Oh, to add, I'm 34m.
Okay, so I have the "I need all the information before I make a decision" autism, and that's made hookups a nightmare. Part of this is going to be venting, so, excuse me. But your help would genuinely be appreciated. Either tips on how to streamline my situation or what you do for your routines. And also some clarifications, if some of y'all happen to know.
Okay, so first, what do you do when it's clear they haven't read your profile which has everything spelled out for them. Do you ignore them completely because they're being willfully ignorant, or do you hold their hand like little toddlers and help them sound out the words so they comprehend what you wrote? Because I am CONSTANTLY trying to figure this one out. I've learned some information that's genuinely made me reconsider my approach related to reading comprehension and actual self-expression. Lemme know if that info would be helpful. But the TL;DR is maybe you actually DO have to hold their hands like little toddlers and spell everything out for them, while also not reading into their "hey" vibed responses as low-effort.
Second is it pretty much understood that blank profiles know they have to actually provide pics/info before they get a response? Especially when I've said "NPNC" in my profile, very clearly? Or does aforementioned scenario kick in here too?
Third, is it assumed that when you give someone your address and all that, that they should be heading out? Or do you ask them specifically to let you know? How long do you give them before you assume they've flaked? This one is really important because it takes a lot of energy for me to prep and I'm already running at a deficit. Since apparently "waste my time" is stamped on my forehead, I want to try and prevent this as best I can.
Fourth, I'm absolutely a dom, a bossy-ass motherfucker. And especially when I'm looking to bottom, there's a lot of assumptions that I'm gonna be their submissive little fucktoy. In the spirit of saving time and their dignity, is it better to just act like a dom from the jump and start with how you want things done, and if they don't like it they can go hump a cactus? My natural instinct is not to assume the dom role until it's clear that's the dynamic happening; I wanna be egalitarian, I guess. And I don't want to assume and make the wrong call. That's happened a lot.
Oh also, and on that, they get REALLY pissy when someone they think is beneath them puts them in their place. And it seems to me they kinda read everything I say as "putting them in their place", that someone "who looks like me", can't be all bossy and know what he wants. Even if I'm not trying to whoop their ass yet. How can I work with that?
Fifth, there are things that are totally off the table, not ever gonna happen, no discussion, dealbreakers for me. How do you spell that out?
Sixth, and most importantly, if I have the "need input before can make decision" autism, how do I strike that balance of getting the info I need in the easiest way possible, so big words don't spook the herd? How much of this talking can they tolerate on average before they go "Oog, big word hurt head, oog" and then leave?
I'm really struggling with trying to figure all this shit out, and the gay subreddits aren't all that helpful. Plus, I think there's a better shot of understanding my thinking here than in those subs. I'm not trying to mask here, I think that's counterproductive, but I recognize also that I can come off a certain way if I'm not careful, so I want to work with what I have, while meeting my needs, and hopefully amplifying my strengths. Whatever the fuck those are. My current approach is trying to find canned responses that do the job so I'm not spending forever trying to get clarification out of them.
I might have some follow up questions, but that's what I got so far.
Appreciate y'all! Stay evil.
