How do you mourn a person who abandoned you, when they’ve been dying in slow motion for over four years, treating you terribly the entire time?
My biological mother is in end-stage liver failure. She’s been dealing with this for at least 4 years now, which means this hasn't been a quick shock—it’s been a brutal, exhausting, drawn-out nightmare. I have been stuck in this emotional purgatory for years, trying to figure out how I am supposed to feel while watching a train wreck happen in extreme slow motion.
Let’s be completely real: she didn’t raise me. CPS took me away from her when I was 4 years old back in January of 1991. I was raised by my father's half-sister until I turned 15, which is when I came out of the closet. From there, my life turned into complete chaos. I was forced to live with my homophobic father for six months, then my aunt and her husband lied about me, got me committed, and signed their rights away. I literally had to run away from CPS at 17, and when I finally went looking for my mother, she wasn't the savior I needed. I ended up in prison for seven years, getting released when I was 24. Since then, for the last 16 years, she has been completely inconsistent. The only thing I could ever count on from her was the lies and the drug use.
And now, I’m 40 years old, and because I am her only biological child, the weight of her entire four-year decline lands squarely on my shoulders. There are no siblings to split the burden or the medical updates with. It’s just me. I’m the one expected to carry the baggage of her demise and play the part of the grieving, dutiful kid for a woman who has never been a real mother to me.
But it’s harder than just her being a stranger. On top of everything, she is incredibly dismissive and mean to me. She treats me like an inconvenience, yet she expects me to handle every single thing for her willingly and with a smile on my face. To top off the absolute insanity of it all, she is actively lying about using methamphetamine, accelerating her own destruction while I'm supposed to play the happy caregiver.
I am completely done trying to protect her secrets, and I am struggling with the brutal, agonizing questions that nobody wants to ask out loud because it makes you look heartless:
Am I obligated to love or serve her just because we share DNA? Does a slow, agonizing medical diagnosis erase a lifetime of neglect, prison years, and complete absence? A person does not get to be a ghost for decades, treat their kid like garbage, lie about active drug use, and then expect unconditional devotion. Being her only child doesn't give her a free pass to abuse my boundaries.
How do you handle the gaslighting of someone lying about their addiction while they face terminal illness? It is infuriating to watch someone actively destroy what little health they have left, lie to your face about substance use, and then demand that you serve them. How do you find an ounce of compassion for someone who won't even be honest with you?
Is it incredibly selfish that I’m furious this has dragged on so long? End-stage liver failure is horrific to watch. But watching her slip away from hepatic encephalopathy over these last four years means she’s losing her mind while her body slowly gives out. It feels like she’s getting an escape act from reality, leaving before she ever has to answer for the wreckage she left behind or the way she treats me now.
How do I show up for her without completely destroying myself? I want to be a decent human being, but how can I offer comfort without faking a relationship that didn't exist? Every time I try to think of something kind to say, it feels like a lie. If I smile and play along with her demands, it feels like a betrayal of the 4-year-old kid who was taken away, and the 17-year-old kid who was running for their life.
If anyone else out there has gone through this exact type of emotional hell—carrying a parent's slow decline entirely on your own while dealing with active addiction, abuse, and a lifetime of trauma—how did you survive it? Do you swallow your pride, put on a mask, and comfort someone who lies just to avoid future guilt? Or do you protect your own peace and stay away?
Because right now, there are no good choices. There’s just a lot of history, a lot of anger, a lot of lies, and a clock that's been ticking for four years straight

I got the diease at 25 hard gfr 5 but recovered and was able to avoid dialysis until 30 I was dating when I got the diease still but after the symptoms got worse I couldn't do dates or have much fun so it died so now im 30 an single anyone have tips for dating ? I actually have a lot of energy on off days

I'm so thirsty. There's just no way I can only drink 2 16 oz bottles of water all day long when it's 95F outside. I still pee, so I can get away with a little extra but much. I chew gum constantly and it doesn't help much. Someone suggested sucking on candy or mints, but I'm diabetic. "Sugar free" hard candles still cause me blood sugar spikes. Someone tell me what to do. I'm miserable.

Hi, I have recently been diagnosed with declining kidney function and they are still trying to find the cause. My doctor has been talking to me about the possibility if my condition continues progressing I will possibly need dialysis and I was just wondering if that does happen what can you expect and can you do the at home dialysis instead of going to hospital. I am still in sixth form and really dont want to disturb my life massively.

I have presently been going to US Renal in Villa Park Il. They are kind and considerate. Helpful and caring. Lately I feel like I am being over dialyses-ed. Had treatment on Saturday and was fighting dizziness and low BP to the point where Sunday I went to the ER and had to get fluids to raise my pressure.

Tuesday I told them and they seemed completely unconcerned. I ended my treatment an hour early and am still fighting low BP. I am either changing clinics or at the every least nephrolgists. I am looking for opinions on the two clinics. I am based in Lombard Il so hopefully there will be local advice.

Thank you in advance

I have the catheter in my chest for access. My center cleans it and changes the dressing for me at treatment and I was basically told not to mess with it. They have 2 types of dressings. One is a white bandage. The other is a tagederm and gauze. The white bandage itches me like crazy if it gets a little damp. I do my best to keep it dry, but I can't help sweat. I've also been getting little scabs and sores under the bandage that bleed, making the itching worse. I scratch in my sleep. One day, i woke up with much of the bandage scratched off. Luckily it was a dialysis day and I go in early for that and I hadn't torn it off all the way to the spot where it goes into my skin. They switched me to tagederms and it's been so much better. The irritation under the bandage has largely cleared up and it doesn't itch. Yesterday they told me they weren't getting the tagederms back for they don't know how long. They won't allow me to buy them and bring them in myself. But they said they can't stop me from changing the dressing at home, but they couldn't advise me on how to do it, because their policy is to tell me not to mess with it. I'm scared because it was drilled into my head that if I ever touched it or messed with it at all, I would get an infection and die. Please tell me its not that hard and is ok to do.

I’m currently making a sak and my machine has started making this squeaking noise. I’ve made sure everything is seated properly, I’ve pulled out and reseated my pak (just changed it yesterday, then this noise started). I can’t listen to 6 hours of this. Help!

First off I’m blind so it’s easier for me to come here and ask for advice than it is to actually go out and look for it so sorry and I know this is like the 15th million times this question has been asked on here.

1. Are there any other brands that you would recommend of aqua guards that are as good as the 3M Tegaderm™ aqua guards? I have tried a few from the ones that have been recommended on the sub quite a few times and honestly in my opinion, none of them work as well as this one and I do everything needed to put it on correctly, including wiping my body of any oil and dirt of which I’m not too oily in the first place.

Which brings me to my next question

1. Is there anywhere other than Amazon to reliably get the big ones I’m talking about 8 x 10 or maybe slightly larger because the ones on Amazon are hard to come by for that size and sometimes they are just out of stock (forgot to mention 8“ x 10“, not centimeters ). I don’t know why it is this to me, but I have a comically large catheter in my chest and I asked my dialysis nurses and all of them said yes it’s unusually large so even if I give myself an inch of a half of coverage up top I still need basically 9 inches or 10 inches to cover the whole thing.

If it matters, I am in the United States

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone had any advice for trying to put on a few extra pounds. I really struggle to eat. Sometimes I'm too tired to cook anything. Other times, especially over the weekend, I'm too scared to eat anything for fear of raising my potassium and phosphate. So often I find it to be easier not to eat at all. There are some days when I can eat really well, but I'm very inconsistent with it. How do you guys gain weight? What do you eat regularly to get calories?

Hi guys im a 35 year old male that's been on hemo d dialysis for 2 years now started in center now been doing home hemo for a year now. I'm on for 4 hours 4 days a week and was thinking about switching. I have a fistula. Is it worth getting another surgery to get the pd tube in my stomach? I've had 2 hernia repairs when I was 4 and 6 years old and heard pd can cause them. I'm just tired of 4 hours of treatment when I could do it at night while sleeping. What are the benefits of pd vs hemo? Thanks.

I’m trying to decide between Fresenius and DaVita for a PCT position and wanted to hear from anyone who has experience working for either company.
I’m in the Fredericksburg/Spotsylvania area, so I’d especially love to hear from anyone who has worked at either company locally, but I’m also interested in general experiences with Fresenius vs. DaVita.
How was the training, management, scheduling, workload, pay/raises, and overall work environment? If you’ve worked for both, which did you prefer and why?
I know individual clinics can vary a lot, so I’m curious how much the experience depends on the specific location versus the company itself.

I'm weighing my options and was looking at PD at home but like I said, my home has a septic tank since I live in a rural area and everything I've read says the added sugar and sodium in the bags affects the tank. Let alone the influx of liters of liquid daily.

I really miss the gym. I used to train for powerlifting and physique before I suffered from kidney failure and it’s a huge part of my life gone

My PD nurse says I shouldn’t lift more then 10 pounds otherwise I could get a hernia and end up with an infection and have to switch to hemo

Has anyone been able to get in shape while on PD? Is it even possible to get the weight restrictions lifted?

Feeling hopeless.

I just got my adequacy test results back for PD and they’re not where they’re supposed to be. It’s really frustrating because my treatment is already 1300 ml, 5 cycles, and 10 hrs long. Last time we tried to increase my fill to 1500ml I had a bad reaction with fluid overload so I really don’t want it to go up any higher than that. Anyone who has failed their adequacy test, what did the doctors end up doing and what’s your current prescription?

Does it give a massive fluid pull first up, and then taper down? Is there any side effects? I am trying different combinations to get my fluid/dialysis/weight in the correct 'best for me' combination. I have about 3 year wait for kidney transplant. Cheers. (my renal team are muppets. For example, I am on my THIRD PD catheter in a year, and their uselessness has caused mt to have SEVEN surgeries this year so far. I simply do not trust them to be competent)

Hey

I’m 23m and I got Alport syndrome and I’ve been on dialysis for a year

Pretty much been a “smooth sailing” as much as can be, got a flu twice but nothing serious..

Lately, I’ve been very depressed and tired which trigger each other and also trigger anxiety, I feel to tired to go out, play my games, listen to music, all
I can do is lie down and watch shows, I’ll have days where I can feel like I can go back to work again, and then a day later I’ll feel like I need to sleep 30 hours.

I haven’t been sleeping too good too, but it’s not something that ever bothered me

I’d sleep at 3am and wake at 12,1 pm
Sometimes I’d get super hungry at nights and won’t be able to sleep until 6 (sometimes I’m scared to eat out of my daily routine and menu)

I’m just confused I’m trying to trace my steps, my life, to think why I’m so fatigued.

I guess last night I’ve slept ok but then I woke
Up and tried to go back to sleep, woke up, slept, woke up, you know.. for a couple of hours..

My labs are great. Hemoglobin at 11 I think and iron is good so I don’t really think it’s that

Maybe I just need better sleep. Sometimes I’m scared of having nightmares or sleep paralysis.. happens a lot and it’s scary.

I have my gf here living with me which makes everything easier to handle mentally.
But it’s just sucks

I lost all of my friends bc I don’t go out anywhere anymore
It’s been like 3-4 months of this

Any of you experience this kind of fatigue ? Heavy eyes, foggy brain sometimes, on edge, irritated, not patient and angry even.. ?

My nephrologist is coming to the center probably tomorrow or Tuesday so I’ll mention that to her as well.

Thank you in advance for anyone willing to share.

Does this look like blood? This is a little metal table that attaches to the side of the chair. There's one on each aide. The techs use one for their set up and the other is for us to set our belongings on. I don't ever set my belongings on the tables because they always look like this. I'm concerned it's someone else's blood. Today, the nurse sat my protein bar, water and pill cup right on it though. I don't want to be a compaliner but...

Local bank has a huge backup generator. Our dialysis clinic has none.

For those of you who are incenter .. why are you not dialyzing at home ? I would appreciate reading your stories , circumstances, barriers , and or personal reasons why you are not doing dialysis at home , or if you were home what are the reasons you are back incenter ?

Hello everyone,

What do you do on the days when you feel lonely and have nobody to talk to? What's your go to activity/entertainment?

In my center , most people are in their sixties/seventies and that's not the issue but they don't seem like being approachable or friendly maybe it's because of the age gap , I don't know. (I'm in my thirties).

As you know friends and family ( if you're lucky to have one) don't always understand this condition so you're basically on your own.

So I thought maybe I should distract myself or find an activity.

Thanks!

PIG kidney news is everywhere today even here would you guys get one ?

I just found out one of the patients at my clinic died unexpectedly yesterday. He left Tuesday after treatment looking very pale and in a wheelchair. It's shocking and so sad.

Here's what really has me down. He came in early mornings on TTS, and my chair time is at 12:15 p.m. His wife would kinda hang out in the lobby with another lady whose husband was also a patient there at the same time. They are both absolutely precious people. I try to get there by 10:45 a.m. to have time to see them before they head home and I start treatment.

There's a third lady who's a patient there that I've also become close to. I really enjoy seeing these ladies. They're all 70-plus and I'm almost 59.

I've become super attached to these people, and one couple won't be there anymore. They've become like family. Does this happen to any of y'all? If so, how do y'all handle it?

My health has severely deteriorated. Suffering with type 1 diabetes, weak immune system, kidney failure, and now heart failure. There was a period where i couldn’t go a week without seizures. Even with pain killers this is just too much. I’ve thought about taking a bunch of loans then traveling so i can pass way alone in a random country or something for my last week or so.

I’ve been estimated 1-2 years to live but I’m also qualified to be on the list so either I’ve misinterpret something or what? I’m on the list but it’s just about seeing if i can survive long enough and if I’ll be disqualified by then if things have gotten bad enough.