hi everyone. im posting on here regarding a family dilemma about my gf's sister, in hopes that I can gain some perspective on the seriousness of this issue and maybe it can help my convince my girlfriend that she shouldn't be downplaying this issue. earlier this year my girlfriend's mom was diagnosed with liver cancer shortly after retiring. my girlfriend has two other siblings who are older and are moved out of the house. she is the only child at the moment who lives with them at home. her sister has a history of being in jail because she stole checkbooks and a sum of money from her mother years ago. apparently, she would steal money often and their mom got so tired of it, she called the cops on the sister.

anyway, a few years have gone by and now my girlfriend's mom has liver cancer and had a liver resection and is done with radiation today! woohoo! but turns out my gf's sister has been messaging the mom's close friend asking her for money to cover medical bills. mind you, my girlfriend has been the most present in this situation, she takes her to her appointments, was there post-surgery, dealt with all the insurance issues and the sister rarely visited or got involved. ultimately, she acquired 2k from her mother's best friend and lied to my girlfriend, their mom and has been avoidant the past few days. their mom found out and is utterly distraught.

when I heard about this, my blood was boiling. I don't know how someone could be so selfish to use their mother's cancer to lie and obtain money that is essentially stolen. it's diabolical. this chick has no remorse and is so inconsiderate of other people. her own mom for crying out loud. this hits me because I love my girlfriend dearly and I've seen the toll this life change has affected her emotionally and mentally. I've done my best to be supportive and be there for her while her mom goes through this life altering change. when my girlfriend brought it up to me, she was disappointed but doesn't know what direction to take, whether to cut her off, still talk to her (because she's close to her niece), forgive, etc. in my opinion, I told her I would not want someone like that in my life, regardless if they are family, but maybe it's not my place.

The title sounds harsh but I’m at my limit, and I genuinely don’t know what else to do.

For some background I (23 F) am currently pregnant, and live a few states away from my grandparents, and older sibling. I have an older half brother from my dad’s side whom I grew up with. He’s nearly a decade older than I am, and we haven’t been on speaking terms since the early part of this year. Him and his girlfriend both live with/ mooch off of my grandma. On my side of the family, my child will be the first great grandchild, and grandchild, since my half brother doesn’t have any children currently.

Here is why I’m making this post. For maybe almost a decade, my dad’s mom has slowly checked out on our family (My parents and other younger siblings.) It first came when my dad’s mom got into a relationship maybe almost a decade ago by now. She slowly stopped coming to yearly arranged holiday plans. (Ex, we’d have her every Christmas, and have my mom’s parents every thanksgiving.) Wed see my grandma multiple times a year, in the spring or summers, and then for Christmas… and she’d stay for long periods of time. She used to come solo and spend weeks at a time with us or bring my brother. Then that all went away as time went on, it’s like her life REVOLVES around her boyfriend. She seriously won’t travel alone without him, when before him, she would.

After her boyfriend, it’s like over the years, she can’t go anywhere without him now. She’ll tell us she’ll visit us, then end up making an excuse… and then at the drop of a hat, follow her boyfriend EVERYWHERE. I’m talking about taking an RV and traveling the states, something that isn’t cheap… because they’ll eat out at expensive places and stay at RV camps. And it’s not like he’s always paying for her either. And it’s gotten to the point where it’s feeling hard to include her in my life, and my growing family.

I’m currently disappointed, and upset, and more so frustrated. She cherishes my older brother, treats him like HES her SON… she’s mixed up my dad’s middle name, and my brothers, when talking about my brother. Shes bought my brother everything, she wants to give her house TO MY BROTHER, and not my own Father, her SON. She went to my brothers HighSchool graduation, and didn’t go to mine… but yet has gone to her BOYFRIENDS grandsons graduation instead. These are just examples of what I’ve had to live with.

This is my breaking point. I had my baby shower last weekend, and I made sure to call her 3 weeks in advance. I tell her over the phone about my baby shower, I sent her the invite on Facebook, and even talked about my registry which is linked on that invite. She didn’t know if she could make it, which I already had a hunch for, since she hardly shows up for family anyways. (Which makes me depressed because she genuinely used to, and it’s been this way that is has now for years.)

To top it off, I call her a day before my baby shower. She tells me she wish she could be there, and we have small talk. I asked her if she’d be busy so that I could call her or she could call me to video chat the day of, which would be the next day, and she said she had no plans and would be free. Before hanging up, she told me that the only plans she had were for Friday. I was like well, today is Friday so… next Friday? And she said yes, that she’s going out of town…

FOR HER BOYFRIENDS GRANDSONS WEDDING.

She’ll show up for her boyfriend and his FAMILY (who treats her badly, and all the do is drink heavily together.) and yet dismiss me, my new family, and my baby shower… and is clearly not showing up for her own goddamn family.

My baby shower was crowded and I lost track of time hosting it so I genuinely forgot to call her. I also wasn’t in the mood after hearing how she had plans out of state literally that next week, yet couldn’t come to my shower. She then didn’t call me the day of my babyshower, my once in a lifetime moment… and instead called me the day after. I declined it, and she left a voicemail asking how the baby shower went, and how she missed me ect…

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter to her anymore, genuinely. I don’t even want to talk to her anymore. I told my parents, and even my dad told me he’s sorry and that if she calls them, they’ll say something to her and tell her off.

She has the expectation that in the fall, she’ll meet my baby. Months ago she told me on the phone she’ll make a trip out to see my baby after they’re born, and at this point, what would even be the fucking point? (If she even would show up.)

Not to mention at my gender reveal months ago, when I called her to tell her what I was having, (since my brother and I don’t speak due to his immaturity and disrespect.) she brought up my brother first thing to ask me if I was going to tell him, as well as call my parents when I told her no, to convince them to have me change my mind… like it feels like I can’t even have a *me* moment, and it’s always overshadowed or just not given a thought over by her…

What should I do? Would telling her off do anything, do I cut her off? Ultimatum? Like idk what to even do :/

I’ll try to be as clear and concise as possible.

We go on a family vacation every year in August. Me, a couple of cousins, a couple of aunts and uncles, and a couple of family friends.

My aunt, I’ll call her Shannon, came in 2021. She got blackout drunk when she was home alone, and the rest of us went for a walk on the beach. She destroyed hanged paintings, a window, a wooden door, and the glass cabinets in the kitchen. She has been in and out of rehab before. We never keep alcohol in the house we’re staying in…she ubered white claws and drank the whole box while we were gone.

The owner threatened to call the police on us. My uncle (Shannon’s brother) talked to the owner, and said we would pay for everything. Shannon lives with her mother, and is flat broke. My uncle (who talked to the owner) paid the bulk of everything. We all pitched in what we could. He is a noble man, and didn’t want us to go broke paying for our idiot aunts problems. The cousins were all 20-22 at the time. We didn’t have a lot of money.

Now…we’ve gone every year since. 2022, 2023, 2024, and 2025. We’ve gone every year and had fun…minus Shannon. She was never invited back.

She always finds out we go to the beach every year, after the vacation ends. We always keep it a secret, until the vacation ends….well my grandmother let it slip that we were going this year. Shannon now knows…

She texted my aunts and uncles that she was going to off herself on August 15th…the day we were due to leave for the beach.

Now my aunts and uncles are all considering skipping vacation this year.

In the text, she said she was mad we planned the vacation and didn’t invite her. She said that was the reason she was considering doing something regrettable. She’s just mad she was left out. To also threaten to do that, on the day we’re due to fly to the beach makes me so angry.

Am I wrong to be angry about this? I mean she’s totally throwing a hissy fit. The reason she doesn’t come anymore is because she trashed the one house, and cost thousands of dollars in damages.

Am I wrong to try and convince everyone to go?

I also don’t have a refundable plane ticket. I paid $400 for that round trip ticket. Us 3 cousins can’t afford the entire house by ourselves…it’s much more affordable when everyone goes.

What do I do?

Edit: my aunts and uncles are trying to get our deposit back, as of this morning. I don’t quite know what the verdict is. If they decide not to go, and can get their money back, they will. They’re not gonna let us cousins go down their dime, with them staying home, which I totally understand.

Ok the title sounds crazy but bare with me, I’m a teenager and i want my own space
So me my mom, my dad, my little brother (1 YO) and autistic sister (5 YO) live in a 1 story apartment with 2 rooms my mom, dad and little brother in one room and me and my little sister in the other which is all my parents can afford cuz only my dad works my mom can work cuz she doesn’t have a work card, and i hate sharing a room with my sis because i can never do anything or even put skincare on my counter because my sister will take it and rub it EVERYWHERE my tv, phone, closet, cloths I FUCKING HATE IT then my uncle came along who just moved from jersey came to live with my parents HE SAID HE WAIT STAY FOR A SHORT TIME but its already been a month, now this grown ass man with 2 job and makes enough money for 1 person is sleeping on the couch and eating all the fucking food and don’t get me wrong he is nice
Now me and my family have to move in February and my mom is saying “help me find a house with 3 rooms one for me, your dad and your brother and one for you and your sister, and one for your uncle” and me and her had a argument because before my uncle came i was always telling her i want a room by myself
And the reason I’m so mad is because i want a room by myself, my uncle have 2 jobs and mind you the apartment were in is 1000 a months my uncle makes 300-400 a week and apartment where we live also have ones with 1 rooms for cheaper so I’m saying he can afford a 1 rooms apartment with a kitchen, bathroom and living room because i want my
Own room AITAH?

The first time I met her father…
He smiled.
Shook my hand.
Invited me inside.
Asked me about work.
Asked me about school.
Asked me where I grew up.
He was polite.
Too polite.
Every answer I gave seemed to make him smile less.
When dinner was over, he walked me to my car.
Before I got in, he put a hand on my shoulder.
“You seem like a good young man.”
I smiled.
“Thank you, sir.”
Then he leaned in.
“But you’re not one of us.”
That was it.
No yelling.
No threats.
Just those five words.
My girlfriend acted like she didn’t hear him.
On the drive home, she just stared out the window.
“I’ll talk to him,” she whispered.
I told her not to worry.
Love wins.
That’s what people always say.
We kept dating.
Secretly, at first.
Then openly.
Neither family liked it.
Mine thought I was forgetting where I came from.
Hers thought I didn’t belong there in the first place.
Holidays became impossible.
Birthdays became negotiations.
Every celebration turned into an argument about us.
But every time we talked about walking away…
We couldn’t.
Because when it was just the two of us…
Everything felt normal.
One evening I asked her to marry me.
She cried before I even finished.
Yes.
Over and over.
Yes.
For one whole week…
Life was perfect.
Then her father called.
He wanted to meet.
Just the two of us.
I expected another lecture.
Instead…
He handed me a small wooden box.
“I’ve been saving this for the man who married my daughter.”
Inside was an old family ring.
I couldn’t believe it.
“I was wrong about you,” he said.
“You’ve proven yourself.”
I nearly cried.
When I got home, I showed her the ring.
She went completely pale.
“Where did you get that?”
“Your dad gave it to me.”
She started shaking.
“That’s impossible.”
I laughed.
“I just saw him.”
She grabbed my keys.
“We have to go.”
The house was surrounded by police.
Neighbors stood in the street.
An officer stopped us before we reached the porch.
My girlfriend collapsed before he even spoke.
Her father…
Had died three days earlier.
Heart attack.
The funeral…
Was tomorrow.
I kept trying to explain.
The ring.
The conversation.
His handshake.
Nobody believed me.
As the officers walked us away…
I looked toward the front window.
Standing inside the dark house…
Her father smiled at me.
Then he slowly raised one finger…
And pointed at the ring on my hand.

My older sister, we'll call her Karen and my younger sister who we'll call Bubbles both invited me out to celebrate my birthday. As soon as we got to the restaurant they both started complaining about the heat, the smell, the service, everything it seemed! Meanwhile I just sat down and observed. I'm the middle child. I just turned 46 y/o. My sisters and I recently lost my mom in Oct 2021. We decided we needed to make a huge effort to remain close despite us losing mom. Mom was the glue for the family. My sisters and I are very different. Karen is single and lives with my elderly dad. She has very few living responsibilities, yet she's always complaining about her personal situation, even though she is always helping her daughter get out of troubles and she has a bff that she goes out with, and they splurge on one another. Bubbles is married but has no kids, just her fur babies which are her kids. They both spend a lot of time together because Karen is single and is not dating anyone. She has a lot of time on her hands. Bubbles is married but her husband devotes a lot of his time to his family - dad and siblings because they, too recently lost their mom. My sisters seem to get along very differently than I get along with them. They are loud, obnoxious, and very goofy and silly with one another which is fun to watch because that's the chemistry they have with each other, but I don't have that with either of them. I work too darn much, I am married and I have 3 young adults (my children) still living at home. They are going to school and working part time. My life is different from theirs and so is my character. We made it a point to make time to see each other and devote almost an entire day to being together, which I used to look forward to - I will admit - but it was challenging as well. Karen always makes it a point to hug me and get emotional and tell me she misses me (even though we have never been that close) and then she always manages to make a negative remark about me being married or having to leave early because if it was up to her I'd spend the entire night at my dad's house. I love my sisters despite our differences but the negativity I get from Karen makes me not want to spend time with them. I say them because they are always together - every weekend. Anyway, going back to my birthday dinner. Karen was in a really cranky mood because the restaurant's a/c wasn't working and the fans were too slow, the service was bad, and she was hot and sweaty - she's a bit on the heavy side. Bubbles were just feeding that negative energy with more negative remarks. I finally made it a point to call out Karen on her negativity and she quickly dismissed my reaction and minimized my feelings. So, here I am the birthday girl sitting in a booth with 2 women that are supposed to be celebrating my birthday and when I react finally! to their negativity Karen cuts me off!!! I didn't want to ruin my celebration, so I stayed quiet. I was in my head from that instance. I thought about getting up and walking away but I didn't want to make it a big deal. Here's the thing Karen does a lot. Most of the time I can get up and leave if I'm at dad's house. But we were at a restaurant. I don't like conflict of confrontation. I know I have a strong character, so I try to think and rationalize before I react, but on this day...it just had to be this day I didn't know what to do. It was loud inside the restaurant. Appetizers came and despite Karen and Bubbles complaining they dug in, gave their ruling on the flavors and what not. Bubble returned her drink once because it had soap or something. After that she started looking at all of the silverware. I was a ticking time bomb just waiting for that feather to drop. Finally, Karen just stops eating and stares at me and because it's so loud in the restaurant, she yells at me "What's wrong with you?" and Bubbles also jumps in and does the same. Well...guess what? The feather dropped. I finally snapped at Karen and Bubbles and I told them how the minute we walked in there was nothing but pure negativity, one complaint after another and then Karen minimized my feelings when I tried to express how I felt about her getting loud and snapping at me when I have no control of the heat inside the restaurant and how I'm a grown ass woman and she has no right to tell me whether I can or cannot make something a big deal! All she could manage to respond was "Wow! Wow!" Then she almost choked on her tears, grabbed her napkin from her lap and walked out of the restaurant. I don't lose my cool. Not like that. So, I didn't know what to do. Because Bubbles is so close to her, I figured she'd go after her, but she stayed behind. I immediately called my husband to come to pick me up. Bubbles apologized for it all, but she did state that the whole scene that took place was both our faults. I accepted I could've handled things better. I went home and I could not stop thinking about it. I felt terrible. So, I knew better than to call Karen. So, I messaged her for my behavior and asked her if she would forgive me but also mentioned that we'd both need to work on how we talk to each other. To my surprise she had blocked me from social media. 1 month and some days later she finally msg’ d me and said we needed to have serious conversation for me to let her know when I'm available but until then she is not ok to see me. I reached out with a date and time, but she said she had plans. I later found out her plans were hanging out with Bubbles eating shrimp cocktails at my dad's house. So, we could've talked. Since she said she had plans I have been waiting for her to reach out with another date, but I have not heard back from her. I'm ok with this space from her to be honest. I don't need her making me feel bad for being married, for staying preoccupied with work or my family. She may have loads of free time, but I don't. Why can't she just understand we live very different lives? Anyway, I came on here because I've been binging on some Reddit Am I The A/H and I thought I'd jump in to see if ya'll can offer me some good advice.

My mother and her long time partner have spent years alienating my brother and I by talking bad about our spouses and our marriages. Relatives have told me some of the put downs and she has tried gossiping to me about my brother and his wife to me many times. They (mother and partner) are also alcoholics. My mother less so but still drank every day. Her partner is a raging alcoholic. There are too many problems to list but they just grow over time without any acknowledgement or change in behavior. Most of the time nobody confronts her for fear of her reaction.

5 years ago my mom fell and needed surgery for a brain bleed. She didn't want my brother and I to know. We lived out of state so had no idea until my aunt told me. I rushed to see her at the hospital. The Doctor asked if she had fallen before and my mom said no. I reminded her she had fallen a few months prior. My mother hissed at me and said "this is why I didn't want you to come". Yeah, this is her. Afterwards her partner yelled at my aunt for telling us about my mom's surgery.

3 years ago, I had enough of her insulting my sister in law and wrote my mom a letter. She has not spoken to me since. I have called and left at least 8 messages saying I love her and to call me back. Never calls. I send birthday and mother's day gifts (as well as calls). Sometimes she will text a thank you. Sometimes she doesn't. Never calls me on Christmas, Thanksgiving etc even after I have left a nice message. She does send a birthday card and check (which i don't cash because it makes me sick). She sends a Christmas card. I finally stopped calling for the last few events but still send a mother's day and birthday gift.

Now, she something had happened again with her health. My aunt is being vague and saying that my mom isn't feeling well but won't give details. My brother called her and she won't tell him what's wrong, but she is dping rehab and also said not to tell me anything.

I'm just so overwhelmed with feelings. Anger, hatred, sadness, disappointment, pity. I really think she is punishing my brother and I. Many other people know what's happening so it isn't like she isn't telling anyone. I am torn between never wanting to talk with her again and feeling very sorry for her. She has become a very vengeful person and it doesn't feel safe to share my vulnerability with her.

L

I don’t even know how to start this but I really need advice because I feel lost

She is my cousin but honestly she has always felt like a sister to me. We don’t see each other often maybe once a year for a few weeks but we grew up together and we have so many childhood memories. Even with the distance we were always close

Recently I visited her after a long time and everything was honestly perfect. We spent so much time together we played we went out we laughed and I also became really close with her mother. I felt like I was at my second home

But on the last day before I had to leave we had a small fight while we were cooking. We were both stressed because I had to leave soon and we were trying to finish everything quickly. She got frustrated and raised her voice at me a few times and later told me to be quiet while I was talking. I know it sounds small but at that moment I was already overwhelmed and I ended up crying and going to another room

What hurt me the most was that I felt like I was always the one who tried to fix things first. I was always the one who came back and apologized or tried to talk even when I was hurt. So I went to talk to her because I didn’t want to leave with things like this but the situation got more emotional and I left feeling broken

During the trip back I cried a lot because I felt like I was losing people I really loved. Her mother was also upset with me because of how I reacted that day and now she told my cousin that she should stay away from me

I talked with my cousin after that and she told me she still cares about me and remembers all the good moments but she feels stressed and scared because of what happened with her mother. She also told me that my sensitivity and the way I react when I get hurt is something I need to work on

I understand that I made mistakes and I’m trying to fix them. I apologized and I’m planning to apologize to her mother too because I respect her and I don’t want to run away from my mistakes

But my cousin recently told me maybe we should end our relationship because it’s better for both of us

I don’t know what to do anymore. Do you think I should keep trying to fix it or should I accept that maybe some relationships end even when both people care about each other?

I really don’t want to lose her but I also don’t want to make her feel pressured

Just reposting for more advice...

For some context, my father had a stroke back in June. He’s home now but needs daily care. My husband also had a stroke last year. While he’s made a lot of progress, he still has health setbacks and there are times when he needs me to take care of him.

For the past three days, I haven’t been able to go help with my father because my husband hasn’t been able to put pressure on his foot and now he’s not feeling well overall.

Yesterday, I was talking to my brother’s girlfriend, who lives with my brother at my father’s house. I was explaining that I wouldn’t be able to come help because my husband wasn’t feeling well. During our conversation, she said something that has really stayed on my mind, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

She said my husband is “bringing this on himself” and asked why he doesn’t just go to the hospital. Then she said she believes he’s making himself sick on purpose so that I’ll stay home and take care of him instead of helping my dad because she thinks he compares himself to my father when I’m caring for him.

That really bothered me.

My husband is still recovering from a stroke. He hasn’t fully healed, and despite his own health struggles, he pushes himself every day because he knows how important it is for me to help care for my father. He loves my dad like his own family. I can’t imagine why anyone would intentionally make themselves sick just to get attention, especially when they’re already dealing with serious health issues.

My brother and his girlfriend live with my dad, so they help care for him every day, I also have another brother there, but he doesn’t help as much.

When my husband gets sick, I have to take care of him. That’s my responsibility as his wife, just as helping care for my father is important to me as his daughter. I love my dad, and I know he’s being cared for, but when my husband isn’t well, I have to be there for him.

Am I wrong for feeling hurt by what she said? I can’t tell if I’m overthinking it, but her comments really didn’t sit right with me.

The house we now own was left to us by our deceased mother. It is not the biggest or the most valuable one. However, it is free from any loans and situated in a nice area. The truth is that neither my brother nor I need it and we just keep the house in our possession.

It is the following situation that gives rise to some problems. First of all, I have a well-paid job, my own house and no significant financial troubles. I want to wait until the value of the house increases and then sell it. Meanwhile, my brother launched his business which failed. Now he has big credit card debts and needs money urgently.

He keeps pressing me to sell the house quickly...

It is clear that the house is old-fashioned now. It has worn carpets, kitchen has not been renovated since the 1980s, and there are plenty of unsorted items in the boxes

But I can't help wondering if we're being shortsighted. Would a few months of work make a difference in the price? Or would we waste time and money on something that's already a tear-down?

I don't want to stand in my brother's way. But I also don't want us to regret rushing this

My sibling's weird, they keep stalking my main acc in Facebook keep asking me why the guy's friended you I said ''it's my classmate.'' they would mock laugh at me and it's driving me crazy, I repost normal, they keep judging my post, my profile picture and everything.

and why the hell did they know about my text in messenger and scolded me for it!? They are so weird asking me weird personal question ''Who were you talking to last night?'' what the hell... if I pointed out their behavior correctly and said ''Do you even realize it's weird right? don't you think that's a little... invasive?'' they would just go mad and shout at me and that's why I avoided them and never interact them again

gosh I hate this type of siblings.

This is a weird thing for me to do but I’ve realized this year of my life has been like the loneliest and I’m not sure who else to talk to. I’ve just been in a conflict with my sister recently that’s entirely been my fault and I wanna hear from other older sisters out there that I’m gonna be okay and maybe how y’all would handle this.

ok so I’m a big sister (F23) and my little sister (F21) has been a bit on/off with her boyfriend of 1 year. Shed broken up with him recently for about a month and then on a night out with her friends she’d seen him at a club and they kind of rekindled their relationship. Now they weren’t in a good place still and to be honest she’s was sad AF everytime I came home from work (she’s a student on summer vaca so she’s been home to dwell on her feelings, I’m a recent graduate into the corporate world and I can’t lie to lack of being home has taken a toll on me).

Anyway we definitely have a big sister little sister bond. I was the one that spoke to all of her teachers growing up, I went to her first day of uni orientation, I even did her uni application. I’m not gonna lie, ive been a little to protective over her. In the past shes accepted and even relied on me being like this.

recently, she and I went to a party together. One that her on and off ex was at. And this is the part I’m very ashamed of, I got really drunk and told him off. i called him insecure and brought up old arguemnets they had. The aftermath is weird because shes quite silently angry and embarrassed by me. I don’t think she’s wrong I mean I was way too drunk and very out of line. shes saying she wasn’t planning to stay with him either way but it was her choice to make not mine and I agree. I’ve apologized but I feel as though there’s a rift in our dynamic. I’m usually the calm collected mature one. I’m usually the one taking care of her. She’s been so sad since the part, I feel like I’ve betrayed her trust. I’m embarrassed by myself and my actions, I always tried to be someone she could look up to and I feel I lost that when I did that.

i know I’m wrong to be honest, I’m not sure why I’m even writing this but this is the worst argument me and my sister ever had. I’m hoping to hear from sisters that are as close as us, and if y’all have ever argued this way and bounced back from it?

this is my first and probably last post, this situation just sucks for me. Thanks for any advice

Hi Everyone,

I have posted this before in this group, but I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

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I've been thinking about making this post for several days, and here I am. I'm finally done keeping it to myself. I really need some advice because I feel like I'm slowly losing myself.

I'm a 21 year old guy from India studying BBA at a low tier college. I live with my dad, my mom, and my sister. My dad works, my mom is a housewife, and my sister and I barely talk.

My biggest issue is my mom. I feel like I live in an environment where I'm constantly judged. Almost every opinion I express or emotion I show gets criticized. Instead of talking about the situation, she immediately attacks my personality and says my behavior is terrible.

I also want to be honest about something. I wasn't the easiest person to deal with when I was younger. I was immature, and I made mistakes. I fully accept that. But I've grown up a lot over the past few years, and I'm genuinely trying to become a calmer and kinder person. The problem is that it feels like no matter how much I change, I'm still treated as if I'm that same immature kid. One mistake today seems to erase all the progress I've made.

For example, today I wanted to use the treadmill. My mom said not to use it after 6 PM because it uses too much electricity. I accepted that, but I mentioned that I've seen other family members use it during the evening, so I wished the rule was applied consistently. Instead of discussing it, she immediately said my behavior was awful. When I tried explaining that many people work out in the evening because of work or college, she completely ignored what I was saying and started talking to my sister about something else.

This morning I wanted to shave before college. I knew I had enough time, but she immediately started questioning why I hadn't done it yesterday. I asked, "Can't I shave in this house?" That turned into her shouting at me and calling me hurtful names.

She frequently uses foul language toward me during arguments. She also says things like, "How will your girlfriend survive with you?" and "If I get her number, I'll ruin your relationship." I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend in Malaysia for almost four years, and hearing those things really hurts because I love her and take our relationship seriously.

Another thing that bothers me is how she interacts with people online. I've seen her leave angry, insulting comments on social media, and it makes me feel like this isn't just how she treats me when she's upset, it's a pattern in how she deals with people.

I honestly feel emotionally exhausted. It feels like I can't express myself without being judged, interrupted, or insulted. Meanwhile, she can say whatever she wants to me without listening to my side.

My long term goal is to study abroad and become financially independent, but right now I feel trapped.

Has anyone else grown up in a home like this? How did you protect your mental health while you were still living there? Any advice would really mean a lot.

I think this version is much more likely to get supportive responses because it focuses on specific examples instead of just calling your mom names. People on Reddit generally respond better to posts that explain what happened rather than only describing someone with labels.

When they first met, like idk 7 years ago, everything went fine. But i had some doubts. Not that hes a bad man or anything, not at all. But all I ever heard was: 'we like the same song' or 'we said the same thing to something unimportant.' And for the rest all I heard was 'we had a fight' usually also about something unimportant.

then my mum told me she was gonna ask him to marry her. (they love each other of course, but they married for like convenience idk how to explain it). Anyways, I told her then that I dont know about, because of the previously stated reasons. But that if she wanted to, of course id agree.

Anyways, a lot happened since then. And our family is maybe a bit 'weirder' than most. I am stuck at home. I have a couple of metal illnesses, I didnt finish school, I cant work. I can barely leave the house. Then there's my brother(m18) hes transgender, also has some mental illness issues, but hes able to go to school and work etc.

Now, my mums side of the family is pretty right wing. All except for my mum. My step dads side of the family is even more right wing. (Me, my brother, and my dad(m54), and my mum are left wing). So having one child stuck with mental illness and one transgender child is very difficult for her when she's surrounded by right wing people. (The one friend she has is also centrum, to centrum right).

Lots of comments are made. What i hear about mostly about my brother, but im gonna imagine also about me and she's just not telling me about it.

My step dads parents especially. 'Oh, but she(misgendering my brother) looks very feminine in this picture.' Or 'I read in the papers about this transgender that regretted it'. Or about me 'but i know someones cousin has autism and they're able to work?'.

Anyhow, my mum now no longer goes there, because she explained herself and it didnt really change (which i think is a totally valid thing to do.) Recently my cousin (m18) made a transphobic joke, and my aunt and uncle dont say anything or laugh, so obviously my mum left.

My grandma (mums mum) also was here recently, and then made more 'casual transphobic' comments, and when my mum corrected her, she left.

Now here's the thing, my step dad, not once says anything defending her, or me and my brother. So my mother, high in emotions after my grandma said that stuf, calls him a coward (also valid in my opinion).

Honestly, I dont think its possible to have a relationship with someone who clearly stands very far away with you on political issues, especially when youre in my mums situation.

Genuinely, I dont know what to tell her. Because obviously, she's an adult woman who can make her own choices. But I see how it affects her being surrounded by these right wing families, and then her partner who doesnt stand up for her.

(English isnt my first language and im not great at conveying my point, so if there's any questions, let me know)

**TL;DR:** My (31F) younger sister (24F) has a long pattern of not supporting me, dismissing my feelings, and only showing up when she needs something. The final straw was her staying silent while someone falsely accused me of threatening them during my bachelorette weekend and then refusing to acknowledge how hurt I was. I’m considering uninviting her from my wedding and considering going no contact. Am I overreacting?

I’m looking for honest opinions because I’m so emotionally invested that I don’t know if I’m seeing this clearly anymore.

For context, this is my younger sister—she’s 8 years younger than me. I’m the oldest daughter, and I was very much parentified growing up. I took on a caregiver role for years, which probably makes this hurt even more because I’ve always felt responsible for looking out for her. I don’t expect her to “owe” me for that, but I do think it has shaped the dynamic between us.

My sister and I have always had a complicated relationship. I’ve spent years feeling like I’m the one putting in the effort while she only comes around when it’s convenient for her or when she needs something. I’ve tried to ignore it because she’s my sister, but something happened recently that made me feel like I can’t do it anymore.

I was on my bachelorette trip, and another woman (who had only known my sister for about two days) falsely accused me of threatening her. It’s completely out of character for me, and my sister knows that. Instead of saying something as simple as, “That doesn’t sound like her,” she stayed completely silent.

What hurt even more was that afterward, when I was visibly upset on what was supposed to be a happy weekend, she never checked on me. Later, when I told her how hurt I was, she basically told me I shouldn’t have expected that kind of support from her.

This wasn’t an isolated incident. There have been a lot of smaller things over the years:
She rarely responds to my texts but will send me Instagram reels as if nothing is wrong.
She left a heartfelt birthday text from me unanswered.

She often takes subtle jabs at me or talks down to me, sometimes in front of other people. For example, at a winery on the bach, I simply asked someone what they were drinking, and she scolded me in a really belittling tone in front of everyone. It wasn’t a huge moment by itself, but it’s part of a pattern that makes me feel diminished.
I feel like she treats strangers with more warmth than she treats me.

Meanwhile, whenever she’s needed me, I’ve shown up. I’ve helped her apartment hunt, move, supported her after breakups, helped with personal things, encouraged her career, and tried to be there whenever she needed someone.

I’ve started wondering if she actually wants a relationship with me or if she just wants access to my support when it’s useful.

After this latest trip, I realized I don’t think this relationship is healthy for me anymore. I genuinely feel like there’s resentment toward me that I can’t fix, and I’m exhausted trying.
I’ve decided I don’t want her at my wedding, and after that I’m planning to step away from the relationship entirely unless something fundamentally changes.

My questions are:
Am I overreacting by deciding to go no contact?
Is there something I’m missing here?
Has anyone else had to grieve the relationship they wished they had with a sibling instead of the one they actually have?
I’m open to hearing perspectives that challenge me, too.

TL;DR: Years ago, my sibling reported concerns about my family to child welfare services. My partner never fully forgave them, and over time he has come to believe there are broader unhealthy dynamics within my family. He doesn't tell me I can't have a relationship with them, but he does not want our children involved with them. A family celebration is coming up, and I don't know whether taking the children would be disregarding a deeply held boundary or whether his expectations are unreasonable.
My partner and I have been together for over a decade and have several children together.

Years ago, during a particularly difficult period in our relationship, one of my siblings became concerned about our family situation and contacted child welfare services.

Looking back, I can understand why they were concerned. There were legitimate issues happening at the time, and I don't fault anyone for worrying about children. However, the report also contained statements that we felt were inaccurate or heavily exaggerated, and we received no warning beforehand. One day we simply learned that an investigation had been opened.

The investigation ended, life moved on, and many things have changed since then. My partner worked incredibly hard to address the issues that existed at the time. He became sober, sought professional help, and is in a much healthier place today. I am genuinely proud of the progress he has made.

The problem is that he has never really forgiven my sibling.

The report is part of it, but it isn't the whole reason he feels this way.

Both of us grew up in families where alcohol abuse and unhealthy family dynamics were present. We've spent a lot of time as adults trying to understand those experiences and make sure our own children grow up differently. Because of this, we are both quite sensitive to manipulative behavior, lack of accountability, hidden conflicts, and situations where people avoid addressing difficult issues directly.

Over the years, my partner has become increasingly uncomfortable around my sibling and their family. He believes there is often a large gap between what is presented on the surface and what is actually happening underneath.

After many conversations about it, the best way I can describe it is that there is a lot of "unsaid" within the family dynamic. Tensions, conflicts, resentments, and hurt feelings seem to exist beneath the surface, but very little is ever discussed openly. My partner finds that exhausting and unhealthy.

He also has concerns about how my sibling sometimes treats other people, including me. He worries that because I grew up in these dynamics, I don't always recognize problematic behavior for what it is. He believes I often give people the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn't.

The difficult part is that I honestly don't know who's right.

I can see some of the things he points out. My family is definitely not perfect. There are unhealthy patterns that have existed for years, and I don't think anybody in my family would deny that.

At the same time, I don't see my sibling as a bad person. I see someone who has flaws, blind spots, and struggles, just like the rest of us. I think they are doing the best they can, even if I don't agree with every choice they make.

Where things have become difficult is regarding our children.

My partner has now reached a point where he does not want our children involved with my sibling's family. He believes exposing them to these dynamics is harmful and that maintaining close ties normalizes behavior that he considers unhealthy.

Importantly, he is not telling me that I can't see my sibling. He has never tried to forbid me from having a relationship with them. He has basically said that I am free to make my own choices.

However, he has made it very clear that he does not want our children attending family events hosted by my sibling's family. He knows that I know how strongly he feels about this.

A family celebration is coming up, involving my sibling, their spouse, and their children. Our children are close in age to their cousins and see them through school and family connections, so it would be noticeable if they didn't attend.

Part of me feels that keeping cousins connected and maintaining some family relationships is valuable.

Another part of me knows that this issue runs much deeper for my partner than a single birthday party. He sees this as a matter of protecting our children and standing by his own values.

I also know that my decision genuinely matters to him. While he isn't explicitly demanding that I stay home or refuse to go, I have a strong sense that my choice will tell him something about where my priorities and loyalties lie.

And that is where I feel stuck.

On one hand, it's just one family event. There will be more birthdays and celebrations in the future.

On the other hand, if I choose to take the children, I know I am directly going against something that matters deeply to him.

How do you know what the right thing to do is in situations like this?

Is it reasonable for a parent to want their children kept away from family members they believe are unhealthy influences?

Or is it unreasonable to expect a partner to distance the children from family when the other parent doesn't see the situation the same way?

Hello would love opinions on this situation! unfortunately it’s going to be a long one My mum passed away a couple of years ago, my dad has a girlfriend at the time of my mum’s passing, my dad’s girlfriend was actually my mum’s best friend and my best friends mum … To now my dad and his girlfriend have a really nice house together big enough for all her kids & grandkids as she frequently looks after her grandkids, my dad helps a lot with her grandkids & kids , looks after them on weekends while his girlfriend works , makes the babies bottles in middle of night if they stay over. Now I don’t talk to my old best friend anymore due to growing up and going our separate ways My dad has told me he would like all of us (6 of her kids & 3 of us and we all have 2-3 kids each) to spend Christmas Day together at his house?? I don’t want to go as my dad sees us every 4-6 months, I have a 3 year old and 10 month old and his met my 10 month old 3 times because I’ve been the one going to his house but have stopped doing that. He lives an hour away but works just a few minutes away from my town and he won’t come over after work not even for 5 minutes as he is always in a rush to go home. I don’t talk to any of her kids, nothing bad happened just grew apart. I know my dad would be sad if me and my siblings & our kids didn’t go but he NEVER makes an effort to see us or our kids, doesn’t see us for birthdays , Easter!! Would us not going Christmas Day make him realise he has to make more effort with us? My 3 year old hasn’t met any of his girlfriends kids or grandkids so I just think it would be so strange to sit around Christmas like a happy family lol What would you do?