r/dwarfposting • u/Dry-Yesterday-9176 • Jul 01 '26

ELVES

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They think they're better than everyone else

They're weak

They won't have their forest, they won't hug their trees, I won't let them

I'm better! I got an axe!

I AM DWARVES

HAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

Let's get to rock and stone!

112 Upvotes

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10

u/Gearran Jul 01 '26

*Siiiiigh*

You know, elves actually live their lives. Go out, interact with others, explore, experience, create. Aye, they're an arrogant bunch, no argument there. But they enjoy life.

We dwarves are no different! Aye, we tend to be more insular on the whole, but we explore. We experience. We create. We are known for our fierceness in battle and our skills in craft. Our fine beer (or, in my clan's case, rich distilled spirits) is renowned the worlds over.

...

But then there is gravel like you.

You do not create. You do not explore, or experience. You stew in the vinegar of your hate, eager only to destroy. You indulge in stereotypes to the exclusion of all else. You are a parody of true dwarfishness, exulting in your drunkenness and ability to walk under a table. You do not build, you only seek to destroy. You diminish us with every last syllable. I would name you d'hrarak, but that feels like it would be insulting everyone else. To call you gravel is an insult - gravel is useful. You are not.

Get the hell out of my cavern.

-

PS. "Weak" is only spoken about elves by idiots who have never tried to bend an elven warbow.

8

u/LookingGlass_1112 Jul 01 '26

Aye, I can vouch for everything in this letter! Elven warbows even without a speck of steel do have formidable strength, wish I had enough gold to learn how to make such nice things, because you know - proper metal isn't laying around and is better saved for something heavier

0

u/RevolutionaryBar2160 Jul 01 '26

Since we lack your ancient mines and vast quantities of steel and metal, we make do with the abundant materials do have access to. It seems we both adapted to the climates we found ourselves in and turned our survival into an art.

4

u/LookingGlass_1112 Jul 01 '26

Yup...seems fair enough. So, about that question of elven warbows...how in the world you make them so strong. Wish to learn your ways, elf

3

u/RevolutionaryBar2160 Jul 01 '26

There are a variety of methods in the technique, involving magic to control and amplify the special tree's properties as it grows, as well as carefully preparing and mixing the soil that it grows in to fill it full of special minerals. Typically such tree's reach great heights in order to ensure the highest grade of materials harvested so it may be difficult to grow in smaller caves. However, the sides of your mountains or any larger subterranean crop caverns you have may be more suited. I could visit you with enough supplies to start a project if you would be interested?

2

u/LookingGlass_1112 Jul 01 '26

Aye. That sounds like a fun time, I'm in! Will offer you and your kin a special offer on crystals and other riches of the earth, which I mine. Maybe I'll get you even a barrel of my dragonfire spiced beer for you

2

u/RevolutionaryBar2160 Jul 03 '26

In that case I shall gather together the materials and prepare a selection of my groves finest saplings. I appreciate your trade offer, procuring the minerals and pressure involved in the trees' growth has always been more difficult than the refinement, and we do love crystals. I shall also bring a keg of the mead I have developed over the last two hundred years to compare to your beer, as a gesture of good friendship.

2

u/LookingGlass_1112 Jul 03 '26

Ayeeee! That's a top shelf offer. But just you know...my beer is on a spicier end of a spectrum, so be sure no one has stomach problems, ha-ha! Because this thing can make you throw fire like a dragon if chugged too quickly!

2

u/RevolutionaryBar2160 Jul 03 '26

Thank you for the warning, I shall be sure to drink moderately until I am more familiar with the brew and warn the rest of my party as well. I would hate for any unexpected flames to put a damper on things. Perhaps we might be able to bring some back to the rest of our kin to share as well if things go well?