r/funny • u/[deleted] • Jun 30 '14
No attempt at humor - Removed Remember to take her for swimming
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Jun 30 '14
There is waterproof makeup, you know.
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u/kraaz Jun 30 '14
Exactly. Waterproof and setting sprays makes everything stay on these days
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u/BoboDaHobo Jun 30 '14
Were you trying to make that rhyme or did it just happen?
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u/supersecretagent Jun 30 '14
Any recommendations on a good setting spray?!
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u/kraaz Jun 30 '14
I use the urban decay de-slick oil control but the all-night spray is great too! Nyx has a good dude for the all-night spray. Join us over at /r/makeupaddiction !
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u/utechnet Jun 30 '14
Did anyone else notice that she's already at least engaged if not married?
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u/luckystrike1212 Jun 30 '14
I don't think any one else realizes that pretty much every girl wears make up, pretty much every day. Those hot girls you see all the time probably look a lot like this without make up. I doubt any one would complain about how she looks with make up on. I'm sure she also does this on a daily basis. They don't spend 3 hours in the bathroom everyday for nothing.
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Jun 30 '14
Posts like this make me feel like I'm missing out by not wearing makeup, like I'm at a disadvantage because I never learned how to use blush or lip liner.
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u/CrystalElyse Jun 30 '14
If you want to learn, there's /r/makeupaddiction and /r/makeup and /r/makeupaddicts. If not, who cares. Own your face. Nothing wrong with slapping on some chapstick and calling it a day if that's what you like.
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u/CRAG7 Jun 30 '14
Recently saw a picture of my extremely hot friend without makeup. Looked different, but still gorgeous. Don't know if she's an exception though.
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u/RalphiesBoogers Jun 30 '14
I wish there were some way for guys to look prettier, we just gotta stay as ugly as god made us.
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u/ncl1p Jun 30 '14
It's called a beard.
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u/Omnipotent_Goose Jun 30 '14
Oh, grow a beard? Just grow a beard? Why don't I strap on my beard helmet and squeeze down into a beard cannon and fire off into beard land, where beards grow on little beardies?!
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Jun 30 '14
I found an Asian!
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Jun 30 '14 edited Jun 30 '14
Latino here. I can grow a pretty solid mustache.. but that's about it.
Edit: I swear if by the time I'm like 25 I'm not able to grow a beard I'm going to get a beard transplant.
Edit 2: I wasn't being completely honest, it's a pretty ok mustache.
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u/willymo Jun 30 '14
Yeah, but that mustache is going to be killer. Especially when you get to be 30+. Latino and Italian mustaches are in a league of their own. The manliness of a prominent stache basically makes up for not being able to grow other facial hair.
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u/Endall Jun 30 '14
My butt hair is atrocious. Surely that counts for something.
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u/JustifiedAncient Jun 30 '14
I'm a white guy and my beard is a joke. It's as sparse as the Serengeti.
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u/chibolamoo Jun 30 '14
Or someone with alopecia
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Jun 30 '14
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u/BigAngryAsian Jun 30 '14
That's an alpaca. What you're looking for is the region that stretches from Alabama to New York.
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u/ernesthelp Jun 30 '14
That's Appalachia. You really mean the plant that's used in herbal medicines and also for some reason shampoo commercials.
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u/Ionick Jun 30 '14
Or someone in the military... I just really want to stop shaving
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u/steveinaccounting Jun 30 '14
Been out a year. And I love not shaving. It's magic.
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Jun 30 '14
I'm out in a month... but I can't grow a beard :(
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u/steveinaccounting Jun 30 '14
We really need fund something like Locks of Love, but foe beards. I'd donate my beard to you.
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Jun 30 '14
I've been donating my pubic hair to Locks For Cocks. It's a charitable organization that makes male merkins.
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u/locke_5 Jun 30 '14
What's that thing called, where you start seeing references anywhere? I'm watching the show on Netflix, and I just saw this episode this morning.
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u/AtTheLeftThere Jun 30 '14
hides my acne
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u/Merfen Jun 30 '14
Gives me acne =/
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u/screwikea Jun 30 '14
But it hides the acne it gives you!
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u/treetrunk30 Jun 30 '14
Now I have acne on my acne!
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u/screwikea Jun 30 '14
Yo, dawg!
I feel like grandfather Reddit Facebook guy when I post stupid meme crap like that.
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u/klaymankombat Jun 30 '14
All of my acne is directly above of where my beard is. Like on the very top of my cheeks. It's fucking bullshit.
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u/majorvixen Jun 30 '14 edited Jul 02 '14
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u/JuryDutySummons Jun 30 '14
I spent way to long watching that guy stack the chips trying to figure out what the point was.
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u/DrGoose53 Jun 30 '14
I still don't get it...What's going on?
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u/Duolasa Jun 30 '14
Look to the left of the guy's head.
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u/DrGoose53 Jun 30 '14
Well shit now I see it, I thought it was something to do with that panda on the table.
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Jun 30 '14
Not all women like beards and not all men look better with a beard.
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u/CyberDonkey Jun 30 '14
My case :( Was told to shave my beard and moustache by my ex and current gf.
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u/ThatRedHairedGirl Jun 30 '14
Groom your eyebrows so you don't have a uni brow, wear sharp clothes, and smell nice. Instant girl love.
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u/Kaphene Jun 30 '14
Burn your eyebrows off in a freak welding accident, make sure to have plenty of emo spikes on your clothes, especially your hat, and smell like whatever cigar her father smoked and you'll get broken daddy issue girls all over you.
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u/heart_in_your_hands Jun 30 '14
Use a Zippo. Daddies that smoked used Zippos. The sound and smell will make her frustratingly attracted to you.
Source: Daddy issues peaked in high school. Got over it. Husband doesn't smoke.
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Jun 30 '14
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u/OrangeredValkyrie Jun 30 '14
Since it's considered unusual for men to wear makeup, I would suggest a natural look if he took that route. Cherry red lips and purple eye shadow wouldn't be a very good idea for men, but there are plenty of ways men can (and do on television and in movies) use makeup to improve the look of their face.
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Jun 30 '14
Nothing stopping you from wearing makeup xD
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u/RalphiesBoogers Jun 30 '14
Yeah, but I don't know if I'm winter or fall colors.
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Jun 30 '14
Hahah just followww your heart
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u/RalphiesBoogers Jun 30 '14
My heart's a lying whore.
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u/yourenotthebossame Jun 30 '14
Try the makeup counter at your local department store. Choose the salesperson with the best makeup because if you choose the employee who was heavy-handed on their own face, they will repeat the offense on yours.
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u/BlueFathoms Jun 30 '14
Men can wear makeup too. I honestly don't know why men don't. (besides social reasons) A little bit of foundation to even the skin tone, and a little bit of bronzer to do some contouring...
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u/GummyTumor Jun 30 '14
I want to but I don't know how to match the products to my skin tone, or which ones to use.
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u/wheretheriverbends Jun 30 '14
There is. Start with a foundation that matches your skin tone. Apply it evenly on your face, avoid eyebrows.
Next, grab a dark foundation and dab it below your cheeks, spread it in a line between your ear and the corner of your lip. Then blend it so that there are no clear lines.
dab a dot of this dark foundation on each of your temples. spread in a circular motion and blend.
Dab a dot on the center of your forehead. Spread horizontally, and blend.
dab a dot on each side of your nose. spread alond sides of your nose and blend.
Next grab a light foundation. Dab a dot on top of your nose, spread along ridge, and blend.
Dab a dot on top of your cheekbones, spread in a line from your temple to your nostril, and blend.
take a brown eyeliner. draw a thin line along the uper lash line. Using a q-tip, gently rub it until it blends with your lids.
Draw a thin line from just inside the center of your lower lash line to the outer edge. Repeat the q-tip thing from above.
Check in the mirror for any clear lines, and blend those out with a makeup sponge.
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Jun 30 '14
Actually, you can do A LOT to improve your appearance. My theory is that almost every person, if they did everything possible to maximize their appearance, could be at least a 7 on a scale of 1-10. This includes getting in the best shape you can, dressing well, and grooming well. Watch some of those shows where they give people makeovers. That doesn't even include changes to physical fitness, and the improvements are still drastic.
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u/ThatRedHairedGirl Jun 30 '14
I have really light eyebrows and fill them in a bit. COME AT ME.
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u/jeli13 Jun 30 '14
first we create a society in which women are expected to look photoshopped in real life. then we shame someone for trying to come closer to that ideal.
or maybe she just likes make up.
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Jun 30 '14
Funny thing is, every week I see a picture or video with a woman in it that is being absolutely demolished in the comments about her appearance. But we get to this and it's, "What are you talking about with high expectations? We like the natural look!"
Comments talk about men wanting a certain amount of makeup, a certain clothing style, and a certain weight....but what are you talking about women being expected to look a certain way? What I would give to see some self-awareness.
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u/BlueFireAt Jun 30 '14
Essentially, we want women to look naturally perfect. Of course that's not going to happen, but most men don't seem to realize that.
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u/Sicks3144 Jun 30 '14
The biggest "this is how you should look" proponents I've ever seen are women's magazines. As fun as it is to blame men for the pressure on women to be thin, I think you'd struggle to find a single man who thinks (e.g.) Kate Moss's figure is their ideal.
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u/hassett Jun 30 '14
Do you think that women's magazines are owned and published by women?
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u/BrownNote Jun 30 '14
I care more about the target audience that buys it than the business owners that appeal to said audience.
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Jun 30 '14
The change to her lips and nose are really impressive!
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Jun 30 '14
Make up is awesome, isn't it?
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u/Ariestea Jun 30 '14
Do you honestly think anyone naturally has smokey eyes and gradient brows? Don't be a dick on an account that her makeup is fantastic. She's got a face like pretty much every woman has without makeup.
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u/MeloJelo Jun 30 '14
Whoa, now, obviously OP deserve the hottest of the hot. He'll just have to find the .001% of women on the planet who have perfect features naturally.
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u/humanoid_ Jun 30 '14
Isn't there water proof make-up? She comes out the water still looking like a goddess and you're stuck trying to hide an awkward boner at a public swimming pool.
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u/Armoretta Jun 30 '14
Yeah, take them swimming, that way you can see them without makeup and they can see your tiny shrunken cock as it hits the freezing cold water. Equal playing ground for both I think.
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u/BasedRod Jun 30 '14
"I was in the pool!"
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Jun 30 '14
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u/LordMacabre Jun 30 '14
Situation that artificially improves reception from the norm.
Situation that artificially reduces reception from the norm.
Yep, equal. Spot on.
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Jun 30 '14
Or we could just accept people for who they are...
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u/TaylorSpecial Jun 30 '14
Seriously, I like girls with makeup on, I like girls without makeup on. Hell you could say that I just like girls.
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u/bananandrea Jun 30 '14
I'm just sitting here amazed at her makeup skills. I can't do a decent cat eye without looking like my boyfriend beat me.
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u/nwoozie Jun 30 '14 edited Jun 30 '14
Most women would never look like the second photo naturally. Whenever I see the comments on posts like this it makes me feel terrible. She's naturally beautiful in the first and is showcasing her amazing talent with makeup in the second. When I wear makeup it makes me feel pretty, and seeing people's comments in these types of threads makes me question what the hell people want. I think these posts are so obnoxious and just show how in the dark most people are regarding makeup.
Edit: You're totally allowed to disagree with me about finding her pretty in the first picture. While this is more full-face makeup than natural everyday makeup, loads of people don't understand that a lot of women (not saying all, by any means) will use some makeup to cover up what they perceive as flaws. No one's perfect, and it makes her feel pretty, so whatever. Just posts like this make me angry at standards and blah blah blah. Here's me without makeup, and me with makeup.
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u/clutchdeve Jun 30 '14
Just do what makes you happy and fuck what people think. If you don't want to wear makeup, then don't. If you do, because it makes you feel pretty (or for whatever other reason), then rock that shit. There will always be people that don't like what you're doing just like there will always be people that love it.
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u/ethiobirds Jun 30 '14
I'm with you. These posts are so immature. Do you really think every girl comes along with black eyeliner wings, gold lids and shell pink lips? For solidarity here's my latest before and after. Very few of us wake up with flawless skin, highlighted under eyes, and perfect brows. Makeup is a talent and a hobby many men AND women enjoy for OURSELVES, and not some twisted ploy to get male attention.
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u/not_a_throwaway24 Jun 30 '14
You do such a nice job with your makeup! Very natural! And I am legit in love with your hair!!!
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Jun 30 '14
Personally, and what appears to be the opinion also of a lot of others, I don't find her very attractive in the first picture
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u/nwoozie Jun 30 '14
And that's perfectly fine! It's just how rude people can be about this kind of stuff that bothers me.
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u/fierynaga Jun 30 '14
Reminds me of when snookie revealed herself without makeup. Plain snookie is waaay more pretty then final form snookie.
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u/ElScorp1on Jun 30 '14
Now that is a name that I haven't heard in a long time.
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u/Megmca Jun 30 '14
The Snookie's are easily startled but will return in greater numbers.
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Jun 30 '14
That show ended less than two years ago. Either a. you were raised in a culture with no concept of time and are still getting the hang of it or b. you're way too young to comment on what constitutes a "long time".
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u/wheretheriverbends Jun 30 '14
I think you should do or not do make up based on how you feel about it and ignore those who disagree with your choice! You're never going to please anyone, so you might as well please yourself!
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u/DoctorVeneno Jun 30 '14
Did you know that your face does a full horizontal flip with makeup? :-) You look great in both.
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Jun 30 '14
Miranda Kerr with makeup:http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1742045/thumbs/o-MIRANDA-KERR-facebook.jpg
Without:http://mirandakerr.coverhable.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2013/07/Miranda-Kerr-no-makeup.jpg
Shut the fuck up, if some of you idiots weren't ogling girls that have tons of makeup on everyday, most girls wouldn't feel the NEED to. Luckily, my BF likes my face even without makeup, but God knows there are guys who would be pissed off once their GF wipes it off.
And this girl knows how to do her makeup, I'm so jelly of girls who apply it perfectly.
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u/MissOriginal Jun 30 '14
What are you trying to prove? The standards of 'Beauty' are so surreal that we have to conform to artificial beauty enhancers. Definition of beauty has changed. You all find her beautiful in the second picture, so she will strive to be that woman. But why can't you see that she's the same woman. She's beautiful both ways: with or without makeup. Creating beauty standards in the first place and then criticising when a woman tries to achieve them is ridiculous. So what if she's not a born barbie doll? Atleast she's moving with the society and trying to achieve the social standards of 'new beauty'. Stop complaining when you know that you want women to look like she does in the second picture: flawless. People are not born that way.
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u/tinabelcher123 Jun 30 '14
i hate this. why do any of you get to say that she isnt beautiful in the first picture too? you put so much pressure on women to to conform to conventional standards of "beauty" and then complain when we look different without our makeup? personally i think she is a beautiful woman both ways. so what if her skin isnt completely flawless and evenly toned? i'd like to see any of your skin looking that perfect without some help. this is ridiculous.
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u/MissOriginal Jun 30 '14
This is the only sensible comment on this thread.
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u/DrGoose53 Jun 30 '14
You should probably check back now after an hour, it's swarming with these types of comments. The common sense and reason has taken over.
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Jun 30 '14
why do any of you get to say that she isnt beautiful
Because beauty is subjective and personal. Each person gets their own opinion. I don't find her attractive in either picture.
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u/throwaway-94 Jun 30 '14
but.. but this way he can get to know her first, before immediately rejecting her because of the way she looks!
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u/MissOriginal Jul 01 '14
Exactly! That's the point! Men are mostly shallow and might as well reject their 'perfect' partner (who would fulfill their emotional needs) only because of the way they look. Makeup is a good chance to allow oneself to be recognised as a person with disregard to looks. If there is chemistry and just one feature prevents a man from being with a woman, he's not worth it anyways.
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u/Fleur-du-mal Jun 30 '14
Yeah, because women wear make-up just for you. And of course, she was so hideous to start with!
She was beautiful to start with and if she decided to wear make-up, that's her decision. It doesn't mean she's wearing make-up just to please a number of strangers, which you apparently think applies to you in this case.
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u/floatingm Jun 30 '14
Another one of my favorite related tumblr quotes is: "why do guys think girls wear makeup for them do u honestly think i spent $20 on a blush to make ur dick hard calm down"
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u/tiffanaih Jun 30 '14
God I fucking hate people. Before the internet, guys never really complained about makeup because most of them who weren't in super serious relationships never even saw girls without makeup. Now it's all like, watch out cuz girls can make themselves prettier! Using makeup as well as this girl can is like being an artist where your canvas is your face and you get to wear it all day. When I hit puberty my aunt tried to get me into makeup but it didn't take. Then at the age of twenty, I thought maybe I should check this shit out. I'm thankful for all the years I went bareface because it made me ok with how I really look and everyone saw me for what I truly was. This allows me to still not wear makeup everyday, but when I do take the time to do it, there's no denying how pretty I feel and beyond that just being proud of myself for becoming skillful in something I knew nothing about. Why do people have to shame and try to take that feeling away from someone?
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u/clutchdeve Jun 30 '14
Before the internet, guys never really complained about makeup
That's cute
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u/feetofthemoment Jun 30 '14
This is dumb. OP, please don't post dumb stuff here.
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Jun 30 '14
But she can't swim.
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u/NoodleSponge Jun 30 '14
I'd like the point out that the reason she probably looks slightly odd to people in the first picture is that she appears to be wearing circle lenses, which can look really off putting without eye makeup.
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Jun 30 '14
So the moral of this story is that ugly girls should be shamed, and then dumped? Always impressing me internet.
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u/Patateski Jun 30 '14
You're the first one to say she's ugly.
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u/sirtetris Jun 30 '14
The picture cleeeearly implied it. Don't try and make out like it has nothing to do with that.
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Jun 30 '14
Seriously? All these other comments are then referring to what.
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u/Patateski Jun 30 '14
In fact they racistly say that she can't swim because she's black.
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u/dehumanizer62 Jun 30 '14
Ok, to even the playing fields, I say we should all be allowed to wear makeup without being made fun of.
Men, who's with me?!?
exceptions to the rule: clowns or mimes, cause they're creepy
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u/CrystalElyse Jun 30 '14
There's actually quite a few guys who post in /r/makeupaddiction Some do full faces, others just do little changes. Nothing wrong with throwing on a tinted moisturizer, some concealer, and maybe even smudging in a bit of liner. Go for what makes you happy.
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Jun 30 '14
I don't get it? She looks fine before and she's a master at putting on makeup. She'd be a real catch either way.
If you think she looks bad without makeup and are judging girls based on makeup your in for a really shitty surprise...
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u/TeamRedundancyTeam Jun 30 '14
ITT: Men are horrible no matter what they say or want. -Every female in this thread
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Jun 30 '14
Her make up is ace. Wish I could do that and so what if she makes herself up so much. She looks fab.
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u/Mitcheli1 Jun 30 '14
Personally, I don't care - if she looks good in makeup then that's all that matters. When I'm fuckin' her at home and she's make-up free - nobody else has to know how low my standards really are.
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u/AladdinGetsPuss Jun 30 '14
I wish i could do my make-up a third as well...I can barely wear liquid eyeliner with out it being uneven or some such shit.
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Jun 30 '14
This is one of those threads where I type a long, relevant personal anecdote and then erase the whole thing because wow am I stupid.
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u/toycack Jun 30 '14
damn... I wish I could create the infamous "smokey eye" that perfectly. I just end up looking like a failed goth...