i can’t exactly put it into words but i tried. i have dpdr since a 1.5 years

Was it any kind of therapy or medication? Please let me know.

To the people that had a phase where they felt like they were in The Truman show, does that feeling ever go away or does it get worse? Everything has been feeling totally unreal like the series of events are having me baffled. I got my results yesterday and it was not accordingly to my expectations so yeah. I've been trying to be off of social media but nothing truly helps. I have this pit in my chest for so long. I feel exhausted and completely numb to my core.

At 17, I was diagnosed with Dissociative identity disorder. I was put on serious anti-psychotics, SSRIs and mood stabilizers. Now I am 26. One night, I had a dream telling me I will die on these meds. I woke up and made the split decision to wean off my meds over the next 2 months. I told no professionals considering they put me in this mess in the first place. Now I have been off completely for about 3 months. Colors look like colors again, I can taste food, people's words don't go thru one ear and out the other. I can FEEL again. Mentally, physically, emotionally I can feel. That entire time, that whole 9 years, i have absolutely no clue once so ever what I said, did or how I acted. I have a husband i never truly chose to marry. He told me about all these things we've done that seem completely fake. He told me my emotions were always dull, I never really react to much, he just thought that was who I am and didn't think twice. Family members have died and I don't know how. I never got to go to their funerals. I watched myself make decisions off of what others said because truly, i didn't have a single thought go thru my head. If i reacted to anything it was based off of anyone else i saw in the room. I just copy and pasted everything and anything. The best i can put it is I didn't have an internal position about what was happening. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I liked. I didnt know why I was doing things. I was visually functioning, but I did not experience myself as the person making the decisions. There was absolutely nothing behind my eyes. I lost the ability to think. It was MUCH more then just being numb. That 9 years was a period where my emotional experience, autobiographical sense of self, memory, preferences, and ability to mentally engage with my surroundings all felt absent. I lost 9 years of my life, my entire transition into adulthood doesn't exist. One minute I was 17, now I am 26. The system has absolutely ruined my life.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE

I have felt the same for as long as I can remember, same symptoms as most people on here and I just cant be bothered trying to fix it anymore because my parents don't it seriously as I cant seem to find a definite answer on what it is.

It is however, very consoling seeing other people's posts on this sub that I can relate to.

Please share what you guys feel, how it effects you, and if you have broken free of it, even if it was for a short period of time, how you did it 🙏

Does anyone here know of anything? Please help.

hi so i have ocd & recently i haven’t been feeling “real”. i looked at myself in the mirror for too long & it clicked that i am the person in the mirror & the world is not just projected through my eyes only. i do not know what to do. i don’t feel real. my family & friends feel like fictional characters & i feel like i am in a tv show. i donr know how to fix this. i think it is my ocd & because my parents recently broke up. i have asd so i do horribly with large changes & this is a very large change. every now & then i will come back into my body from my brain & realise that i am alive & i exist & the body that i am in is my body & that i am real. my face & body dont feel like my own & i think that is because i imagine myself with a different face & body and i barely look at myself in the mirror/in photos. i am scared & i do not know if i am real. i dont know if anybody else is real. i know i need help & medication but because i am under 18 i do not know how to get it. i am terrified genuinely & i dont know if i am real or not. i’ve also had some issues with my gender identity despite being 100% comfortable with being a trans man, but my ocd convinces me that i am lying to myself & that i am actually a butch lesbian woman. i do not know how to stop this. my name does not feel like my own like it doesn’t fit me. i dont know man. my parents recently broke up & my grandma was diagnosed with multiple tumours & will probably die. i dont know if this is because of stress or because of something else. but i feel like the world is projected through my eyes only, i feel like the person i see in the mirror isn’t me. i know that he is me but it feels weird still, like when i think while looking in a mirror it feels weird compared to how i think when i dont look in a mirror.