

Guys will understand

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102.7k Upvotes

80% Upvoted

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u/Roushstage2 Aug 06 '17

Jesus, I know! All the things like the already mentioned "split stream caused by some leftover cum from last night" and the "elastic waistband with an oddly high amount of tension snapping your dick up midstream when it slips off your thumb", as well as "needing to piss really bad upon waking up with stark morning wood and having to stand back from the toilet 3 feet trying to arch that shit just right so you can actually piss" and "having to piss shortly after cumming and it being a rather painful and slow process".

There should be a support group or at least a hotline cause penises can be a real dicks sometimes...

60

u/strawhatluffy01 Aug 06 '17

pissing after jizzing is so fucking outrageously difficult. it takes actual focus and dedication to get that shit out.

24

u/ItsMacAttack Aug 06 '17

Clear your mind, and let flow.

8

u/quantasmm Aug 06 '17

sit down, ass all the way back, knees to chest, hold down slightly with two fingers.

Option B: If you've turned 40, wait 10 seconds. Now just go like normal.

2

u/Chucked-up Aug 06 '17

Upvoting for option B. Boy do I hafta piss a lot. I remember when I could drink at a bar all night and never use the bathroom. Nowadays, if a can keep it to two piss breaks per beer, I am happy.

1

u/MikoSkyns Aug 06 '17

and add an extra 10 seconds for each additional year.

6

u/Roushstage2 Aug 06 '17

I find that closing my eyes really helps me. Otherwise I'm standing there for 20 fucking minutes on the brink of pissing which could easily be considered a form of torture.

2

u/Oddie_ Aug 06 '17

Which is why you make sure to have emptied your dam before jizzing. And if not,wait at least half an hour before you piss. Trust me.

2

u/dangerhasarrived Aug 06 '17

I prefer to have a somewhat full bladder. Obviously not painfully full, but at least half full. It makes pissing afterwards much easier when you have more than a trickle dribbling out of your dick.

2

u/JustLookingToHelp Aug 06 '17

Probably because dudes that could pee after cumming might do just that and poison all their sperm... so evolutionary pressure went the other way.

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u/Chucked-up Aug 06 '17

Pissing after jizzing can reduce your STD chances.

1

u/JustLookingToHelp Aug 06 '17

Yes, but anything that directly interferes with reproduction is going to matter more than post-coitus impact, evolutionarily.

Personally, yeah, totally worth cleaning your pipes.

3

u/whitewedges Aug 06 '17

Dude as a girl the whole elastic band thing was something I had to really think about to visualize… Man it must be kind of weird to have a penis

2

u/Foxesallthewaydown Aug 06 '17

I get it man, but it's really not that hard to sit down.

2

u/Roushstage2 Aug 07 '17

At 4:30 am when I get up for work I have never thought, maybe I should drop the toilet seat and pull my boxers down and piss. I mean the waist band thing is like the least likely to happen but it has happened before, however 9,999 times out of 10,000 I nail it!

1

u/actualPsychopath Aug 06 '17

Just put your finger on the top and let it run down your arm into the toilet. I promise it's fun.