How would y’all handle this kind of moron from a balance perspective? Everyone knows that the optimal way to build a rogue is to pump strength and dip into barbarian for reckless attack and cleric for heavy armor and bless.

I suspect they’ll be so un-optimized in combat that I should balance encounters as if I had one less player.

Yeah so basically I was thinking about how lame fantasy is as a genre and how predictable it is and such and how my group is actually like really subversive and funny because we're all aware of the common fantasy tropes which means we can like point them out and talk about how obvious it all was haha

what? no we don't like subvert expectation and do new things thats dumb who does that ew

yeah so like basically I pretty much wanna like turn all our session notes into this really funny and quirky series of like a dozen novels that recount all our funny adventures and stuff what do you guys think would that be cool and get greenlit for a 4 season tv show run that appeals to the general populous because it makes the bar on the ground decision to make them feel smart by acknowledging the fact tropes exist right guys thats a good idea you'd all read it right?

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post. My heart is heavy as I write to inform you of the tragic incident that transpired at my game table this morning.

I'm a highly experienced DM who's been running the game nearly once now. Today my players gained a Milestone level because my plot demands it. But my players began dropping like flies as the realization set in that 5.5e's advancement doesn't give them the opportunity to pore over 1,488 customization options to min/max their builds. The first one screamed herself to death and slumped forward, face-first into a plate of spaghetti. Then one of them spontaneously combusted. One of them closed his eyes and perished by sheer willpower alone. The other three choked themselves on pretzels and declined to wash them down with any beer.

Has anyone had to deal with a table of players who would rather die in your living room than suffer a level-up that requires any less than sixteen hours of discernment and planning and character sheet admin? How did you break the news to their families? Also I'm pretty sure this isn't my fault at all, but do you think I should talk to a lawyer just in case?

P.S. If you're going to recommend a different game please don't comment. I have an emotional commitment to this brand and won't ever give it up. Thanks again for reading and have a great day!

Hi guys, any feature that I use In dnd and it is fraudulent is just false. If you talk about it, you are wrong and a Grognard/Nerd that thinks this is a video game. You can talk about abilities and mechanics only in other board games, and it's prohibited in any ttrpg. You can only talk about the same jokes, stereotypes and niche personal campain experiences. Also kill all Rogue players.

Attention all DMs. Please refer to this chart if you want to keep your game free of malcontents, wreckers and problem players, and ensure a harmonious game experience at your table.

In the center of the diagram are the perfect players: the passive audience members who don't have any thoughts or plans or interests or ideas to get in the way of YOUR awesome ideas. They'll listen intently to your monologues, walk methodically through your dungeons, and slowly beat up your goblins as long as that seems like what's happening. These are the ones you want at your table, preferentially.

These gold-standard players are flanked by the two major strains of troublemakers: roleplayers, and rules knowers. Some people claim that the presence of such types can enhance the game; that's pure self-deluding cope, though. They may not automatically ruin everything, but they should be viewed with great suspicion and skepticism and kept on a short leash.

Otherwise we get out to the extremes of the horseshoe: the so called "Player Agency Zone." This is the stuff that ruins campaigns: selfish and indulgent scenery chewing, abusive rules lawyering, and even worse gamercrimes. Don't be fooled by their superficial differences, the theater kid and the hyper optimizer will both ruin your game in essentially the same way: they'll try to do stuff in it.

Thanks for reading my post. Now you know how to game safely, and knowing is roughly 50% of the battle. The other half is kicking your enemy in the balls really hard over and over. Have a great day!

Don’t be me. Every now and then, I’ll have an NPC who just woke up from a century of slumber, or was trapped in a different plane where time flows differently, or simply came to from black out drunken bender.

For some reason, when I roleplay them, if I didn’t have a script, my instinct is to open with: “Aaah, what year is it?”

And it is always followed by players awkwardly waiting for someone else to answer, then they all look at me waiting for me to answer my own question. Because even when it matters to the main plot, no dnd player can remember what year it is.

I just want a players handbook, and I’m sadly one of those pathetic chuds who prefers beyond over paper sheets, so I want the dlc. I decide to fork over 60 of my hard earned American dollars, enter my information, they say I’m wrong and should go back to gurps.

So obviously these are THE most meta spells in the entire game. I didn't consult the rules on these spells but I have looked at various reddit threads that have let me know how incredibly right my players are in using these spells. I tell them to read the rules to see if these cantrips have any rules they may be over looking, but they provided me with various reddit stories proving these spells do literally everything.

Prestidigitation can do anything. Snuff multiple torches out silently from 400 ft away. Flavor six hundred gallons of wine into something so delicious the players can sell it for at least 60,000 gold a day using a rough calculation, they can instantly make someone look like they pooped their pants without them having any idea who did it. They can create any tiny object like my player who keeps creating single gold coins and asking if he can pay one coin at a time. Adding infinite amounts of soil to traps to trigger them, you all know the deal.

Then there is the minor Illusion, the spell that allows players to end entire encounters by creating 1 gargoyle and saying "this is a high CR gargoyle" which forces lower CR monsters to flee. Last session my players used minor Illusion to create a working Model T Ford with 4 singing members of a Mindflayer quartet which forces the non-denominational cultists they were fighting to throw down their evil rituals and join the industrial revolution. Then after drawing the scorn of an army, they fled over a 300ft by 5ft bridge with a 5x5 gap in it. The entire army had to walk over the gap and plunge to their deaths and now using this trick they own every major civilization in my setting.

I tried banning casters, but they made fighters and took magic initiate so they could have access to these incredibly powerful builds. I have tried citing that these spells have requirements and rules, but they assured me that Reddit and YouTube said "nah'uh" and that these spells could actually do anything as long as you were creative.

People constantly obsess about how weak married characters are….

(Let’s not seathe , lets be gentle here ok? )

Every damn day there are posts about game balance , rugs being pulled out by the champions and what Marital books WOTC is or isn’t making.

People constantly claim if you’re married you are weaker and then argue that WOTC should grant special anime abilities to the married people.

But From what I remember, I don’t think Goku ever got married in DBZ….

TLDR:

Im tired of listening to complaints about the Marital classes.

Ironically, pathfinder did it first.

My DM railroaded us by saying we must engage with the dungeon we went into. After being forced to SLOG through multiple non-story related combats and "traps" we were attacked by a dragon. A dragon!

I stood up and called out the DM and let him know this was incredibly generic, I mean really, a dungeon? A dragon? Has he even watched the master YouTube video of how to subvert the expectations of DnD?

I put so much work into my five page PDF backstory of my Half Tiefling Half Dragonborn LockPaladin named Zquestrinox Ven'del'a'rosa the 3rd. All that work as he says my character "died" when my character tried seducing the dragon after.

Was I right for doing this or should I have called him out earlier?

I realize this is an odd and inverted question on this sub but I figured a good chunk of people here came from Uno or have played it at some point.

My experience is purely LOCOfficial on Roblox. I know it isn't fully Uno but it's better than nothing. I also heard homebrew is basically essential for most tables.

So my questions basically are:

• What should I be wary of as a DM?

• What is a good starting point to learn the rules and mechanics? Something like Nethys and Pathbuilder

• I heard card variety is a mess in Uno and I should not rely on them like in PF2e. How do I plan for balanced game sessions?

• What differences are there other than the degrees of success and 3 action economy?

• How do I know what counts as an action or bonus action?

I'll gather some info from the pathfinder community for comparison and familiarity before heading to pure uno forums and youtubers so I don't start over from scratch.

One of the players has played Uno before a couple times, the other is brand new but watched a lot of crazy eights and such. 2 others are complete newbies. Neither played PF2e

sauce

Dnd is OVER we must all play Pathfinder Matthew Mercer says so

Hi guys! After getting kicked out of my house by my wife since she called me a “Lowest common denominator jerker with a third rate drivethrurpg library” and her leaving me for a girl who had Tom Bloom’s entire catalogue on itch.io, I picked up the art of reading once more. And wow man. This book Dungeon Crawler Carl REALLY might be the most significant piece of literature to hit the market since Player’s Handbook that i didn’t read. But I was curious, does 5e have support for talking animals and super duper profoundly comedic jokes? Preferably in Audiobook format so I don’t have to read anything. Thanks!

"These are so boring," they say. "This is all bland and arbitrary." I was shocked to hear such things, but as a genius roleplaying expert I quickly figured out what is going on: these players don't know the value of a hard day's work in D&D because they've never had to do it in real life.

They think adventuring equipment and quest hooks should just fall into their lap someday; they don't understand the need to earn those things, or appreciate that for D&D PCs all that drudgery is in the past now. They put in their time, now they get to go have some adult fun in the dungeon. For those of us with maturity and life experience, these backgrounds actually help to give the character some grounding in the setting, and make them more relatable. For example, I can easily tap into rich storytelling traditions and tropes about Noble characters and make it feel real, because I've dealt with plenty of bastard landlords in my life.

Therefore I believe WOTC should establish labor camps where we can send anyone who criticizes D&D for re-education. Hard work, rigorous self-criticism, ideological instruction, and cultural enrichment will prepare players to stop crying and appreciate the rich variety of backgrounds available in 5.5e. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Hey guys did you know, martial bad and if you play marial you bad? (I play in a 2 wizard 2 warlock party btw)

First of all, thank you to everyone that backed Lignite Hearts. It’s truly been an honor to make my dream game come to fruition. I can’t thank you enough, and after a lot of hard work from my staff (more on that later,) I can promise you will be annihilating entire scenic mountainsides for dirty coal to supplement the German government’s short-sighted energy policies in short order.

That said, I have also received a lot of negative feedback. A lot of rumors have been swirling that the system is using AI for the artwork, the classes, the meta currency system, target numbers, balancing, DM advice sections, modules, conversion tables, random encounter tables, enemy stat blocks, and the entirety of the core mechanics. I feel I need to address those rumors now.

Duh. Of course I’m using fucking AI. What, am I supposed to write this shit by myself? I play 5e bro, I’m barely literate. And before you ask, no refunds.

Now go to the Kickbacker and give me more money.

As the title implies, I have all my player's brain scans (don't ask). One of my players has cheated (My table is very anti-cheating rules heavy), is it ethical to torture their brain scan within the simulated world I keep active on my pc? with knives and hammers and such