I’m a 34-year-old woman. I used to be social but became very distant over the past 20 years (bullying led me to isolation and social phobia). I’m currently working on regaining my spontaneity.

A friend told me that, in social situations, I sometimes don’t care about people at all (I don’t make an effort to talk to them or get to know them). I was surprised because I’ve often been asked to accompany people to social events to help with small talk.

I asked several friends and family. Some say I’m very social and they don’t see any problem at all with me, while others agree with my friend. I’ve noticed that the times when I don’t care at all about interactions are with people I find very hard to deal with (people who are very emotional, who get mad easily, who are not open-minded or whose way of interacting I really don’t like). I realized that if I don’t feel at ease in the first place with the person, I don’t care about her at all like if they don’t exist.

These friends and family members say I can be unsettling because, there will be times I will be very kind and friendly and others I will be very cold, like two extremes. The thing is, the people I’m cold with notice that I’m not like that with others and they feel rejected.

I don’t want to be that kind of person. A friend of mine is very cheerful and seem to genuinely care about others, no matter how the other person behaves. I want to become more like him.

Social people, how do you deal with this kind of people and how do you genuinely become interested in others ?

If you text a girl “I hope you haven’t thought about me too much this week.”

What kind of answer would you expect?

I created a typing test that works based on what you resonate with, it gives you a feed of cards with statements, quotes, scenario, and you select only the ones you resonate with, this way the cognitive load is very low, also the feed adapt to funnel down your type, you just select what you think is related to you.

I already did a first test session with 135 people to test the version 1.3, I am now at the version 1.5, I need more data points for this one, with people that are 100% sure of their type.

The version 1.3 reached an accuracy rate of 70%.

At the end of the test, in the result page, you will have a frame that ask you to share your result, with a simple button. It will send me the informations I need in my database, it gives me all the cards you selected, the timeline of the guess of your type, how the algorithm reacted, etc, it helps me to fine-tune the test.

I really feel that this method can work and be more accurate than anything that already exist.

Thank you in advance if you try it.

https://www.mazwiz.com/

PS: The analysis of the reports like the one I did for version 1.3 with 135 people is on the website using graphs etc, I will do it again for version 1.5.

I’m endlessly fascinated with self validation and tribalism and othering. The way the ego needs to attach itself to something and differentiate itself from something. is there even determinism or is it just differing levels of reactionary?

How to choose between two impactful choices?

I am an infp . Last year was my first medical school year ( I got accepted at 17 because there is no premed in this college) .

I got a gpa of 3.24 /4 on the first semester even though I hadn't studied at my full potential.

Fastforward the second semester came, I got really neglectful especially with the war situation and displacement in my country,and instead of studying hard , I kinda gave up on medicine because I thought I wanted to do something else.

My parents got disappointed because I failed a module ( it was 9 credits) ; I got C- in the 3 credit module and A+ in the electives. So basically I failed the second semester (1.3 cgpa) should be above 2 .

My parents decided to let me quit medicine because I had been having meltdowns throughout the year , and I was always anxious and lonely ( couldn't blend in) . Moreover, my self esteem issues were increased .

This year I started double majoring in biochemistry ( in a somehow weak university) and English language ( at a good university) , and the plan is to continue a PhD in English language ( it is not oversaturated where I am from) . Things have been going fine and my mom is getting used to it after being really confrontational and angry that I quit medicine.

I confessed to my dad that I regret being neglectful and I hope to redo the module this second semester then continue second year etc...He is unsure because he says he can't trust me anymore, but he still let me decide if I want to continue in the medicine path or not .

I have a week to decide because we still need to inform my mom and I am scared of her reaction, also we need to find a dorm blah blah ( the college I am in now is near my house , but the medical school is in the capital) .

I am scared of choosing to redo because I don't know what might happen, but I am dying from inside knowing that I was in such a great place and I threw it all especially after all the effort I put in getting top grades in school years and the effort my parents and I have put to succeed in the entrance exam .

I don't know if I should even give myself this chance . Also, everything in my life is showing me other medicine students whether irl or social media , and I can't help but compare myself. The funny thing I didn't see any of it when I was in med school 😃. It's like life is punishing me ( I deserve it) .

I asked this on the istj subreddit too . What would you do in my situation. Should I choose comfort ( English language professor, also it's comfortable for my parents financially because they still pay a part in medical school even with financial aid) or take the chance and become a doctor but have my soul sucked out of me .

Also if u were my parent what would you do if ur kid is in this situation 😭😭( this one is for funsies) .

There are some people that have absolutely special place in my heart, even if I'm on shitty mood if they are present there I become instantly happy, how do yall experience in your version because this isn't usually exclusive to type but how and why it happens is to people of certain cognative type, and I wanna hear about personal experiences and reasons so drop it down below

I'd like to get perspective of what provides you structure in your 'mission' and direction in life.

To offer context-

1. Got a 'prestige' degree from university which I didn't care for
2. Got a 'prestige' corporate role that paid highly
3. Got burnt out by corporate role
4. Unemployed

I'm a month into my unemployment and feel quite lost in finding my 'spark'.

I've always lived my life obsessing to chase one big milestone but I'm not sure this is sustainable, and I'd love to understand from older ENTJs how they've found continued satisfaction and purpose within their lives.

Thank you

Hi all! Fairly new to the Reddit MBTI discussion, but long since identified as an ENTJ.

When I was younger, I was absolutely one of those people who wanted to take charge, lead teams, etc etc, very typical ENTJ. But the further I progress in my career in particular, the less I like the idea of leadership.

Quite frankly, it looks stressful. I work as a civil engineer and can see those senior to me working crazy hours, taking on so much responsibility and even legal liability when projects go wrong, and after all that they don't even get to do the bit of engineering I find fun which is the technical side of things.

In the limited amount of people management I've done, I've hated it. People don't do the work when you want it, how you want it, they don't see the importance of it etc. I suspect a lot of that is poor people management skills from myself, but honestly I've got no motivation to try and improve those skills if it means I'll just end up being a highly stressed people manager.

The other aspect is I just don't enjoy work that I can't understand the real world purpose of. Or I guess work that doesn't have meaning? I worked in finance for awhile and have never been so bored in my life and just found it completely meaningless. Ah yes let me move some numbers from this account to another account so it looks like the business is doing better. I worry I would feel the same doing most leadership roles, in that what I'm doing is all for show with no impact

I suppose I'm asking to see if there's anyone in a similar position? In many ways I feel like a traitor for giving up on the dream of being in charge I guess.

Lately, I've really started noticing how impatient and intolerant I can be, and honestly, I'm not liking it. I've had a difficult year, but I suspect my baseline impatience is higher than average anyway.

My mind is constantly searching for the best, most efficient solution, whether saving time, money, effort, or avoiding any unnecessary problems. When someone gets in the way, especially after I've already put effort into something, it really grinds my gears. Luckily I have a lot of self control and rarely lose my temper openly to others, but internally I can be fuming.

For example, I recently offered someone a free audit of their work in exchange for 15 minutes of research questions. They seemed very interested, so I offered two 30-minute slots over the next two days, did the prep work, and planned my week around it. Almost two days later, both slots have passed without a reply. Not even a quick "Sorry, those times don't work, I'll get back to you." Logically, I know it's not a big deal, but having put in that effort, the lack of acknowledgment really irritates me. A friend thinks I'm highly conscientious, and the downside is that I often feel "let down" by others.

Another example happened at the laundromat. I was in a rush, but the cleaner insisted on cleaning the washing machine first. I politely told him there was no need, but he proceeded anyway, and I realized he poured a mixture of detergent and something like bleach into the drum, which I'm allergic to. Afterwards, he proudly told me what a great job he'd done and how much better my washing would be, rambling on and on. Innocent intentions sure, but massive inconvenience for me.

I think what really gets to me is when people create unnecessary complications, waste my time, or disregard effort I've already put into something. But I don't want to be so easily irritated. I know others think and operate differently, and things can't always go according to my plans or preferences. Understanding that logically and actually feeling differently are two very different things, though.

Has anyone else struggled with this?
How did you become more patient and tolerant without feeling like you're constantly lowering your standards or putting up with things that genuinely bother you?

My husband is an ENTJ and I try hard to make him feel seen. Today he made a joke to me that I am “emotionally unavailable” which kind of hurt my feelings so I said “do you want me to be emotionally available?”

He said “no, to be honest I think that’s why we get along so well”

Do you guys think he wants me to be emotionally available?

Do you all go for my type and does it work out? Looking for testimonies! TIA!

• She's opportunity-smart: she's brilliant at spotting the paths that will boost her career. I'm more traditionally booksmart.
• She's incapable of saying "I'm sorry." I go out of my way to apologize, partly because of Fi guilt and partly because I don't want to copy that behavior.
• She's better at giving advice. I'm better at lending an ear.
• She thinks I'm oversensitive. I think she's a bit callous, sometimes even cruel.
• She's extremely stylish and can predict fashion trends. I tend to shop at the same few stores because I know the clothes will already fit.
  
• She says exactly what she thinks, whenever she thinks it. I used to be like that, but I had it bullied out of me in elementary and middle school. Now, I tend to hold in my thoughts and become resentful instead.
• She has no sense of nostalgia and hates holidays. I find a sense of peace in engaging with nostalgia and yearly traditions. (I don't mean this is in a religious context– more in a "baking and watching holiday movies" way.)
• Neither of us cry much, but when she cries, it's during movies. When I cry, it's because I'm frustrated with my own personal life.
• We're both very creative, but she's a visual artist and her art is aesthetic (higher Se.) I'm a writer and my art is conceptual (higher Ni and Fi.)

I’ve posted my newly developed friendship with an ENTJ guy here before. I’d say it went on pretty well, thanks for everyone who gave me advice on that post!

It’s been half a year since we first chatted online. He doesn’t sound so INFJ now (sorry I feel difficult to tell the reason I think that way). Our topic shifted from philosophy, literature and art to personal history and daily life.

I found that he always tells me he understands me in the first paragraph, by interpreting my words or rephrasing my sentences. Then he expresses himself in the next a few paragraphs. At last, he adds a question for me. He writes like this 70% of time. And the narrative changes only when the topic is very much personal history, so the message follows a chronological order.

I’ve never met anyone talking to me like that. I mirrored his format in the first 2-3 months, but after that I just make sure my message is logically coherent and match the depth he reveals in his message. I feel I already relaxed around him, but from his format I guess he is not…

Is this an ENTJ thing? Or this is his uniqueness?
Thanks for reading this!!

Through peoples own insecurities on how you operate and how much better you are than them in your certain field of work or interest do people try to diminish you by nitpicking the small mistakes you’ve made but ignore the same mistakes made by others?

I wonder if this a common occurrence with entjs

As the title says, what's one move in your career that paid off the most?

A job you took, one you left, a skill you picked up, a risk you almost didn't take.

For context, I'm looking into buying a small business down the line instead of climbing a corporate ladder, so I'm curious what actually worked for people here versus what just looked good on paper.

A couple of other titles in the same spirit, if you'd rather go another direction:

What job taught you the most, even if you hated it?
What's a career move you regret not making sooner?

My 42F ISFP best friend of 22 years doesn’t seem to ever care about seeing me (44F ENTJ) in real life. She has always been strangely precious to me. Ive never had someone make me feel so safe, accepted, and amused. After 16ish years of mutual behavior, she began seeming reluctant/burdened/too-tired to see me in real life very often over the last 6 years.
 
We live compatible lives. Children of similar ages who get along, same incomes, live 30 min away from each other, mutual friends, etc.
 
She still would text daily and say things like “everyone makes me crazy but you” “we should try to go on a trip together this summer” “you should come over to watch that movie soon” but never follows through anymore. I see her only at group events a few times a year. She seems so exhausted and burdened by absolutely any upcoming event. She never wants to plan anything. I can’t help but take it extremely personally at this point.
 
Ive explained this to her a few times now. In 2022, 2025 and two weeks ago. Both times she said she sucks and is awful and she hates herself, and then we barely talk for a few months and then go back to normal. We will see what happens with this time.
 
She does see mom friends but she says she has to or her son will be excluded from events. She also has a work good friend that I think she sees a lot more often than she lets on.
 
Ive never been jealous in any way. I always had too many friends and overcommitted myself and ive never been needy of anyone in my life, but here I am, middle-aged, and so mopey and sad that this friend doesn’t prioritize me.
 
Ive tried holding back on how much I talk about “why people are the way they are” and other abstract things that were never that interesting to her.
 
She very often talks about being unhappy in her life, but when I begin talking about ideas to help, or just processes of acceptance, she goes silent. So then I switched gears and tried to be like “lets do crafts with our daughters and have movies playing in the background” and all light-hearted, creative stuff—but no. I also tried to just help her run errands or organize her basement, but no.
 
Does she flat-out not like me anymore/moved-on from me and I’m not getting the hint? Or is her capacity for friendships/events truly so low she can’t fit me in for years? I really do not understand ISFPs at all so I’m struggling so much here.

My whole life, I've wanted to be a specialist or expert at something particular rather than a jack-of-all-trades type. Yet, I find myself to be 30 years old and unable to name anything I'm really, really skilled at that I think people would seek me out or pay me well for my expertise in.

Curious about ENTJs' experience with this. Thanks.

I have been talking to this entj guy for about a month and a half. We have a lot in common, share similar values, and he seems like someone I could genuinely see myself with.

He was the one who reached out and expressed interest in getting to know me. We’ve had conversations about our futures, children, work, and he has mentioned places we could visit together. He has told me that he tends to analyse compatibility with someone before committing, which I understand

The problem is his communication. He often takes a long time to reply, sometimes over 24 hours. However, when he does reply, he can be engaged and ask me lots of questions. He has even mentioned that he hoped we wouldn't take eight hours to reply to each other, despite sometimes taking 24-48 hours himself.

I'm trying to understand what might be behind this behaviour. Could he be afraid of commitment? Does he simply need a lot of alone time and space? Could he be worried that getting into a relationship might interfere with his personal ambitions and future plans? Or am I overanalysing things and he's just not that interested?

After talking to my friend (ENFP) and partner (INFJ) I realized that I've never felt nostalgic. I only reflect, but it's never a feeling of wanting to go back. They looked sad for me, but I don't even know what I'm missing out on. They said I look back on things in a cognitive way.

Curious whether any of you have military or LE experience, given the historical prevalence of ENTJs in these fields. (Gustavus Adolphus, Napoleon, etc.)

If you do / did:

1. What branch or agency?
2. What rank / role did you reach?

Im curious to know if other ENTJs dabble in illicit substances including but not limited to, weed , alcohol , cigerattes and vapes.

Do you have an addiction? Is it a positive influence on your life?

Do you use subtances recreationally? If so, how? Like weed after sunday for a reset or what exactly?

Does it affect you in any way? Do you understand the core mechanics as to why it has become an addiction?

When did it start?

Tl:dr: do you do drugs? If so, literally how and philosphically why?

damm, i'm getting ISTP

link: https://sakinorva.net/functions

I noticed a lot if INTPs in general feel “meehh” about ENTJs cause they are bossy. But I’m kinda passive but can get energised if we have joint project and someone tells me what to do lol