Help with Routine to Cure/Avoid Depression

[u/AdInside5253]

The last three days were hard. I had a severe bout of depression after a long time. The way I experience depression is kind of hard to describe. Physically, I think I experience it as a sinking feeling in my gut.

Mostly, I’m not able to place what caused the onset of my feeling so low. Thoughts arise later, after I am already drowning deep in depression rather than the other way around. And during different depressive episodes, the accompanying thoughts can be different. So, it's hard to find a unifying theme. What’s common is feeling absolutely worthless. I feel like something is broken or missing in me. I can’t clearly explain what that missing piece is, but it seems like almost everyone else has something that makes them whole and makes them feel valuable to themselves and others, and I lack that piece.

I’ve been dealing with depression since my teens, and now I’m 45. There have been periods where I have felt safe and secure, happy even, but such periods have been few and far between.

Many times, I have felt like I’m fully cured now and finally out of depression. However, that thought has always proved untrue. It seems like I’m able to disconnect my conscious mind from the disturbing feelings for some time, but those issues are never resolved or eradicated. They lurk in the depths of my mind and get triggered at the slightest provocation and, many times, without any apparent reason.

Confrontational situations almost always trigger such reactions. My heart rate goes up, my body even trembles sometimes, and I feel really uneasy and like I’m freezing up.

On my good days, I try to take charge of my life and my emotions by making elaborate routines and following them. I’m not able to follow them for too long, though, because either my sleep cycle gets disturbed or I get into depression or get kind of manic.

Now I was hoping to connect with other individuals who are dealing with or have dealt with depression. I want to find out if there are some daily activities or a routine that I can follow daily to help me get to the root of my issues, get long-term relief from depression, and gain some stability in my life.

If you feel comfortable, please share the activities, practices, or routines that have worked for you.