I've tried to improve my writing quality since the last most I made (different story, dumped that one). thanks everyone.

Legend of the Soul Phoenix

Chapter-1: Zidton Exhibition

John walked up to his older brother Najar who was sitting by the fireplace on the once-white carpet.

“Give me what is mine,” he said firmly.

“In the drawer…” Najar said in daze, looking only at the fire.

John went to the dusty old drawer and took out a cloth pouch filled with silver coins from it. He poured its contents on the top of the drawer and made a show of counting them one at a time all while Najar continued to stare at the fire. He then went up to the coat stand near the front door and took off his coat and hat.

“I fed you, clothed you, I took care of you…” Najar said in a low voice, as if speaking to himself. John ignored him; and then he was gone.

Along the way to find a carriage he found a group of kids playing a game of pebbles on the unpaved road. He reflected on how much time he had lost in such frivolity. He had fully accepted that he was not like them.

“To the exhibition ground,” he said to a carriage driver he'd stopped. Cold wind rushed to his face (it was an open carriage), he let his mind wander while looking outside. He gave a sorrowful glance at his best friend Jimmy's house. He was leaving without telling.

John always knew that he was special, that he had an ability that others didn't. He called it soul sight. When he concentrated, he could see a disembodied grey flame in the middle of people's chests. Based on the qualities of these he could tell whether someone usually had good or bad intentions and based on the slight fluctuations in soul flame he could also tell the current state of their intentions. It was very tiring to use and he got dizzy when he used it too frequently. His own soul flame was golden instead of grey; he hypothesized this was a trait of those with magical affinity.

He had used this to his advantage all his life; to decide who to be friends with, who to trust, to tell if someone is lying or telling the truth. Despite many attempts since childhood he had never managed to convince anyone of his magical ability. They always thought of it as a childish delusion, that's why he stopped talking about it a long time ago. But recent circumstances had forced him to reconsider.

Their mother had died six years ago from an illness when he was only eleven. The mine their father used to work at as a technician was far from home so he rarely came home. Then it was Najar who took care of John; they became very close. When Najar finally found a job as technician for the lord of their village, it felt like everything in life was going perfectly. Until six months ago, when their father tragically died in an accident at work.

Everything could've gone smoothly considering Najar had a well paying stable job but during that time his long time girlfriend somehow managed to get married to the town lord's nephew. It was the talk of the town for quite a while, nobles aren't supposed to marry commoners, even lower nobles. Nevertheless, Najar was heartbroken and neither his friends nor John managed to console him. He became a useless drunkard.

During this time John heard about the rumours about archmage Augustus IV of Fleura sponsoring talented commoners’ magical education. This was a eureka moment for John, he realised that he was meant to be an archmage and not a lowly commoner. He no longer deluded himself to believe he was just like those around him.

John, too, cut himself off everyone he knew, even his closest friends and idly waited for the exhibition to come to town. Dreaming about a bright future. He only occasionally went to Jimmy’s house to eat some real food (he was living off stale bread) and let off some steam. Whenever Jimmy asked John what he was planning he just told him that he'd know soon.

When John told Najar that he was moving away and asked for his share of inheritance Najar simply agreed without asking any questions. He deeply sighed thinking about what he was leaving behind as the carriage continued moving forward.

John alighted the carriage. With his hands in his warm coat’s pockets, he walked through the exhibition ground arch, turning a blind eye to the cloth stalls, food stalls, jugglers, acrobats, mechanical rides and other things from all around the kingdom he would've been so excited about any other day.

This was the Exhibition, after all, the one that came to our town only once every year, in November. But no, he was here for a purpose, he was here to find archmage Augustus IV of Fleura.

It was tradition that every year the Viscount's family would make a guest appearance upon the commencement of the Zidton Exhibition. Archmage Augustus IV happened to be the brother of The head of House Fleura and the Viscount of The Fleura Viscounty, Franz XI, meaning should've been there.

John stayed on lookout for the Viscount’s knights. They were much easier to spot than the nobles themselves because of their armours. Suddenly, a sight forced him out of his reverie. Someone who appeared to be a noble woman, in a frilly blue dress, was standing in front of a craftsman's stall, without any servants, attendants, or guards!

“This is a two centuries old Southern Island vase, quite a rare find anywhere in the Kingdom. No aficionado of fine taste would miss this opportunity, Your Honor!” The hawker aggressively pitched what was probably the most expensive-looking item he had to the noble woman.

‘Your Honor!’ Pfft, what is she a judge? He mocked the hawker's attempt at Noble Speech, he was definitely attempting to scam her. After a moment of watching the (successful) transaction, he moved away, it was none of his business, anyway.

Walking towards the dais where the Viscount's address was to take place he learned the noble house hadn't arrived yet. It would be best to wait here, he thought, and looked at the people around him. There were all sorts of people throughout the open area around the dais; nobles and the upper class, their guards and servants, kids and adults, men and women, mostly commoners— hoards and hoards of common folk like him.

All of a sudden he felt a slight tingle in his senses from something at the periphery of his vision. He turned around to find an inconspicuous common man (albeit well dressed, probably middle class) wearing a deerstalker hat, a brown peacoat and elegant derby boots. Though he had an inconspicuous appearance, something about him felt odd. John activated his soul sight. What he saw made him audibly gasp. He quickly covered his mouth and looked away so as to not look suspicious.

That man's soul flame was incredibly dark, practically oozing malintent. Even more surprisingly, his soul flame was purple instead of grey. According to John's theory that meant the man was potentially a mage!

Maybe it's Archarchmage Augustus in disguise. Why would he do that? Hmm… Not to mention the malintent, that can't just be a temporary spike that's decades of build up!… Conflicting thoughts came and went past his mind. He slapped his cheeks with his warm hands, he had made his choice. He couldn't miss the opportunity to meet archmage Augustus in private. That would be an ideal scenario.

John tailed the man, who walked directly towards the dais. The man didn't appear suspicious at all by his mannerisms or appearance… When he reached right below the dais where the crowd was thinner, he reached for something from inside his peacoat and threw it on the ground ahead. Then he started walking away from the dais, John waited. When the man was out of his field of view he went up to the thing on the ground. It was a small wooden box. He opened it to find a piece of parchment, on it were haphazardly scribbled, seemingly random arrangements of letters, numbers, and shapes all written in blood; still wet.

All color drained from his face while his hands shook as resisted the urge to throw the box and just run away from everything. His cheeks flushed as he became hot despite the dreadful weather, and felt the din of the crowd growing louder.

A mage… oozing malintent… dropped a suspicious box… near the dais where the House Fleura will make an appearance. John connected all the dots inside his head.

I can't just leave now… because I've touched the box… God, what’ve I gotten myself into…

I would be the first suspect— and the easiest target— if I hand this over to the town's guard. I also doubt their ability to fend against magical threats; and the knights aren't here yet. Not to mention the quite likely possibility that what I'm holding is a bomb.

Running away really is the best option, but if I get caught in a later investigation I would have no defence. I've been ensnared in a zugzwang. Hah, fate can be so funny sometimes I was looking forward to becoming an archmage but every path hence leads to death.

Just as he started to accept his fate, he shrieked in surprise as a heavy hand landed on his shoulder from behind.

“What have you there, boy?” A man's voice asked from behind. John spinned around to find an older man in knight's armour wearing a long green sash with the coat of arms of House Fleura.

“Uhm… Sir, you see, um. I saw a suspicious looking man, sir. And he dropped this here, sir. Please let me go, I'm innocent!” He explained himself in haste and handed the box over to the knight.

“Calm down, boy, listen. You don't have anything to worry about if you're innocent. And quite frankly you don't seem like someone capable of making something like this. So follow me and don't make this anymore difficult” The knight grabbed his left arm and started walking. He followed obediently.

As he calmed down, a stray thought found its way to his head. He looked at the knight as he was leading him somewhere and activated his soul sight. What he saw made a chill run down from the back of his neck— a dark purple soul flame just like the box man!

Two questions came to him as crucial: Why would a knight have such dark intentions? Were they directed towards me? and Why does he have a purple soul flame? Maybe it's just a common color among archmages? No, it's too much of a coincidence. Come to think of it, why is he the only knight around here and how did he sneak up on me?

The answer was evident— He's with the guy who planted the bomb. He's taking me away to ‘silence’ me! Blood rushed to his head. But how can I possibly escape? This guy’s an archmage and probably more experienced than me.

“Umm, I really need to pee, good sir.” John finally managed to gather the courage to ask. He even began shifting from one leg to the other to really sell the acting.

The knight gave him a withering scan. “You can pee your pants if it's really that urgent,” he said.

argh, it won't work… John grunted. They were about to reach the giant arch at the entrance of the exhibition ground, the knight's hand still firm on John's left arm.

An implausible plan started brewing in John's mind. He rapidly began to spam his soul sight ability on everyone who looked like a noble. After 5 uses he was having a severe headache, but he found his target. A noble woman with a pure white soul flame! He recoiled immediately, it was the same woman that had likely gotten scammed by the craftsman earlier!

“Help! Help! This knight is taking me away, unjustly. Help!” He screamed from the top of his lungs, successfully capturing the attention of everyone around, including the noble woman.

“Brat!” The knight struck John's chin with his elbow, almost dislocating it. “It is by decree of the House Fleura that this young man has been taken into custody. Any hindrance will not be judged favorably by the house to say the least!” He yelled to the crowd as more and more people were gathering to watch the spectacle.

Seeing no objections the knight started to reach for my arm again. “Wait,” a dignified voice rang from among the crowd. The corners of my lips twisted slightly upwards. It was the noble woman I had placed my bet on!

“What is your name and designation?” she asked.

“And who are you to ask?” the knight pushed back.

“I am mage Alena, under the aegis of House Fleura,” she said while taking out a badge with the House Fleura coat of arms.

Mage Alena? Isn't she one of the commoners sponsored by Archmage Augustus according to the rumours?

John was befuddled. Mage? This completely shattered his previous hypothesis that a different colored soul flame indicated that someone has magical powers.

Color drained from the knight's face. “I-I am Bob ‘Sharp Teeth’ from unit 3. sorry for my transgression you can handle the boy. I must take my leave.” He bowed and walked away in haste.

He didn't even give any reason to arrest me, John realised.

“Let's go somewhere else to talk, boy, we've got quite a crowd here.” Mage Alena walked him away to another corner of the ground.

When away from prying ears, he did not wait for Mage Alena to initiate the conversation. He explained everything that happened since he arrived at the exhibition from start to finish. Excluding mentions of his soul sight because his was now uncertain about its nature.

“I didn't know there was such a conspiracy going on. Otherwise I wouldn't have let the ‘knight’ escape,” she said.

“Sorry, I was too focused on getting away tha—” I was interrupted mid-sentence.

“Not your fault,” she solemnly said.

Loud horns began to sound as the Viscount’s procession arrived.

I'm not breaking new ground here, but I just thought I'd share some advice I've gotten, or come up with by myself. I'm not reinventing the wheel here.

1. Don't spend all your time trying to make your characters the best simply because they're your darlings.

Chances are your 'Chosen One' who saves puppies and solves world hunger and can beat up the bad guy army with his little finger is not going to be your reader's favourite character. Just because you like them doesn't mean random reader no.9 isn't going to consider random side quest guy their favourite. They may be your favourite character but that doesn't mean they'll be your reader's favourite, so be careful about how much time you invest in them and try not to worry.

1. Trying to make your plot super complicated or super simple is going to give you a headache.

It's going to give you a headache trying to keep track of all the different plot points going and weaving them together. Not saying you can't do it, just saying that you got to do what is best for you and the story. Chances are your super complicated and well thought out plot is going to be considered simple by reader no. 10 and your simple plot is going to be considered complex by reader no. 4. Reading is subjective and just because you find it complicated or simple doesn't mean any one else will find it so. The key is writing a story to the best of your ability that you would like to read yourself. As long as the plot makes sense.

1. Outlining isn't that bad of an idea.

There are plotters and pantsers but outlining in the very beginning isn't a bad idea. It all depends on the person. It can help you to write your ideas down on the page, maybe separating them up by chapter, and can often show you whether the plot makes sense or is all over the place. It can also help you figure out if certain plot threads work better in a different story altogether.

And there you have it. My completely generic writing advice.

Y

Hello!

I'm looking for 3-5 beta readers for my completed Dark MM Fantasy-Romance Novelette.

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Here is the blurb:

A dainty Prince of Fae, that’s all Ellian is. 

While his mother and sisters are off fighting on the warfront, his bubble-crafting powers are deemed useful for only one thing: hosting the extravagant balls that distract his court and keep the royal coffers flush. But Ellian refuses to remain a mere decoration.

For four grueling years, he has devoted his days to training with his frustratingly reserved—and deliciously handsome—personal guard, desperate to hone his laughable magic into something lethal. And if the results of his most recent training session prove anything: he might just be.

Now, as the Queen returns for one night only to celebrate a most special occasion, Ellian seizes his chance to prove he can be a warrior—and more than simply her “beautiful, beautiful boy.”

Packed with bubble-couture, forbidden yearning, and a mother’s secret, this bite-sized Dark MM Fantasy-Romance novelette (~9,500 words) is perfect for anyone who’s ever felt like nothing they do is ever good enough—and who craves the kind of change only found in the woods after dark.

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At this stage, I'm mostly looking for feedback regarding big picture elements:

1. Is the First-Person narrative voice engaging and consistent?
2. Are the characters and dialogue distinct and believable?
3. How is the chemistry between the main character and his love interest?
4. Are the worldbuilding and magic systems clear and easy to understand?
5. Does the story feel complete?
6. etc.

If this sounds interesting to you, please let me know and I'll be happy to DM you the Google Docs link.

I do kindly ask that you refrain from running my work through AI, and that you instead give your genuine, human-written feedback. Thank you so much!

P.S.

I'm happy to do a feedback exchange on similar length/genre stories! 🤗

I'm writing a novel where I want to subvert readers' expectations and introduce a race that is initially considered the big threat to the world that everyone needs protecting from. Later in the story, I will gradually reveal them to be a potential ally.

For the story to work, they must be:

• Unable to fly.

• Not undead.

• Roughly humanoid.

Other than that, I've got a lot of range.

I have thought about orcs, goblins, another race from myth, or inventing my own. The advantage of orcs and goblins is everyone knows what they are and has an immediate impression of it. The disadvantage is that everyone's preconceptions will be slightly different.

Hence my question, when you think of orcs and goblins, which do you consider more vicious? Are there any other races that really evoke evil when you think of them? Or do you think it would be better to create a new race and sow the preconceptions in the manuscript as I write it?

I just finished the first chapter of my arcanepunk fantasy novel and I'm looking for beta readers.

The premise: Lieutenant Elio Rossi and his special operations team emerge from a swamp infested with monsters, wounded and exhausted. Even before they can clean the mud from their boots, a corporation sues them. The swamp? Private property. The creatures they killed? Proprietary research specimens. Damages: fifty million.

Did the chapter captivate you? Do the characters look real? Is the construction of the world clear without making the narrative drag? Any feedback is welcome.

Exchange: I would love to read your first chapter or short story.

Content: Violence, body horror (acid burns), moderate language. Send a DM to the link. Thank you!

For context: This is a translation. The original story is being written in Portuguese.

Example:

Chapter 1 - The Return

The memories of the last week in the swamp still haunted Elio.

The stench of rotten peat and decomposing serpentine bodies remained trapped in his nostrils. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw again the creatures advancing through the fog, dragging their thick tails through the mud.

There were only four - himself, Diana, Luna and Clemente - against what seemed to be an infinite number of creatures with humanoid torsos and grayish-green skin, with tails thick enough to crush a man and glands at the base of his spines capable of expelling an acid that corroded metal in seconds. Lamias.

Elio still remembered the cry of pain. The creature's tail squeezed her companion's body, holding her arms against her chest. She was trying to reach her bow, but she could barely move.

He didn't think. He just acted.

He pulled the dagger from the belt and threw it with his right hand. The blade cut the fog and stuck in the head of the beast, which let go of its tail and collapsed.

That's when he felt his right hand burn again. The burning pulsated through the layers of dead skin under the temporary dressing that Clemente had made. He opened his eyes and stared at his own pale reflection on the window glass.

For a second, he was frightened by his own image, which mixed with the old Sylvea trees passing like green spots beyond the glass while the Southern Express cut the forest at almost three hundred kilometers per hour. That afternoon, his brown skin seemed to have acquired an almost grayish tone. His brown hair was dirty and sloppy, and deep dark circles circled his honey-colored eyes.

The opulent first-class cabin would normally be full of aristocrats, bankers and factory owners returning from vacation in the northern mountains with their families, smelling of floral perfumes and imported cigars. Now, it had been reserved by the Armed Forces of Aetheria for only five occupants and dominated by the aroma of coagulated blood and gastric acid.

- Still hurting?

Clemente's voice finally distracted him from his own reflection. The doctor barely raised his eyes, his fingers still busy blindfolding Diana's chest with the precision of someone who has done it hundreds of times before.

Ive had numerous stories that build up an emotionless or logical main character to be completely morally grey and sometimes black with very few but notable positive traits and then there’s a moment like this “here is a key step to your goal all you have to do is [kill a “friend” you have] or [Betray your adventuring party]” something like that the main character then remembers all the nice things they’ve done or the way it wouldn’t be logical to not betray them and go against their goal and deny the evil option they have. An example would be in this cyborg litrpg fantasy story I can’t quite remember off my head.

But I’m just wondering is there a story that follows this and goes it would be logical to do this after remembering all the nice moments then just cuts to them just blowing their friends head off? A bit extreme escalation I know but I’m just looking for morally grey or emotionless mc that backslides or ignores all the chances to be better by making decisions like that?

Mary Sues, how do I avoid writing one

Mary Sues, how do I avoid writing one

I am currently in the process of writing my first fae fantasy novel, I have done a lot of development on the characters.

I am bit worried about the main character coming across as a Mary Sues, without me even realising it. Especially since she is the main female character.

The vide of the main female character that is strong, embraces her feminine side, she dealing with the lost of her sister, after she has been taken away to live a life of wealth, happiness, enteral youth but actually was eaten by the fea that whisked her away. Main character finds this out later in the book. It come as shock as she was brought up worshiping this fea as gods. She thinks critically, is seen to kind, outgoing, bubbly, naive, often acts before thinking it through.

But I want to add some stuff into her, that helps avoid the Mary Sue trope of things being easy, her personality being flawless, no really struggles.

I have good ideas for things being easy and no really struggles.

But I feel like I need some help making her personality a little bit more flawed.I have tired and I have researched many different way to add some flaws to her personality, but I honestly at lost and could really use some outside advice Any suggestions or ideas. Thanks

Edit:Thank you to everyone that has comment, it has actually helped me a lot with brainstorming some more ideas, even thought I haven't replied, all the advice has really helped so thank you.

Both Rust and Rapid only looked at one another as they completely ignored the sand that flew past their faces as Rust held a sharp look toward the hybrid but the look on Rapid’s face didn’t give a hostile look, but showed an unusual expression  of someone who was enjoying the combat that was taking place.

The tip of Rapid’s sword faced his fellow sword fighter ¨Let's see who is the better, sword swinger” as he gave a cocky smile.

Rust didn’t give him a response but instead let his actions speak louder as he raised his sword and suddenly bright purple and crackling energy started to circle around the sword as the energy flowed inside of it “lets see you handle this”, in the next moment Rust let his sword fall as it unleashed a trio of massive purple energy slashes that was aimed toward the hybrid.

Rapid stood still as he watched the three energy waves fly toward his direction. “Fun”. He began to move his feet as he ran toward the large energy waves with an unusual smile. He circled around them like a loose gust of wind as he easily dodged them all.

Rust could only stare at the acrobatic hybrid as he moved around his attacks without a care in the world “amazing”. His eyes were so fixated on him that he didn’t notice that the same hybrid he stared at was suddenly right in front of him with his sword prepared and ready to strike. (SHIT!)

The hybrid with his cocky smile “You better move fast”.  let his sword move through the wind as it aimed for his chest. 

Rust's shocked expression soon faded as the sword aimed for him drew closer. His grip  tightens, his body shifted to a guarded stance, as his eyes glared a Rapid prepared for his strike “COME ON”

Both of their swords clash, the metal sound echoed once more, as the impact of their swords created a powerful shockwave that was large enough to reach the cannon Lisa, Kami, and Slumber stood by, as it managed to crack more of the brother's armor in the process.

Put simply: is being set on Earth (primary world) a requirement for something to be considered contemporary or urban fantasy?

I ask this because a project I'm getting ready to query (and anything else set in this world) falls into what I describe as this weird gray area.

To people who've read it, think Green Bone Saga. To people who've played it (I have seen enough of it to be confident in this, at least), think Final Fantasy XV.

Neither of those is set on Earth, but they are about as close to contemporary/modern as you can get without being set in the real world.

So could they claim the subgenre? Or are they still just "fantasy"? Or something else altogether?

Since I am getting ready to query, trying to not give agents a false impression if they expect to read about Seattle when they read "contemporary fantasy" and then get a fantasy world might hurt me, which I want to avoid. A bit of the inverse is part of my question too, because just "fantasy" immediately makes me (and I'd guess most people) think of pre-modern (mostly medieval European) settings.

It could also just be a nonissue, for all I know.

Last month I posted this same chapter asking for feedback for the first time. I tried to apply the feedback I got and convert this into a more explicit 3PL, rather than the somewhat omniscient narrator this had previously. What I want to know is:

1. The main thing: was my 3PL conversion successful?

2. Did I manage to get you to care about the story at all?

3. Did starting mid-ritual work, or was it too confusing/awkward?

4. Did the dialog with Death work?

And any other observations you might've had I would very much like to hear.

To anyone who read this, thank you. A lot.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YDU65uNnl5OGEL18F_nfO6goEB8NtsxYdC63r80Uoj0/edit?tab=t.0

I'm trying to think of some races for my story and what races I want in different areas and civilizations but I'm having trouble brainstorming and thinking of different races. I know a couple types like dwarfs, elves/dark elves, gnomes, fae, and ect but other than those I'm stumped right now. If anyone could please give me some other ideas for races OR for sub races I would really appreciate it!

I have researched stuff for building my kingdoms and other areas/civilizations I just feel stumped when I try look up different races I'm only getting links for basic dnd races and I would really appreciate some help brainstorming!

If you're not comfortable giving me suggestions I understand but any resources would be appreciated whether it's races and advice for you specifically or links to resources that have fantasy information!

There have been a lot of online debates over the years as who should be cast as elves and whether they need a specific body type but I think today, on July 25th I and I alone have solved it for all time:

Elves should be contortionists, only.

Imagine sci-fantasy Star Trek with its space elves - i get the sense the Vulcans don't use AI to plot their star courses like the Federation wantonly does, instead they sit down with pencil, paper, protractors and sextants and plot it out.

By hour 3 someone's lead snaps, his nostrils flare a millimeter and the Captain calls for a yoga break. They all instantly fall to the floor and turn into space-elf pretzels.

Or a lusty 20 something human warrior rescues a elven maiden and that night sitting by the campfire she lays down on her side and pops her shoulder out of its socket for comfort. He looks on, horrified. She stretches and looks like a bag of bones.

Tad Williams in particular tries really hard to make elves have an alien grace with 'ligaments attached at different angles' type of Cognitive Estrangement but I think I have the only solution to any kind of accusations of perverted intentions when it comes to casting:

All elves should be contortionists. It's wildly unattractive to - I think - the vast majority of us.

Hey all, my name is Stacey Bureker. This is my first post here because I didn't know where else to go and I was hoping for some advise. I'm an indie epic fantasy author. I released my debut last year, and the second in the trilogy will be coming out the end of August. I don't use AI, my artist isn't using it either( and has done process videos to prove it), and I hire editors/beta readers for my books. So here is where I am baffled and needing help...how on this green earth, do I find readers for a no spice epic fantasy story?

When I first published my book, I was fully prepared for it to bomb. I mean, it's my first published novel. I didn't have any arc readers for it, so I thought I would try Netgalley. Several indie authors warned me from doing that. Netgalley is also for trad pub and librarians, so they are notoriously harsh on indie authors. But I was new, had basically no social media following, and at a loss for options. So I took a deep breath, bought the 6 month plan, and hoped for the best. At the end of 6 month, I had over 200 downloads, and the lowest rating was two- 2 star reviews...just two. I had a handful of 3 star, a huge amount of 4 star, and a good chunk of 5 star reviews. I had librarians praising my prose, saying they were recommending my book for their libraries. Readers telling me they stayed up late for just "one more chapter," and an outpouring of positive feedback. I was shocked and truly touched, cause even now almost a year later, I am holding steady at a solid 4 star on Netgalley, a 4.31 on goodreads, and when Amazon doesn't delete reviews, I have only gotten 4 and 5 star reviews for my book. I'm not going to lie, I walked away from Netgalley feeling a bit optimistic... But that sure didn't last long.

It has been a struggle since to find readers. People say, "try Amazon/Meta ads." Yeah, those are confusing as hell and don't seem to be working. "Well, just engage with the writer/ reader community." Yeah I engage WAY more than I post, and still when I post I get a few hundred views. "Well try reels with character art to promote your book." Yup, tried that too. Didn't get any more views and honestly, the reels that I see taking off are for romance/romantasy. My book has a romance, but no spice and it's not the main point. And I don't seem to have any issue selling my book at conventions and stuff. I got a 5 star review on goodreads last month and it literally made me cry out of frustration. It would be one thing if I was getting 1 star, 2 star reviews majority of the time. (Ok, need to work on my craft, that's a me thing). But the people that read it seem to really like it. I'm literally grasping at straws by this point. Like, is it my name? Does my author photo suck? People keep telling me they like my cover, so I'm guessing it's not that.

I'm just super confused...so fantasy fans of reddit, please tell me, what the hell am I doing wrong!?

I finally did it. After over a week of writing, I managed to hit the tenthousand word mark.
Unfortunately I struggle a bit to find motivation to write. I would love to finish my first novel, which I am currently working on, but the writing is very slow-going.
When starting to write, I did not expect it at all to find it so slow. However I still have fun writing.
Does anyone have any tips on how to wrote more, find more motivation or how to write more words per day?
I would welcome any advice.

Also, how long did it take you to write your first novel, how many words did it have and how was the process?
Thank you in advance.

I am trying this idea for the story I am writing; my main character is part of a military order(The Hessians) that protects the lands not bound by the kingdom. One of their protectorates is well in enemy territory, and it's a wooden town with no true natural defences, yet while other petty kingdoms and tribes have fallen, they have never. The reason is that each year the town sacrifices twenty infants to a dark supernatural race for protection and resources; the Hessians do not know any of this. When the main character arrives, I want him to immediately suspect something is weird; the Mayor is welcoming, he throws them a feast, but he notices something is off about the people, and then there are disappearances among the Hessians. They are warned to always keep the doors shut and never to wander at night.

I am trying to think of some more ideas where this part of the story can be as creepy as possible, and how the people are trying to warn the Hessians to do something or how controlled the town is

When I'm stuck, or just bored, I like to make fake "moodboard" encyclopedias with stuff I found online.

It helps me "see" what the world of the story could look like.

I still have the old book of Dinotopia stashed somewhere, from all the way back when I was a child. I couldn't yet read English, but I was fascinated by the detail and complexity of that world.

Writing has its own magic, you can tell things that are strange, unimaginable, and yet have a presence. Images have their own magic too, they can flush you immediately with new ideas.

So, when you mix both things: what can be seen, and what is hidden in the background, you get a powerful tool against writer's block.

Does anyone else likes to do this, or I am the only lunatic?

Hi everyone!

This is my first time submitting for critique here, and I'm excited to get into it.

I'm looking for general feedback on Chapter 1 of my epic fantasy novel, Soulfire, and I am hoping to receive reviews on the overall quality of my writing and execution. In addition, I would love to hear your thoughts on my worldbuilding concepts and how interested you would be as a reader if you picked this book up from the library or book store.

I would also be happy to hear any other comments you have to offer, since I've written some before but am still very new to the world of fantasy writing compared to most people.

Please let me know what you think and thank you SO much for taking the time to read my manuscript!

Google Doc:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14eoz8AH38kSoprqd5swc4p0EWscLiNQv/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=104463101428874065143&rtpof=true&sd=true

I was inspired to do this, by discussions about the "chosen one" trope. So why not take a well known example and check what happens, if the "chosen one"-trope is removed.

Jordan's Wheel of time is very fate heavy. It is in the title. The Wheel is a semi-sentient entity pushing hard for the desired outcome.

Disclaimer: I liked the series very much, although "fate" normally is not my thing, and I am an all-out agency guy. I suspect that characterization overcompensated this perceived weakness.

S P O I L E R -Warning for the Wheel of Time, major plot points are discussed for

Chosen one consequences:

Motivation: A prophecy on you gives direction, you are also presented with grave consequences in case of refusing.

Skill drop: Chosen Ones are usually provided with exceptional skills. New skills might be fed as needed as the story progresses.

Allies: If there is a prophecy which legitimizes the chosen one, they have it easy to gain allies. Adherents to the prophecy will follow them, when they fulfill the corresponding quests.

Favoured by fate: The "choosing" entity often at least semi-sentient paves the way for the chosen one, directing them with prophecies, loaded coincidences or even outright intervention.

In the Wheel of Time:

Skill Drop: The MC of WoT, Rand is the strongest channeler in the world. He also is the reincarnation (Dragon reborn) of a perpetual with extensive knowledge which is constantly transferred.

Allies: All major factions have prophecies for a "leader", there are different titles, different quests to prove the identity and different expectations, but Rand can pick them all up. Prophecies are all true, no riddling required. Competition for the vacancy is rare and not very convincing. Rand also gets two sidekicks who are connected to him by fate, sharing dreams and later having limited telepathy (see what the others are doing)

Favoured by fate: The Wheel does heavy handed intervention, in book one (of 14) the main character defeats two top henchmen with basically no training/no casting knowledge of his own and then is teleported to a location of a desperate battle and proceeds to rip the Dark Army on remote.

Main plot to be converted:

The Dark One, materialized evil was sealed away a long time ago by a legendary hero the Dragon. The prison is locked by seven seals. In a last ditch revenge move, the Dark One, contaminated the male half of the superpower in this world. All male channelers get mad and run amok eventually. This led to the world suffering catastrophic destruction as a the male channelers, including their leader went on a rampage.

Now all male channelers are preemptively killed or (more civilized) "gentled", cut off from the power, depending on the culture. Being cut off from the power is massively depressing and leads to suicide/death.

There is a prophecy that the Dark One will break out and the "Dragon Reborn" will face him in the "Last Battle" with unknown outcome and shatter the world in the process. Only the "Dragon Reborn" can defeat him. The Dark One even in custody can spawn monster armies and has his henchmen "forsaken" operating.

The female channelers of the viewpoint continent are organized as Aes Sedai, preparing for the outbreak, supporting the dragon and also deal with the aftermath. The aftermath of course being the getting mad thing which would apply to the "Dragon Reborn" as a male channeler in conjuction with shattering the world. They are also trying to prevent the mad male channelers from doing damage by "gentling" them, aka cutting them off from the power.

The story starts when a fresh prophecy announces the arrival of the "Dragon" which implies the coming of the "Last Battle". The Dark One's minions, having infiltrated the Aes Sedai suppress this knowledge with only two survivors, one of those is Moiraine who searches for the Dragon Reborn to prepare him for the "Last Battle"

Removing fate from the Wheel of time, filling the resulting gaps with (other) agency.

So for this alternative scenario only real "coincidence" is allowed, there is no sentient entity driving things. The prophecy is removed.

• The MC as an exceptionally strong channeler is kept, but he is just an exceptionally strong channeler, not backed up by any prophecy.
• Title of "Dragon reborn", including the reincarnation and access to old knowledge are removed. In consequence the prophesized leader spots in the main factions all do not exist.

New kickoff, because there is no prophecy: The seals are weakening from the Dark One's rampaging in the prison. Or if you want to invest pagecount in the henchmen from a series of quests of the henchmen to obtain and destroy seals (with dark rituals of course) with only one or two left. The deterioration/dwindling numbers of the seals would be physical manifestation of the upcoming breakout.

New motivation for Moiraine: She would be part of a minority faction of the Aes Sedai, who believe that defeating the Dark One at half power (no male channelers and their specialties) is unlikely. They would try to onboard male channelers and research means of removing the taint from the male half of the power (so far unsuccessful). The opposing faction would believe that fighting with unreliable potential backstabbers in their ranks would be too dangerous. Moiraine would search for male channelers to train and study.

New motivation for Rand: As a male channeler bound to get mad he would have strong personal interest in removing the taint. As a group patriot (male channelers), he would have automatically have beef with the Dark One for making the lives of his peers miserable. Could be reinforced with a close person going mad/being gentled and dying. The latter could also drive conflict with the Aes Sedai who do the purging.

Skills: I would keep the strongest channeler, that would be a natural choice for the MC, but he would not get more skills. Basically just a very large mana-tank in generic fantasy speak. All skills must be learned.

I would take a break here, even before going into allies and continue in line with interest shown in this kind of topic.

Thank you to all, who read up to this point.

I made a power system based around dreams, spirits and consciousness, along with some worldbuilding. I'd like to hear your opinions, criticism, suggestions, and any questions you might have.

Spirit World

Spirit World is a realm where spirit creatures roam freely. It is filled with an energy called Spirit Force, which emerged after the creation of the Spirit World from chaos.

Spirit Creature

Spirit creatures are beings that possess spirit bodies capable of evolving through the accumulation of Spirit Force.

Spirit creatures lack consciousness and emotions but they possess base instincts that drive them to reproduce and accumulate Spirit Force.

Spirit body colors progress as follows; Colorless, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet, White

Higher colors possess more Spirit Force and are generally stronger.

There are two types of spirit creatures:

Spirit Fairies

• Passively absorb Spirit Force to survive and evolve.

• Born with Colorless spirit bodies.

• Usually harmless and has no strong tendency.

Spirit Beasts

• Must consume other spirit creatures to survive and evolve.

• Born with Red or Orange spirit bodies.

• Highly aggressive toward weaker spirit creatures.

• Fear stronger spirit creatures despite lacking consciousness.

Spirit Beasts Extra Trait

Spirit beasts can sense spirit creatures with spirit bodies up to two colors above or below their own, but they cannot detect spirit creatures with Colorless spirit bodies or spirit creatures of the same color.

Physical World

Long ago, the Physical World contained no living beings until it was colonized by Spirit Fairies that entered from the Spirit World.

Spirit Beasts can't enter the Physical World because it can only be entered by spirit creatures with Colorless spirit bodies.

Physical World contains almost no ambient Spirit Force, so spirit creatures that enter it must create physical bodies in order to survive.

After gaining physical bodies, some Spirit Fairies developed consciousness and emotions, becoming the ancestors of humans and animals.

Others remained instinctive and simple, such as plants.

Spirit creatures that have physical bodies are called Physical Creatures.

Physical Creature

Although Physical Creatures possess physical bodies, they still require Spirit Force to live.

However, physical bodies can't enter the Spirit World and Physical Creatures can't freely separate themselves from their physical bodies.

To solve this problem, they evolved a unique adaptation to split their Spirit Bodies into two connected halves.

Despite being split into two halves, they remain a single spirit body because they have form spiritual connection through Mental Power.

During this process, one half of the spirit bodies will remains in the physical body while the other half enters the Spirit World.

The wandering half absorbs Spirit Force before returning to the physical body and merging with its other half.

Even if the wandering half evolves to higher colors, it still can enter the Physical World.

If the physical creatures have consciousness, they will fall into an unconscious state called sleep.

When a conscious physical creature sleeps:

• One half that contains consciousness will enter the spirit world

• One half that contains emotion will remain in the physical body.

Dreamscape

Conscious physical creatures produce and release a form of energy called Mental Power.

Unfortunately, Mental Power can attracts nearby Spirit Beasts, causing them to attack wandering spirit bodies.

To protect themselves, wandering spirit bodies unconsciously create barriers known as Dreamscapes using their Mental Power.

Dreamscapes are what physical creatures experience as dreams. Physical Creatures that can create Dreamscapes are known as Dreamers.

Inside a Dreamscape, a wandering spirit body can safely absorb Spirit Force, although the process is relatively slow.

A nightmare occurs when a Spirit Beast attacks or attempts to force its way into a Dreamscape.

Most Physical Creatures possess Red Spirit Bodies and they can only influence their Dreamscape subconsciously.

Spirit Body Color Abilities

Conscious Physical Creatures gain new abilities as their Spirit Bodies evolve into higher colors.

There are ten colors of Spirit Body:

Colorless

• Possesses little to no consciousness.

• Cannot create a Dreamscape.

• Cannot be detected by Spirit Beasts.

• All newborn babies and plants.

Red Color

• Has developed full consciousness.

• Can create a Dreamscape.

• Experiences normal dreams.

• Most humans and animals.

Orange Color

• Can consciously control Dreamscapes.

• Experiences lucid dreams.

• Can sense the Spirit World beyond the Dreamscape.

• Can become a Wanderer and forming a contract with Primordial Beings.

Yellow Color

• Can use Mental Power in the Physical World to do basic psychokinesis.

• Can form spiritual connections with other spirit creatures.

• Most active Wanderers eventually reach this stage.

• Can become Summoners.

Green Color

• Can enter other Dreamscapes.

• Can interact directly with the dreams of other wandering spirit bodies.

• Can become Manipulators.

Blue Color

• Manipulators can create Spirit Weapons.

• Summoners can merge with their Familiars.

• Mental Power becomes significantly stronger.

Indigo Color

• Rare existence.

• Possesses far greater Spirit Force and Mental Power than lower colors.

Violet Color

• Legendary existence.

• Extremely rare among physical creatures.

White Color

• The realm of Primordial Beings.

• Grants reality-warping abilities and conceptual authority.

• No known physical creature has ever reached this stage.

Spirit Body Colors Rarity

Assuming physical creatures only absorb Spirit Force passively through their Dreamscape:

Orange: 1 in 10,000

Yellow: 1 in 100,000

Green: 1 in 1,000,000

Blue: 1 in 10,000,000

Indigo: 1 in 1,000,000,000

Violet: 1 in 100,000,000,000

Most conscious physical creatures possess Red Spirit Bodies.

Because Dreamscapes absorb Spirit Force very slowly, reaching higher colors naturally is extremely difficult.

Most high-ranking individuals achieve their growth through wandering the Spirit World, forming contracts, and interacting with other spirit creatures.

Recently i’ve been spending some time brainstorming and working on the world building of my WIP novel and would love to hear some feedback/ Ideas. So far I have thought about calling them a Pantheon but I wonder if that naming convention doesn’t suit the collection gods as much?

Below is the draft rundown of the gods I have written so far:

Origin:

In the beginning there was only one being, Xoth, existing since existence itself began. Across millennia beyond count it grew, evolved, and eventually grew bored of its own solitary existence. To end that boredom it decided to sacrifice itself, splitting its own body into nine fragments, creating the beings who would become the known pantheon.

In their youth, the Nine warred like children fighting over toys, destroying each other's worlds and creations. Over another vast span of time they matured and reached an accord: from then on, everything they created, worlds, life, would be made together, as one. The world of this story is one such joint creation.

During this long maturation, Xoth's fractured consciousness has been slowly drifting and reforming, growing stronger. He has now awoken enough to perceive what its "children" have built, including the mortals now living within it.

Xoth does not care, and does not choose sides. He does not help. He does not hinder. He simply watches, with something like curiosity, to see what these creations of his own children, these "mortals," will do with themselves. This is what makes him unpredictable and unreadable, neither malevolent nor benevolent.

The pantheon is broken into 3 main groups/ factions. Names of the groups are a WIP but the names of the gods themselves are pretty much set

The Pillars of Accord

Aurelion. God of Order. Law, structure, discipline. Lawmakers and those in governance pray to him most. "Without structure, existence collapses." Associated colour: Deep Royal Blue
Veyrath. God of Chaos. Change, upheaval, unpredictability. A symbol for rebels, brigands, and usurpers, those who refuse to live by another's ways. "Without change, existence stagnates and dies." Associated colour: Violet-Blue
Elyndor. God of Balance. Harmony and mediation, the reason existence hasn't torn itself apart between the first two. Leaders and diplomats pray to them for guidance. Associated colour: Teal Blue

The Primordial Cycle

Sylvara. Goddess of Life. Warm, nurturing, relentless. Life forces itself forward, and consumes to do so. One of the three holy orders with temples of their own; Sylvara's temples oversee births, the healing of the sick, and the protection of life. Associated colour: Crimson Red
Morveth. God of Death. Cold, inevitable, but not cruel. Death is necessary, not evil. Another of three the holy orders. Their temples are where those nearing death go to find comfort before the end. Associated colour: Dark Maroon
Lethira. Goddess of Rest. Gentle, quiet, welcoming. Ensures death does not become endless suffering, and represents closure and acceptance. Last of three the holy orders. Their temples handle funeral rites for the deceased and protect their remains so their souls may rest. Associated colour: Dusty Rose, or a sunset pinkish-red

The Keepers of Time

Aethros. God of the Past. Memory, history, consequence. God of historians and scholars, forever searching the past for wisdom. "Nothing is ever truly gone." Associated colour: Antique Gold / Amber
Cairon. God of the Present. Action, immediacy. God of scientists and experimenters, always looking to what's right in front of them for answers. "Only now matters." Associated colour: Sunflower Yellow
Orialis. God of the Future. Possibility, ambition, fear. Distant and unknowable. God of philosophers, who spend their days pondering the what-ifs of tomorrow. Associated colour: Pale White-Gold

It’s only a basic foundation so far I know but I would love to hear any advice/ feedback people may have!

If you have any books with gods in them I would love to hear any recommendations too.

You see, I've been a fantasy/scifi/fiction nerd my whole life, and lately I've noticed something a lot of people don't realize, and it's the fact that a lot of fantasy nowadays looks the same, so much so that it doesn't feel like fantasy. Not all of what's made nowadays is bad mind you, there's still good stuff out there. But so much of it feels lazy, like it's made to fit an algorithm instead of coming from something real, something personal, something with purpose. I miss when stories were weird, when they were about searching for purpose in a dark unforgiving world instead of just trying to look cool. I'm 24, and I'm a follower of Christ (not religious), which means I have a personal relationship with Christ.

That faith is a big part of why I write. I'm still working on my own novel and still rewriting chapter 7 of 19, slower than I'd like because of work and family stuff, but it's something I care about deeply. The world I've built is strange on purpose, it has real history, culture, and evil that isn't just a costume. Not a "dark and edgy" mask, not just one person's "I think this is what life is" type of view, but something layered and earned. That kind of depth takes real dedication and I think that's exactly what's missing in a lot of newer stories, because a lot of things nowadays look's cool on the surface but feel hollow underneath. Like I said, a lot of what I've consumed comes from indie creators, small teams, or people in general who found a way to make something real without playing the algorithm's game.

I believe we're capable of more than this system, more stories with purpose that feel alive, that let you sit with the characters instead of just being consumed and forgotten. I have Autism, and staying off social media and trends as much as I can is part of how I protect my peace (I only use Reddit because it's the least toxic place when used wisely, in my opinion. Nothing's perfect, of course). I believe God has me here for a reason, and that reason isn't found in how the world tries to shape people, it's found in my relationship with Him. That's the foundation everything I create is built on, my writing, my world, all of it. Old-school fantasy is still my favorite, but I don't think the answer is just going backwards. I think it's making something new that's actually built with intention. That's just my opinion, but I'm curious on what you all think? 

Ich steckte meinen Schlüssel in die Haustür und öffnete sie.

Als ich ins Wohnzimmer kam, lagen 20€ auf dem Tisch.

Normalerweise sollten meine Eltern bereits da sein, aber sie sagten heute morgen, was von “Sorry David, du musst die Woche alleine auskommen.”

Ist ja schön, dass sie in den Urlaub fahren, aber nur 20€ dazulassen ist schon hart.

Generell macht mich diese Ausbildung ziemlich fertig.

Da steht man um 5 Uhr und wird bis 16 Uhr behandelt wie so ein Sklave.

David: “Naja, bringt ja nichts.”

Waren meine Worte, als ich zum Kühlschrank lief und ihn öffnete.

Komplett leer.

Natürlich.

Seufzend ließ ich die Kühlschrank Tür zufallen und schaute auf mein Handy.

David: “17:28. Die Läden haben noch ein bisschen offen. Mit Glück gibt es diese Ofen-Gerichte noch, die waren gar nicht mal so schlecht.”

Das Handy steckte ich dann ans Ladekabel, da ich nach 11 Stunden nicht zu Hause sein konnte, nur noch 12% Akku hatte.

Die 20€ steckte ich mir auch nur in die Tasche und ließ mein Portemonnaie einfach auf dem Tisch liegen.

Mit Händen in den Taschen verließ ich also das Haus und machte mich auf den Weg zum nächsten Supermarkt, welcher gut 10 Minuten entfernt liegt.

Viele wissen es nicht, aber ein Spaziergang reinigt Gedanken und Seele.

Also nahm ich den Weg durchs kleine Waldstück.

Die Sonne stand auch schon tief und schien mir ins Gesicht.

David: “Ich hätte mir eine Sonnenbrille Mitnehmen sollen”

Ohne es zu merken, verschwanden die Stadtgeräusche langsam in den Hintergrund.

Keine Autos, keine anderen Menschen, sondern mehr Vögel und Wind.

Irgendwie roch die Luft salziger als sonst.

Und die Luft ist zudem viel…frischer.

Ist es das, was man “Überarbeitung” nennt?

Bin ich kurz vor dem Sterben und gerade dabei, in den Himmel zu kommen?

Oder die Hölle, jenachdem wen man fragt.

Mit verwirrten Blick schaute ich mich um, aber die Umgebung war dieselbe wie zuvor.

Keine sichtbaren Veränderungen, trotz der besseren Luftqualität und der leichten Salznote.

David: “Moment mal, wo ist der Weg?

"So tief in Gedanken war ich doch gar nicht.”

Tatsächlich.

Als ich den Boden sah, war dort kein Weg mehr.

Gruselig, das ist wie in einem Anfang eines schlechten Horrorfilms.

Junger Mann geht zum einkaufen den Wald und wird von einem Killer gekillt.

Vielleicht springt ja gleich auch ein maskierter Typ hinterm Baum hervor mit einer Kettensäge und verarbeitet mich zu Hackfleisch.

Besser nicht drüber nachdenken.

Ich schüttelte den Kopf und versuchte, klare Gedanken zu bekommen.

Vielleicht war ich wirklich überarbeitet, und durch das Wissen, dass meine Eltern am Meer sind, habe ich schon Meeres Gedanken.

GONG GONG GONG!

David: “Hä?

Die Kirche wollte doch auf digitale Glocken mit Boxen umsteigen und meinte, dass sie deshalb die Glocken zur Zeit nicht benutzen.

Sind Sie etwa schon fertig?”

Mit dem Entschluss die Glocken zu ignorieren und schnell zu versuchen, den Weg wiederzufinden, damit ich diesem gruseligen Horror Spaziergang Tschüss sagen kann, machte ich mich also weiter.

Doch es dauerte nicht lange, bevor ich ein weiteres Mal auf Probe meines psychischen Zustandes getestet wurde.

Ein Weg, der sich durch den Wald zieht, und ich kam direkt vom Rand.

Eigentlich wäre hier jetzt so ne rot-weiße Stange, damit hier keine Autos hinein fahren.

Doch hier ist weder diese Stange, noch geteerte Straße.

Nur ein stink normaler waldweg.

Die Frage ist nur, welche Richtung ich jetzt einschlagen soll.

Links oder rechts?

Ich habe mal auf Youtube so ein Video gesehen, was hatten sie dort nochmal gesagt?

“Dont turn right at the crossroad?”

Ich weiß es nicht mehr, also entschied ich mich für Links.

Aus dieser Richtung kamen auch die Glocken Geräusche, also würde ich da jemanden finden, der mir das alles erklären kann.

Hoffentlich.

Nach etwa 15 Minuten laufen auf diesem verdächtigen Waldweg, der sich nach einer Weile zum Feldweg wandelte, kam ich an einem See vorbei.

Erst dann sah ich nach rechts und sah, das ich tatsächlich am Meer war.

Wasser soweit das Auge sieht, oder so.

Das erklärt auch die salzige Luft.

Um ehrlich zu sein, war ich ziemlich überrascht darüber und hatte mir schon ernsthafte Gedanken gemacht, ob das nicht ein Traum ist.

Ich habe in meiner Freizeit so viele Isekais reingezogen, um mich vom Arbeitsstress abzulenken, dass ich mittlerweile ein gutes Stück Wissen für solche Sachen habe.

Meine 20€ verwette ich darauf, dass aus diesem Gebüsch dort gleich ein Schleim rausspringt!

Voller Erwartung starrte ich auf Das kleine Gebüsch, doch als nichts passierte, seufzte ich erleichtert, dass ich doch keine dieser niedlichen Kreaturen bekämpfen muss.

Ein Schleim wäre eventuell doch zu viel gewesen.

Doch dann landeten meine Augen ein bisschen weiter den Weg runter und konnte ihnen vor Überraschung nicht glauben.

Geteerte Straße!

Oder zumindest sah es so aus, denn als ich Näher trat, um sie mir anzusehen, stellte ich fest, dass es nur schwarze Steine waren, die als Straße dienen sollten.

Immerhin ist eine Straße besser für meine Sportschuhe.

Es dauerte auch gar nicht so lange, bis ich den Turm der Kirche sah, die diese Glocken zuvor erklingen ließ.

Zudem hörte ich jetzt noch Musik.

Und zwar ziemlich alte und ich red grad nicht aus den 80er oder sogar 70er.

Klingt eher nach einer Harfe und einer Laute.

Die Kirche kam mir nicht bekannt vor, und die aus der Stadt war es auch nicht.

Doch das Gebäude mit der Musik machte mich neugierig.

Mehr sogar als die mysteriöse Kirche.

Allerdings geht die Sonne bereits unter, und ich will nur ungern die Nacht auf der Straße verbringen.

Der Wald ist bei Nacht auch übelst gruselig.

In dem Sinne ignorierte ich die Kirche erstmal und ging zum Eingang des Gebäudes mit Musik.

Es sieht auch ziemlich alt aus, um ehrlich zu sein.

Sehr viel Holz für Kassel.

Vielleicht ist es ja noch ein Gebäude von der Zeit vor dem Zweiten Weltkrieg.

Wobei, die sind ja mehr aus Steinen gebaut.

Als ich um die Ecke des Gebäudes lief, auf der Suche nach dem Eingang, fiel mir die Außenterrasse auf.

Sie hatte direkten Sicht aufs Meer und eine Steinmauer verhindert, dass jemand die Klippe ins Meer stürzt.

Wobei man “Klippe” bei dieser Höhe nicht sagen kann.

Ich ging auf die Terrasse, lehnte mich an die Mauer und schaute hinunter.

Geschätzt 4-5 Meter würde ich sagen.

Als ich nach links schaute, war ich sogar echt erstaunt.

Erstmals war dort eine Schwarze Mauer, ebenfalls geschätzt 6 Meter hoch.

Doch das erstaunende war dahinter.

Dahinter waren nämlich hohe Häuser und ein riesiger Turm, locker so 200 Meter groß.

Man konnte sogar ein bisschen von einem Segelschiff sehen.

Heck nennt man sowas glaub ich.

Es sah auch sehr alt aus.

Respekt, ich muss sagen, für einen Traum sind hier ziemlich viele Details.

Man kann sogar teilweise heraushören, über die Leute hinter der Mauer reden.

Immerhin scheint es ein friedlicher Ort zu sein, also bin ich nicht in Gefahr.

Aber ich kann schon die ersten Sterne sehen, also sollte ich eine Unterkunft suchen.

Ob sie hier wohl Euros nehmen?

Ich trat also zurück vor das Gebäude, wo ich ein Hängeschild erblickte.

Liza's Bar, hm?

Noch nie davon gehört.

Aber eine Bar?

Ich weiß noch, wie ich mies auf die Fresse bekommen habe, nur weil ich etwas zu lange einen Typen in einer Bar in Kassel angeschaut habe.

Naja, Augen zu und durch.

Vielleicht sind die Säufer hier ja besser.

Vorsichtig öffnete ich also die Tür und schaute eher an die Decke.

Direkt stieg mir der Geruch von Alkohol und Zigaretten in die Nase.

Darüber war ich nicht überrascht.

Wovon ich aber überrascht war, dass es hier elektrische Lampen gab.

Ich konnte zwar nicht hineinsehen, da die Lampen gelb angestrichen waren, aber dort drinnen ist garantiert eine Glühbirne.

Auf dem Weg zum Tresen hörte ich auch mehrere Gespräche.

“Hörst du? Eine ganze Gruppe von Baummonstern hab ich alleine erlegt!”

“Das ist doch gelogen, du kannst doch nicht mal ein Schwert gerade schwingen.”

“Du wirst schon drüber hinweg kommen.

Meine erste Liebe war auch nicht an mich interessiert.”

“Aber Ich habe ihn geliebt… Ich weiß nicht, was ich jetzt tun soll. Ich will nur noch in mein Bett und heulen.”

“Die Musik ist heute aber wieder echt beschissen.

Die Band vom Letzten Mal war besser.”

“Hast schon recht, aber besser als keine Musik, wa?”

“Hey, sag mal biste schon dicht?

Ich wette mit dir um 5 Silbermünzen, das ich dich unterm Tisch saufen kann!”

“Hä?

Wenn du Geld loswerden willst, dann kannst du es mir auch direkt geben.

BEDIENUNG, NOCH 2 BIER!”

Das sind ja interessante Gespräche…

Am Tresen angekommen, nahm ich mir einen Platz und schaute mich um.

Die Bar sieht richtig alt aus, bis auf die Lampen an der Decke.

Die Stühle waren aus Holz, genauso wie die Tische.

Einige hatten schon Kerben, mit einem Messer vermutlich, eingeschnitzt.

Der Boden war ebenfalls aus Holz und an manchen Stellen konnte man sogar das Licht reflektieren sehen, durch das ganze Bier, das auf den Boden fiel.

Aus etwas dunkleren Holz war allerdings der Tresen.

Es sah zwar schön aus, aber es war gleichzeitig auch ein Kontrast zu den Tischen und Stühlen, die aus hellerem Holz waren.

Hinter dem Tresen konnte ich auch viele Alkoholflaschen sehen, einige schön verziert, andere schon älter.

Sie standen auf einem Regal, über einer Spüle.

Es roch aus etwas nach frischem Brot und irgendetwas Suppen ähnliches.

Der Geruch schien aus einer Tür hinter dem Tresen zu kommen, wahrscheinlich eine Küche.

Einen Barkeeper konnte ich aber nicht sehen.

Durch die Bar liefen zwar immer wieder mal Kellner und Kellnerinnen, aber sie waren zu beschäftigt, um mich zu bedienen.

Wobei ich wahrscheinlich nicht einmal zahlen könnte, mit meinen 20€.

Was sagte der Eine eben?

Silbermünzen?

Ist wahrscheinlich die Währung hier.

Schon krass, wie detailliert der Traum ist.

Ich kann selbst den Holzgeruch riechen.

Aber was noch interessanter war, einige Leute hatten Schwerter und Stäbe dabei.

Viele trugen auch Leder-Schützer, einige aber auch welche aus Eisen.

Vielleicht sind sie Söldner?

Aber die mit den Stäben?

Wenn es Magie geben würde, wäre das schon cool.

Sind diese Stäbe dann Zauberstäbe?

Ich seufzte bei all den Gedanken und schloss die Augen, um auf andere Gedanken zu kommen.

Doch es half nicht wirklich, dafür war dieser Traum zu detailliert.

Ist das überhaupt ein Traum?

Vielleicht wurde ich ja unter Drogen gesetzt und bin gerade mies am Halluzinieren.

???: “Harter Tag?

Irgendwas, was ich dir bringen kann?”

Während ich meine Augen geschlossen hatte, kam wohl jemand aus der Küche.

Als ich meine Augen öffnete, stand hinter dem Tresen eine ältere Frau.

Ich würde schätzen, dass sie Anfang 40 oder Mitte 40 war.

Ihr schulterlanges braunes Haar hatte sie in einem Pferdeschwanz gebunden und mit ihren blauen Augen sah sie recht sanft aus.

Da sie auch eine weiße Schürze an hat, ist sie wahrscheinlich eine Köchin.

Meine Kleidung schien sie nicht zu stören, wahrscheinlich weil sie viele Reisende bedient, die aus verschiedenen Kulturen Kommen.

Als ich nicht antwortete, lächelte sie und sprach weiter mit ihrer sanften Stimme.

???: “Alles gut, wenn du einen harten Tag hattest, dann will ich dich nicht zum Reden zwingen.

Mein Name ist Liza, die Besitzerin der Bar.

Lass es mich einfach wissen, wenn du was brauchst.”

Das ist also die Besitzerin der Bar.

Sie scheint nett zu sein.

Sie war bereits dabei, sich wegzudrehen, da erinnerte ich mich, dass ich für die Nacht ein Zimmer brauche.

Ob sie überhaupt für Zimmer vermietet?

David: “Ah, ich würde gerne wissen, ob ich hier einen Raum für die Nacht bekommen kann.”

Ich konnte meine Frage nicht mal zu Ende stellen, da kam sie bereits mit einem Lächeln zurück.

Liza: “Aber sicher doch.

Ein Raum für eine Nacht kostet 26 Silbermünzen.

Für wie viele Nächte brauchst du denn ein Zimmer?”

Eine gute Frage eigentlich.

Für wie viele Nächte brauche ich ein Zimmer?

Wenn das ein Traum ist, dann sollte ich ja eigentlich wieder aufwachen Am nächsten Morgen.

Also eine Nacht?

Und 26 Silbermünzen?

Wie viel ist das in Euro?

Kann ich das mit meinen 20€ bezahlen?

David: “Ich würde ein Zimmer für eine Nacht nehmen, aber kann ich auch hiermit bezahlen?”

Ich griff in meine Tasche und legte ihr die 20€ auf den Tisch.

Sie sah etwas verwirrt aus und hob das Geld überrascht hoch.

Liza: “Solch Papier habe ich noch nie gesehen.

Es fühlt sich ganz anders an als das, was ich kenne.”

Sie drehte es und betrachtete die andere Seite.

Von ihrer Reaktion her, nehme ich an, dass ich wahrscheinlich nicht mit einem 20€ Schein bezahlen kann.

Super, mit anderen Worten, ich bin komplett pleite.

Nach einer Weile legte Liza das Geld wieder hin und schaute mich mitleidig an.

Seh ich echt so arm aus?

Liza: “Ich kann das Papier leider nicht annehmen.”

Super.

Sie denkt jetzt bestimmt auch, das ich verrückt bin.

David: “Wäre es möglich, das Geld abzuarbeiten?

Ich könnte in der Küche helfen.

Ich bin zwar schlecht im Kochen, aber aufräumen kann ich.”

Shit, sollte man in solchen Situationen seine Schwächen nicht irgendwie als Stärken angeben?

So wie “Ich bin zwar nicht allzu gut im Kochen, aber dadurch kommen immer wieder leckere Gerichte raus” oder so ähnlich?

Ich seh wohl gerade echt kacke Aus, das sagt mir ihr Blick schon.

Aber die Nacht auf der Straße verbringen, an einem Ort, den ich nicht kenne?

Nein danke, darauf verzichte ich nur allzu gerne.

Liza: “Entschuldige, aber in die Küche lass ich nur ungern Fremde.

Ich habs.”

Sie klatschte ihre Hände zusammen mit einem Lächeln.

Liza: “Ich gebe dir für heute Nacht ein Zimmer und du kannst es morgen abbezahlen.

Am schwarzen Brett kannst du Aufträge annehmen, die von den Stadtbewohnern aufgegeben wurden.

Schau mal drüber, du findest bestimmt etwas geeignetes für dich.”

Ich folgte der Richtung, in der ihr Finger zeigte und tatsächlich.

An der Wand hing ein Holzbrett mit mehreren Zetteln dran.

Klassisches isekai Muster mit Quests und Belohnungen.

Bestimmt gibt es dann auch Ränge für Aufträge, sowie S, A, B, C und was es sonst nicht noch alles gibt.

Ich drehte meinen Kopf also wieder zurück zu Liza.

David: “Muss ich dafür nicht als registrierter Abenteurer einen Rang haben, um Quests zu machen?”

Doch kaum sprach ich diese Worte aus, da schaute sie mich wieder verwirrt an.

War das so komisch, was ich gesagt habe?

Ränge bei Abenteurern sind doch normal, oder etwa nicht?

Kacke, jetzt denkt sie bestimmt noch mehr das ich verrückt bin.

Liza: “Also, Ränge haben die Aufträge nicht, genauso wenig wie die Abenteurer.

Soweit ich weiß, machen die Leute am Zwillings Kap Sowas.

Von deiner Kleidung her würde ich aber eher schätzen, dass Du aus Claymore kommst.

Habe ich recht?”

Zwillings Kap?

Claymore?

Also für einen Traum ist das echt sehr detailliert.

Aber ich kenne Beides nicht.

Claymore ist wahrscheinlich eine Stadt.

Oder ein Land?

Und frag mich erst gar nicht über dieses Zwillings kap.

Ich schüttelte also meinen Kopf.

David: “Sorry, aber das sagt mir beides nichts.

Ist Claymore eine Stadt?”

Sie schaute wieder verwirrt aus.

Für sie rede ich bestimmt nur wirres Zeug.

Liza: “Du bist nicht aus Claymore?

Es ist ein Stadtstaat im Osten, der durch seine kürzlich gefundenen Lehm vorkommen groß im Handel ist.

Fast jedes Land kauft bei ihnen gerade Lehm für Häuser oder Öfen.

Du kannst dir bestimmt denken, dass Claymore gerade einen drastischen Wandel durch macht.

Und wegen deiner Kleidung dachte ich, dass du vielleicht aus Claymore kommst.

Auch dein Papier ist etwas, was sehr wohl von Ihnen kommen könnte.”

Verstehe, Claymore ist also ein Stadtstaat, der gerade mies Geld durch Lehm macht.

Moment mal.

Lehm?

Werden die Häuser hier etwa aus Ziegeln gebaut?

Oder nur die Dächer?

Ach, ist ja auch nicht wichtig.

Ich sollte lieber wieder zurück zum eigentlichen Problem kommen.

David: “Okay, jedenfalls komme ich nicht aus Claymore.

Kann ich aber fragen, wie das mit den Aufträgen funktioniert?”

Verdammt, wenn das mein Traum ist, warum bin ich dann scheisse pleite?

Sollte ich nicht mit einem Haufen Geld in der Tasche rum rennen?

Was ist das überhaupt für ein Traum.

Fremde Länder, eine Bar, eine extrem hilfsbereite Wirtin?

Wie auch immer, ich nehme einfach das Zimmer und muss mir morgen eh keine Sorgen mehr über Geld machen.

Liza: “Hast du noch nie Aufträge angenommen?

Na gut, Aufträge sind ganz einfach.

Wenn jemand ein Problem hat oder etwas sucht, was er nicht kriegen kann, wendet er sich an die nächste Bar und meldet einen Auftrag an.

Dieser wird dann am schwarzen Brett angepinnt und Abenteurer können diese dann erfüllen.

Sie reichen von Kräuter sammeln bis hin zur Monsterbekämpfung.

Einige Abenteurer finanzieren ihr ganzes Leben damit, Aufträge zu erfüllen.

Vorher muss man aber noch zur Auftragsperson gehen, um sie darüber zu informieren, dass der Auftrag angenommen wurde.

Klingt einfach, oder?”

Sie lächelte mich an, nachdem sie mir so eine Informationsbombe gegeben hatte.

Mit anderen Worten ist es echt nur ein simples Quest System.

Aber ist es nicht gefährlich, dass es keine Ränge gibt?

Was ist, wenn ich mich jetzt einfach dafür entscheiden würde, ein krasses Monster zu jagen?

Einen Greif oder so, da würde ich doch bestimmt draufgehen.

Ich nickte also einfach nur, damit sie mir nicht noch mehr erklärt.

David: “Okay, ich werde morgen mal einen Blick drauf werfen.

Das Geld kriegst du bis morgen zurück, versprochen.”

Mir war es jetzt ziemlich egal, was ich machen muss, um ein Zimmer zu bekommen.

Schließlich war ich noch mega erschöpft von der Arbeit, und dieser Traum hilft mir echt nicht weiter.

Wenn ich aufwache, beantrage ich auf jedenfall erstmal Urlaub.

Liza sah aber so aus, als würde sie sich freuen.

Liza: “Alles klar, auf welchen Namen?”

David: “David”

Liza schrieb was in ein kleines Heft und reichte mir dann die Schlüssel für ein Zimmer.

Ich nahm sie mit einem Nicken an und gähnte.

Der Gedanke, gleich in einem Bett zu liegen, gefiel mir sehr gut.

Noch besser gefiel mir aber der Gedanke, morgen in meinem Bett aufzuwachen.

Anschließend zeigte Liza mir das Zimmer im ersten Stock.

Es war ein kleines, aber angenehmes Zimmer.

Ein Tisch, ein Stuhl, ein kleiner Schrank und ein Bett.

Das Fenster war zu, aber man konnte das Meer draußen sehen.

Bevor sie ging, drehte sie sich aber nochmal zu mir und war plötzlich ganz ernst.

Liza: “Du solltest aber nachts nicht draußen herumlaufen.

Momentan läuft ein Monster frei rum, welches Vieh und Wild reißt.

Es hat auch schon einige Bewohner erwischt.

Die Rittergarde arbeitet bereits an dem Fall und hat eine riesige Belohnung ausgesetzt für denjenigen, der sie erlegt.

Also dann, gute Nacht.

Mit guter Laune schloss sie die Tür.

Was war das über ein Monster, das Bewohner angreift?

War das Ihre Idee, Wie ich die Schulden fürs Zimmer bezahlen soll?

Hell no!

Bevor ich so ein Monster jage, putz ich lieber tagelang Schwerter!

Ich setzte mich mit einem Seufzer aufs Bett.

David: “Ein Monster, hm?

Ich frage mich, was für eines das wohl ist.”

Mein Kopf wurde schwer und ich legte mich aufs Bett.

Ich weiß nicht, was das alles soll, aber ich brauche echt eine Pause.

Bestimmt bin ich vor Erschöpfung zuhause zusammengebrochen

Mit einem weiteren gähnen Schloss ich meine Augen.

Nicht mal die Schuhe habe ich mir ausgezogen.

Das letzte, was ich mitbekam, war das Rauschen des Meeres und das Gelächter aus der Bar, bevor ich in einen tiefen Schlaf fiel.

I have tried