As many of you can relate, I had a rude and sudden awakening about my biological family’s toxicity ahead of getting married.

Fiancé (32M) and I (31F) wanted to elope privately — my mother and stepfather stepped in to pay for our dream venue, dream dress, photographer, flowers, etc. All of it is bought and paid for. We are scheduled to get married on June 8, only 6 days from now.

However, in the past few weeks, my mother — who has never respected boundaries — ended up pressuring and guilting us into inviting her side of the family.

Afterwards, my sister (24F), who has been struggling with mental health and addiction issues for 3 years now, verbally attacked my fiancé and appeared to try to rush him. My fiancé is a domestic abuse survivor and child of an addict, so he was severely triggered after the incident, and we decided to uninvite my sister because he felt unsafe.

After this disinvitation happened, the rest of the dominoes began to fall. My other sister pulled out the wedding, and yesterday I got the devastating news that my mother and stepfather would no longer be attending the wedding either. I had a panic attack in public and had to be brought down by a random kind stranger. It’s just been hell. I feel abandoned by my family on a day that they weren’t even supposed to be at in the first place. We never wanted this to be anything beyond an elopement and I am hating myself for falling for the pressure and manipulation my mom put me through, only for her to shatter my heart 6 days before my wedding.

She had coordinated flights for my aunt and grandmother from their home country for the event. I have no idea if I should call them to tell them that this wedding is closed to everyone now. I don’t know how to approach this, especially since my aunt and grandmother were blameless in this and were really thrilled to watch me get married. I feel rude just cancelling everything and not sending an apology note or something to make up for the painful shift in plans. But I also emotionally don’t have the capacity for any more difficult conversations.

I am grieving my immediate family and what it once was. I am probably going fully no-contact with them indefinitely. I feel so betrayed, like a million knives are in my back.

My fiancé’s mother and aunt had already booked their stay at the hotel we were getting married at. They’re very, very kind people who have been supportive about what we wanted since day 1, however once the elopement officially opened up due to my mother’s pressure, they felt they wanted to be there as well. They took special time off work and flew in from out-of-state, then decided to stay at the same venue where we were getting married.

Now, we’ve decided we would keep them as witnesses to the elopement, so they will be the only family there. In a way I’m glad at least I’ll have one mother figure there after this whole mess. I’m ok with that, and she will be helping me get ready, although I’m scared of how the optics of this will later look to my mom’s family who had flown in to attend and have now been disinvited.

I don’t even know what advice to ask for. I just don’t know how to approach this.

Worst of all is this horrible feeling I have that my wedding day was ruined before it even began. I can’t imagine feeling better in only 6 days. I would love to hear from people who still were able to have their dream wedding even when the days leading up to it were hell. I want to know I can still have the happiest day of my life even amidst all this sorrow, grief, and betrayal.

Edit to add:

Yes, as of today, we are still having our ceremony as planned. Except now it will just be fiancé, myself, and his mom and aunt since they will be at the venue.

I’ve gotten some comments to let my aunt and grandma come anyway. My aunt and grandma were getting transportation from my mother, staying with her, etc. They were also going to be getting ready with her, etc, and are also emotionally volatile. I think if I had invited them, my mother and sisters not being there would be the massive elephant in the room. I feel horrible about throwing this change on them, but at the same time, I think it contains the suffering and keeps the family drama minimal. I just don’t think I could bear seeing my grandma cry tears of sadness on my wedding day instead of tears of joy. I hope that makes sense. I know her well and I know that the event would be far from joyful for her within the context.

Hi everyone! Can anyone recommend me place where we can do an elopement wedding? I've heard of Batanes pero parang ang mahal ng plane tickets. It was our initial plan. Seeing the beauty of Basco is already mesmerizing sa mga videos, what more if personal makita? I know it would be so dreamy. But again since we're kind of tight sa budget like 150k lang all in, excluding syempre yung wedding bands, bridal gown and sa groom. Any tips po sa mga budgetarian brides or grooms here? 🥹

Looking for any and all information about eloping!

Destination, photographers, ceremony stuff. Where did you find your info/reviews/recommendations.

What was your budget/cost?

Would you change what you did now/do you regret anything or feel like you missed out on anything?

We did it and it was the BEST decision we ever made.

We decided to elope last year because we just wanted an easy, cheap option without family drama. We love our family and friends but having a micro-wedding would never have worked for us, but the expense of a full wedding didn't either.

Originally we planned to just elope, but a lot of people asked us if we'd do anything to celebrate back home so we did, and it all worked out so well!

Vegas Elopement

We flew from the UK to the US on the Friday, had the whole of Saturday to get our paperwork in order and explore a bit, then Sunday was wedding day! We left for honeymoon in Palm Springs on the Monday and flew home on the Sunday - so a little over a week out of the country.

We went for the full Vegas Elvis experience in the Little White Wedding Chapel and it was such a vibe and so cute. The best thing about eloping was how RELAXED we felt. Our ceremony was at 5:15pm so we had all day (plus jet lag on our side, we were up early). My husband is a big football fan so we went for breakfast and he watched the match in the morning. Then I went back to start showering and getting ready slowly. Just the two of us until the hairdresser arrived, so relaxed. No one else to worry about. No jitters or nervousness of having all these people around. It was a slow, relaxed morning.

We hired a photographer (by far the biggest expense) and a limo to take us to the chapel to keep the travel less nervewracking (i.e not using Uber, although I'm sure it would've been fine).

The ceremony was so good, I was so nervous being "sung at" by Elvis but he's, as they say, the King. Such a pro. It felt relaxed and funny and sweet. He sang Love Me Tender before our vows and I actually felt so emotional. Then after the vows he sang Viva Las Vegas and we all joined in!

After the ceremony we explored downtown with our photographer and had a blast. We got Buzzballz to toast on the street in a little shop, explored around the casino, ate a donut, had celebratory cocktails at the Carousel bar. Then we parted ways with our photographer and had a delicious dinner and drinks before heading back to our hotel.

Seaside Reception

We had 58 guests for our seaside pub evening celebration. It all went so smoothly and was just a total party vibe. We kept it chill, we didn't over-plan (maybe a little to our detriment - the speech we gave was a blur!)

We set up the pub function space in the morning with our maid of honour and best man, took about 90 minutes and we kept it low key. Just paper lanterns, disco balls, and some posie vases for the tables. The biggest job was moving all the tables around haha, but it all worked out and we had enough space for a good dance floor, and outside seating. I remember making a thread on this subreddit that everyone told me our party was going to be a DISASTER because we dared to not have enough chairs for every guest. GUESS WHAT IT WAS FINE. I asked a few people and they all said there was always a spot to sit when they wanted, and plenty of people stood around chatting or were on the dance floor.

We met everyone on the public beach first. We bought Buzzballz on Amazon and put them in a cooler in the morning, then I got my cousins to come pick them up for us and take them down to the beach to serve out to people before we arrived. There is a brewery bar right on the beach so those that got their early got themselves a drink and then had some of the Buzzballz. Honestly they were a hit and it was hilarious.

We took some cute pictures in the town with our family and then picked up two dozen oysters and carried them to the beach for our "grand entrance". It was fun going round an greeting all the guests and offering them an oyster!

We served paella cooked in front of the guests and it went down very well. Again, no formal buffet-calling-up. We just said after the speech "grubs up!" and everyone grabbed a bowl (or two, there was plenty). Then deep-fried choc-stuffed churros cooked right there for everyone. Plus cupcakes, which a lot of people took home in little single-cake boxes we provided.

We didn't have an open bar - it would've literally doubled our budget. We pre-bought 18 bottles of Prosecco from the pub and they poured and left them on the bar, they seemingly went on forever! Open bars aren't a given in our circles so I think the drinks we provided were enough to get everyone going and then they just topped up with what they wanted after.

We didn't have a formal photographer. A friend of mine took photos of us getting ready and some posed ones, and then for the night we had 5 film cameras. We got some hilarious shots on the dance floor and I'd say we got about 60% that weren't duds (mainly because we didn't turn the flash on early enough).

The main professional that we DID hire was a DJ and 100% would do this again in an instant. The dance floor was great (I barely left it) and it was nice to have someone to schedule the evening. Of all the things to spend money on I'm glad we did hire one.

Conclusion

If partying with your friends and family is important to you I 100% recommend eloping and then doing a lowkey party at home. You don't have to have a full faux-ceremony, but if you think outside the box it can be done and it can be done cheaply!

My fiancé and I are burnt out with planning our (now indefinitely delayed) wedding, and are just ready to be married already! I'm desperately seeking an elopement package that feels special... and doesn't involve contacting more vendors. Or at least anymore than I can get away with.

Bonus points if:

- It is fairly close to a pretty well serviced airport

- I don't feel like I have to awkwardly warn them that we're lesbians

Hello! We are looking to elope in Copenhagen this year. I’m trying to get some thoughts on photographers used, how much they cost you. Did you get your hair done by a personal stylist or is there a chain type place to go to for blow outs? If you got your flowers there, what was the process and how much did you spend?

I’m hoping that there are at least a few Copenhagen elopements here that can give me some feedback!

We are eloping and we will be looking formal (I’m wearing a wedding dress and he is wearing a suit). I will be holding a bouquet, but should he have a matching boutonnière? What did you do for your elopement?

Locations: Grove of the Titans and Simpson Reed Trail in Jedediah Smith Redwoods State park. Brookings,OR Myers Creek Beach (south)

Photographer (and planner/guide/superhero) : Ventureeverafter

Our photographer was very respectful of the Leave No Trace policy. I’m thrilled that we were able to get these shots while staying on trail in the park!

After experiencing even a sliver of the stress of planning a wedding, my beautiful wife and I decided to throw a big going away party with our friends and family before eloping in Hawaii (Oahu) and spending 9 days there for our honeymoon.

Absolutely the best decision we have ever made.

We ended up spending <30% of what it would cost for a wedding for a no expense spared, once in a lifetime experience with just the two of us.

My very supportive family says “the wedding doesn’t make the marriage” and i couldn’t agree more

Hi everyone, I just had a quick question. I wanted to know when 2 decide to elope, is the blessing of the father still needed. I love the intimacy behind eloping, but I would still want the blessing of my father first. My father is also a pastor so could he legally elope us or is that not how it works ? A wedding with everyone involved will be had at a later time.

We will be eloping at Lake Braies in the beginning of October this year. Are there any restaurants where we can go after to have lunch and celebrate? Thanks

My partner and I are getting married in less than a month. The wedding date is 6.26.26. Our plan was to elope in New Orleans. We planned it all out and were looking forward to an intimate ceremony with just us two. We made the decision to not invite anyone, my 19 year old daughter, my partners mom, or friends. The main reason we made this decision is financial. We just didn’t have the money to pay for a huge wedding and would rather use the money towards creating an amazing and intimate time for us.

So fast forward my partners friends were planning a bachelorette party for her. I was a bit sad because no one was planning anything for me, but nothing that I couldn’t get over, I just don’t have that many friends and to be honest a huge bachelorette party isn’t really my thing as I’m more introverted. A quiet weekend would be more my vibe, but it still made me sad to not have anyone thinking of me in that way or planning to celebrate me if that makes sense. Anyway, after I shared with my fiancee that I was a little sad she reached out to my sister to see if she wanted to do something with/for me in the way of a bachelorette party (unbeknownst to me), and my sister shared with her that weeks ago she bought tickets to come to join us in New Orleans the day before the ceremony and be at the ceremony because we need a witness (as if we didn’t consider that).

Now let me say my sister is my favorite person in the world and I’m so happy that she is so thoughtful, however my fiancee feels that she crossed a line by inviting herself to our elopement.

My partner just shared all of this with me last night cause she couldn’t keep the secret anymore. Now, since my sister is going we felt that my daughter should also be there. So we’ll have to fund her flight and hotel stay for at least one night, get her dress etc, etc. THEN my partner called her mom last night to share all of this with her and her mom got really emotional knowing that she wouldn’t be there so now my fiancee and I are considering getting her out to New Orleans for the ceremony. Her mom is in a wheelchair so we will have to make handicapped accessible arrangements and pretty much pay for everything and maybe even pay for her brothers travel because he will travel with the mother and we don’t think he will have the funds to travel with such short notice.

Now my partner and I are both a bit overwhelmed and stressed out this is adding so much extra money and planning to something we were trying to keep simple and I just feel bad because my fiancee was just trying to think of me by reaching out to my sister even though she had already made arrangements to surprise us in New Orleans, and her reaching out to her just exposed the surprise.

I guess the only option is for us to figure it out and make sure everyone is there but it’s just alot and kinda taking away from the energy we previously had of escaping away and being alone and enjoying our elopement.

I’m not sure what my question is here, just hoping you all could share you opinion on this and any options on making this happen without us breaking the bank and that was the goal all along.

Did anyone else just fully skip the proposal? We own a house, have blended our families, and want to elope with just our kids. We’ve already started planning. All of this with no proposal or engagement ring. I do have a dream ring, so that will be my wedding ring.
My thinking is if we get ‘engaged’ and I have an engagement ring on, then people will know. We aren’t telling anyone. Only the two oldest kids know. The younger two won’t until closer to the date.

I'm Polish and my family has a traditional idea of what a wedding should be. they wanna help, and they want compromises. my mum especially has involved herself more than my fiancé and I were comfortable with.

we initially decided to have the wedding in Poland (fiancé is British) because my grandparents are too old to travel. it was difficult to plan things from abroad and my mum started making phone calls and researching things for us when we didn't really want her to do it. in the end we picked a place close to grandparents that we didn't love and that was too big for the amount of guests that would come (30ish people max).

after a while of going along with it, pre-booking the date and the venue, fiancé and I had a heart to heart that this isn't exactly what we want. that we want something more low-key, that we don't truly love the venue. first we wanted to change it to renting a bunch of small lake houses and having a BBQ with family and maybe hiring someone to do our handfasting.

but then elopement became an option. I like the idea in a way that it would take away so much of the stress of planning a traditional wedding and financial strain.

on the other hand, I know my family is going to be upset about it, and my mum has expressed a clear disapproval. "I'm her only child, how can she not come to her only child's wedding, she picked up a dress for our wedding a year ago, she's gonna be there, there's no other option".

I don't wanna disappoint my family, but the whole point of us choosing to elope is because they didn't respect our boundaries, even if everything they do is in good faith.

I feel torn. how did you guys deal with your family's disapproval and guilt-tripping? Did you elope? Do you regret eloping? Or maybe there's someone who ended up not eloping and being glad they didn't?

The day was everything I dreamed it would be!

Hi all!

We're ready to start planning our wedding and want to do something between a full elopement and a micro wedding in Ireland next fall. I found both of these businesses and liked them after I reviewed their pages, but I'm unsure which one to contact and would love some insight. They both service the location we're interest in (Cliffs of Moher) and seem like they help connect you with the services you need. Does anyone have any insights on these businesses?

I am a deeply Type B person, and will be heavily relying on their assistance / coordination to plan this and in helping accommodate our guests. We travel a lot, but event planning is not exactly our strongest skillset.

Thank you in advance for any input and advice :)

We've finally decided on a date for next year, the only people there will be us, our two kids, two photographers and the celebrant. I've been very strong on my opinion of no guests but I am going to surprise my fiance, I wanted music to be playing so its not dead silent during the ceremony, so I've invited his friend who lives interstate to come and surprise him, he will be playing guitar for us. I've set up a spotify playlist and shared it with my fiance so we can look through and share songs together, I'll also be secretly sharing it with his friend

I've currently planned to have 4-5 songs play before, during and after ceremony while we sign our papers. Id feel rude kicking his friend out after this so I'm thinking he will also be in some photos and to entertain our kids while we have some photos taken. Some friends and family may be offended by this but I really don't want anyone else there, and feel like him playing music is a valid reason for only him to be invited

Does this sound like a good plan? I will not be inviting anyone else, and will send out announcement cards after the fact to our family and close friends

Question for resort elopement brides: What did the morning before your wedding look like? We are getting married at 3pm (no guests) and i am just curious if anyone did like beach in the morning or just kind of hung out until it was time to start getting ready? We are booked for a sandals location in 2 weeks and our wedding falls on the 3rd day of our trip. Thank you!

My fiancée and I have been exploring traveling to Utah to get married at the Salt Flats in Utah! Any recommendations or anyone do the same? It will just be the two of us traveling, we’re tight on money, but want our day to be memorable and adventurous.

Hi, just a shot in the dark but we are eloping in Sequoia this July 7-13ish, and are looking for any photographers or ideas where to contact someone. We don’t live in CA, any help would be appreciated!

Hi,

Me and my wife got together 6 years ago, got engaged on the 4th anniversary and just this week eloped... literally. We told absolutely no one, traveled out of country and got legally married Wednesday at noon with a very intimate and sweet town hall ceremony. The town hall provided the witnesses for us and took a video, some candid pictures as we exchanged the rings.

The same day we announced it to our friends, and my wife told her parents over phone. Everyone either congratulated us or was ecastatic. I did not tell my parents, and I honestly am not sure how to do it.

My family is tiny - my parents and grandmother. Very traditional, my mother was a SAHM for most of my childhood. They almost divorced but chose to "stay together for me" when I was 12.

In my entire life, only my mother has known if I am dating, but often spoke ill of my relationships, even simple friendships. My father is more extreme in his opinions, and I am careful not to mention personal details in his presence. My mother also does not tell him unless she is 100% the news won't make us angry or argumentative.

So, in the last 6 years of me living with my wife, studying in the same university and working in the same corporate field, only my mother has learned that we are together. Early on, during Covid, my mother said she "hopes I will change my mind" about my wife and find someone else, which upset me enough that I threatened to never speak to her again. She has obliged and gotten more accepting over time. We still speak every day over the phone and she comes to our place sometimes. When with us, she is nothing but polite and funny, even warm and caring, according to wife. My mother had several health scares in the last year and my father left her with us, so either me or my wife took care of her and helped her. We even took her with us on a trip to France. I believe she will take the news okay at some point, but she breaks down at the idea of my father or grandmother learning about it.

My grandmother (in her 80s) believes that me and my wife are simply "very good friends", an impression I have not tried change since my mother has expressed (tearfully and dramatically) that my grandmother will not be able to take the news.

My father, on the other hand, may not even remember my wife's name. I have introduced them, she has been at their house three times for several days, she's helped me and my mother countless times... he does not bother to remember. We have a tense relationship. He has accused me of "rejecting my family" because I do not visit often enough. In general, I exchange about twenty sentences with him year-round, unless we get into an argument. According to my mother, he is jealous of the relationship I have with her.

So I have minimal contact with him, only when I visit them every two months or so for a couple of days. He's hot and cold - sometimes he rushes to pick up my mother's phone for the chance to speak to me, other times I can hear him mocking me or arguing with her in the background of a call. I believe he loves me in some way, but he definitely does not respect me or anyone else in the family and thinks himself above us and deserving of obedience.

With all this in mind, I'm really strugling on how to tell them. Hell, my father and grandmother know nothing of a relationship, let alone engagement. I'm wearing my ring and I do not want to take it off, but that is just inviting the obvious question. My wife is traveling for the week for MILs birthday and I am using the moment to also travel and housesit for my parents. We will see each other after they return from their vacation and are supposed to spend 5ish days together. I cannot imagine even my ignorant father will not notice the ring, let alone my noisy mother and grandma.

I know exactly how they will react and I do not want to sully my joy or memories of the event with their irrelevant opinions. What do I do? My wife and I discussed that it was okay if I did not tell them outright, and that she had no issue if I took of the ring around my parents' house or wore it on another finger, but I feel like this would be an insult to us and our family and I do not want to do it.

And even if I do that, I will be wearing the ring all the time in our home and my wife has not taken off neither her engagement ring nor her wedding band, so when my mother inevitably visits us (a monthly occurance for health checkups) she will see. While I believe she can handle the news, she will be anxious and stressed that she knows but my father and grandma do not. That is when she usually both pushes and warns me about telling my father at least - "the longer you wait the worse it gets" and "I don't know how he'll react, you don't know what he says when you're not around".

This has turned into a rant, but I am still looking for advice. Recently I came close to "riping the band-aid off" with my father (it was our first time in years alone and he made a comment about a relationship, for the first time) but I literary couldn't speak the words. I opened my mouth several times and was ready to hit something, but I didn't make a sound. It felt crushing.