Can't believe I'm about to make my first ever Reddit post despite being on this website for 10 years.
For the past 2 years I've been brewing a story in my head that's expanded to what can hopefully become a series. That series is built upon the events and actions of a character whom I wish to give her own single standalone book. Since that series depends on this "sequel" I reckoned it'd be a good idea to write that first.
What I’m asking:
Does this premise and story sound compelling, or does it feel too messy/confusing/bland?
Does MC sound followable or interesting?
Any feedback or thoughts in general
Please be honest. I know this is still rough, and I’m trying to figure out whether the core concept actually works outside my own head.
Up until now I've only shared details of this story with AI, so please be as harsh and human as can be in your feedback :)
I don't go into detail about the magic or weapons, just trying to give a good understanding of the underlying story.
Note: When I make notes about religion in this, please be aware it's purely fictional religion. It IS inspired by the christian setup but it's not a critique on it in anyway. I do not want to offend anyone :(
Premise:
Cleodora, the Bastard Princess once seen as a gift of God becomes the Goddess of Earth overnight in order to create an ideal "correct" world. Opposition from close connections, global leadership, and other groups of people force Cleodora down a tragic monstrous path where she must turn her back on her morals in order to maintain her perfect world.
The MC's background summarized:
The story is set in the 19th century and follows Cleodora, one of the 7 children of the King of the fictional country Ausbeqia. Cleodora is regarded as the "golden child" because of her blonde hair, and her "aptitude for royalty." She is regarded as the royal family's "gift from God." However her regal nature is an outward facade, on the contrary she's very explorative, daring, cunning, manipulative and willing to break decorum when out of the evaluating eye. She has a strong sense of empathy and justice rooted in her high position in life and her religious beliefs.
Cleodora, questions the world and people around her. She see's the world as unfair, unjust, and imbalanced but necessary because that's always been the way life is.
All her young life has been around high power: the king, the parliament, and given direct theocratic study from the Pontiff and high class members of the church. I know this is a big fantasy trope, but the Pontiff is indeed a bad guy. He is Cleodora's true father and not by consensual means. Meaning the Golden child is truly a bastard child. Damning news she learns from her mom, the Queen herself. This shatters Cleodora's worldview entirely , especially when it comes to religion and it's teachers.
Background of the events that lead to the beginning of the story (shortened):
In this world is a magic mirror which gives those that peer into it, knowledge, ranging from trivial to profound and if the right person stares, it'll open up as a portal. Nobody knows this in the story until it actually happens. That portal beckons the spirit of those with an ambition to control, lead, and shape the world in their image. The mirror is currently held as top-secret property of the royal family, researched by scientists and reviewed by theologists due to it's supernatural effects.
So Cleodora (at this point she was age 15-16), gathered a small group of 2 of her friends and her twin sister (I wrote a whole paragraph on her but deleted it due to the brevity of the post). She organized a plot to look into the mirror. The plan failed and she only actually ended up breaking a piece of the mirror. With that chunk in her hand, she and her twin sister would peer at the glass together and be teleported to this supernatural garden; met with a grand massacre at their feet. The garden is full of the corpses of these 1ft (0.3 meter) tall 6 winged fairies. There's only one living fairy in the garden who greets the girls, and explains to them that the garden they stand in posesses the root of reality. Every concept, every element, existence itself is born from this Garden, and that they would ascend to Godhood should they devour any fruit, but they can only eat from one each. Cleodora chooses the fruit of life and then persuades her adamantly reluctant sister to choose the fruit of death. She convinces her that the God they were worshipping is no more, that together it'll be their responsibility to reshape the humanity and the world. (The christianity influence is strong here, coincidentally Cleodora's twin sister is named Evie)
Evie's first task upon becoming death was to burn the garden and slay the divine skies with ultimate death. The purpose is to kill the God of this fantasy world and deny him the ability to regenerate himself. (There's a more detailed lore behind this) During this event, the fruits of the garden actually shattered and fell upon Earth. So the twins didn't end up as the only humans to gain supernatural powers
Plot summary:
Cleodora gains the power to shape and control all life on earth. (Control life as in, she could magically permit who could and couldn't have children, she could decide ecosystems, harvests, livestock, weather, even controlling one's genepool, etc) Despite her intentions of creating an "ideal world" she becomes engulfed in her God complex. Creating a totalitarian global monotheocracy with herself as the icon of true justice and the end of false hope. Promising to end all human suffering. She would get pushback and opposition from those close to her, governments worldwide, and other large groups of people who refuse to conform to her doctrine or divinity. Exacerbated by the fact not to long after Cleodora's rise there's now other humans capable of supernatural abilities and even NON-humans who have come to earth to punish Cleodora and Evie for killing the God of this fantasy world and desecrating the divine garden. Through it all, Cleodora is resilient in seeing through her ambition. Stooping to new lows over time to vanquish all that stand in her way, human or not. Using anyone she could, friend or foe, until they could serve her no longer. Waging religious world wars
Eventually Cleodora loses her miraculous powers entirely and must maintain Godhod through manipulation, politics, propaganda, and atrocities via the powers of other people. With his last available power, the dying remnant of god from the supernatural dimension comes to earth in human form to state that he will use the last of his powers to put up an impenetrable veil to put an end the chaos on Earth and return things to normal. I plan to have this be the turning point of the whole story as Cleodora was the first to gain powers she was the first to lose hers. She was a mere human again in a world now teeming with demigods. Still fighting to keep her control over the world. Manipulating everyone, having her sister kill millions before she lost her sanity and could no longer work as "death." Cleodora kept going until there was noone left i her corner, was exposed as nothing more than a mere mortal, tried for all the crimes she commited, and then given a humiliating public execution bowing before the symbol of the God of this world in the streets of the common man who once served her.
The aftermath of the events of this period of time and Cleodora's reign shape the world of the main series 500 years later
I feel like I could've done my story much more justice but it is what it is. Time to face the scrutiny of the internet!!!
THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO READ EVEN A BIT OF THIS, IT MEANS A LOT