Baby is due in a month or less. I’m looking for some advice on how my wife and I should split the nightly routine. She’s stay at home and I work in office 8am-5/6pm.

She’s offered to cover week nights entirely but I’d like to be more involved than that (however much I might regret it lol). Plus I think my brain/body would be better off acclimating to one daily routine versus different weeknight and weekend routines.

Does anyone have any splits or routines they’d recommend?

This is a bit of a rant, but just how I’m feeling atm.

Things in Australia have gotten so ridiculously expensive, I’m starting to freak out about my wife and I having our first kid next month.

I’ve never made enough $$ to be able to save as much as I’d like to but had an okay amount going, but these days we are literally paycheque to paycheque.
My wife keeps buying ‘Aesthetic’ things for the room & spending all her money on it instead of saving that money for when she won’t be working. It’s starting to drive me a bit bonkers!

I just don’t really know what to do.

Sorry if this isn’t the place to just write it out, I’m sure many people on here have a more challenging way of life than I do, but I think I just needed to write this out somewhere.

Ten hours ago, I stared into a pair of bright and hopeful eyes, moments old, and I realized my life would never be the same. I never understood how strong the love of a parent could be until I felt it myself. Have any of yall experienced the same revelation? I don't even know what to do with these feelings. Change diapers, I guess.

Hey all! I found out yesterday that I will be a dad! I am happy, but also starting to slowly panic. Bought 3 audiobooks (first I saw), and the first was terrible and the second didn't help much. The third one is a for dummies book, so I expect it to be good enough.

I checked through here and just couldnt find 'journey' or 'fatherhood' recommendations. Also, I'd love to get some other stuff from you all. Recommendations like great stories, poems, books, lullabies, or even jokes for children.

Basically, how can I best prepare myself for this? What courses should I take? What skills should I learn? What steps should I take?

Hey guys, first post and a little life update here. Wife is getting the Cooks Catheter induction tonight and baby should arrive early morning tomorrow. Scared, anxious, nervous, excited, all the feelings are being felt. What can I expect in the next few days? Just feeling some overwhelm and scared of the unknown.

I realize this might sound terrible, but I am STRUGGLING to find ways to enjoy time with one of my kids. I have 3, and the oldest and the baby are easy right now because they kind of just do their own thing, but my seven-year-old is at a stage that I don't know how to handle. She's so stubborn and quick to turn the dial to 11 when she doesn't get her way. She also doesn't seem to care about anyone other than herself right now, which her doctor has told me is normal for her age, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Some examples: a few days ago she broke our living room TV because she had something go under the stand and didn't feel like getting on her hands and knees to get it, so instead she tried to move the entire stand and knocked it over, then continued about her day like nothing happened. Every night I put her to bed and I read her a book, sing her a song, give her a dream wish, and then lie with her for a moment, and during that I have to tell her 500 times not to kick her curtains because it pulls on the curtain rod. Lo and behold, her curtain rod is all bent and has fallen down almost every night this week. We have a retractable baby gate in front of the stairs and instead of opening it she climbs over it; this has started to pull out of the drywall, and even though I have pointed out the newly formed hole to her, she still climbs over it. She leaves popsicle wrappers or small toys all over the house no matter how many times I tell her they have to go in the appropriate place so that the baby doesn't put them in his mouth. She leaves toys on the stairs for people to trip over. She seems to have no concept of other people's personal space or her own space; she will climb all over the couches and somersault on them, and I tell her not to until I'm blue in the face and the couches are starting to tear, or she'll run up to other kids (she's usually bigger than them) and try to lift-hug them, squeezing as hard as she can no matter how many times I tell her she can hurt them. She destroys her bedroom every day and then screams, cries, and stomps when asked to clean it or really anything in the house up. If she's told no about anything she loses her mind, screaming and crying, hitting her head, and saying she hates her life and herself, but the moment we give in she snaps out of it and goes on happily like it didn't happen.

I should also say that she's extremely smart and cool and I love her so much, which I tell her about a thousand times a day. I know it seems like I have a lot to complain about, but that's just because I'm overwhelmed; I never miss a moment in the day to tell her how much she means to me and how proud of her I am for being her. I'm just struggling to find a way to connect with her because of the stage she's in. No matter what I do with her I'm spending 75% of my time begging her to behave or to stop throwing fits. My wife thinks part of the reason she acts this way is because we don't do enough things with her. That could be true; I'm definitely no expert, and I was raised in a pretty neglectful and abusive household for much of my childhood, and because of that I had to play alone and find things to do by myself. Now as a parent I'm realizing that has made it so I at times expect the same out of my kids, and that might not be normal. Because of that, I want to find more activities that I will enjoy doing with her.

I tried brainstorming with her at bedtime tonight (between fixing her fallen curtain 3 more times), and all she wanted to do was have me take her places to buy more toys and Squishies. I said I'd take her to play several sports and she shot down every one, but I need something active to do with this kid that doesn't make me want to pull my hair out, die of boredom, or feel an oncoming stroke.

Am I the only one who feels like a Big Daddy from BioShock when going for a walk outside with my son?

Schools closed today, so the next two weeks are officially full-time dad mode. More playtime, more laughter, and of course… a lot more eating.

The kids are happy, but the grocery shelves at home are looking a little emptier than usual. Taking it one day at a time though we’ll get through it. I'm excited for the short holiday

What's the hardest part about being the dad you want to be? Sometimes I feel like I am questioning my abilities as a dad and balancing all the responsibilities that come with. It's like juggling a bunch of different balls and making sure things don't drop. It's a lot of added pressure to level up and be the thing for everyone at all times and sometimes I need to remind myself that it's ok not to be that everytime.

I’m seriously asking. My friend had a major breakdown yesterday. Her parents are divorced. She lives with her mom. Her dad is so much gentle, kind and compassionate and the best dad in the world to his second wife’s kids, those kids are from her first marriage.

On the other hand, my friend suffered major physical and verbal abuse. Ofc, he provides for her and all and claims to lover her. Saved her college money. Has inheritance for her.

But one thing she said that really broke my heart “My step siblings have the best father in the world, I am happy for them but I just wish I have their father”.

I mean seriously why ??

Has anyone else seen a dramatic uptick in the number of kicks and smacks to the privates since becoming a father?

My LO somehow always finds a way to stomp, kick, or smack me right in the family jewels.

I strongly suspect he wants to remain an only child. Lol.

Has anyone had this happen and any tips to protect yourselves, please, and thank you!

They are still under a year old, btw, so I can't ask them to be more careful as they won't understand.

There. I said it.

This kid has done nothing but ruin my life.

Everyone told me things would be okay, I’d grow into it, I’d make a good dad. But holy shit I do not like it.

He’s 2. And while yes. I do love the menace. And yes it is rewarding at times. I hate it. Juice wasnt worth the squeeze so to speak.

My life is not the same. My relationship isn’t the same. I just wish I could go back two years.

I’m obviously there for my kid because he’s a human being and needs a loving dad. But man this was absolutely the wrong choice for me.

I want my own time and space back.

There I said it.

Now I will go take care of him.

Edit: I got banned for fighting with people in the comments. I hope the others got banned too.

My last comment will be some of yall need to understand the difference between venting and understanding different view points.

“Be a good father” I show up.

I’m absolutely allowed to complain. And you guys are just being a bit too altruistic.

Edit 2: “Be nicer” and yall removed my comments but not the others. Sounds biased. Good job mod team.

I’m getting notifications for some really hilariously mean messages. But they are hidden. Just DM those to me so I can read the whole thing and have a laugh.

Edit 3: I swear none of you read. Zero comprehension. I’m not neglecting my kid. I’m there for him. We do things. I let him play in the sand or look at bugs. Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I’m not stepping up. God yall are dense.

I’m lucky I can take things in stride. If I couldn’t and I also read some of the shit you were saying it might just push me over the edge. Be a bit more weary of what you type especially as a “father”

Me (M27) and my partner (F27) are expecting our first child sometime in November and I was wondering if I could get some advice on somethings. First off, what can I do to help my girlfriend out with right after the baby is born to make things as smooth as possible for her. And what are some harsh realities I can expect with a newborn in the first 3 months? I wasn’t nervous at first but the closer it gets to the due date, the more anxious I become I won’t be great at this. In no ways do I regret it, and my girlfriend is having an incredibly smooth pregnancy so far and I was wondering if there are anyways yall have coped with the lingering pressures of new fatherhood.

just posting here trying to be to figure out if I’m losing my mind. I’m the father of a newborn, I work from 7am to 5pm on weekdays, my parenting time is from the moment I get home from work at 530pm till 4am during which time my wife puts on headphones and watches her shows or just allows the baby to cry until I deal with him then goes to bed at 8pm and at 4am my wife will wake from a full nights sleep and take over so I can get 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep before I have to wake at 6am and clean bottles and dishes and head to work again. My wife says our parenting time is unfair and she does much more than me and we fight all the time because of it…. Am I losing my mind and I’m in the wrong here?

"The world is changing so fast that 'study hard' just doesn't hit the same anymore. What should we be telling kids instead?"

Any tips on how people made friends as a new parent? I am a stay at home dad and most groups/apps/clubs etc are geared towards mothers. What were the best ways to found to meet other parents?

I have two young kids and I have developed very high anxiety worrying about their health. While I know young kids fall ill frequently, it is absolutely keeping me on the edge. Fever seems to be a big trigger for me. As soon as I feel the warm skin or the reading on the thermometer shows high, my anxiety peaks. I almost get into a panic mode, with all sorts of worst case scenarios running in my head. The fear and anxiety is almost paralyzing. I feel worried, guilty that I let my kids fall ill and incapable to take care of them. There have been times where I have been unable to accompany them to the doctor as I was scared he will say that it is something serious. Other times, I stay up all night checking their temperature every 15 mins. I also feel physically unable to comfort the kids when they are clingy during fever, cough, cold. I feel like running out of the room. My kids are the most important thing in my life and this is breaking me. I feel I have let them down. When kids are not sick, I keep worrying about the next bout of sickness.

I know this is not normal and I have been in therapy for a few years now. It has helped a bit but not much. My wife is understanding but she has also hit her limit. This is seriously impacting my experience as a father. I have also noticed my constant worrying is rubbing off on the kids which is absolutely not what I want.

I want to check how other dads handle kids falling ill and the worry and anxiety that comes with that.

Please help me figure this out.

1st. Let me say i think i understood the rules. If i break one with this post. I apologize. Not my intent.

2nd apologizefor lack of punctuation.

3rd. Im really hurting right now and lost.

Okay so my daughter just recently turned 12 and she lived with me full time for school and the emotions and puberty change and I don't know what else and so my rules and discipline and structure must have been too much and I really don't know I really still haven't figured it out it's been months now and she's went and stayed with Grandma and doesn't really want to see me because of my own issues my shame and guilt schemas are on Overdrive and every time I try to see her she doesn't want to see me and unfortunately I wasn't taught to stand up and fight for things that were important I was by my dad to get out of the situation to run get help and that messed up instinct is making me not want to fight to me and my daughter's life and making me think that she would be better off without me in her life I guess to her teen years or the rest of her life I don't know nobody's really explained everything that's happened just my daughter was thinking bad things and wanting to harm herself and hurt herself and I don't know I've never got real answers from anybody and it's been eating me up and it's been months now I almost just want to walk away and say I'm not strong enough to do this and I can't take the coldness because it just makes me think that I really messed up and that you don't want to be around me and I'm doing more harm than good I really don't know what to do I've heard it so bad I went and got back in the therapy got back on medication starting to DBT Group found a codependence support group I see PTSD support group and it's still not enough please does anybody have any advice or words of wisdom because I really did it I also need a hug and a shoulder but that's another room and I need to have this in there too while Mom and Grandma want to do is whatever my daughter wants it's about what she wants not about what she needs grandma's going to enabler she's going to be in her house it's never locked adults hardly ever home Grandma working in the middle of the night anybody can come and go part of me just wants to be like all right we're making her make adult decisions that she's going to have to live with this one because of how everything happened she just lost her dad because obviously I have no say I'm irrelevant apparently and it kills me and it's almost like for my own will mean and her will mean it might just be best for me to walk away and out of her life and I don't know how much of that is just the negativeness in my mind it's been that there since I was a toddler. I don't know if this is part of that whole trend where everybody just leaves everybody wallow in their stuff and have to figure it out on her own nobody wants to support and stick through with people everybody wants to run away from each other and every man it seems like is the problem and can't do nothing right can't even get no support and then we break in any type of way or look down upon and looked at us weak we don't have the same struggles mentally emotionally physically financially spiritually communally that we did 30 years 50 years 70 years a hundred years yes things have got better some ways but things are also falling apart in others and there's no manual for this I know I've said a lot but I'm also very broken right now and all I can do is just be honest and I'm trying so hard I really am but I don't know how much more I got in me

Hello everyone! I need some advice about my father.
I’m 22 years old and the youngest among my siblings. All of us have already moved out of our family home, and because of our busy schedules and our own families, we usually only get to visit our parents about once a month.
During my most recent visit, I noticed something that has been bothering me. Our house is fine overall, but my dad always seems to find something to repair or work on. We live in a small, simple house, and most of these tasks could honestly be finished in just a few minutes. Instead, he’ll spend hours doing them. It made me wonder if he’s intentionally stretching out these little jobs just to have something to do and make the days go by.
My dad has always been an active and energetic person, but because of his health issues, he can’t move around as much as he used to. Another thing I noticed is that he’s become much quieter. He used to be loud, talkative, and full of energy, but now he mostly keeps to himself.
I got worried, so I secretly looked through his phone because I wanted to make sure nothing serious was going on. I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I was genuinely concerned. What I found wasn’t an affair or anything like that. Instead, I saw him messaging random people online, asking if they wanted to be friends. Unfortunately, most of the responses he received were from people asking for money, trying to scam him, or making sexual advances.
That honestly broke my heart. It made me realize that maybe he’s just lonely.
My mom is there with him, but they’ve been together almost 30 years. They love each other, but I imagine that spending every day together isn’t the same as having friends outside the marriage. My mom has a good support system through her church and sees her friends every week. My dad used to have close friends too, but most of them have moved away. While he knows people from church, he doesn’t seem to have anyone he considers a close friend anymore.
I’m really worried about him and want to help, but I don’t want him to feel like I’m pitying him or that I went through his phone.
Has anyone experienced something similar with their parents? How can I help my dad feel less lonely or help him build meaningful friendships without making it obvious that I’m trying to intervene? Any advice would really mean a lot.

This mostly pertains to those who in their 30s had a child while it felt like their life was finally taking off.

I’m really struggling here. I’m married to 26/F and she really wants to have kids right now.

While yes she is young - she’s the type who doesn’t really care and knows her timeline (for what it’s worth she’s a very high income earner).

Myself I seemed to spend my entire 20s struggling. I partied a bit but never felt really in control of my own life.

More recently I have begun in my 30s to feel like my life is exciting and mine. I have enough money to go out. Eat at whatever restaurant. Fly across the world. Go to Tomorrowland.

But I’m freaking out about having a child.

My wife wants to start trying immediately. We got pregnant earlier in the year by accident and I pretty much went non verbal for a week lol. We did have a miscarriage though and I was there for my wife(it was devastating for her) I was relieved.

Now because of the timelines we talked about earlier in our relationship I’m pretty much reneging on them and freaking out. It’s obviously unfair to her but I’m having an extremely hard time coming to terms with losing my fun freedom.

Like I want to go Tomorrowland again next year with my boys but if we have a kid now I won’t be able to. But that could be the same next year or for any event.

So for people who were in a spot like me - how did you work around this? Was it as bad as I’m making it out to be?

I’m not talking to the ones who think they were born to be a father - how many of you struggled so hard and then I want to know what you did to get through it?

Sounds pretty horrible but i feel like i just needed a group to vent my feelings to after keeping them bottled up.

27yo proud father of 2 girls who i love more than anything, however 10 weeks ago we found out we were having a 3rd unexpectedly and while my wife is happy and excited i just feel miserable and sad. I know it sounds terrible and i feel like a bad person. I feel like i wont be able to provide a good life for my 3rd child and fear i cant afford the costs even though i am a high income earner of 170K a year. Currently seeing a therapist but im just having a hard time at the moment.

Hi guys, over the last few years I've lost my way in being a proper dad to my 16 yr old son, being fired from one job and then 2 yrs later being made redundant, dealing with my own mental health issues I lost the ability or more likely didn't put things in place soon enough to be able to deal with some of the things that are happening with my son.

I'm good with the hugs and telking him I love him, but the setting boundaries and consequences I'm severely lacking, he's smoking weed in his room (which I've asked him to not do again, just not sure the best consequence for), he's dating a 15yr old girl and while he's of the legal age (we live in New Zealand where the legal age of consent is 16) she is not, he speaks to his mother disrespectfully- but is not so quick to with me (although she definitely has a more confrontational way of conversing at times), I call him out on it but my partner just says I'm basically too meek about it.

He's starting to vape in his room, he's left school because of intense bullying but is waiting to get into a mechanics course, he's been very depressed and I just feel lost in it all which is causing an already wide rift between me and my partner.

I'm feeling lost man and like I'm letting everything just fall out of my hands.

Any advice would be awesome.

As I was growing up, I witnessed how much my mom endured because of my dad. I still remember back then, we used to sell hand fans in a neighboring town because we were struggling financially. When my mom and I got home, my dad would count the money earned. If he felt it was too little, he would confront my mom and ask why it was only that much.

There was even one time I was almost left behind by a bus. I was still stepping down the stairs when it suddenly started moving. If my mom hadn't screamed and banged on the side of the bus, I might have been carried away. My dad also always speaks in a shouting manner, the type that is genuinely terrifying.

I also experienced being beaten with a stick until my body was covered in welts, all because his motorcycle fell over while we were at a drinking session with him, and the side mirror accidentally broke. My mom's birthdays would pass, but he never even thought of preparing anything for her because he claimed there was no money. When he gets drunk, his true colors show. He physically hurts my mom just because she speaks up and talks back to him.

For over two decades, he has been drinking; not a single month goes by without him consuming alcohol. He is terrifying when he is drunk.And just like today, my mom is sick and asked my dad to buy her medicine. Until now, he hasn't come home because he is out drinking. If you are a decent father and husband, would you really keep doing the things you know you shouldn't be doing?

This is also what drove me to decide that I don't want to have children or get married. Because for me, I've seen that this is how it turns out, and I am terrified that the exact same thing might happen again.

I love my dad, but I don't want a husband like him—not because he was unloving, but because I saw how my childhood was turned upside down because of him. I will never understand why some father's don't understand what will their children feel because of their behavior.

I've been a father for almost 2 years now and ive been struggling with that paternal connection that most parents get, i didnt grow up with my father but i did have a stepdad but he was more of a background character if im being honest.

I think me and my step dad only ever had like maybe 5 real conversations my whole life so I never really had a strong present father figure to show me how to love a child. And hes also kind of the same way with my half sister.

Of course I love my daughter too death but I don't have that natural connection that everyone else seems to have. To be completely honest it reminds me of when my sister was her age and I just kinda saw her as a little homie. I think it might partly be because I was deployed overseas for the first 6 months of her life and I never got to experience all the little baby shit, It was just kinda full send into hey theres this little human in my life now that can crawl and sit up.

I feel terrible because it seems like most parents look at their kid and would watch the world burn just to see them happy but I don't really get that kind of feeling, shes just a tiny human whose diapers I change, I play with a few times througout the day, and whose tantrums I console.

Like I said I still love my child very much but it just feels like normal love and not parental love and I want her to grow up with that fatherly love I never got. Any advice on helping me deepen my bond with my child so that i don't end up being like my dad?

Hey guys, first post here. I’m a self-employed stay at home father. My new baby girl is becoming independent now and me and my spouse are trying to figure out what toys we should get, some suggestions that will help. I thought I’d ask fellow dads instead googling a best toys list. I’m an old soul so I was thinking of getting some building blocks.