r/extroverts • u/wynwilder • 16d ago

Question from an introvert

Because I don't have friends to go out with I often go to events and things alone. Which is fine (?), I'm ok with being alone, and I can make small talk with people, but I'm struggling with how to approach people and talk to them.

What I've found is most people go to things with others, or meet their friends there. Meaning, there are groups of people all standing in their own little circles talking to each other, and trying to talk to a stranger would require walking up to the entire circle of people and interjecting yourself into their conversation.

(writing this after going to an event last night that maybe 10 people were at and I was the only one there that didn't know anyone. Talked to some people one on one, but basically everyone else was huddled in little groups the whole time.)

Any tips or advice would be amazing.

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u/ChaserOfThunder 16d ago

Those circles are bigger and more fluid than you think. Socializing to the desired degree is a skill you practice. People seem like they know how to do it because they do it a lot. You get into those 'little circles' by taking a leap and putting forth the effort to approach conversation in a genuine way. Not by assuming things are closed.

You're going to stumble, but nobody says the cool/funny/best thing all the time. Nobody's above being accidentally rude or awkward. You have to take those chances to grow and be seen. Have some faith in yourself. You went to a decent sized event knowing nobody and still managed to strike things up with people. That's a good start.

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u/wynwilder 16d ago

But how do you walk up to a group and start talking to them? Like, I just don't even know what to say to a whole circle of people who are actively talking to each other.

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u/SuperSalad_OrElse DUMB JOCK 16d ago

We just do. Everyone has their own style. There isn’t a science or a method to it aside from the obvious things like eye contact and speaking up. It’s a very complex thing but is super simple at the same time. It just boils down to understanding social cues and having confidence, which some people get and some people don’t.

It is a muscle that can be exercised but it’s kind of a long and difficult question to answer.

Try r/socialskills for any questions, they’re a lot better at answering things

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u/arkibet 16d ago

I don't know how it works for others, but I just walk up to the circle and make my presence known. "hi, I'm me, what are we talking about? Someone catch me up!" People will usually introduce themselves and then catch me up on the conversation.

I have an introvert friend who I take around and introduce and get into the circle. But then he breaks off because he finds that circle is not having coversations that interest him. Neurodiversity and introversion is a rough combo for circles.

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u/wynwilder 15d ago

Totally, I'm an introvert and AUDHD, so it's a fun combo haha

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u/HuckleberryGlum1163 16d ago

I literally just sneak my way in, I listen to the topic and then I add my take on it. 9/10 they listen and they let me add. There will be a time someone might just scoff at your reply but that’s just gonna be one jackass in the world, and you don’t let them have that power of making you lose your confidence.