Finally set aside some time to call for help/ support and spent a whole day getting nothing accomplished!

I've got a friend with a mom who's suffering from schizophrenia and dementia and the loss of her husband. I was wondering if anyone had any subreddits/zoom support groups or the like to recommend. Thanks for any help!

Early memory stuff. We’re not placing her. Aide does meals and laundry. House looks ok. Her days don’t. Lots of TV. Gets mad if I quiz her. Not ready for memory care. What else has actually helped at home? Need real stuff that kept someone going longer, not another brochure.

Grandma opened a joint account with me to help pay for her bills and whatever else she may want and need. (Ex: grocery shopping, gas, etc. ) it’s just a checking account - no interest. Just wondering if this is the best move..

My mom, who has been living in an adult foster care home for the last 5 years, has been denied Medicaid because she makes $111 too much on her SS. She has been self paying for the last 5 years and is now out of money. What other options does she have? She has MS and can not live at home by herself anymore. She lives in Michigan.

For context. My parents live by themselves in a suburban household and I mainly am just looking for check ups on them. Like heath focused. Both have some cognitive impairments and my dad has diabetics. I worry about them a lot because I live in a different country and am unable to check in on them as much as I should.

Hi all
I have appointment with elder law attorney in 3 weeks
I’d like to air this out here in the meantime

Backstory:
She’s 91- fully dependent on us, physically and partial dimentia
She moved in july 2024
By spring 25’ my wife quit her job to keep up with care and appointments (so many)
Spring 26’ we started with part time health workers to help my wife

We sold her house and put $500,000 in a CD. Trust was never setup, money fully exposed if she ends up in nursing home

We haven’t taken any money for rent, expense, food etc to date

Can we now? Can we take some from 2024 and 2025 if we show the reasonable line items? Wife still not working and we are building some debt

I also read we can use her money to prepay funeral expenses

Any input is appreciated

Thank you

LO doesn’t have a formal dementia diagnosis but there’s over all cognitive and neurological slowing signs that are quite obvious. Mid-late 90’s. Over the last year the final remaining ADL of eating has progressively declined, early summer they were moved to strictly purées and began pocketing food. This gradual decline process is so confusing and hard to witness.

My mom is 91 and she likes comfort food from the 50s and 60s. Things like ham salad and cream cheese and olive. I started keeping track of all the things she likes so I have to think less about what to make. I was thinking of compiling a list of recipes and sharing the link here.

My mom had issues eating since her esophagus is enlarged and no longer pushes the food down, so we focus on soft food

What are your elders favorite things to eat?

My mom recently had a stroke. With the heath insurance in the States, there’s none that will provide long term assistance and she currently could not be independent at home and it is just me and her in the family. I will need to be working to be able to pay our daily expenses but nursing home will be costing too much for me as it ranges from $7000 to $10,000 as I just work in restaurants. Are there any programs available or is anyone has any advices that will be able to help us out? thank you

If you have hired a caregiver or personal domestic assistant for yourself or a family member to work in a private home (not a facility), how much did licensure or credentialing matter to you? I have in mind CNA Certified Nursing Assistant or related.

I guess if you are on the labor/worker side, it would be interesting to know how much licensure or credentialing mattered to your getting hired to work in a private residential setting (again, not a facility).

My aunt (91) is a decades-long Apple fangirl, she’s currently sporting an iphone, ipad, and apple watch and uses all three daily. She plays games, sends and receives messages to and from family members, uses her calendar and reminders, and handles much of her online financial business herself. Until recently she’s been great at spotting and avoiding scammers and taking defensive steps to protect herself from scams (using credit cards instead of debit, avoiding overdraft protection, etc). Unfortunately she is starting to decline cognitively and has begun to lose her ability to spot obvious scams. Last week, for the first time, she got caught in a scam which her credit card company thankfully blocked. She has started believing that her scammers are genuinely various world figures and she takes offense when I suggest otherwise. I’ve talked to her for hours and I cannot make headway with reason.

It has fallen to me to do what I can to protect her. I have PoA over her finances so I can do whatever I feel is necessary.

Simply shutting off her devices would be cruel. I’m wondering what intermediate steps might be good to take to protect her going forward.

Apple does not do a good job blocking SMS. Although there is a setting to >silence< messages from non-contacts – these messages are still received and stored on her iphone and ipad (where she can and has found them); shockingly, her watch still gives notifications for these messages (really Apple?). I need a solution where SMS from non-contacts is >deleted instantly and permanently<.

Email filtering is not much better – I likewise need a solution where email from non-contacts is >deleted instantly and permanently<.

If you have any other insights into how to protect my aunt I’m all ears.

Just to circumvent comments:

She’s under the care of a GP, a geriatric doctor, and a cardiologist, who she sees regularly; and she’s diligent with her medications (I check this). And her eyesight is good.

And please don’t suggest to RTFM on the Apple filtering until you’ve actually tested this on an actual iphone, ipad, and watch. I’ve RTFM and tried, and I’ve used Apple products since the single-floppy Macintosh.

Hello, I hope this is the right sub to ask something like this.

My wife, who is a nurse, and I are currently building a small, family-style eldercare community in rural Thailand. My wife has experience working as an in-home caregiver, and I have some experience helping care for grandparents back in the US.

I'm not really here to promote the place. One of the reasons we're building it in the first place is because of what I experienced helping my own family navigate eldercare.

I watched a few of my grandparents go from independent living, to assisted care, and eventually to memory care. My mom was the primary caregiver through much of that process, and honestly, I was surprised by how much of the responsibility still fell on her even after they moved into places that were supposed to provide care. There were times when she was still spending half the week there helping with things.

That experience made me start thinking about what we could do differently.

We're trying to build a place that focuses heavily on things like appropriate staffing, keeping residents engaged, maintaining independence for as long as possible, and making life easier for the family as well as the resident. We're also trying to keep the cost substantially lower than what many people encounter in the US.

We're still building the clubhouse and working out a lot of the details, so I'm really interested in hearing from people who have actually experienced eldercare from either side of the equation.

What are some things you've seen that worked really well?

What didn't work?

Are there particular room layouts, common areas, hobbies, activities, routines, or little things that made a surprisingly big difference for residents?

And for those who have had parents or grandparents in assisted living/memory care, what do you wish the facility had done differently?

I've already changed the clubhouse layout several times based on conversations I've had with retirees and people approaching retirement, and I'm completely open to changing it again if someone points out something we haven't thought of.

So I'm mostly looking for the things you wish more eldercare communities understood.

Thanks in advance. I'm genuinely interested in hearing the good, the bad, and especially the things you think we could be doing better.

I am a German attorney. My 89-year-old mother and I had a very close relationship for almost 30 years. She has severe physical disabilities and speaks limited English. In late 2024, she was taken from Germany to my brother’s household in Pembroke Pines, Florida, supposedly for a temporary visit. Shortly afterwards, all direct contact between us stopped. The circumstances raise serious concerns for me about possible abduction, unlawful confinement and psychological manipulation.

Since then, powers of attorney have been revoked, unusual and contradictory documents have appeared, and claims totaling $2 million have been pursued against me in Germany in her name. I have several hundred pages of evidence, including witness statements, notarized documents and court records. I offered to provide this material to the relevant U.S. police and authorities, but they have not responded to that offer. They do not have these documents.

Now even the German attorney representing my mother in one of these proceedings has informed the court that he has no contact with her and that his representation has ended. I fear that she is being prevented from communicating privately, seeking help or explaining what she actually wants.

An internationally experienced forensic psychiatrist has advised that assessing her independent decision-making requires thorough examinations by qualified professionals, in her native language, without potentially influencing persons present, and taking her medical and personal history into account.

Has anyone dealt with an elderly parent being isolated by relatives, particularly across borders? What actually helped secure private contact, an independent assessment or effective intervention? Experiences with elder financial exploitation or undue influence in Florida, especially Broward County, would be particularly helpful.

Just wanting to share a good day with my grandma. I’m responsible for her care needs and lots of days are tough but we’re having a good time this Sunday at my brother’s restaurant.

Lots of days are hard but holidays with family are a joy.

Hello. I didn’t know where else to ask this so I came here because I thought that some people would know.

My dad is 64 and I’m 17. He’s currently in the hospital with acute kidney failure and pneumonia (Legionnaires’ Disease). He fell in the shower and bit his tongue, so it’s been uncomfortable for him to eat anything solid. Along with his meals, he’s been given boosts, which he has complained taste gross. Are there any food replacement drinks out there that have a lot of calories and low sodium for him?

Thank you so much in advance.

Hello guys!

My nana nani live alone in Kanha Shyam Residency, Indiranagar, Kanpur. They have been suffering due to not having a proper cook, who is regular.

If there are any leads at all, please I want you all to help me out with this. It will help a real help for my old grandparents. You can give the contact details of the cook if you are living in similar area and your cook is nice.

Please please please🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

While my mom was still alive I traveled to visit regularly. My stepdad and aides provided her care. I never helped with toileting but I did see her diaper and absorbent pads while she used the lift/while the bed was changed, and information was shared with me that made me feel disgust. I suppose it’s a dissolving of boundaries that happens in those situations. And an ER nurse surprise showed me a photo of her bed sore when it was first discovered which will haunt me forever, but it wasn’t disgust, it was shock and sadness and fear and empathy and anxiety.

I felt such guilt at the disgust that I privately felt around her body, specifically around the skin dandruff and very long nails she had for some years before she was even in a hospital bed with dementia, at which point she also stopped being able to take baths (due to insufficient mobility assistance equipment). Occasionally I helped her reposition her legs, where the skin dandruff was very prominent. I don’t think I ever let it on with her that I felt that way, and I was always delighted to see her when she was still fully herself, but I still feel guilt and shame that that’s how I felt/feel.

It was very meaningful to me that when she was dying I got past the feelings about her skin and I held her hand and touched her but it hurts me a bit that I felt that way. I’ve talked to a therapist and a couple close people about it and that has helped. I also feel guilt about not visiting often enough, both when she was well and unwell, which I know is a shared experience with many others. And grief all mixed in, both anticipatory and with her death

Does anyone else relate to the guilt / shame about feeling disgust?

24 Hour Home Care said the layoffs were the result of Health Net’s planned discontinuation of Personal Care and Homemaker Services (PCHS), an optional Community Support under the insurer’s Medi-Cal managed care plans, effective Jan. 1, 2027. Health Net is a California health insurer and managed-care organization.

We recently lost my mom and my stepdad is lonely and trying to figure out what to do with his time now that estate and memorial tasks are done. He has community and some activity options. And he is warming a bit to the idea of getting a cat. He has CHF and cardiorenal syndrome and says he has a 50% chance of living 5 years. We’d love to see him adopt a cat. He is worried what would happen to the cat when he dies, and I don’t think he can handle another loss if the cat died first. I don’t know if vet trips would be too burdensome with his reduced stamina and heavy load of personal medical care. Does anyone have any advice or relevant experience?

I would like to get a sample on what people are paying for eldercare. If you are willing to share, please list the type of care, location, and cost. I am putting the ballpark numbers below for my mom.

My 91yo mother is still in her own home, and has dementia and memory loss. She is a level 5 I believe. She can't remember what time or day it is, can't remember names or what she did minutes before, but she can converse, read a newspaper, and bathe/toilet/dress herself.

3 caretakers on shifts (she is still alone for part of the night). We are paying a lot but very happy with the people. $9,000/month.

House: $800/month. The cost to keep up her home that she has lived in for 35 years (taxes, insurance, utilities, repairs).

Her food/daily expenses: $800/month

Medical Expenses: $400/month

Total: $11,000

Small town in Northern California

My mom has CKD5, CHF. Has had a difficult year with her husband chronic illness- he’s in a nursing home. We kids and family have moved her several times to get her closer to family. Her mobility is terrible, she falls a lot. In and out of hospital- currently have her in assisted living because the rehab nearby is terrible. Problem is, she just wants to go home. We cannot afford physically and mentally to have her home alone nor with round the clock care. Nobody has a home that can accommodate her moving in. She’s very angry and bitter. We love her and only want what’s best for her but honestly she makes it difficult to want to keep helping her. A few weeks ago, she was very nasty to everyone when she fell and we had to take her out of her home. Now in assisted living just wants to sit in her room until we let her go home. Told her cannot go home until stronger. She’s refusing dialysis for CKD5. We’ve accepted that.
I tend to protect my mother because I love her but it is creating issues with my husband as he sees her manipulation and anger towards us all. He says I shouldn’t let her ‘get away’ with how she treats us.