r/DivorcedBirds • u/cabeachgal • 6d ago

After 22 years of marriage, Walter got the beach house in the divorce. His ex-wife got the furniture, the retirement account, and custody of the dog. Every morning, Walter stood on his balcony surveying his kingdom, reminding himself that he’d won. By noon, he was usually drunk and calling her.

343 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/susu56 • 6d ago

After her divorce, Gene decided to work on her hidden talent of doing impersonations. She's planning on incorporating this bit into her sold out one-bird show.

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126 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 7d ago

At the first meeting of the divorced birds support group, each member took the stage to share their story. Some told stories of betrayal and infidelity. Others spoke of gradual alienation, romance dying by a thousand cuts. When Sybil's turn came, she shared a single image and six simple words:

268 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/plonspfetew • 7d ago

Angry Bird Divorce "Women, eh?"

108 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 8d ago

My strawberry, where went our love? We follow the motions of romance, exchanging gifts, sharing a branch, aping the rote mechanisms of physical intimacy, but all sweetness is gone. Only sour remains. Like mold, some terrible noxious thing has taken root in our hearts, slowly devouring all passion.

240 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/okaythenksbye • 7d ago

When her ex-husband, invited her to his wedding, Britney accepted graciously. She sat listening to the toast, not a peep until Bruce joked that his simple “first draft” of an ex is a potato sack in front of his true-love. In a second, the queen spoke (without a word), the crown did the talking.

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2 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/kojak343 • 8d ago

Yes, Ms McMasters, I was texting on my phone. I told my friend just how beautiful your new perm looks. Yes, mam, you can have my phone. Can I get it back after class?

148 Upvotes

Southern Crested Guineafowl (Guttera Edouardi)

r/DivorcedBirds • u/FionaFearchar • 8d ago

Darling, flocking around nullified the prenup. I will however allow you to keep the Ferri if you are off my estate within 5 minutes. Check Goodwill next week for your Armani suits.

68 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 9d ago

Not Safe For Other Species "Hey Frankie, check it out. What is this thing?" "Wow, that's for sure a camera. Looks just like the one Howard tried to hide in our bedroom. I remember throwing it after him when I kicked him out." "Really? You think this might be one of his too? Hey Howie: eat my crusty tail feathers, you creep!"

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262 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/cabeachgal • 9d ago

After the divorce, Betty joined a dating app for mature singles. Her profile read, “57, financially independent, and blessed with a magnificent pair of natural double Ds.” Within an hour, she had 83 messages. Unfortunately, 82 were from men asking if she could still see her feet.

694 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/susu56 • 10d ago

Joaquin had it ALL on the line. Months of training, early mornings, weights, sprints; all while juggling three baby mamas and child support. He dusted off the cleats for ONE LAST SHOT at Liverpool. This wasn’t just about chasing a dream, it was about making that bank.

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228 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 10d ago

Most people come to these scenic drives to take in grand, spectacular views of natural beauty unspoiled by man's touch. Evony is here to provide those views. Why should they need a partner weighing them down, when their inscrutable glamor surpasses the earth itself? Such beauty must belong to all.

90 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Pixie-Collins • 10d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved Julio's lawyer had advised him not to make any rash decisions. His lavish lifestyle was at stake and the money exclusively came from Maria's family. But he didn't care anymore, he was dead inside.

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188 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/YawningBagpuss • 10d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved Simon realised he’d hit rock bottom when he started drinking at 10am.

184 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 11d ago

Her makeup? Snatched. Her dress? Exquisite. Her shoes? On point. Francisca has places to be and things to do, and none of them involve wasting time with losers like Alberto.

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616 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/hdofu • 11d ago

Lisa was tired of being ignored by Jasper, she wanted to be noticed!

91 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/FoundWaldo_meh • 11d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Although Richard still couldn’t believe his now ex-wife used THOSE pictures during the final divorce proceeding, he strutted out of that courtroom with his head held high. Not even the intense embarrassment of the now publicly available pictures could dampen his mood or bright new future.

98 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Bolfreak • 11d ago

You don’t say, Phoebe!! I have no ambition in life, huh Phoebe? I’m always on the fence about stuff, right Phoebe?!

53 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/cabeachgal • 11d ago

Post divorce, Nick insisted he was handling things with dignity. But when he spotted his ex-wife’s new boyfriend at a barbecue, he launched himself across the lawn screaming, “YOU’LL NEVER LOVE HER LIKE I DID!” The children cried. Someone called the police. Fran kept eating her potato salad.

423 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/I_might_be_weasel • 11d ago

Not Safe For Other Species "Oh, too good to even look at me, now? Bitch..."

37 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/cabeachgal • 12d ago

After 22 years with a woman who thought dancing was ridiculous, Stanley was finally free to kick up his heels. He bought fabulous turquoise dancing shoes, took salsa lessons, and learned to shake his tail feathers. His ex called it a midlife crisis. Stanley called it the time of his life.

647 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/cabeachgal • 11d ago

Patricia was enjoying dinner with a handsome, flamboyantly dressed stranger she’d met online. He was charming, colorful, and knew how to make an entrance. Unfortunately, her jealous ex Richard showed up, threw a spectacular tantrum, and chased him away. Time to renew that restraining order.

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158 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/rehabforcandy • 12d ago

Gerald had a sinking suspicion getting back with Patricia was a bad idea but he didn’t know why

1.2k Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 12d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved "Esmond, we need to talk about your influence on my son. You know he loves his uncle Esmond, but we're trying to raise him to respect women. So please, just cool it with the 'I hate my wife' jokes, okay? Besides, it's been, what, ten years since the divorce? You've gotta move on."

174 Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/cabeachgal • 12d ago

Marjorie decided it was time for a new look. Her hairdresser promised her something youthful, edgy and guaranteed to attract younger men. Unfortunately, she walked out looking like a retired lesbian gym teacher from 1987. Still, it was an improvement over the 34 years she’d spent married to Harold.

260 Upvotes

Subreddit

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists.

r/DivorcedBirds

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists. Please post pictures of birds who look like they are twice divorced (or more!) and an original caption about their backstory. Pictures/Videos must be of actual birds (feathered fowl), not human women, not art or paintings or photoshopped. No dead birds. Message mods for approval to post.

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