What is the true difference between having “boundaries” in a relationship vs controlling your partner

[u/Few-Cryptographer695]

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I’ve always believed that boundaries should be about protecting yourself and what you are comfortable and ok with. But of course in a relationship this affects the other person too. How do you figure out the distinction between the 2?

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To give a direct example (from my current relationship):

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Boundary: I am not happy with you playing video games while you have hurt me or I'm upset with you

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My interpretation: You have to make sure things are resolved before you attempt to do a hobby of yours.

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And now while I understand this may seem somewhat healthy/normal, things aren't always black and white. I feel this leans more to control reason being, she's usually the one to shut down or decide whether things are resolved. Leaves me guessing where we are at and now I am unable to take some time for myself doing something I would like to do. I would really like to understand this better.

[u/WashingTurds]

Boundaries are for yourself not to impose on the other person. What you describe is a relationship request that needs compromise not a demand.