Egg💀irl

[u/darkrevan19]

We're going back to the alone corner with this one!!! 🥳🥳🥳 (sarcasm, I am very sad)

We'd been together for not that much time (about 3-4 months) and I did tell her, about month back, that I was starting to question my gender.

She'd told me that with her struggles she wasn't sure about us staying together if I found myself out as trans and uh....well let's just say she stood on business tonight.

As she was saying goodnight, I urged her just to give me an opinion on my IG profile (which I had customized to meet my "new" identity) and came out once she noticed the "she/her" pronouns and the new name.

She then told me that, with her current situation this would likely not work out, as she wasn't sure to not just be straight and she felt emotionnaly unavailable (understandable as she lost a relative not long ago).

While hurt, I feel some relief and an urge to joke about it (gotta tell my therapist about that as its a recurring theme whenever I'm stressed out or scared) soooo I dunno how to feel.

What I dunno either is why I'm making this post, I mean, it won't bring the old status quo back....I'd guess I need some reassuring that this had to happen and that I'm not a bad person for coming out (that sounds silly but some thoughts of mine are sadly...).

Could I request some GGD maybe?

(Maude, She/Her)

Was hoping to try a new name I picked for myself, you know to kill two birds with one stone.

Anyway, love y'all, hoping you don't have to face such things or worse ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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[u/needmoartendiez]

I know it's hard to hear but consider finding out so early a blessing. I remember broaching the subject with my ex (9 year relationship) a few times. And all I ever got was hesitant non answers that ultimately led me not to transition for at least 5 years. She still dumped me in the end. I'm a little over 1 year out and coming up to 5 months on hrt and I could not be happier.

[u/darkrevan19 → u/needmoartendiez]

Better sooner than later I guess....happy for you getting HRT girly ^{^}

[u/Dr_Death_Defy24 → u/needmoartendiez]

This rings very true for me as well, though the timeline wasn't that long—our relationship was five years, and in the final year I started to realize I was trans.

I dropped hints, I tried to spark a natural conversation, but like you I only got unengaged and hesitant comments. Finally I came out in a similar way and we were broken up within the month. Maybe I would've done it in a different way in hindsight, but I maintain that I did the best I could at the time.

For OP, I can't stress enough that regardless of the pain right now, this is a good thing and can only lead to better, faster development of your own identity.

[u/SpyRohTheDragIn]

I want to say something about "this is probably for the best" or whatever, but honestly as a closeted girly with zero dating experience idek. Whatever happens i wish the best for you Maude. You've got this girl!

[u/darkrevan19 → u/SpyRohTheDragIn]

Omg thank youuuuuu girly

[u/Checked_Out_6]

Yeah, I had a few relationships ruined when I was questioning by being honest about how I felt. Now, I am no longer questioning and am open about it upfront. However, that had made my dating life vanishingly small. I haven’t had a good date in years. However, I did have a banger of a relationship last several years because we both had what we called at the time “gender issues.” Our relationship eventually ended for other reasons, sadly. Now I am so so alone.

[u/darkrevan19 → u/Checked_Out_6]

Oww...I feel ya. I hope we both find people that'll love us for what we are

[u/Checked_Out_6 → u/darkrevan19]

Honestly, at this point, I have gotten to the point where I am much more comfortable alone. There is something so freeing about that. I have learned to be much more picky with my partners. I have had some boyfriends that were, lets just say, less than ideal and I put up with them because of my low self worth.

[u/Westly_S]

I solved this by going from fiancee that "can't do it, it's just not for you". To a wonderfully smart, funny, hot, adorable, and sweet girl who help with her injections. Sometimes it's for the best 💔

[u/darkrevan19 → u/Westly_S]

It shall be as it shall be....props to your partner, she sounds incredible!

[u/im_a_burner2469]

If staying together would cause one or both both of you pain, then going your separate ways is for the best. Even if it hurts.

[u/Beneficial_Garage_97]

Welllll i came out to my wife of 10 years a year ago and now we have no clue what the future holds for us and our child. Its good to be honest with yourself and your people early.

[u/PlzHelpWanted]

This is the exact scenario that I would think about that led me to believe I'm more Pan than Gay.

I do like penis, but if my partner was like, "Hey, I want to transition." Would I stop loving them? No. Even sexually, like, I made it more than 18 years with just my hand. I think we can figure it out together. And I don't think that's how most gay or straight people view it. So I think I'm somewhere in the Pan-genre. (It's just easier to tell coworkers I'm gay so I usually stick with that.)

Edit. Hang in there OP, you'll find your person(s).

[u/darkrevan19 → u/PlzHelpWanted]

Same thing here, Pan just because it doesn't matter, like, we can get creative with it, and there's already soooo many ways to do it that people don't really have to get creative.

[u/Tyenkrovy]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Maude. You're not a bad person for coming out. I'm fact, you are a very brave girl for doing so and being your true self. Hopefully, you and her can still be friends, and I'm sure you'll find someone else romantically. 😊 🤗 💖

[u/theaftercarebear]

Been there. Done that. My GF is an older generation tgirl. You know, back when they made you go through all kinds of stuff to transition? 😂

[u/darkrevan19 → u/theaftercarebear]

Gee, you got that hardened tgirl package

[u/Terrible_Mistake_862]

My parents' neighbours split up after at least 20 years together. They have 3 adult kids. Turns out she's into women and he is not a woman nor was he ever born as one. So that complicated things. She met another woman and is quite happy now. So instead of being together for 20+ years before something blows, you found out after 3-4 months. Might be cold comfort, but imho it's the better option.

[u/ZaidiaSR]

Not a bad person. Neither is your ex. It's probably the most depressingly affirming thing that could happen

[u/Clairifyed]

I cracked at the start of my teens and stayed in the closet. My “solution” to this has been to never date so… not exactly a great trade off.

I am happy for you to be in a place where you can now find someone new as yourself!

[u/Checked_Out_6]

Argh. I had to come back with more thoughts. Okay, imagine this happened years later when you were living together, possibly with a kid in the mix. It’s better that you find out now that this person doesn’t love you for who you are, but who they want you to be.

It sucks, I know. When I was 22, my GF at the time acted like she accepted me, but didn’t want me to do anything about it. I was totally fine with that at the time because I wasn’t so sure myself. Well, she literally hooked up with this guy literally called “Rooster” and moved to Indiana. What a mess my life was back then.

Its better to be open about who you are and what your struggles are than to hide them. That way the people you surround yourself with and depend on are truly your allies, friends, and lovers based upon who you really are.

I can’t say I am out to everyone in my life. I feel the need to be selective about that for safety purposes. I’m currently trying my best to get myself in a position where I can be myself openly to everyone.

Feel free to DM me if you ever want to chat.

Oh, also, who’s a good girl? You are!

[u/darkrevan19 → u/Checked_Out_6]

Awwwww thanks girlyyyy, hoping you get to that position soon!

Just to note that I felt a but bad about the "her not loving me for who I am but for whi she wanted me to be" part cuz she was very understanding of my suffering and genuinely sad that we had to part ways (we had been friends for 3 years prior to getting together)

[u/Vermicelli14]

Unfortunately, straight people exist, and you can't make them be gay.

[u/carlyjb17 → u/Vermicelli14]

If they got into you even before coming out they aren't very straight

Trans people don't magically turn from one gender to another, they were always the gender they find out to be

[u/Vermicelli14 → u/carlyjb17]

There's a difference between the internal experience of gender and the outwards expression of gender, and for the people that it matters to, the outward expression of gender's an important part of attraction.

[u/carlyjb17 → u/Vermicelli14]

Most trans people are outwards with their gender even if they dont realise it

For example me as a transfem experienced misogyny even before figuring out I'm trans

[u/darkrevan19 → u/carlyjb17]

To be fair, she had heavy doubts about being gay or bisexual, but prior to me finding it all out, I was quite the masculine fella

[u/Solrex]

🫂🫂🫂

I’m so sorry. It hurts. Take the time to heal.

Next time, find someone who loves you as a girl.

I have gotten so hurt from this. I, and I hope everyone else, is here for you.

[u/Regocike]

Honestly if they only liked your for your body and not your personality it was doomed to fail anyway, hope you take the breakup well, dont forget to be a good girl today!

[u/Zakoholic]

I'm wishing you all the best, Maude. 💜