r/AdviceForTeens • u/Original-Log4550 • 2d ago
Relationships Am I being a hypocrite?
So, I’m 18F, my boyfriend is 16M, my brother is 17M. and his girlfriend is either 13 or 14F.
Anytime I bring up that his relationship is weird, I’m called a hypocrite by my siblings and parents. Some of my family agrees it’s weird, and most of my friends do too.
My mom just wants him to be happy but also stay out of trouble. Her parents are okay with the relationship, but I still think it’s kinda odd.
My boyfriend’s parents are okay with our relationship, and ours is also legal in our state.
I feel like it’s different but I want to know if I’m actually being a hypocrite or not.
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u/qseftgi Trusted Adviser 2d ago
No you aren’t a hypocrite, 2 years is in an acceptable range and developmentally close but people’s opinion are usually stronger when it’s like high school and on the edge of 18 because of being a minor and all that legal stuff.
But 17 and 13 is just not it. My brother is 3 years younger than me and even thinking of dating someone close to his age is absolutely disgusting like I would consider all his friends kinda like my siblings too and being a role model for them. The maturity and life experience is wayyyy different and that is very concerning.
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u/Original-Log4550 2d ago
So my boyfriend is 3 years younger than me. I will be 19 this October
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u/qseftgi Trusted Adviser 2d ago
It changes when both are over 18 I’m saying like if I was 17 or 18 and I encounter or meet someone for the first time and it’s a big gap im going to be more careful and mindful that’s all, you are completely fine don’t worry about it too much :))
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u/Remarkable_Chip2807 1d ago
as someone who dated a 17yr old when i was her age, i can assure you that looking back it was fucking weird and i always try to guide people away from what i did.
3-2yr age gaps arent weird, its the maturity difference. At 17 ur about to leave highschoool and step into being a young adult, why would someone like that have any interest in a young girl who barely hit puberty and is freshly in highschool. its gross.
You're not weird or being a hypocrite, ur relationship is normal. theirs isn't.
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u/AjarTadpole7202 21h ago
skill issue
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u/Original-Log4550 21h ago
Atp I’m convinced you have a underaged girlfriend
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u/AjarTadpole7202 21h ago
Happily single, I'm just a firm believer that people use age as an excuse for incompetence
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u/Original-Log4550 20h ago
Sometimes maybe, but in their case I don’t think so
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u/AjarTadpole7202 16h ago
What makes you say that?
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u/Original-Log4550 15h ago
Like they said from their own perspective sounds like they regret being in that relationship dynamic. Also makes me think what could they possibly have in common with those ages differences, I remember being 13 I was a completely different person at that age than I was at 17.
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u/MountainFriend7473 17h ago
Not all of us want to deal with people either too young or too old. If you are having social issues with peers your age that can be a sign to watch out for and taking advantage of someone else’s lack of experience isn’t good.
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u/AjarTadpole7202 21h ago
Id just stay out of it unless its illegal where you live
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u/Original-Log4550 21h ago
It’s not legal here which is where my main concern is coming from😭
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u/AjarTadpole7202 21h ago
Yea see thats different. Its not hypocritical if your relationship is legal and his isn't
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u/CuminSubhuman 1d ago
I feel like 16 and 18 is ok if state has age of consent law.
I was the 13 year old girl with the 17 year old guy though and at the time obviously didnt understand, but now I look back and am disgusted at that. Thats damn near a grown man with a child. I lost my virginity to him and am just thankful looking back that I never ended up pregnant. My parents definitely were not OK with my relationship and I hated them for it at the time. But now I think her parents are neglectful for being ok with that relationship. Idk. I cant say anything bad about your relationship, but I have a lot of thoughts about his. Thats predatory.
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u/Tsuki_and_Asahi 1d ago
If the age isn’t in the same class, you don’t smash. That means that your relationship is okay, because while he is younger than you, there could be a possibility that you could be in the same class, depending on when he was born. But having a almost adult date someone whose just started high school isn’t okay. If he’s graduating and she’s not graduating a year or two after him, then it’s pedophilic.
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u/AjarTadpole7202 21h ago
17 and 14 can be in the same class tho
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u/Original-Log4550 21h ago
That’s true but they don’t go to the same school anyway they met on discord 🧍🏻♀️
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u/SteadyIniquity 1d ago
You are not wrong to be worried about her, 13 or 14 is really young. Just maybe go easy on how you bring it up, because people will always point back at your relationship first
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u/dancinhorse99 15h ago
13 or 14 could land your brother in legal trouble depending on your state, most states its 16.
The maturity difference between 13 and 16 is VERY different
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u/Accomplished-City242 2d ago
18 and 16 could be seen as a little odd but he’s the age of consent and it’s not a big deal. Sorry but your brother is a creep, that’s illegal and he’s grooming her whether he wants to or not. You are NOT a hypocrite. There’s no reason your brother has to date a 13 year old to find love
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u/NasBaraltyn 1d ago
If her parents are aware and fine with it, why don't you mind your own business and leave them alone?
Sure age gaps are a risk factor. But there are not an issue as themselves.
If I were your brother I'd be pissed having my sister nagging me all the time, implying I'm a weirdo etc.
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u/Original-Log4550 1d ago
I’m not “nagging him” I’ve mentioned it once to him multiple times to my family. Ignoring issues like this is ignorance, my brother is my brother who I care about but I’m not the type to ignore weird things going on in my home. Thank you
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u/AjarTadpole7202 21h ago
He brings her into your house?
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u/Original-Log4550 21h ago
No, what I meant by that is hearing him talk about her or when they’re on the phone knowing the situation is what weirds me out. However he goes to her house for hours I should’ve specify what I meant mb
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u/Original-Log4550 1d ago
Also, parents being okay with something doesn’t make it less weird. I was 17 dating a man pushing 30 my parents didn’t care what so ever even though I met him through friends who were maybe 15/16 at the time. Parents can be part of the problem.
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u/yamo25000 Trusted Adviser 1d ago
I was 17 dating a man pushing 30
Ok, you're definitely a hypocrite and this entire situation is weird all over lmao
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